Aharh, and they have Pingu's face on 'em, too, so they must be genuine.
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Arrgh matey, inflation!
Yarr, well, you can't have no more, neither. Only so much bulletproof salt pork can be nailed to a man before the side effects outweigh the benefits. And, Bumptious Wazzock, my prescription be to stop, or start, putting sulphur in yer porridge. That'll be eight pieces of five, prithee.
Arrh, now ye're talkin' me language, shipmate. Have 'ee come for a consultation?
Ahaar, matey, my fees be more reasonable . Just slot a doubloon into me peg-leg and I'll have 'ee hornpipin' again in a jiffy.
Arrh, ye gunpowder enema is a powerful tool indeed.
Arh, not quite the enema pipe I was hoping for, but it'll have to do.
Ooooooh,
Ooooh, what shall we do with the broken website?
Hooray and up she rises, plastic pants in several sizes, etc.
Arh, I has me work cut out for I, clearly. Do 'ee both sit still while I hooks 'ee up to this intravenous drip o' 120 proof rum and burns gunpowder in yer nostrils. After that, a light flogging and some salt pork should set 'ee right. 
Arrh, colleague matey, it do stand for Suriname Miguel's Unfortunate Rum Flatulence
Yaaarr! see ye got to be look'n at those sorts of papers and what have ye as more like "guide lines." A honest pirate has got to make a liv'n one way or another... yaaarrr. What you lubbers don't know, and I do, is that GDPR stands for Gargantuan Dollops of Plundered Riches.
Yahaharh, and that be entirely due to the miraculous effects of Dr. Pirate's Blue Whale Blowhole Tsunami Pills!
On the other hand, if CY's crewmates are about average for "outdoor manual labor seasonal hires", then incompetence accounts for quite a few incidents. Ooohhh III'lll tell 'ee the tale of the Fat Pervert Captain, Who got caught with the waxworks in Madame Tussauds,His glass eye in one end, wooden leg in the other, The po-licemen gave him a round of applause. Oh, pay out the anchor and tug it, me buckos,
As gonorrhea is still an issue, I can see why they would not. Arrh, here be a prescription for two weeks' worth of Goneril. Do 'ee apply it to the affected area twice a day, and next time, remember to sheathe yer cutlass afore ye boards a flash-packet.
Yarr, well, 'tis most important to make sure there's no stray powder or sparks left up there afore reloading 'ee with grapeshot.
Arh, we be broadminded types. 'Owever, Comte, afore ye offers to do the Lightbulb Trick... not that broadminded.
If you’re surrounded by noisy birds, it’s called chirpies. Why do warts Suddenly appear, Every time You are near?
Arrh, why? Ol' Squinty is as honest as the desert is damp!
Arrh! Has 'ee heard of the miraculous substance known as 'porridge'?
I do be a pirate, and the part that baffles I is how we managed to get the bloody ship this far inland.
Arrh, we'm bein' automated out of existence, me buckos.
Arrh! Spatchcock yer man-thimble, ya mardy bilge-bibber!
There, there. Let Pirate Nurse salve yer burns with rum-scented walrus fat.
Arrh, anyone wishing to be anaesthesised beforehand should come to my cabin at eight bells.
Arrh! My grog infusion pump be working successfully! 'Tis a new dawn for buccaneer medicine! Now, if I can only perfect these parrot implants, my place in history will be assured...
Be it, matey? Then, by Umberlee's weedy nips, do 'ee tell me which of these letters you can't read and we'll fit 'ee with some Corsair Lenses.
Arrh, 'tis the Lost Golden Colostomy Bag o'Henry Avery! The next poster ravages the seven seas as Pinkbeard.
Arrh, me hearty. Oi diagnoses 'ee with a severe case o' rum deficiency. Foive quarts or so per day be the recommended dose.
Arrh, why not be both? All aboard for the Colostomy Cruise.
He Would Benefit From Using Dr. Pirate's Spring Dew Maiden Hair Removal Poultices, Accept No Imitations.
Arrh, it turns out that heavy-duty anaesthetics ain't a navigation aid after all. The next poster has found a more effective cure for the pain.
I can do 'ee a blah transplant, should yer condition require it.
At least the clown isn't undead. Splicin' the mainbrace, me hearty. Now, let's see. Check temperature. Is it cold enough to freeze the head-jinglers off a jester? No. Can the patient drink a glass of rum and fondle a punk? Yaarrr. Does the patient curse when we hits 'ee with a cutlass? Oh, yaaarrrr. Congratulations. You'm alive, shipmate.
Unethical and illegal as all get out...but...yeah... Really? Arrh, crap. Wait! I'm a pirate! No worries :) :) :)
With me Pirate Healin' Hands, I grow The Lobster a new nose, but forget to tell it to stop growin'. As such, when it reaches a length of around 3 metres and a weight of approximately half a tonne, their neck breaks suddenly.
'Tis merely freeing ocean commerce from burdensome, enterprise-sappin' regulations, me hearty, and besides, I 'ave signed the Hippocratic Oath and 'as Healin' Hands. And Israel Hands* 'n' all. *: A character in R.L. Stevenson's 'Treasure Island', just in case anyone's unaware...
Yarr! It be a talkin' blue cannonball, or perhaps I've been dippin' into me private stock of anaesthetics again.
Yarr matey, I be most glad that ye're still The Man Who Steel Cannot Kill. May ye terrorise the Spanish Main for many years to come. As yer pirate physician, I can offer ye the following treatment options: 1) Replace heart with the glowing eye of the deadly snake god Ophidinac, carved from a single melon-sized ruby and pulsing inwardly with an eerie crimson light.
Be they rum 'n' gunpowder 'n' squid? If not, get a second opinion from yer pirate physician.
NH, how many of these shows are dubbed? (Sorry Freehold DM, but short attention spa-) Yarr! I recommends the Steamin' Bilges Cure for all earthly ailments, by Mannaan's salt-encrusted pubes!
Brrr..., Brrr..., Brrr..., ~sweats~ Being sick sucks. Yarr, I see a poorly dragon! Whisky and curry - that'll sort 'ee out, by Dagon's danglers!
Yarr! Pirate Nurse, what be that? 'Tis Cap'n GoatToucher, the scourge of the Tortuga Monkey Sanctuary, and he's got a clown in 'is colon again? Shiver me timbers! Well then, fetch I a harpoon, a bucket o' pork fat, three dozen able seamen and the biggest rubber gloves you can find. 'Twill be a long night. After that, we will attend to GoatToucher.
Angkor's Away! At Pursat Academicals. Without Yun at right back, they haven't got a hope.
Arrh, that it be, by the salty beard of Golda Meir. Double-splang the 'foreship jingle-flaps 'til the gruel-badger strikes the first Lieutenant's seethin' merkin, ye sons of a half-Dutch whelk-extractor! Also, by a remarkable coinkydink, it be also Dr. Pirate's day for blindfolded flyin' circumcisions. Those interested should remove their britches, lie face up on the quarterdeck and commend their souls to Valkur.
"Arrh, I wants to sing shanties inside of yer panties"
Dr. Pirate's Patented 'Touch It With A Bargepole' Pills can help with that, me hearty.
Not bad, matey, but further Pirate Tests be required. Open wide and say 'Yaaarrrr'
Ar, Pert Id! On the one hand, I be psychologically sound. On the other hand, it looks like I got 'Lubber's Tongue' too. Blast yer poxy [censored], Flash Sally!
It be my professional opinion that Able Seaman Toucher is sufferin' from what we doctors call 'Lubber's Tongue', which explains his mispronunciation. Considering where he's been putting it, that ain't a surprise.
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