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Dedrick, The Professor wrote:


Can I interest you in a business deal GoatToucher? Aside from the agreement Malvel and I have already made with you, would you be interested in acquiring some Robobeasts to use in whatever way you like?

I'm afraid I must decline. I deal strictly in organics, and I enjoy... harvesting raw materials myself.


Half on and half off. in other words liches be trippin.

Sovereign Court

*Pours highly corrosive acid onto Vidmaster7.*

Let's see how you deal with that. The acid won't kill you, but it'll certainly scar you.

*Turns back to GoatToucher.*

Despite the name, Robobeasts do possess organic components. Besides, there's plenty of raw materials to harvest! If you are sure about your decision though, Malvel does offer his own creations.


ZORDLON CHALLENGES MALVEL TO A NO-HOLDS-BARRED UFC CAGE FIGHT, ON TUESDAY, IN THE FRESH PRODUCE AISLE OF HIS LOCAL 'WHOLE FOODS'.

ZORDLON UNDERSTANDS IF MALVEL IS TOO TERRIFIED TO ACCEPT.


Hey, does UFC stand for Uncensored Fairy Clarinet?


We've spoken about this, Nafthali. No way am I removing the redactions on your misery stick.

Sovereign Court

*Turns to Space Tyrant Zordlon, face full of furious anger and abject hatred!*

Insolent cur! You DARE to challenge me?! And what's more, you impose such ridiculous settings AND you have the audacity to accuse me of cowardice?!

*Casts a dark spell on Space Tyrant Zordlon, causing the impudent worm's own shadow to wrap itself around him and then choke out his very life (slowly and painfully).*

For all your bluster, Space Tyrant Zordlon, you can't even handle one of my magic spells!


Uh, if you have Zordlon wrapped in shadow, who is that over in the produce section?


IT IS CHER.

Sovereign Court

*Stabs Vampire Schism in the back with a silver stake (but deliberately misses her heart).*

You fool, Space Tyrant Zordlon was not yet in the fresh produce section! He would be there only if he got to fight Malvel. But seeing as the idiot has insulted Malvel, my dark wizard friend ended the battle before it even began. Darn shame really, Malvel has learnt to harness the power of soul magic! Thus allowing him to become like Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat. Malvel even regained his youth!


So violent.


Sorry, Professor. Didn't know you had also laid a trap.
Uses prestidigitation to pull stake from back.

Sovereign Court

I think that it is obvious Malvel and I are the BAD GUYS!

*Takes back the silver stake from Vampire Schism.*

Also, that was just to punish you for your ignorance!


This thread has turned into a hive of scum and villainy. *looks for light saber*

Scarab Sages

It's In Your Closet.


Don't suppose you'd throw it this way would ya?

Scarab Sages

Sure, c'mere...

When you go to open Your Closet:
PURPLE FORCE-FIRE, YAAA-HAHAHA!!!: 13d6 ⇒ (4, 5, 4, 1, 6, 4, 3, 3, 1, 2, 1, 5, 5) = 44


Ow.


There, there. Let Pirate Nurse salve yer burns with rum-scented walrus fat.

Sovereign Court

Ah, this is awkward, I used up all of that when making a special type of Merryn repellent.


Arrh! Spatchcock yer man-thimble, ya mardy bilge-bibber!

Sovereign Court

*Climbs onto Dr Pirate's shoulder, fully aware of the size difference, and crushes him.*

*Grunting laughter.*


It grew back finally.

Sovereign Court

Tell it to someone who cares, because we sure don't!

*Vidmaster7 is taken back by this painful truth.*

By the way, Vidmaster7, this thread has been a hive of scum and infamy for a while now.


Don't forget the psychotic.

Sovereign Court

True, but psychosis is just a condition in which you have an impaired relationship with reality. You might see/hear things that aren't actually there and this drives your behaviour. So a psychotic person is certifiably crazy, that doesn't mean that they are a killer. And if someone is a psychopath (like yours truly), then they aren't crazy but just have a severe lack of guilt and empathy towards others.


Excuse me, did you say wives of scum and villainy?

Sovereign Court

No, I said HIVE (as in the thing where bees live). Go see a doctor about your loss of hearing!

*Walks away to do important things (like taking over the world, create more Merryn repellents,etc), then Claw the giant monkey uses Pulg's wives like building blocks.*


I sponsor a roller derby team called "The Wives of Scum and Villainy".


All wearing uniforms with GoatToucher brand patches sewn all over them, of course.

Sovereign Court

Yes, I'm actually quite a fan of the roller derby girls. I watch all the games they play!


Both Lashcastrakaa and Juliette are members.

Oh no, sorry. They're steamroller derby girls.

Sovereign Court

Truth be told, I love ALL sports teams/events that are women only.

*Looks Comte de Malodor sternly in the eye.*

And seriously, Comte de Malodor, I NEED to know if your mother is interested in the business deal I offered her! I'll gladly offer you and the rest of your family the same deal too.


So angry he must be a Mad scientist.

Sovereign Court

*Looks disapprovingly at Vidmaster7.*

That joke is neither funny nor is it tasteful!

*Magically teleports Vidmaster7 to a special nightmare realm.*

Consider yourself lucky that I'M the one dealing with you!

*Vidmaster7 is then subjected to his worst fears, resulting in a fate worse than death.*

Sovereign Court

Thank you Malvel, that joke of his was absolutely disgraceful, even for evil!

*A beeping sound is heard from one of my pockets.*

What's this all about? Must be something really important.

*Reaches into the left side pocket and pulls out a small, remote shaped device.*

Now that's interesting, apparently there's been a dimensional breach.

*Presses a button on the beeping device, the noise then stops, and a holographic image appears.*

Looks like an entire kingdom! Judging from the architecture of the buildings, you'll find all of this underwater. And I can't help but feel like I've seen it somewhere before.

*The hologram displays small images of the kingdom's residents and my face pales.*

I thought I recognised this place! This is the Merryn empire of planet Nemos (where I am from). The Merryn are a most stubborn and secluded people, but they do fight for the side of good. They resemble gillmen that have adapted completely to ocean life and require a special breathing apparatus when on land (but their skins don't dry out). Also, they have a knack for riding on sea creatures and summoning them to aid in battles.


I found it funny.

Sovereign Court

Which is why you have been (and still are being) subjected to horrible torture!

*Strokes chin in sudden thought, realises that a shave is needed.*

I don't want to go looking like Vidmaster7, that's a definite!

*Gets a GoatToucher brand self grooming kit and starts shaving off the stubble.*

Be honest now, Vidmaster7, I bet you wish you could permanently die right now.


Meh. I've had worse.

Sovereign Court

You ARE suffering worse! Think of the worst thing that could ever happen to you!

*Gets very scary.*

That worst thing is happening to you right now!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Naw. I worked retail for like 6 years.


Makes the Blood War look like a Sunday picnic at the beach.


Basically.

Sovereign Court

Aha! So, that's your dirty little secret, is it Vidmaster7? You are, in actual fact, very boring!

*Cackles manically, then has a sudden thought.*

That would explain his invulnerability and immortality.


Being boring makes you invulnerable and immortal? but who would want to live that life?!?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

"I shot him! With a cannon! Point blank, right in the chest, and he didn't so much as flinch - just kept on showing me his lists of serial numbers of post-1905 stationary steam engines!"


It is quite the nifty collection.

Sovereign Court

I'm commandeering these trains, I'll find a good use for them one way or another!


I'm sure whatever use you find will be "off the rails"

Sovereign Court

*Sedates Un-Bear-able Puns, with extra strength GoatToucher brand tranquilliser darts.*

And now there's one more volunteer for experimental surgery.

*Ties up Un-Bear-able Puns with some study rope and sends the bear to GoatToucher's workroom.*

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