(Humor) Summarize an Adventure Path... badly. (Possible spoilers)


Pathfinder Adventure Path General Discussion

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Kingmaker*: Run around, explore some stuff, build a petty kingdom.

*Plot not included. Some assembly required.


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Jade Regent:
Asian woman returns box.


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Kingmaker - you may be a fighter or a wizard or a rogue, but what you really want to be is a town planner.

Rise of the Runelords - the adventure path with the misleading plural in the title.

Jade Regent - walk half way across the planet literally the level before you could teleport there.

Serpent's Skull - It's a lot like Savage Tide.

Scarab Sages

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Shattered Star: It's like the Rod of Seven Parts but for Pathfinder.


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Eliandra Giltessan wrote:
Hell's Vengeance: For when you want your tabletop RPG to feel more like a computer RPG, only eeeeeeevil.

Computer RPG? What do you mean?


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Second Darkness: Rocks fall, EVERYONE dies.
Carrion Crown Ever play Castlevania as a kid? Its like Castlevania without the castle.


10 people marked this as a favorite.

In the tradition of the Oxford Classics, a summary of Reign of Winter.

A cold snap sends us overseas
To a land where we shiver and freeze
And a planet of ice
And a war that's not nice
For some witches (with capital B's)


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Curse of the Crimson Throne: B****es be crazy.

Kingmaker: Wait, what do you mean there's literally nothing in here about interacting with Brevoy?

Giantslayer: Well...this is an adventure path which exists.

Serpent's Skull: So is this one.

Jade Regent: We want to be a Bioware game.


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Lord Twitchiopolis wrote:

Jade Regent:

Asian woman returns box.

"What's in the BOX?", "WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOOOOXXXX??!"


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Revan wrote:

Curse of the Crimson Throne: B****es be crazy.

Kingmaker: Wait, what do you mean there's literally nothing in here about interacting with Brevoy?

Until the post game where they accuse you of stealing their property and demand it back.

Silver Crusade

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Axial wrote:
Eliandra Giltessan wrote:
Hell's Vengeance: For when you want your tabletop RPG to feel more like a computer RPG, only eeeeeeevil.
Computer RPG? What do you mean?

Book 3 of Hell's Vengeance felt very crpg to me, with the list of quest ingredients to gather in set places over an area. The end of book 4 did as well, with going to each of the pillars and having a few all-but-random encounters.

Dark Archive

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How my group summarizes Rise of the Runelords:

"f***ing wizards."


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Jade Regent:

Across frozen land
Thwart ambitious Jade Regent
Cherry blossoms fall


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Iron Gods: Thundaar! In Pathfinder! Finally!!

Rise of the Runelords: Grumpy (very) Old Man thinks all of Varisia is his lawn. Get off it.

Giantslayer: Giantslaying.


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Kyudoka wrote:

Jade Regent:

Across frozen land
Thwart ambitious Jade Regent
Cherry blossoms fall

It's snowing on Mt. Fuji.


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captain yesterday wrote:
...the ending can totally go Ghostbusters with hardly any effort.

"Mother pus-bucket..."


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Kingmaker: Angry Fey lady wants a rose that is definitely NOT a rose by any other name.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Gonna try badly explaining the entirety of Rise of the Runelords now!

Burnt Offerings: Goblins, THE STAMPEDE!
The Skinsaw Murders: Undead, THE STAMPEDE!
The Hook Mountain Massacre: Ogres, THE STAMPEDE!
Fortress of the Stone Giants: Giants, THE STAMPEDE!
Sins of the Saviors: Wizards, THE STAMPEDE!
Spires of Xin-Shalast: Lovecraftian Horrors, THE STAMPEDE!


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Iron Gods: Robot wants to make friends but does not know how to make friends. People show up to punch it for making friends the wrong way.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

Hell's Vengeance: Because Evil is Good. Or is it?


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Hell's Vengeance, Tammy went down to Cheliax.


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Strange Aeons. You have done this AP, you just have no memory of it


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Rise of the Runelords: Bad things happen to Sandpoint, then you leave it and more bad things happen to it. You finally get fed up with it and tell the BBEG to stop being mean to Sandpoint.

Aside: why are people are saying Sandpoint is Gravity Falls? I love both, but I do not see the connection myself!

Reign of Winter: Heroes are press-ganged into a terrible plan to free a very evil deity.

Hell's Rebels: Group of thugs beats up lawful government employees until they can find a loophole to do a corporate takeover. They then beat up an abused, tortured man.


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Age of Worms: After you finish this AP, you'll never want to go fishing again.


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Misroi wrote:
Hell's Rebels: A concerned member of Thrune's government takes over a city, subjects it to martial law, and undergoes a ritual to tie him permanently to the land to root out the most insidious horror that threatens Cheliax: mint.

Damnit, you beat me to it. XD


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Mummy's Mask: It's just a mask. No harm ever came from wearing a mask.

Curse of the Crimson Throne: Gold digger finds something shiny in her husband's basement, turns it into jewelry and makes her meaner.


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Reign of Winter: Embark on a whimsically senseless journey that you didn't want, to free a powerful ancient evil you don't like, for reasons that don't make any sense, to have them defeat the evil that would have been more satisfying to defeat any other way.

Experience classically horrible adventuring hooks such as geas/quest, and explore a long campaign full of exotic peoples and places that you will never interact with long enough to develop any interest in. Do things like heroically pick sides in major conflicts on a world you've been on for five minutes and help that side kill off the other side with no real knowledge of the world whose future you're changing forever, simply to get an item for a riddle that takes you to the next place you won't care about to meet people you won't get to know.

It's recommended that players give witch hating witch hunters a try in this campaign, because it's also recommended that your friends play witches, and the campaign involves rescuing the b~$~@iest witch of them all.

Prepare yourself for Reign of Winter. It was cold in the office that day. We wanted to be anywhere but there. Now you will be.


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Wrath of the Righteous:"Huh? Wait, what? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are you? How did I get here?" "WRONG ANSWER!!!" CHOOO CHOOO CHOO CHOOO


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Klara Meison wrote:
Wrath of the Righteous:"Huh? Wait, what? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are you? How did I get here?" "WRONG ANSWER!!!" CHOOO CHOOO CHOO CHOOO

I still intend to run this at some point. I just need to Frankenstien it before I'll do it.


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Asurie wrote:


Hell's Rebels: Group of thugs beats up lawful government employees until they can find a loophole to do a corporate takeover. They then beat up an abused, tortured man.

Appease fascists as well.


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Carrion Crown- A lich in time saves nine.


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Wrath of the Righteous: Jerks try to shut down the set of Extreme Home Remodeling: Abyss Edition and kill the star of the production.

Mummy's Mask: Rightful King returns to find a usurper on his throne, gets kicked around by a bunch of upstarts working for that usurper.

Reign of Winter: Woman seeks to retain throne. Group of know-nothings hired by her mother's goons to force her to abdicate. Mother is also missing.

Giantslayer: Man is punished for trying to unify his people using ancient artifact.


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RotRL: PCs prevent old man going home.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Ashiel wrote:
Klara Meison wrote:
Wrath of the Righteous:"Huh? Wait, what? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are you? How did I get here?" "WRONG ANSWER!!!" CHOOO CHOOO CHOO CHOOO
I still intend to run this at some point. I just need to Frankenstien it before I'll do it.

OMG, Ashiel, as a friend to a friend: Don't.

Unless with "Frankenstein it" you mean re-writing the entire mythic rules (or just plain not using them, which would be the best idea). Because if you don't, there will be pain like you've never experienced before as a GM.

But, if you choose this path, my pro-tip for the story: Ditch half the permanent NPC's and make the other half a bit more interesting.


magnuskn wrote:
Ashiel wrote:
Klara Meison wrote:
Wrath of the Righteous:"Huh? Wait, what? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are you? How did I get here?" "WRONG ANSWER!!!" CHOOO CHOOO CHOO CHOOO
I still intend to run this at some point. I just need to Frankenstien it before I'll do it.

OMG, Ashiel, as a friend to a friend: Don't.

Unless with "Frankenstein it" you mean re-writing the entire mythic rules (or just plain not using them, which would be the best idea). Because if you don't, there will be pain like you've never experienced before as a GM.

But, if you choose this path, my pro-tip for the story: Ditch half the permanent NPC's and make the other half a bit more interesting.

I think there are some resources here on the forums to help strip out the mythic rules and run WOTR without them.


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Rise of the Runelords: The one you've already played.
Curse of the Crimson Throne: Beat up everyone who looks cooler than you.
Second Darkness: All about despicable elves and also drow.
Shattered Star: Yo dawg, I heard you like dungeons...
Reign of Winter: Find a lost old woman.
Wrath of the Righteous: Save the succubus, save the world.
Mummy's Mask: You'll never believe who's behind this mask!
Iron Gods Get that chainsaw to go along with your haunted hand feats.
Giantslayer Tell me about your dwarves.
Hell's Vengeance Kick a dog, then kill every good outsider in the bestiaries.

Liberty's Edge

Wrath of the righteous: better Respec those demon fights or prepare for the easiest adventure path ever. Isn't mythic a great system?

Dark Archive

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Second Darkness: No love.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

I think "Save the succubus, save the world" may be my favorite one yet. =^-^=

Sovereign Court

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Warning! These summaries are tongue-in-cheek but satirical. You may find them a little rough. These are meant to punch up by poking fun at the problems in the APs.:

Rise of the Runelords: Ancient wizards use Christian tradition of Seven Deadly Sins to get magical power in a world where Christianity doesn't exist.

Second Darkness: All black people are criminals, so you should kill them.

Serpent's Skull: Indigenous people riot because they are being colonized and enslaved. You will be too busy dealing with not one, but two cities of snake-people to care.

Carrion Crown: We weren't legally allowed to do Ravenloft.

Kingmaker: Thwart a local group that is organizing, taking over the land, and demanding tribute by killing them, taking over the land, and demanding taxes. Then, cut down Ferngully.

Jade Regent: Asian pseudo-Japanese fantasy magical girl becomes an Empress, but maybe you can have sex with her first if you give her enough presents.

Reign of Winter: We couldn't let White Wolf be the only company to use Rasputin as an inside joke.

Iron Gods: You liked Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? We quadrupled the size of the module!


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Reign of Winter: No, it doesn't start in Irrisen. No, it doesn't stay in Irrisen. Quit asking about Irrisen!


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Kingmaker: Protect your burgeoning Kingdom from the greatest threat to any land. Owlbears.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Rise of the Runelords: Fight monsters of increasing size until you learn the biggest monster was inside you all along.

Curse of the Crimson Throne: Kim Kardashian ruins everything.

Second Darkness: Hate elves yet? Don't worry, you will.

Legacy of Fire Do you hate when your adventures turn into boring shopping trips? Well, be careful what you wish for.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Council of Thieves: Bratty tiefling youth with granddaddy issues murders and/or dooms his immediate family while throwing a whole city into chaos.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Iron Gods: everyone gets a rocket launcher!

Mummy's Mask: All the cool kids wear Gold Funerary Masks.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Hell's Vengeance: All dogs go to heaven, and become Hound Archons.


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Hell's Vengeance: Way of the Wicked Lite, but you still get to kick puppies and steal candy so just roll with it.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Strange Aeons: Paizo/Chaosium Crossover Episode!


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Pathfinder Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
captain yesterday wrote:
Iron Gods: everyone gets a rocket launcher!

That description made me love this AP even more!


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Mummy's Mask: Start As Brendan Fraser in "The Mummy", end as Jeff Goldblum in "Independence Day".

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