(Humor) Summarize an Adventure Path... badly. (Possible spoilers)


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Hell's Vengeance: You kill paladins, slave liberators and the GM rewards you for it. Life is good.
Hell's Rebels: Rogue One: A Pathfinder Story.
Second Darkness: Do Blackface guilt free.
Kingmaker: Becomes king. Still has to personally kill a bunch of bears for helpless villagers.
Iron Gods: One part Conan the Barbarian. Another part Terminator. All Schwarzenegger.
Reign of Winter: Evil Elsa's everywhere.
Carrion Crown: It was a graveyard smash.
Strange Aeons: Tentacle hentai fetish fuel.
Ironfang Invasion: No you can't play a hobgoblin so stop asking.


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Delightful wrote:


Ironfang Invasion: No you can't play a hobgoblin so stop asking.

Are you mocking me? I feel like I'm being mocked.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Card Game Subscriber

Wrath of the Righteous:

Well a city fell on me and now I'm a super hero. Guess I'll go punch out the naughty cricket god.


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Axial wrote:
Delightful wrote:


Ironfang Invasion: No you can't play a hobgoblin so stop asking.
Are you mocking me? I feel like I'm being mocked.

You mad bro...

Because if you are I apologize. No personal mocking was intended, good buddy. Just a little bit fun. Hope your feelings weren't severely hurt.


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Delightful wrote:
Axial wrote:
Delightful wrote:


Ironfang Invasion: No you can't play a hobgoblin so stop asking.
Are you mocking me? I feel like I'm being mocked.

You mad bro...

Because if you are I apologize. No personal mocking was intended, good buddy. Just a little bit fun. Hope your feelings weren't severely hurt.

No, it's fine. It's just that I'm the one who first opened a thread in the Ironfang Invasion forum asking about playing Hobgoblins; and a lot of people were really annoyed by the idea.


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Second Darkness: Remember that time you walked out of that movie after 45 minutes when you saw the ending coming and were really annoyed by how it was going to play out? On the upside, you can kill almost everyone involved if you want and then start a groundswell of negative publicity for the alien jerks on your planet.


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Wrath of the Righteous: You beat up Lamashtu's bratty son.


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*casts Raise Thread*

Curse of the Crimson Throne: Spend the first part helping to stabilize the queen's reign, then realise that was a bad idea and spending the rest of your time desperately backpedaling.

(Also featuring Castlevania!)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

*all of them*: Kill things and take their stuff.


Strange Aeons: Remember that season of the TV show Dallas?


Reign of Winter: Doctor Who's Christmas Special
Curse of the Crimson Throne: Do you know Cersei? When we are done you'll believe she is a nice woman.
Skull and Shackles: An excuse to play everything by Alestorm as background music.
Carrion Crown: Like Scooby Doo, but everything is real.


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Reign of Winter: Do you hate Baba Yaga yet? No? Another fetch quest it is, then.


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Hell's Rebels: A group of mint enthusiasts attempt to ruin a hard-working public servant's retirement plans.


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HELL'S VENGEANCE: A CRUSADE OF RIGHTEOUS SERVANTS OF THE INHERITOR ATTEMPT TO RETAKE THE HOLY LAND FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THE THRICE-DAMNED HOUSE OF THRUNE! THEY SUCCEED, BECAUSE HARDLY ANYONE PLAYED THIS ADVENTURE PATH ANYWAY!


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Better than what I first posted ...

Reign of Winter serial womanizer with manly beard ISO dominatrix to share phenomenal cosmic power and recreational scolding.

Legacy of Fire Single wanna-be demigod WTB true love for use on single female love interest.

Serpent's Skull headless serpent Gawd ISO worshipers who won't let him get decapitated again. "How to Serve Man" is a cook book!

Second Darkness Elf kingdom ISO moral compass before rocks fall and everyone dies. Will option movie rights for psychedelic combat mushrooms.

Mummy's Mask skin-care-challenged nobleman ISO Avon representatives for full product demonstration prior to reclamation of throne.

Hell's Rebels Successful, ambitious, career-minded despot ISO genuine love, will sell soul in trade. Mint-lovers and dog-haters need not reply!

Kingmaker Single Fey Female ISO friends-with-benefits to share mutual snow globe diorama hobby.

Curse of the Crimson Throne Prove yourself worthy of my skin care regimen! Amateur cosmetologists will not receive a reply.

Carrion Crown Man with daddy issues ISO travel papers. Reward offered!

Jade Regent WTS *cheap!* Off-season grand tour to exotic lands where you will meet strange, interesting people from many cultures ... and kill them.

Skull and Shackles **hot recruitment offer, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!** Cruise directors needed with strong interpersonal skills and a "hands-on" management style for disreputable company employing too many subcontractors. All employees are paid on a profit-sharing model.

Wrath of the Righteous Misunderstood aliens ISO worldly liaison to communicate message of harmony with the rest of the world. May lead to more than conversation for the right person!

Shattered Star Old man WTT exclusive historical lore for lost family heirloom. Confirmation of authenticity required before trade concluded.

Council of Thieves Siblings running a successful freelance consultation securities firm ISO actors and playwrights to orchestrate public relations campaign.

Rise of the Runelords Disenfranchised noble ISO anonymous security team to test capitol defense systems. Quality of feedback determines compensation on scale to be determined upon completion.


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Strange Aeons: Paizo devotes EVEN MORE attention to Lovecraft.

Ironfang Invasion: Mid-rank Lawful Cannon Fodder Strikes Back!

Ruins of Azlant: Premise of Second Darkness recycled by Lovecraftian fish-guys who aren't from Lovecraft.

War for the Crown: Paizo finally cashes in on Game of Thrones.


Strange Aeons: Man learns elder gods are not playthings the hard way. Now his hired help has to fix the mess he made.

Ironfang Invasion: Magical draft survivor wreaks vengeance on racist system that left her for dead and forcibly recruited her into its army, stopped by guerillas.

Hell's Rebels: As MLK once said, "A riot is the language of the unheard."

Hell's Vengeance: Usurper attempts to retain throne in wake of paladin uprising, hires scum of the earth to ensure her reign continues.


Reign of Winter: <Redacted for excessive profanity>

(Try and figure out who would be the best fit for that final quote: The PCs, or the one who sends them on this AP?)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

So I am giving less of a pitch and a bit more of my experience playing and running.

Rise of the Runelords: "A group of nobodies rises to fame through an elaborate and mysterious bread crumb trail to the top of Greed Mountain where they realize there isn't anything left to figure out and start the long walk home."

Council of Thieves: "A bunch of nobodies gets excited about Revolution, only to realize they aren't the Council of Thieves."

Kingmaker: "A fellowship of nobodies seeks to reclaim a Stolen Land over the course of many years only to see their kingdom get sucked into the First World because they were used to operating on a larger time frame."

Carrion Crown "A gang of nobodies goes on a Jurassic Park tour of horror chasing a macguffin that turned into a macguffin."

Shadow Lodge

Second Darkness: Part One: "Why are there so many unhelpful or ungrateful elves around here?"
Part Two: "Everyone! We have to save the elves!"

Council of Thieves: Stamp out systemic oppression and save your coastal hometown, or at least what's left of it...
Tonight we set the stage/
All plans are laid/
At the opera tonight!

Jade Regent: Escort Mission: The Adventure Path. Warning: You will get eaten. A lot.

Skull & Shackles: Do what you want for a pirate is free! YOU! ARE! A PIRATE!

Iron Gods: You can either welcome your new robot overlords, or tell them to get the Abyss off of your setting and back into space where they belong. Then, either way, switch immediately over to Starfinder without even breaking stride.

Dark Archive

Return of the Runelords: Fricking wizards, again!

The Exchange

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Kingmaker: Accountancy class disguised as an AP


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Zachary W Anderson wrote:

I'll start at the beginning:

Rise of the Runelords: A greedy wizard gets his greedy minions to kill a bunch of greedy people to release him from the palace of greed in the capital of greed in the forgotten empire of greed, but then he's killed by greedy adventurers.

Jade Regent: When it's discovered that the local bartender is actually Queen of Animeland, the gang goes on a crazy road trip to put her back on the throne. But it's not all katanas and forehead veins for our heroes. To accomplish their goal, they'll have to fight Storm from the X-Men, Vikings and Bigfoot. And once there, they'll have to save everyone by conquering everyone by conquering everyone with blessing of a bunch of Japanese Ghost Sith Lords


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Rise of the Runelords: This one is about goblins.
Ironfang Invasion: This one is about hobgoblins. But there's probably goblins.
Kingmaker: There are kobolds in this one, but you could easily substitute goblins. Goblins are considered fey in some cultures, you know.
Shattered Star: There are sewer goblins in this one. Exciting!
Iron Gods There's a hobgoblin in this one. But only one. Sad!
Second Darkness: I'm told there is a Gold Goblin in this one, but that players get too attached to it. Like that's even possible.
We Be Goblins: Perhaps the best AP ever made.

The Exchange

Reign of Winter:Intergalatical and Interplanar treasure hunt


INSERT AP NAME : This isnt Sandpoint. But this one is. But not this. But what if Sandpoint? No, Not Sandpoint. Okay Sandpoint.


Rise of the Runelords: A mad power play years in the making reveals an even madder power play years in the making, which in turn reveals yet still an even madder power play centuries in the making. Are you mad enough? Are you? You better be!


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Reign of Winter: Let her go! Let her go!

Reign of Winter: In American adventure path you save pretty royal from evil old hag. In Soviet adventure path you save evil old hag from pretty royal.

Jon Brazer Enterprises

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All of them: Monsters attack, stuff happens.


Dale McCoy Jr wrote:
All of them: Monsters attack, stuff happens.

Er...

Skulls and Shackles: Kill everyone now, it'll save you time later. Monster secondary.

Edit: Actually you're right. You are the monster, you attack, stuff happens.


Council of Thieves:
You're in Crime town surrounded by crime people, doing crime things, and you're about to...not..do crime...not about...no one does any crime...it's all just a vendetta...we're singing now? Ok not singing just a stage...hey yeah I can sign an autograph.

Very confusing premise.


Iron Fang. Roll for initiative. 6 books later, click 'end combat'.

Shadow Lodge

Reign of Winter by way of Led Zeplin

We go to the land of the ice and snow,
Where the witches rule and it's always cold.

Baba Yaga, oh my gods, we ride your hut to new lands.
To fight the hordes and sing, and cry.
Anastasia, I am coming.


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Hell's Vengeance: Bad boys, bad boys! What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when we come for you!

Hell's Rebels/Vengeance: The campaigns that sound like they should cross, but don't have any reason to.

Serpent's Skull: The adventure that's an inevitable sex/Austin Powers/Monty Python (ha!) joke.

Wrath of the Righteous: The WoW end-raid adventure.

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