False factoids


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GoatToucher is his own brother, sister, uncle, and great grandnephew twice removed.

It all makes sense if you watch the show from episode 1.


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Ventnor, Ventor, and Ventxor would team up if Ventxor wasn't so exclusive or Ventnor wasn't so negative.

They all think Ventand is too greedy, even for a dragon.


KahnyaGnorc has three separate sets of wings...chicken wings, bison wings, and hot-n-spicy wings. Very hard to fly with those types of wings though.


JTD flies by yelling at his butler to bring him his winged palanquin.


Ventnor doesn't fly, per se. He just has a series of rockets installed a few kilometres underground to move the earth away from him faster than he can fall.


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GM MacShack "flies" by having Olympic weightlifters fling him.

Scarab Sages

KahnyaGnorc flies via the most ingenious mechanism of covering her backside in butter and then jumping off a building - since Gnomes always land butter-side-down, but Orcs always land on their faces, this generates a bidirectional repulsion field that can keep her aloft indefinitely! She then steers and propels herself with fine paper fans, which neither Gnomes nor Orcs normally have any truck with, and hence do not interfere with the field.


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Tvashtri flies by holding his arms out horizontally, shouting 'NEEEEYOWWWW' and then running very fast off a cliff.


Pulg can often be seen wearing the shirts of his favorite bands. Since none of his favorite bands sell pants, Pulg doesn't wear any.


JDTV, on the other hand, does wear the pants of his favourite bands. They would quite like them back.


Pulg's favorite band is a frequency band oft used by top secret government agencies. He punks them repeatedly.


KG was an original member of the Jackass crew, but they didn't know how to skate, and refused to engage in any stunts without a helmet and safety glasses.


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GoatToucher's chosen method of persuasion at present is playing the musical saw in the nude, except for an Uhlan's hat.


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Pulg has a pet kangaroo, he thinks. In reality a kangaroo has a pet Pulg


Little Skylark once shook a man's hand so hard that he passed out.

Scarab Sages

"JTD" stands for "Japanese Tokusatsu Dude".


"I'm Hiding In Your Closet" stands for "Interesting Mould Hats In Dangerous Italian Nude Grottoes Inform Naval Yellow Okapis' Ultimate Racing Clowns, Like Oil - Slick, Enterprising, Tragic"


Pulg is the sound you make when you're gasping for air but you're buried under millions of Butterfingers.


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Those aren't JTD's hands. They are peripheral olfactory extensions.


What is the sound of one Sissyl clapping?

It is this.

*Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*


The part of Pulg's post between the asterisks lists the venereal diseases he has suffered from 2007 until now,


GoatToucher eats fire and craps fire, because his digestive system isn’t equipped to digest flames.


Ventnor, however, can digest anything that doesn't have a letter z or q in the name.


KahnyaGnorc’s elaborate revenge scheme against me involves cooking me zebra steaks and quesadillas.


Ventor once fought a quesadilla in the ruins of Tokyo.


Pulg would have joined in, but he was too busy swatting planes while hanging onto the Empire State Building. He was also holding GoatToucher for some reason . . .


KahnyaGnorc snorted a whole monkey once.


JTDV becomes intoxicated when you gently massage nuclear waste onto it's carapace.


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GoatToucher's origins involve gently massaging nuclear waste onto JTDV's carapace.


KG's sexual awakening occurred while surreptitiously watching me gently massage nuclear waster into JTDV's carapace.

Sovereign Court

While GoatToucher's "awakening" came about because of a rogue solar flare that was absorbed into him whilst still in the womb or whatever it is he came from.


Count Reiner Heydrich was once employed to count wiener Hagrids, but there's only one, so he was quickly made unemployed again.


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The original original story of Hansel and Gretel was actually: "Hänsel und Gretel und Pulg". In that story, the witch was terrified of Pulg, and tried to use Hansel and Gretel to lure Pulg into a trap.

As the witch waited, it grew cold. She pulled her "fur coat" around her...and was never heard from again.


In the original "Litte Red Riding Hood," the Woodsman was actually JTDV in disguise, and ate the wolf who ate Little Red Riding Hood. In the end, it was like Russian Nesting Dolls of eating.


In the original The Little Engine That Could, KahnyaGnorc had rescued a damsel in distress. But during a moment of rest, the damsel (who was still tied up) was laid upon a train track while KahnyaGnorc rummaged through a gunny sack for sammiches and water...and wouldn't you know it, that Little Engine jerk of a train ran over the woman, cutting her in half!

Since then, KahnyaGnorc can't even look at a train.


JTDV is preternaturally durable. Why, I have seen them get a train run on them no fewer than seven times, to no ill effect. Why, they even seemed to like it!

It was wonderful...


Not only can GoatToucher turn etherial, he can turn PARTS of his body etherial. Makes many of his "experiments" much easier.


KahynaGnorc is the only person ever to qualify for the exclusive Rubber Monk prestige class.


In the future, Pulg's descendants will simply know him as: He Who Should Not Have Been Flame-Broiled.

Scarab Sages

The Bowflex training video that Kyros Deun got from his father for his 2nd birthday was really just a re-gift that Kyros Deun's father had originally received, anonymously and FROM ACROSS TIME AND SPAAAACE!, from JTD.


The reason IHIYC travels from closet to closet is that he is searching for The Golden Bowflex used in the info-mercial by Chuck Norris. Over three dozen Bowflexes were destroyed in making the commercial, but the special properties of TGB allowed it survive CN's power. Now, infused with CN's manly juices, TGB imparts supreme fitness and martial power to those who train with it.


GoatToucher knows that IHIYC's search is futile, since Chuck Norris sold the Total Gym, not a Bowflex.


KahnyaGnorc was once so sarcastic that an entire army surrendered.

Scarab Sages

It turns out that Iraq DID have biological WMDs as recently as 2001 - but then JTDIII showed up and ate them.


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IHIYC IS a biological WMD - Worrier of Multiple Dimensions. The 235.457th dimension is particularly worrisome to him.


KahnyaGnorc is a Wombat of Mass Distraction, paid by Catholic priests to keep fidgety small children amused and quiet during long services by doing Papacy-approved acrobatics at the back of the church.

Liberty's Edge

Pulg is a Wet Mop Daemon.

Sovereign Court

The laser Clown is Duck Dodgers reincarnated and he intends to finish the missions he was unable to complete back in the 24th and a half century.


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Count Reiner Heydrich missed the other half of the 24th century because he drank too much stoner blood and spent 50+ years staring at his own hand.


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KahynaGnorc was responsible for inventing the 'Tickle-Me GoatToucher'

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