False factoids

[KahnyaGnorc]

Malvel, The Dark Wizard, provided all the Water Breathing and Freedom of Movement spells for the filming . . . at very reasonable prices!

[JTDV]

The Extras for the film (notably, Count Reiner Heydrich, Malvel, GoatToucher, Pulg, Aqua Pulg, and Barbie World Pulg) were paid in hiccups (which also can be understood in the Biblical sense).

[Grundolker]

JTDV always does whatever he (it?) wants. And everything is done on Biblical proportions.

[Pulg]

Grundolker is suing the Monster Energy Drink corporation because their products do not actually contain any monsters.

[JTDV]

When Pulg walks by outdoor cafes, he passes out dental floss and says, "Sorry 'bout that."

[KahnyaGnorc]

JTDV makes dental floss off of Pulg's sheddings.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

KahnyaGnorc is one of the Internet's foremost and most prolific "Rule 34" artists for the ZORK games.

[Malvel, The Dark Wizard]

IHIYC only plays "Rule 34" games.

[Cluny the Scourge]

Malvel only plays with children.

[Pulg]

Cluny, having worked out that 'Zork' rhymes with 'dork', 'pork', 'cork' and 'Ex-Supreme Court Judge Robert Bork', has created a delightful series of illustrated poems about the erotic adventures of Zork, whoever he might be.

[GoatToucher]

Pulg has carelessly revealed that he is a scout from an alternate reality wherein Robert Bork's SCOTUS nomination was confirmed, and accordingly he will be vivisected in order to find the secrets of his alien body.

[JTDV]

When GoatToucher walks by outdoor cafes, he collects dental floss and says, "Thank you."

[Nosferatu Fester Addams]

Whenever JTDV sees GoatToucher, the former always pulls down the trousers of the latter. Of course, JTDV fails to realise that the joke makes no sense when doing it to GoatToucher.

[Pulg]

Nosferatu was responsible for confirming Robert Bork's SCOTUS nomination, under the mistaken impression that he was just a heckin cute doggo.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Pulg was the 437.675th justice on the ECOTOP (Extreme Court of That Other Place), but had to step down due to the [REDACTED] scandal of 5678 AD.

[JTDV]

KahnyaGnorc often confuses the number 7 with the color blue.

[GoatToucher]

JTDV is composed entirely of "Barrel of Monkeys" figures interlocked in an insectoid shape.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

GoatToucher has solemnly sworn *never* to don a novelty bald-cap, for were a novelty bald-cap and his own scalp to be joined, their combined powers would simply be...too great....

[JTDV]

I'm Hiding In Your Closet won a bar game by pretending to hold his breath for six days; roughly, the same amount of time it took the patrons to spend all of their money and sober up. He was paid in crumpets.

[Nosferatu Fester Addams]

JTDV is the sole creator of the crumpets that are used strictly for currency. And gets rather angry if someone tries to eat any of them.

[Pulg]

Nosferatu Fester Adams wants to put the country back on the Crumpet Standard.

[JTDV]

Pulg didn't invent the Furby so much as he spawned them.

[Sirius Sa'luk]

JTDV is a World-Champion-class mumbletey-pegger.

[Pulg]

Bert suddenly appears whenever Sirius Sa'luk is near.

[JTDV]

Whenever I'm lost in the woods, shouting "PULG" always seems to orient me. This has to do with the fact that you only find Pulg on the north side of trees.

[GeneStealer Mining Corporation]

Because JTDV is incredibly large, we mistook him for a planet and promptly started mining his body for mineral resources.

[Belphegor]

GeneSlealer only plays one on TV.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Belphegor is the pseudonym for Belch E. Gore. Any who discover what the "E" stands for goes stark raving sane, turns to a life of accounting, and is never listened to again....

[Gremlins from the Kremlin]

KahnyaGnorc design fully-functional machine-gun made out of plaster from wall, scrap of leather valise, reclaimed SPAM tins, and deck of cards!

[Malvel, The Dark Wizard]

Which was bought by the Gremlins from the Kremlin to protect themselves against being eaten by Claw the giant monkey (again) or any of my other beasts.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Unfortunately for GftK, Malvel paid me for access to remote disabling of said machine gun, which I developed alongside a very terse vole.

[Ivan the Teary Bull]

KahynaGnorc and Semyon Kalishnavole are two best weapon designers on Zhinikhieovychany Autonomous Oblast. Oblast is like owlbear, that explodes.

Am sad.

[Snow White's Mother]

Ivan the Teary Bull only watches chick flicks.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Snow White's Mother, on the other hand, only watches Tommy Wiseau flicks.

[Pulg]

KahnyaGnorc only flicks Tommy Wiseau.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Pulg provided all the hair for the characters in "The Room."

[The Fiend Fantastic]

KanyeOrc is on Absalon's Most Wanted list for various crimes.

[KahnyaGnorc]

The Fiend Fantastic reported many of those, including "Shaving Ratfolk Without a License" and "Kobold Bongos."

[Aduro, Good Wizard of Avantia]

Other crimes committed by KahnyaGnorc include: wearing a silly outfit backwards, releasing all of the dangerous criminals, selling outhouses and claiming that they were Taj mahals, pouring hot coffee down everyone's trousers and stealing everyone's Saturday morning newspapers.

[Pulg]

Aduro played Mince Clockwelt, PI in the epoch-making experimental detective movie that was 'Kobold Bongos'

[Partylf Sunev]

Pulg tried to sneak on to the Detective Picachu movie set disguised as a Ursaring.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Partylf Sunev started as a Pokemon, but left the life when no one chose him. He now works as Ryan Reynold's muscle/house-plant.

[JTDV]

KahnyaGnorc once ate a mussel. And died. Then was fed a plant. And lived!

[Pulg]

JDTV, having cornered the harp glissando market in the first third of the last century, made an absolute fortune out of dream sequences in films of the 1940s and 50s.

[Schism]

Pulg uses hair straightener.

[The Fiend Fantastic]

Schism puts her fingers in the fuse box to get that hair style.

[Aduro, Good Wizard of Avantia]

And TFF styles his hair and beard with GoatToucher brand "Heavenly Hold 'N' Lock" hair cream made from real angel's wings and teeth with just a little touch of corn for those fabulous golden highlights.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Aduro doesn't actually look like his avatar, as that is a human puppet suit. He is actually a muppet.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

The unreachable part of KahnyaGnorc's back is so concave and sweaty that it has become a tide pool, complete with its own unique, self-contained ecosystem full of adorable crabs and starfish and sea anemones!

[Schism]

IHIYC is afraid of the dark and installs nightlights wherever he goes.