False factoids

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JDTV will only communicate through the medium of boiled fruit.

Pulg is actually fluent in a very special, unknown language. See, his hair strands can flex slightly, just like when humans get goosebumps. Taken together, these tiny movements both cause patterns to change in his hair, and generate an extremely high-pitched noise that can only be heard by Pulgs.

He most often uses this language to tell crude jokes about nearby people.

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Sissyl is a member of the Fruitoftheloominati: a secret organization that seeks control over the world's economy through careful manipulation of undergarment trends.

During meetings, she dresses as a giant bunch of grapes.

GoatToucher is the leader of a motorcycle gang: The Gangly Danglers!

JTDV once stole 40 cakes. And then 60 more to bring the number of cakes stolen up to a nice round hundred.

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Ventnor once ate 1,000 peasants in one sitting, then ate 24 more to make it a kilobite.

KahnyaGnorc is actually Mud Puddle spelled backwards.

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JTDV spelled backward is PVLG.

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Ventnor wrote:
JTDV once stole 40 cakes...

That's terrible.

I send Sissyl back to a 1970's financial office, and she is crushed to death under wave after wave or hard copy memos and receipts being plunged onto her head-spikes for safekeeping.

GoatToucher is wanted in 17 counties for burping in a crowded movie theater.

The movie theatre in question was Ventnor's mouth. He'd put on a Michael Bay all-dayer especially, and was very upset when his event was ruined by the eructating erotic athlete in question.

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Pulg as served as the judge for Olympic Eroticism representing the Soviet Union since 1998.

Nobody has had the heart to tell him that the Soviet Union dissolved in 1994.

Or that Eroticism is not an Olympic event.

Or that the venue for the competition has been my basement.

Or that the different competitors have been me wearing an assortment of funny hats and false mustaches.

GoatToucher should be aware that I know, but I don't care.

Scarab Sages

Due to an ancient and obscure loophole in Talmudic law, Pulg technically meets the criteria for kosher meat.

IHIYC has won the gold medal in hiding in closets in every Olympic game since they started back up in 1896 (og Olympics had tougher opponents and IHIYC was still a newbie). Unfortunately, his skills mean that no one could find him to GIVE him the medals.

KahynaGnorc's Self Defence Against Wardrobes classes are proving to be very popular.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Pulg authored the bestselling self-help title, "Hair Again, Gone Tomorrow, Hopefully: A DIY Manual to Grooming."

Sliska Zafir is not so much 0 255 0, but more like 147 197 114.

JTDV doesn't want competition for 0 255 0.

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Sissyl teleports home by tapping her stiletto heels together and saying, "There's no place like" repeatedly. Although, sometimes the teleport misfires, and she finds herself in GoatToucher's own corner of 4Chan.

KG is a frequent contributor to /b/ and is terribly, terribly ashamed.

Scarab Sages

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GoatToucher reads /b/ for the articles.

Sovereign Court

And IHIYC writes said articles.

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Heydrich, please read your spell descriptions more carefully. It's called Melf's Acid Arrow, not MILF's Massive As...

Oh no, you're right.

After you.

Ah! I love the term "MILF"! It is a variation of a term I coined: MILHV - Mage I'd Like to [REDACTED].

Language and pronunciation does change over time, doesn't it?

GoatToucher once had relations with 6,374.657 different species at one time. Many-an-extinction were due to shame.

Scarab Sages

KahnyaGnorc singlehandedly invented the ingenious "Narcissus-Medusa Reactor" for personal invisibility fields, powered by the synergistic interplay of the wearer's wish not to be seen and the wish of viewers not to see the wearer!

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Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis is a friend of squirrels and will often be seen in the park tearing off chunks of bread and feeding his friends while they sit in his lap chittering about who-knows-what. Then, they'll all laugh. And then continue eating.

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JTDV wasn't always an ankheg. He started out as an awakened sleeveless garment with hippy colorizations owned by a Alaskan folk singer . . .

Jewel's Tie-Dyed Vest.

Sovereign Court

KahnyaGnorc was the one who performed the magic spell (using their own body as the conduit) that transformed JTDV from an awakened, sleeveless garment into the ankheg we all know today.

Turn Count Heydrich upside down and slap him on the bottom and you will find that he is not, in fact, a bottle of tomato ketchup.

Pulg’s battle against Dranduff, Demon Lord Of Excessively Shaggy Hair, is as old as time itself.

Scarab Sages

Like a flamingo, Ventnor's red coloration is maintained by what he eats - namely, the generous amounts of ketchup he puts on his knights.

IHIYC's complexion is due to his addiction to powdered donuts.

Grand Lodge

Similarly, KahnyaGnorc's comes from drinking copious amounts of fresh water.

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Ekanta Hanoi once stared straight into a cow's eyes for 5 whole minutes. 3 days later, the cow died after a 50-pound tomato fell out of the sky next to it moments before it fell into a hole.

The truth is out there!

Sinister Stan is the offspring of a Dark Stalker and a Ribenaberry.

Scarab Sages

Pulg is 1/13th Chester A. Arthur.

I'm Hiding In Your Closet drives a very well appointed Mercedes in tasteful Iridium Silver Metallic. Nothing clownish about it at all.

JTD is jealous of the extra letter in JTDV’s forum name.

Ventnor is actually a small, rotund, red-headed, German 'adult' comedian called Wet Ronn. His leiderhosen jokes have to be heard to be believed.

Before a trip to devour a beach planet, Galactus used the advanced technology of the Taa II to shave his giant back (you know... for the ladies...) The resulting drain clog gained sentience from exposure to the Power Cosmic.

Pulg... has read that comic.

For some reason, no movie studios have yet attempted to create the GoatToucher Extended Universe.

It’s only a matter of time, though.

Ventnor has invested millions in the GTEU . . . millions of grains of sand.

KahnyaGnorc keeps astral-projecting into my hamper. It's unnerving. Every time I try to throw my socks in the hamper, there's a vague presence of KahnyaGnorc. Did I already say it's unnerving? 'Cause it is.

Sovereign Court

JTDV doesn't realise that KahnyaGnorc does that solely because he (JTDV) did something really bad to KahnyaGnorc in the past.

Count Reiner Heydrich was once Duke Reiner Heydrich, but lost most of his land holdings in a card game with GoatToucher.

In retrospect, maybe it's not a good idea to play a game of Texas Hold'em (In Your [REDACTED]) against the world champion with that much on the line.

Ventnor went to Texas and held 'em. The Sheriff's Department say he's not to come back again.

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Pulg once played in one of Donald Trump's famous "New York Grab 'Em" games.

Every Christmas, The CLAW reads through the letters they receive from thousands of little girls and boys from all over the world.

They pick one, and then, on that magical Yule night, they enter the child's ear canal, burrow through their ear, and lay their eggs in the tot's brain.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

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