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217 posts. Alias of JTDV.


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Socks and Locks. The seduction RPG where you dress your character not 'from head to toe', but ONLY heads and toes. If you are seduced you lose. All males start off with a negative five (-5) to perception: "She was wearing a hat?"

Belphegor is banned for singing to the radio in stepped succession (and in harmony) like some sort of macabre row-row-row your boat.

Cluny the Scourge is banned for planting flowers at the library...a very unscourgy thing to do!

By your command, Cap'n T. Fruity! We have brought you the Robotique Companion (TM). All joints and bendy parts have been greased and oiled.

Minions! Arm the gliders!

I strap I'm Hiding In Your Closet to a baseball pitching machine. It takes him a while to die, but the pummeling he takes is admirable.

Needs supplication
Or sleep - needs some restful sleep
Or crackers with cheese

I smell like a mixture of cartoon planet and muskrat. Hmmmm, must be a Monday.

The next poster can see what I'm cooking.

Ninja'd by none other than: KahnyaGnorc, Master Ninja

Pulg is endowed...with a beautiful singing voice!

Specifically, a "parrot" from Planet Mothmen.

The next poster has their own planet and will convince us all to move there.

As you requested Count of Heydrich! We prank called the local tavern and told them the you were buying ALL the beers! Hahah hahahaha ahahah! By the way, there are eight coachmen here demanding that you pay for the two hundred and forty beer barrels that were ferried by their carriages.

Minions! Attack the dancers!

A balanced diet includes iron, zinc, copper, steel, titanium, and molten lava (which may contain trace metals).

The next poster has a hard time counting to zero.

Sliska Zafir is banned for using his original Atari 2600 as a toothpick.

I already did, my friend! ;)

The next poster brings Pulg back from the dead!!!

In the future, Pulg's descendants will simply know him as: He Who Should Not Have Been Flame-Broiled.

A man with a drinking problem must overcome his demons to get a sick child to safety while trying to prevent a large-scale disaster.


*Shouts down from the balcony:

"You call that a 'BOOM'? I got your BOOM right here."

*wiggles buttocks

"Ha. Ha. Get off the stage you no-faced buffoon!"

The next poster is an assassin and particularly hates theatre-goers.

I set Pulg down on a merry-go-round that is currently daisy chained to a 392ci Hemi V8. At 5600 RPM, Pulg is Puréed and his ensuing bits will be donated to——you guessed it——a sausage factory!

I march my brother off a pier overlooking a molten lava waterfall. It's not cruel. He wakes up early on Easter and eats all my M&Ms out of my basket.

Mary Magdalene
Wants to know how you know her
You sly, dirty dog

Flame of Ice: This torch is everlit with a flickering flame made of ice. The ice moves, evaporates, and flutters as if it were a flame.

It doesn't give off light. It doesn't do damage any more than an ice cube would (unless, of course, he had his glock on his person), and can only be wielded by a person of low intelligence lest they question its purpose.

To impress the ladies?

Pulg is the sound you make when you're gasping for air but you're buried under millions of Butterfingers.

Little Skylark once shook a man's hand so hard that he passed out.

I send GoatToucher a glitter bomb. Not exactly lethal until you consider that GoatToucher often eats glitter and this shiny stuff is made from tiny glass balls filled with mercury.

She wants a stoic
To be kicked in the <Redact>
That would be funny

KahnyaGnorc has three separate sets of wings...chicken wings, bison wings, and hot-n-spicy wings. Very hard to fly with those types of wings though.

Different orifice, but that's still drinking, right?

I direct Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis to what he believes is a car wash...only for him to discover (and too late I might add) that it's a car crusher.

P.S. I feel bad for his '73 Pontiac Grand Prix but it's a necessary evil.

The Sound of Musik. A dubstep musical based on the von Trapp family beatbox singers.

Androids? Has the robot revolution already occurred?

Well, hellooooo, Mr. Rit...wha? Not me? What do you mean 'keep steppin''? FORGET YOU, MR. RITCHIE!

*runs off crying

The next poster likes to console anyone who cries, or laughs, or basically has any type of emotion.

I like to perch upside-down, so it helps with that.

The next poster starred as a villain in a very recent movie!

Sure. I don't exactly have opposable thumbs, but these are good for papier-mâché projects.

Next poster, would you kindly compete as a driver on my racing team?

Fighting anime
Only in teenage high schools
What do adults do?

From Richard Simmons
Came the best advice I've seen
Dance like you're not fat

Pulg should not rule this city because all of his obscure reference quotes from BJ and the Bear do not make for good policy.

You can make extremely exaggerated chewing and slurping noises when you have the party stop to eat. Additionally, you can make the following eating times mandatory: Breakfast; Second breakfast; Elevenses; Brunch; Lunch; Snack; Tea; Dinner; Supper; Value Meal; Midnight Snack...

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GM! - - - sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrp!

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366. Any time your neighbors are making so much noise that you can't concentrate on the game, you can only send the player who is playing a Paladin to ask your neighbors to quiet down. Otherwise you just treat it as a noisy Inn.

GM MacShack should not rule this city until he gets a mouth. You can't rule a city with just your eyes (Uh, that is, unless you are very beautiful, but then again...GM MacShack is not!).

Hmmmmmmm. That gorilla is gesturing that I take a rutabaga it...yes, shove it up...<gasp>!


The next poster cannot stand low-brow humor.

Hmmmmmmm. KahnyaGnorc is gesturing that I take this rutabaga it...yes, shove it up...<gasp>!


The next poster is on a bad date!

I'm Hiding In Your Closet drives a very well appointed Mercedes in tasteful Iridium Silver Metallic. Nothing clownish about it at all.

GoatToucher is banned for not banning my brother.

In true political form, I have only an exoskeleton. I should be a shoe in for a no-term-limit position.

The next poster has formed a treaty between Earth and the Sun.

If that's rhetorical, I'm writing you a citation.

I'm the cream of the crop, you harvest what I'm sayin'?

*Performs mouth to proboscis resuscitation on KahnyaGnorc*


The next poster can answer that question.

My lifespan isn't very long, thus, so far, I've figured out nothing about the Tingularity. Hang on...there appears to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

The next poster evokes the dead using a very unusual method.

Slang terms keep changing
Did you know "cheap" meant "to trade"?
Let's cheapen our goods

Granted! You can see in complete darkness using your very own electromagnetic spectrum. You don't want to see things in the light anyway, because now the sun burns you to ashes within seconds.

I wish I didn't get fat eating as much candy as I want.

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