As you requested Count of Heydrich! We prank called the local tavern and told them the you were buying ALL the beers! Hahah hahahaha ahahah! By the way, there are eight coachmen here demanding that you pay for the two hundred and forty beer barrels that were ferried by their carriages.
Minions! Attack the dancers!
Flame of Ice: This torch is everlit with a flickering flame made of ice. The ice moves, evaporates, and flutters as if it were a flame.
It doesn't give off light. It doesn't do damage any more than an ice cube would (unless, of course, he had his glock on his person), and can only be wielded by a person of low intelligence lest they question its purpose.
You can make extremely exaggerated chewing and slurping noises when you have the party stop to eat. Additionally, you can make the following eating times mandatory: Breakfast; Second breakfast; Elevenses; Brunch; Lunch; Snack; Tea; Dinner; Supper; Value Meal; Midnight Snack...
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GM! - - - sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrp!