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What I want is a Chreestmas Ent.

Sovereign Court

Hows about an infantry.


:looks around at the meta-reality-

What a potentially momentous page! I wonder what will happen?

Sovereign Court

Nothing too much, I'm afraid, just a bunch of mismatched friends enjoying Christmas together.

It won't be long now until Mr. Grinch delivers the presents and we have a marvellous Christmas banquet at my castle to celebrate the holidays. Which reminds me, would you care to do the honours and carve the turkey this year GoatToucher? Normally I do it, of course, but I like to invite my guests to do it sometime.


Just keep a close eye on it when he's carving it. Remember what happened last year with the Christmas Pudding, and what (as it turned out) was certainly not brandy butter.

Sovereign Court

Nothing wrong with bit GoatToucher brand cherry and rum mint sorbet.

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*Meanwhile, at the North Pole.*

Schism, the hour draws upon us! It's time to load the sleigh and head out!

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15 Slayers in a sleigh.
A yo, ho, ho!
And a yo hey, hey!
Santa’s already on his way!
A yo, ho, ho!
And a yo hey, hey!
And so at home the grinch will stay.
A yo, ho, ho!
And a yo hey, hey!

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*Comes home, utterly exhausted, collapses onto a chair.*

What a night! I felt like the universe's most wanted criminal!

*As Schism comes in and falls to the ground, being just as exhausted as Mr. Grinch, a flashback to last night's adventure takes place.*

*Mr. Grinch travels down the chimney of the first house he comes to and briefly gets stuck (as expected), then he comes out into the front room. As he is finishing placing the presents around the tree, a large dog looking like Sergeant Baskerville approaches and growls menacingly.*

Nice teeth!

*The dog promptly starts barking and Mr. Grinch gets out of there!*

*The rest of the night follows a similar pattern, including trying to place a kayak under the tree only to fall under the weight and knock the tree over or being attacked by a cat with a very massive grudge, Schism doesn't get much like either.*

*After resting for bit, Mr. Grinch and Schism realise that they also have presents. Schism is given a chainsaw for destroying accordion. Mr. Grinch, meanwhile, gets a new snow globe and a note that fills him with fear...*

*Note from Santa Claus: "Thanks for doing my job, really helped me to heal up. Merry Christmas and remember..."

Spoiler:
"I'll get you next year!"

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*Flashback to Christmas eve, and the castle is finished being decorated.*

*Barges through the door carrying a massive 50ft fir tree.*

Me found tree! Me found really big tree for Christmas!

*Tree is setup and is immediately decorated in festive splendour.*

Orange Hulk go get lunch, getting tree make Orange Hulk hungry!

*Goes into the kitchen, starts eating some of the food for the banquet.*


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:does not carve so much as dissect the turkey with an expert hand, each cut of meat separated from bone perfectly, and the skin coming off in one intact piece:

Bon Appetit!

Sovereign Court

GoatToucher wrote:

:does not carve so much as dissect the turkey with an expert hand, each cut of meat separated from bone perfectly, and the skin coming off in one intact piece:

Bon Appetit!

See Pulg, there was nothing to worry about! Now let's finish the last tasks.

*This is still in the flashback.*


Time for the Festivus Trials of Endurance, or how many times can we play 'Mistletoe and Wine' non-stop before Borvil crushes us to a pulp with her bare hands.

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Orange Hulk likes sound of Borvil, me think she give good challenge!


I am so tired.
Feels like I have been doing twice the work I usually do.
ZZZ

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*Places Schism into her bed and then I climb into mine.*

Don't mind us, we're taking a much needed rest, continue with the flashback!

*Goes right to sleep.*


WO HO HO, GET OUT OF THE WAY!
BORVIL AND ORANGE HULK WRESTLE TODAY!

Sovereign Court

We wrestle right now!

*Tackles Borvil to the ground, faster than she can blink, and puts her in a headlock.*

This too easy, and me not at full strength!


Quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.


*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*

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A tin of Hereford brand corned beef hash appears near the scene of the no doubt, epic struggle .

Spoiler:
It’s probably not really a tin, but rather a steel can. If one were to be precise.

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BORVIL wrote:
*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*

By "release headlock", Borvil mean "Orange Hulk crush stock cube into giant cup"!

Me then add hot water, stir with giant spoon then drink soup like mixture.

Sovereign Court

Vampire Schism wrote:
Quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.

Be careful daughter, he is also called Solar Hulk because he is strengthened by the sun.

Spoiler:
Additionally, he works for me along with his fellow Black Legion members.

Sovereign Court

The when wrote:
A tin of Hereford brand corned beef hash appears near the scene of the no doubt, epic struggle.

*Picks up the tin of corned beef hash, opens it, cooks and eats the food, throws the tin away.*


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Be careful daughter, he is also called Solar Hulk because he is strengthened by the sun.

Is he fighting on your orders? - NO!

Is is fighting to protect you and yours? - NO!
Is he fighting for his own pleasure? - YES!
Therefore, be Quiet!

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Vampire Schism wrote:

Is he fighting on your orders? - NO!

Is is fighting to protect you and yours? - NO!
Is he fighting for his own pleasure? - YES!

True, but it's all part and parcel of being a hulk (regardless of colour).

Vampire Schism wrote:
Therefore, be Quiet!

Alright, alright, as you wish daughter. I'll be quiet.


Orange Hulk wrote:
BORVIL wrote:
*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*

By "release headlock", Borvil mean "Orange Hulk crush stock cube into giant cup"!

Me then add hot water, stir with giant spoon then drink soup like mixture.

WO HO HO, THIS IS FINE!

BORVIL REGENERATES IN HULK'S INTESTINES!

Sovereign Court

And the sound of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’, rendered by accordion continues to fill the air.


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Alright, alright, as you wish daughter. I'll be quiet.

Talking to Orange Hulk, not you Father.

Sovereign Court

*Painful groaning noises...*

Me not feel so good... me need use restroom.

*Enters restroom, leaves after a few minutes.*

Feeling much better now!

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Vampire Schism wrote:
Talking to Orange Hulk, not you Father.

Ah, I see, OK close your eyes and wear the special earmuffs I made for you.

Spoiler:
Don't forget your Teddy bear, I had it reapplied with fresh blood.


The when wrote:
And the sound of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’, rendered by accordion continues to fill the air.

No, no. The Massed Bands of the Brigade of Fairies are now doing a complete run-through of Bulgarian Eurovision Song Contest entries from 1984 to 2006. An unusual choice to soundtrack a wrestling match between two giants, but an inspired one, even if I do say so myself.

However, if you want the lads to stay on 'Mistletoe and Wine', that can be arranged, for £3.14, cash on the nail.

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I’ll get that to you tomorrow…

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*Hammers a large, rusty, iron nail into Comte de Malodor.*

*Then, places £3.14 on the nail.*


Mummy, there's a steaming brown colossus lying in the wreckage of the Wrestler's Toilet, but Alphonse is back at the front with his regiment, as we can tell from the large, rusty nail sticking out of his forehead. What's going on?

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*Stands proudly on a nearby rocky outcrop.*

*BLEETS!*

Sovereign Court

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And now! 2023 and we have a winner! The well touched goat, Lord Ridgeway has secured the win. So there’s no need for additional posting on this thread.

Sovereign Court

I'm not surprised by that, Lord Ridgeway is GoatToucher's well touched goat!


I'll sing a song, once my cheque has cleared,
About Lord Ridgeway, and his tiny beard,
He had escaped from GoatToucher's lab,
To chase the Honourable Member, Dominic Raab.

Sovereign Court

Orange Hulk like funny poem by Maddie Prior.

Wait... you not Maddie Prior! Me smash you to pieces!

*Proceeds to do so.*


Rilly-me dinkle donkle doo, and I got smashed by the Hulk-O!

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Orange Hulk-O!
That’s the drink for me!
Orange Hulk-O!
So not made with tea!
Orange Hulk-O!
Costs a buck fifty.
But really should be freeee!

Sovereign Court

Me not weird man covered in paint and appearing in drink advert!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Well, you'd know if you'd been Hulk-Oed.

Sovereign Court

Clearly Pulg, you are a well cultured person. Or, you just watch a lot of TV.


Too much TV is bad for you.

Sovereign Court

It is? Worry not then, Orange Hulk is here to help!

*Smashes every kind of TV and TV-like device in the universe.*


Captain Danger Bear intends to tap-dance on the remains, if somebody would be kind enough to set them on fire.


Fire Bad!

Sovereign Court

*Roars and hisses at the intruder in the territory (Partylf Sunev).*

*Starts breathing endless streams of fire at Partylf Sunev until he leaves.*

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