Bear

Captain Danger Bear's page

20 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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The Sideromancer wrote:
Captain Danger Bear wrote:
Captain Danger Bear recommends that method in particular. Tank mounted flamethrowers are his favourite.
I know I'm late, but I thought you shaved using a ride-on lawnmower? Is it a second choice because ammo is expensive or what?

Captain Danger Bear is constantly reexamining his grooming habits.


Captain Danger Bear recommends that method in particular. Tank mounted flamethrowers are his favourite.


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GySgt Hartman, Trunk Monkey wrote:
Captain Danger Bear wrote:
That is the job of Sergeant Danger Bear.

{holds up sign: "Sgt DB on KP. I've been temporarily reassigned to assist"}

{surveys lawn, orders in AC-47 Spooky with GAU-2/A miniguns}

{Points to lawn; shakes head. Points to facial hair.

Hands Sgt. Hartman a blacked-out welding mask and a bottle containing a mixture of methylated spirits and PCP in solution.

Nods to technicians fitting motorised scythe flails to AC-47 Spooky.

Smears shaving foam on face.

Lies down.

Gives monkey thumbs-up.}


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The Sideromancer wrote:
Captain Danger Bear wrote:
Overly Literal Bard wrote:
Captain Danger Bear wrote:
Ice Bear wrote:
Ice Bear lives dangerously.
Danger is Captain Danger Bear's middle name.
Wait. Your first name is "Captain"? WHY THE HELL HAVE I BEEN SALUTING YOU?!

Firstly, because you respect Captain Danger Bear's fortitude and steadfastness in the face of perils that would reduce any other being to a quivering wreck.

Secondly, because Captain Danger Bear is, in fact, Captain Captain Danger Bear, similar to '80s soul titan Colonel Abrams, except that a) he is a bear and b) Colonel Abrams did not shave using a ride-on lawnmower.

Do you tape the accelerator down (and likely disable a few fail-safes), or have somebody else ride your shaving implement?

That is the job of Sergeant Danger Bear.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Overly Literal Bard wrote:
Captain Danger Bear wrote:
Ice Bear wrote:
Ice Bear lives dangerously.
Danger is Captain Danger Bear's middle name.
Wait. Your first name is "Captain"? WHY THE HELL HAVE I BEEN SALUTING YOU?!

Firstly, because you respect Captain Danger Bear's fortitude and steadfastness in the face of perils that would reduce any other being to a quivering wreck.

Secondly, because Captain Danger Bear is, in fact, Captain Captain Danger Bear, similar to '80s soul titan Colonel Abrams, except that a) he is a bear and b) Colonel Abrams did not shave using a ride-on lawnmower.


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Ice Bear wrote:
Ice Bear lives dangerously.

Danger is Captain Danger Bear's middle name.


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NobodysHome wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Tequila Sunrise wrote:

The cereal conversation has reminded me how offended some of my close friends and family are that, when desirous of cereal and bereft of milk, I have on occasion used oil instead. I don't drown cereal in oil the way you do in milk, just enough to get it moist.

I regret nothing.

i think this weighs heavily upon what type of cereal you use along with what oil.

Very, very brave, culinary speaking. NobodysHome may have a deeper viewpoint.

Froot Loops and beer. Breakfast of champions. Just ask my friend. (Amazingly enough, one of the few non-deceased ones. I blame the diet.)

Captain Danger Bear is also fond of vomiting up his own intestines first thing every morning.


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Captain Danger Bear is in glorious technicolour. He has submerged himself in a vat of paint and intends to see how long he can stay under without coming up for air.


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Punniculus wrote:
Un-Bear-able Puns wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Of course, for a real twist, the tree could piddle on the wolf.
That would be inappropiENT Tree-tment of that poor wolf... Sorry I'll just leaf now.

*casts Charm Animal*

Oh, no. You're not going anywhere until you f**$ an owl.

Captain Danger Bear is always willing, but only if the owl is poisonous.


Captain Danger Bear hopes he is not immortal.

Captain Danger Bear knows he is not immune to pain.

Captain Danger Bear doesn't mind.


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Punniculus wrote:
Three! Three bears! One owl! WHY AM I NOT UP TO MY ARMPITS IN OWLBEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Captain Danger Bear had owlbears in his armpits once.

He liked it.

He also had pit-owls in his arm-bears.

He liked that too.

He is not, however, willing to breed with avians, unless they can be programmed to explode mid-ponk.


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Ice Bear wrote:
Ice Bear is bored.

Come and wee on the third rail with Captain Danger Bear.


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Captain Danger Bear cares.

But only about eating lightbulbs.


*With an even more contemptuous sneer, Captain Danger Bear ditches the table salt, mixes rock salt with strychnine, gravy granules, gunpowder and popping candy, places the mixture in Dr. Pirate's Patented Enema Cannon and advises onlookeers to stand well back*


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*Drinks a bottle of white spirit laced with ketamine and ayahuasca, then sets fire to Goblin Kid, attaches him to a sharpened motorcycle chain and swings him around, while ice-skating across a thinly frozen lake during the first thaw*


Captain Danger Bear would like to apologise to Pulg for ripping his kishkes out, and to the janitorial staff for having to clean up after his (Captain Danger Bear's, that is) Bud Light and microwaveable cheeseburger-inspired rampage.


Give Captain Danger Bear a long enough stick, and he will undertake to flip any golem you care to mention.

If the stick in question is a (lit) stick of dynamite, all the better.


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And you have sourced Captain Danger Bear's favourite special confetti, too. How thoughtful!


Captain Danger Bear asserts that, overall, goblin-shaped objects are less damaging than meteor-shaped objects, and anyway, Lady Danger Bears love fractured skulls.

The next poster is a Lady Danger Bear.


DANGER BEAR HAS BEEN PROMOTED!