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Sovereign Court

Finally, we're here at last!

*The group stops at the gates of the Golden City.*

Brace yourselves, even in here, Jumanji is hostile.

*Gently helps Schism to her feet and distributes the money.*

Alright everyone, here we go.

*Pushes openthe gate and the group enters the city.*

Well now, this is a lot more lively than I expected.

*Once entering the city, the group is bombarded by the sights, sounds and smells of a bazaar (and a zoo).*

Careful now, shady dealers and other such unpleasant company don't need to hide in the shadows around here.

*Deftly mingles through the crowd while almost getting bumped twice (first by a manji, then by free roaming "tame" juroceros).*

I want to pet the giant snake.

Sovereign Court

*Looks at Schism, rather dismayed.*

That's a Jumanji python, it'll kill you!

Well, actually, it'll only hurt you because you are one of the designated players (including Goattoucher, Comte de Malodor and myself).

If anyone is confused, here's what I mean:

1. The designated players - Jumanji has preselected 4 individuals to embark on the adventure. They are: Goattoucher, Comte de Malodor, Schism (personalities included) and myself.

2. The nameless adventurers - these guys have only one purpose, to die off and be replaced by other people.

3. Everyone else - the rest of you lot.

So no petting the snake?

Sovereign Court

No. Definitely not. Never pet the snake.

Just remember when that flower poisoned me.

Us designated players can't die, but we can still be hurt.

Can the snake pet me?

If not, can I feed some of the pirates to it?

Sovereign Court

*Is horrified by what Comte de Malodor has just said.*

Do you wish to incur the wrath of Jumanji?

*Facepalms when Comte de Malodor shrugs.*

Just leave the animals alone (actually, leave EVERYTHING alone).

*Continues walking through the crowd of people and animals.*

The marketplace is too crowded, let's head for palace square.

Look over yonder, comes the Wombat.

Sovereign Court

*Gets really irritated with Waterhammer.*

For the last bloody time, Jumanji is based on AFRICA!

And yet...

Look over there! Penguins, and an octopus.

And see here, an coyote.

Sovereign Court

*As the count finally loses it and starts shouting, screaming and swearing at Waterhammer, I realise the truth.*

Count, Waterhammer is just brain dead and delusional.

*Points to each creature in turn.*

The wombat is actually a burley fur-trapper.

While the coyote is a cross between a jackal and a bush dog.

And as for the penguins and octopus, actually, they are the African varieties.

This certainly is Africa, which makes me wonder how all those duck-billed koala bears got here.

The answer, of course, is flying pyramids powered by Vril.

Sovereign Court

Actually, they happen to be creations of mine.

Please allow me to introduce myself: I am Professor J.S. Heinrich Ibsen, master builder and the one to create most of the newest dangers here in Jumanji (however, my babies don't quite match up to the organic filth they are supposed to be superior to).

And now! Time for the win!

Also. Smurf!

Sovereign Court

You rang?

Sovereign Court

*Calms down, after making Waterhammer feel small.*

No not you. He said the Win, you're the When.

*Turns to Captain Ishmael Squint.*

You're right about the penguins (the octopus I suppose was a given), at least they are actually African. The rivers of Jumanji are infested with something that really shouldn't belong: piranhas.

*As most of the group is confused, I explain.*

For years there was a long held belief that piranhas lived in Africa (when now we know that they are native to South America, and Jumanji has picked up on that, creating its own species of the fish.

duunnn dunnn...
duuuunnnn duun...
duuunnnnnnnn dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn dunnnn.

Ah! Good to come home for a visit.

Sovereign Court

We're nowhere near water, ya great stupid sardine!

Still, at least we know that you're a Jumanji shark.

I grew too big for the salt-water lake and the Shark God was jealous.

Sovereign Court

*Inspects currency.*

Sorry, but there's no sharks on the coins or notes.

All the same, you'll die if you don't get into water.

I'm using adaptions of the water breathing and fly spells.

Sovereign Court

Well I'm convinced. However, please stay out of the way, my teammates and I aren't here for a holiday.

*Pushes through the reaming crowd (including Bigger Shark), out of the bazaar and into the city square.*

At last, we're right where we want to be.

*The city square is just as lively as the bazaar, but a lot more spaced out. In the centre of the square is a large and grand looking building with a predominant lion motif.*

Look, the Palace of Clues! And over there...

*Points to a building a little further down the way, on the palace's right, that is not nearly as big but just as impressive.*

The Banco Central De Jumanji! If you need more money, that's where you go. Now, let's look for an inn and a supply shop so we can...

*Gets distracted by yet another building (this one resembles a giant sandcastle) upon reading the name on the plaque above the doorway, I facepalm.*

"The Sand Bank", really?!

*Looks through the doorway and sees lots of people made entirely of sand dumping gold, jewels and valuable objects into a giant pile. With a larger sandman (with a little blue bucket on his head like a crown) bossing them about.*

Of course Sand King would be in charge of this sort of thing, he's a greedy old miser seeking to covet as much treasure as possible.

Sovereign Court

Keep the treasure coming boys!

Remember, no one gets a break until this place is full to brim with all the shiny trinkets you can get you hands on!

*Gets out a plastic shovel and pail and starts to dig into the sand.

Lets play "Bury the Comte"!

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

*Calms down, after making Waterhammer feel small.*


Speaking of small...

Your head is the size of a grape, remember?
(Probably not. Little head, little brain.)

Makes your voice tiny, squeaky, and altogether hilarious sounding.

And look, a chupacabra.

Of the things I expected to encounter in the jungle a shark was not one of them.

Sovereign Court

*Is now ignoring Waterhammer being an idiot.*

To be honest, I don't think Jumanji is responsible.

*Sees Schism using her shovel on Sand King.*

Good grief, what are you doing!?

*Cringes as Schism shoves Comte de Malodor into the left side of Sand King.*

Sovereign Court

Yargh! That is uncalled for!

I agree...

Sovereign Court

*Pulls out Comte de Malodor.*

I've got no interest in things that aren't gold.

*Throws Comte de Malodor out of the building.*

Wait, he may have gold fillings and/or jewellery.

*Has a group of sandmen inspect/manhandle Comte de Malodor.*

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