Pulg's Fairy Accordion Band's page

Says you, and no one else sir. Might I offer you a Jaffa cake for a snack, or perhaps a peanut butter scone?

We'd normally say yes, but we've been going all in on the Tunnock's tea cakes, and our bellows are nearly ruined from the excess marshmallow fluff

Only if sensitively accompanied on the accordion.

And since we have life, we also have accordions, since one cannot exist without the other.

Time for the Festivus Trials of Endurance, or how many times can we play 'Mistletoe and Wine' non-stop before Borvil crushes us to a pulp with her bare hands.

Hold on. That picture seems to suggest that accordion players are vermin.

No accordions? You know what that means... HOLIDAY TIME!!!!

Possibly, but you'd have to play them like an accordion.

Challenge accepted!

The vikking will feed the body, which 45 fairies all playing 'Take On Me' by A-Ha on their accordions will nourish the soul.

Boss, what key is this intergalactic campaign of conquest in?

*Plays medley of Seasonal Ditties, disco polka style*

But Hannukah is over!

Oi! Watch where you're throwing that spring onion!

Boss, boss, he's dented our bellows!

Boss, since all our accordions have been disposed of as hazardous waste, will we get new ones?

The triceraccordions are hatching, the triceraccordions are hatching!

It was all a dream. No more cheese before bedtime for us!

Well, that was invigorating. And given that the Half-Accordion template is definitely a thing, yes, we should expect a Happy Event any time soon.

Stop, stop - that's a mating call!

You think we didn't know that?

*Bellows back*

Don't you want to stay for our affectionate tribute to Ed Sheeran?

Look, look!! An entire pit full of vintage Squircadellis, in such a state! Fetch the Brasso and wire wool, Fairies - it's time for a SCOURING PARTY!!!!

...What are Naccordions?

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We are presently preparing a truly epic medley of Hibernian classics, to a disco beat, with the understanding that we will probably be too drunk to continue playing around 20 minutes in.

Accordion accordion accordion accordion accordion.

If that isn't a request for accordion covers of the greatest hits of Northern Irish stadium-fillers 'Simple Minds', well, we surely don't know what is.

At last, a full complement of accordions, and just in time for the feast day of Benignus of Armagh.

Soulfully lays 'Nimrod' on the back of a pterosaur, 150 feet or so above the fight

Sqweeerrrrnk

Now hold on one minute there...

Hi hoooon!

Hi hon, hi hon hi hon hi hon.

Pulg, it appears that this cast-iron legal contract we signed in blood, promising an eternity of servitude in exchange for 45 cp and half a pork pie each week was actually a suspiciously stained copy of 'Memoirs of a Greased Thruster at the Court of Catherine I'

Umm, yeah, don't you remember the flock of clockwork eagles that killed you in order to take the accordions.

*(Go back to page 581 and read the last post on that page)*.

He won't let us read. Something about 'spoiling our instinctive music genius' and 'being able to understand contracts'.

So it was YOU who stole all our accordions!

18 months down the line, all our Accordions remain missing, presumed stolen. The guinea pigs we were using instead have escaped, but these Specially Adapted Puffins make an acceptable substitute.

The next poster has something else that means Daddy doesn't sleep at night.

Yes. We're having to make do with guinea pigs at the moment, which is a very poor substitute. Don't tell PETA.

*Appears in the sky, playing 'Pulg Is All Around You', in deafening unison*

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He opened a door to a far off place.

And all around not a friendly face.

Pulg’s greatest hits sounds suspiciously like Leonard Cohen doing “Closing Time”.

With Tiffany, the chief bellower from rock champions 'Disturbed', and half a Brecker brother. They all have to share an accordion, though.

It would be better if she played the accordion.

Everything's better if you're playing the accordion!!!

That's quite a lovely tune you are whistling, Schism.

Tell me, is it "My Heart is like a Rusty Accordion" by Dirty Hanukkah?

Close, but it's actually 'Dirty Rusty Has My Heart This Hanukkah', by Pulg's Fairy Accordion Band.

And now, we enter a new golden age for the accordion! Your Billie Eilish medley starts on the count of four!

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What Panter doesn't realise is that we could either have shoes or accordions, and by Oberon, I think we made the right choice.

Can you toss them over your shoulder,

Balls hang low?

Morvel, your monkey has swallowed all our accordions! Fetch laxatives immediately!

*Starts viciously pounding on the bongos (causing them to be smashed to pieces), then goes over to Pulg's Fairy Accordion Band and tears their heads off.*

Since when did you need a head to play the accordion?

Right, lads - never mind the bongo player going berserk, we're better off without. 'America The Beautiful', on the count of three.

Great. here you go, chaps - accompany us on bongos by all means while we squeeze out a 15-minute rendition of 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon'

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As a special Tuesday Treat for the Captain, here's Weird Al Yankovic and Weezer doing 'Africa', an absolute masterclass in accordion soloing.

'I hear you bum geckos in the night...'

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