Haughty Avenger

Lady Blackmoor's page

59 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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Oh, we certainly do have a stone. It is affixed into a piece of jewellery, which in turn is affixed into Uncle Honore.

I would strongly advise you not to ask any follow-up questions.

o s&#%

Mummy, he's still alive.

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'Too bitter' describes him perfectly.

I've known healthy vampires pass out after a single nip at my ex-husband due to the amount of dretch brandy present in his system - maybe that's part of the problem?

You certainly would if you'd had to drink 500 year old skullsparilla at every meal until you had enough sense to leave home.

Cousin Ithsp'yythiluul did offer him a tentacle graft...

What, the heart we fed to Cousin Mimi?

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My guess would be the Titanic Sexy Grappling Match between Lashcastrakaa the Man-Flayer and Nicki Minaj. Hopefully I'm wrong.

It's only a matter of time before Lascastrakaa's spiked leather bikini punctures the pool, you know. Another £3 down the drain.

Which means he'll spend the whole meal looking down her top again.

It certainly should...

Yes. I have complete confidence in these "background checks" if Alphonse managed to pass them.

I think you've already pissed Mummy off enough this year, don't you, Alphonse?

Well, that's the cherry on top of the cupcake, then. Sign me up!

Incidentally, Mummy, I do think it's rather inconsiderate of you not to let me know when you're torturing Alphonse.

No - that's just bad wind.

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My brother is only screaming because he thinks I'm trying to make him wash. Holy water doesn't actually affect the little scrote at all.

Mummy, open the portal. I am not staying on this plane if Grandpa's going to be farting halfling all evening.



Mummy, did you call me? Lashcastrakaa and I were having a girls' night in.

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How nice. I happen to know that he's always wanted b%@#*!+s like that. I didn't want to know, of course, but that never stopped him.

Yes, and it looks lovely, too - that sprinkling of Azata gore really brings out your auburn highlights, Mummy.

Ah, splendid. Bottoms up, Z'fgn'aaakhthuuxxx!

I assume you have a bottom, unless that's a rude question?

Mummy, considering I've just hatched approximately 1,500 voracious chitinous horrors without so much as a sniff of a gin fizz, I'm not really in the mood right now.

Yes thankyou, Mummy. It wasn't as bad as having to watch Alphonse's giant crab infestation get cleared up.

I must say I'm less than impressed with this spa. Who do I have to shoot with a plasma cannon to get a pedicure around here, hey?

Do you mind? Some of us are trying to sleep here.

Also, Lashcastrakaa will gnaw your balls off if you try. She seems to have grown quite attached to the little oik.

He's on an Atonement quest, Mummy, trying to Cleanse his Soul of my Infernal Taint.

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Thankyou, Claw.

Mummy, will we have to resurrect him before we marry him off to Lashcastrakaa the Man-Flayer, or is he OK as he is?

Mummy, he's on the nuns again.

Mummy, you know perfectly well that you're wasting your breath.

Mummy's right. No yams.

Thankyou, GothToucher. Alphonse - we'll take it in shifts, alright?

GoatToucher wrote:

:takes the Comte de Malodor and Lady Blackmoor aside:

I think it is important that you indulge your mother's storytelling until her spirits improve. :looks over shoulder: You didn't hear it from me, but someone put the idea in her head that insufficiently attentive children should be disinherited, and perhaps cursed by her many -many- former lovers, who, as you know, now hold high positions in various abyssal courts. I should hate to see either or both of you suffering the depredations of the that sort of entity. Heaven knows where she got such an idea.

A few rambling stories and a touch of hellish aroma is a small price to pay in the long run, no?

Thankyou, GoatToucher. Alphonse - we'll take it in shifts, OK?

Mummy, please! You're embarrassing me!

Mummy, you know what gnomes do to your digestion.

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Oh, Satan's shrivelled b!!!~+$s, stick to your own species at least, Alphonse.


Although it's the sort of thing that Mummy would do, she's gone beyond that now she has her own layer of the Abyss. Isn't that right, Alphonse?

Malvel, The Dark Wizard wrote:
That's most unfortunate, for you that is. After all, I only smacked you because you said something ridiculous (not to mention that Count Reiner Heydrich, your vast "collection" of housemaids, your patron deity and all your family smack you for the same reason). Actually, I understand that your sister crucifies your genitalia and then feeds it to your pet mastiff, creative lady.

You understand wrong - I'm not going anywhere near Alphonse's bits for any reason, let alone feeding them to Poochums, who has a very sensitive tummywummy, don't you? Don't you?


Could you please wait until AFTER breakfast, Alphonse?

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In crayon.

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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Ah Comte de Malodor and my dear Lady Blackmoor, it is good to hear from you both again. Tell me, after reading my most recent posts (excluding the one at the top of this page), how do you think The Pagemaster should be remade and what would it be like as a Pathfinder campaign?

I'm sure it would make an excellent, if very different, Pathfinder campaign; to the best of my knowledge, The Pagemaster was the title of Uncle Honore's autobiography, documenting his adventures with the young men at Louis XVIV's court, which was burned by the public hangman and is now thoroughly illegal to possess.

Never did Grandpa any harm. He was still at it when they cut off his head and stuffed his mouth full of garlic in 1982, and even then he was running around the police station for a good 10 minutes before they managed to put him down with a well-aimed silver baguette to the heart.

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Really, Count. My brother may be a rude, annoying little gobshite, but he is a nobleman of France, and hence should only be struck with a salmon or better.

That's a matter of opinion.

GoatToucher wrote:

Lady Blackmoor: "Only" a spoon? Far be it from me to criticize, but you are displaying a tragic lack of imagination.

Or is it a "delightful" lack? Perhaps you could be taught...

Electric Wizard: No one likes a pedant...

Except me! Well done.

Tee hee! Oh, you bad, bad boy.

I have never been accused of a lack of imagination, either...

A Hitachi Behemoth Turbo? Where? WHERE?!

Fiddlesticks - it's only a spoon.

O well. Needs must.

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