Haughty Avenger

Lady Blackmoor's page

118 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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He's got to be back at the Front shortly. I'm referring to the terrible 90s lads' mag here, not any sort of battlefield.

Also, I'd budget for having to replace all your surgical equipment after you've finished. It'll be ruined.

Schism, do you want to come with me, Laskcastrakaa, and Bonnie Tyler to see that very pink film based on the song about Cousin Mimi?

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It had bloody well better not have been the Dirty Dangler.

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Ah, so that wasn't the klaxon sounding to warn of fog on the Styx, then.

Yes, but I only have €499

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Epic Level Bonnie Tyler wrote:
Justine! Fetch me my Battle Hairspray and a cigarette lighter!

That won't be necessary, the tank has been fixed so, the lionfish can return to its enclosure.

*With the lionfish being safely returned to its tank, the castle security apprehend Epic Level Bonnie Tyler.*

Go easy on her, I know a stench ghoul who is looking for a date and, I don't want the goods damaged.

Reiner, do you make a habit of arresting your neighbour's best friends?

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La la la, it's a beautiful sunny day, and my good friend Bonnie Tyler and I have put on our cozzies and are off for a refreshing swim.

I say, what an unusual pool float!

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Schism wrote:

I can think of no better way to describe my brother.

21. A photocopy of a horse.

Mummy, there's a steaming brown colossus lying in the wreckage of the Wrestler's Toilet, but Alphonse is back at the front with his regiment, as we can tell from the large, rusty nail sticking out of his forehead. What's going on?

Bumptious Wazzock wrote:

*Quickly grabs his copy of The Complete AO3 Erotica, shows it to Lady Blackmoor.*

** spoiler omitted **

Oh, look, Mummy. Uncle Gilles has found a job.

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Bumptious Wazzock wrote:
Let me get this straight, you don't take action when I rip your best dress or when I set your beloved Dirty Dangler's beard on fire, but I throw rocks at your house purely because I don't have anything to do and now you take action? What a wacky world we live in!

1) The grunge look is SO hot right now.

2) Regularly burning off underbrush promotes healthy new growth.

Now hold still while I turn you into an ocarina. Then you'll never be without a useful purpose, will you?

Bored, but clearly not bored enough. Hubbins, fetch me my rusty pack drill.

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Schism, why don't you come over? Alphonse has left, and the place has been thoroughly fumigated following his departure.

Dreamy Dangler, more like! *Swoon*

What's that? It resembles Great-Aunt Hortense, but if it is her, she's lost a lot of weight.

Unhand my beloved, you octipedal trollop! No-one gets to do that to THE DIRTY DANGLER except me!

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So what's new? Leave him for a bit, then once he starts belting out 'Sweet Caroline', we'll stun him with a statue, hose him down, then Lacastrakaa will get him into his uniform and send him back to his barracks.

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Put it past him? Darling, I wouldn't put it anywhere near him.

Wasn't Guillame-Marie Mendit one of your old flames, Uncle Honore?

Auntie Gertrude did.


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Mummy, if you don't let me marry the Dirty Dangler, I shall run away and join the Feathered Jaguars, see if I don't.

GoatToucher wrote:
On the contrary. It was delightful.

I am never anything but.

It might be...


GoatToucher wrote:
Lady Blackmoor wrote:

An early wedding present.

:Jambi arrives with a covered platter:

For you...

:Jambi lifts the lid to reveal an elegant crystal jar of GoatToucher Brand Industrial Grade Antibacterial Ointment: "For Your Most Sensitive (And Durable) Areas.":

Mazel Tov.


What a considerate gift! I do wonder if the applicator device needs quite that many barbed hooks and rasps on it, though...


A battle between Pulg's Massed Bongolians and a giant cymbal-wielding monkey certainly makes for an unforgettable party. I sure do hope that the Dirty Dangler doesn't crash it and burglarise the vol-au-vents!

Use that telekinetic hand to slap Nosferatu, then call out for pie & chips, since dinner is pretty much ruined. Gah!

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Never mind that. I want to know whose footprints those are in the moussaka.

Don't say the M Word out loud! You know what'll happen!

Mummy, no!

Mummy, remember why you've been permanently disinvited to Dispater's parties?

You know what always soothes the heart of a Savage Beast?

He's less of an abomination now than he was before, actually.


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Alphonse has volunteered.

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Mobile reception in that part of Hell is truly, truly shocking.

Partially correct.

He would enjoy it. Even if they weren't actually wearing maid costumes, they would be in his pestilent little head.

Friend from Outer Space wrote:
Oh, he has, as have we all. In fact, I experimented on him recently. Do you wish to know the results?

I already know more than I wish to know about him, so no thankyou.

You've not met my brother, then?

I suspect this wasn't thought through. Given what he normally smells like, Barbatos only knows what the general effect will be after a couple of days.


Au contraire! Ice-cream cone hat and pink ruff is this season's Must-Have Look!

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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

She said that she wants to KILL me, not make me suffer.

Also, didn't I slaughter the entire AUPB?

Yeah, I got a team of 10 power rangers monsters together to completely obliterated the AUPB because they refused to pay the bill you owe for all the things that I bought for you and your family.

Well, that was a waste of effort, I'm afraid - they have nothing to do with us. Indeed, you probably did Mummy a favour, since they belong to Glasya, and their removal meant that we were one step closer to having the confidence of Mammon.

*Turns around*

OMA, Yawar, where DID you get that nose-ring?! So chic! So daring!

He's only ever got as far as parting a thong in Stroud, so I wouldn't worry.

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Poorly peeled prawn, by the looks of things.

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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Umm, Goattoucher, we ALL skinned Comte de Malodor (including himself).

I'm afraid nobody skinned my brother. He forgot to put on any suntan lotion before going outside, and he was just peeling horribly.

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Nar, he's just pinin' for the whores.

Dowager Comtesse de Malodor wrote:
Tohru the Dragon Maid wrote:

*Politely performs a curtsey in greeting to Dowager Comtesse de Malodor and Lady Blackmoor.*

Your gracies, is anything I may get for you?

*Ignores the unwanted, lustfull gaze of Comte de Malodor.*

A swannee whistle, if you please.

Clean armoured bloomers.


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