Dr Davaulus

'Glistening' Buff Scrotes's page

54 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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Oh, Monkey Santa!
Such scintillating banter!
Such multitudes of manic monkeyshines!
You're gonna wind up Quibble,
'Till he can do naught but dribble,
But you, of course, will always end up fine!

Remember to keep handy,
Red Bull, and 'nana brandy,
Make sure that you look after Number One!
The bosses and the cops,
Will never, never stop,
This Maelstrom of Monkey Santa Fun!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
lisamarlene wrote:
Since we're now back in the Roaring Twenties, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to make bathtub gin.

Some of us swells never left-adoop dooooo


Scintillae wrote:

Endless entertainment.

Me: So, impressions of Wolfsheim?
Student A: He's super sus.
Student B: Stop saying sus.
Student A: No, he's sus.
Student B: It's an old-timey book! We should talk old-timey!
a few moments later
Student C: WHY IS HE WEARING TEETH.
Student A: Sus! He's totally mafia!
Student B: STOP SAYING SUS.

He's a bally rum cove, is what he is.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Digital boob controversy time!
No Zepplinesque t+@# on Optimus Prime?
I demand H-cups! Who is to blame,
For decleavaging my video game?!

Digital boob controversy hour!
Sweaty-palmed gamers grumble and glower,
Drawing bottoms and breasts on their Rubik's cubes,
Since there are no more digital boooobs!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Eddie Lizzard wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:

One of my technicians just got a phone call from a former work-from-home employee. She's received the shipping labels for all of the equipment she needs to send back, but she needs advice because she's pretty sure the equipment doesn't fit in the same boxes it came in.

....

It won't fit in the box it came in.

...

Perhaps this is why you are now a former employee.

She probably also has a sofa stuck in her staircase* from when she first moved in to her home/apt.

* Edit: "Sofa stuck in her staircase" wasn't intended as innuendo, but eh, whatever works for you.

She's a sofa stuck in her staircase,

A great big purple one, too;
Getting it in took two men,
Getting it out will take ten,
Great googly oogly moogly, what will she do then?

She's a sofa stuck in her staircase,
A hefty weight to propel,
But with a squirt of Febreze,
And our elbows and knees,
We'll soon have out her futon as well!


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Scintillae wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
I can't wait to read that.
So far: "Once you've checked to make sure your paper's all fleek and bae, yeet on over to Classroom and turn it in."

'Hey there, jitterbugs! Ya got a scrib' that's a ringin', dingin, pipteroo? Then sweep ya peepers over it, and once you're done, shimmy on down to the prof trough, then it's soda fountain time!!!'

It doesn't have to be contemporary slang, right?'


captain yesterday wrote:
I don't get it.

I'm gonna go to Tijuana for a, fish taco

A fish taco, for 50 pesos
I hope to goodness I don't catch the gonorrhack-hackoes,
I don't want my card to turn green.


4 people marked this as a favorite.

Welcome to the cave
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
We're having a rave!
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
There are robots and snow
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
And Bonchon to go
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
A band of milkmaids
(Baby, Freehold's inside.. ahem)
Have proudly displayed
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
Cleavage that amazes
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
'Cause it his birthdayzes!


Oh, take my hand, my dark-eyed jewel,
My lovely Latin maid,
Weeth your leeps as rrred as the rrroses fair,
That bloom on the Promenade.
Your hair ees long and your stomach's strong,
You've lost all moral sense,
So come with me (when the Workroom's frree)
For the 'waffles' are immense,
ON GOATTOUCHER ISLAND, THEE ISLAND OF LOOOVE


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Ohhh, Big (Slow) Pete, Big (Slow) Pete,
My heart skips a beat for Big (Slow) Pete,
I wanna take a tub of hummus and anoint his feet,
Give him all the gleanings from my field of wheat,
Big (Slow) Pete, Big (Slow) Pete,
I prefer him to Wee (Quick) Ron;
I would run 1,000 metres for Enormous (Tardy) Peter,
So all the other guys can begone!


The old bear still looks the same,
As I step down from the train,
And there to meet meeee, are my momma, and a bear,
Down the road I walk, and there stands Beary,
Fond of honey, fat and hairy,
Again I touch
The green, green bear of hooooome.


captain yesterday wrote:
I've done Terri, terrible things to my spell check system. I

Please wait at the gates of heaven for me,

Terri.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Orthos wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

Now ok, confessions time. I've never started flirting with anyone in RL. I literally didn't feel the urge to approach guys. I mean Orlando Bloom, ok sure a little happy mooning, but nothing comes out of it.

'Mooning' is a colloquial term for showing your backside to someone. I assume that isn't what you meant...
It's also a synonym of "swooning" in some cultures, which I presume is the meaning she did mean.

He's a handsome individual,

He makes me faint and swoon,
I put my head under the faucet and loosen up my corset,
When I'm moonin' with Orlando Bloom!

He makes me blush, it's such a rush,
My heart goes bang, crash, boom,
When I'm showin' my ass besides Legolas,
I'm moonin' with Orlando Bloom!


After I left Harold And His Winkles in 1924, Legendary Brown Chives was was in my seminal Twenty Two Dollar Quartet, along with 'Squelchy' Mugg-Pudding and Hercules DuBois.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I'm betting Freehold wouldn't need 5 minutes to answer this question. In fact, I'm sure he already has an answer.
earth pony.

Earth pony, plea-hease be-he mi-hine,

I promise not to
Pickle you in brine
I'm just a fool
A fool who's obsessed with pickling horses,
Wo-ho-ho, hohoho.


4 people marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Who hides those in the woods anyways?
'Glistening' Buff Scrotes, I'm sure of it.

Een the green and verdant forest,

'Midst the beasts and birds and bugs,
Is a stash of 'Big and Bouncy's
And a tattered old copy of 'Juggs'

Where the songbirds sweetly cheerup,
And the beech leaves gently rustle, are
Scattered several 'Barely Legal's
And a complete run of 'Hustler's

The snowdrops peek above the earth,
When spreengtime comes around,
Displacing a slug-gnawed 'Reader's Wives'
Left mould'ring on the ground

The fox and badger make their nests,
And oh! how soft and comfy,
Is a lair lined with pages of,
'Rubber Maven's Monthleee'


5 people marked this as a favorite.

He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison!
His wrist must be in pain!
He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison!
When will he strike again?
Why can't he simply use a tissue?
Then it wouldn't become an HR issue!
He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison,
Just follow the trail of staaains!


...Like your cooooconuts


1 person marked this as a favorite.

But I, get a creepypervert out of yooooo


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I'm gonna cack maself into a stupor,
I don't require lick'rice or prunes,
I'm Sixtus, the Celebrated Pooper,
Famous from Jaipur to Jupiter's moons!

Oo-wah-doobie-wah-vo-de-oh-doh


George Formian?


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Faaaarael, yooo are growing older, seelver thrreads amongst the gooold...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Drejk wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:

Coffee and Freehold don't get along.

More for everyone else.

I'll stick with my tea, thank you.

So say we all two!
Freehold and Drejk know what o'clock it is.
Any o'clock is good time for tea!

Ev'rything stops for tea!


And, what's more, the word 'engulf' has been used by TWO sock-puppets of THE SAME ELF in TWO SEPARATE POSTS within 48 HOURS.

And if that ain't a meaningful coinkydinkydoowakkadoo, then, by jiminy, I don't know what am.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:
heaven. I'm in heaven.

And my heart beats so that I can barely speeaaaaaak....


I seeng of the glorious JTD, he lives in America somewhere.
When he arrives, we attack him with knives and then beat him with prickly pears


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I like coffee, I like tea,
I like the Thompson gun and it likes me!
Coffee and tea and .45 ACP,
A shot, a shot, a shot, in Vladek, boyyyyyyy


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
What are these strange enchantments I hear whenever you're near? (Ah ah ah aaaah ah ah)
Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
Oh goodness me, I've hammered an ice pick in through your ear.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I would like to announce to the World that my latest 'number', 'I've Lost My Little Twizzler', is presently being recorded by myself, accompanied by 'Squelchy' Brown-Pudding and his Lukewarm Rhythm Boys, and will be released in mid July on Pubeyphone Discs.


I said to my cutie,
"Now do your duty,
It's butter on bacon time"
She said, "That's a doozie!
Mac, I ain't no floozie!
No butter on bacon time!
I'll water your acorn,
Or tootle your steak-horn,
But I don't care how you take on,
Won't butter your bacon,
'Sides, in this county, I think it's a crime,
Butter on bacon time!"


{Sings} "Veeeedy, yoo are growing ooolder, seelver threads amongst the goooold"

I limp all the time, probably because I keep a cor anglais up one trouser leg and a bassoon up the other, so I can whip 'em out in the event that I meet a woodwind ensemble that's a couple of instruments short. Speaking of shorts, all you can conceal in them is a piccolo, or perhaps an ocarina. A recorder, if they're rather big shorts.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

*Tapdances on top of Future Roach while singing 'Swanee'*


Postocles, Thread Necromancer wrote:


Is the popular music still worse than the kind I listened to when I was a teenager?

It's all been downhill since Timperley Tom And His Ragtime Rascals recorded

'I asked her to whistle for an encore, but all that I got was the clap' in 1927, believe me.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Quantifyin' the quaint again,
Now's the time to drink paint again,
With Ifor, Gruff and Geraint again,
Quantifyin' the quaint, oooooh!


We've got medical waste,
That's just to your taste,
Eat at 'Five Otyughs' todaaaay!'

The next poster will conduct a health inspection of 'Five Otyughs'.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
captain yesterday wrote:

When you have your dad's beagle over (in addition to your own beagle), every trip outside is an adventure.

Add a layer of wet ice to that.

Yeah, I'm pretty sore, but not as sore as I could be.

Also, it turns out A) female beagle showing concern is a huge sexual trigger for our beagle. B) he really needs to stop trying to put in the ear. C) Walking Two Beagles Humping needs to be the name of the next alt rock super group.

When I'm out on 'the pull', I feel proud as King Kull

When I'm WALKIN' TWO HUMPIN' BEAGLES
Ev'ry gal that I see seems enamoured of me
When I'm WALKIN' TWO HUMPIN' BEAGLES
Prick up your ears! It's time to go
With a howl of delight and a vo-de-oh-do
Hope those cute little dears will all get the idea
When I'm WALKIN' TWO HUMPIN' BEAGLES.

Ooooh!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:

makes fire engine noises while being carried into thread on a throne carried by frost giants

WINTER BEGINS!!!

also its my birthday

'Freehold the Snowman

Had a very happy birthday
With any luck,
With lots of ladies doing Lulu cosplay'


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Teeptoe
Through the bean curd
Een the boiler
Of the matador
Come, fondle
A gravel snadwich
hWeeth me
(Come go weeth me!)


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Once in your life you'll find her
Somebody turns your arse around
And next thing you know,
You simply can't sit down

You wake up and it's still throbbing
You're making a face like a constipated Shrek
And the GM says,
'Endurance check'

When you get caught between the moon and Malcanthet's titties
I know it's crazy, but it's true
Your [censored] is flabby and you smell like Hello Kitty
The best thing you can do
The best thing you can do
Is cast 'Negative Plane Protection'

Der der der der der.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Once
There was a gnome who
Wanted to know how to negotiate Off-Topic
And when
She finally managed it
She found
She had been sucked into FaWtL
I wonder whose fault that was?
I reckon it was Cosmo's

Hmm hmm hmm
Hmm hmm hmm hmm

Everybody do the Charleston.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Eeeen theee Blue Balls Mountains of Fawtlinia,
Nobbin' off on a lonesome pine

Should we just leave you two, and Connie the Sexy Conifer, alone for a while?

Aren't you worried about Druids, or is that what Druids do?


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:


Edit: I also also blame Cosmo that I'm not sure if a corgilope is part corgi, part antelope, or if it is part corgi, part cantaloupe.

Prick up your ears! It's the new hip scene!

Take off your trousers and bite the Queen!

Do the corgilope (lope, lope, lope)
Do the corgilope (lope, lope, lope)
You'd better do the corgilope, or I'll scream
Doowakka doowakka vo-de-oh-doh


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Body horror nipple monster,
The Thing from Ipecacuanha goes shambling
And when it shambles, each one it passes goes
AUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!


As I went from Balthey to Connamarhu
'Twas there that I saw a fine how-do-ye-do
For there was a colleen stretched out on a tump
Being manfully [*BLEEP*]ed by old Pat-On-The Rump

Pat-On-The Rump, Pat-On-The Rump
Tooralye ooralye, Pat-On-The Rump


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Juust Yesterday, and his shaaadow (and me)
Strolling down the aaavenuee (down the avenue)


Molten Dragon wrote:
Next, on a very special Bath Time for GoatToucher...

Aaand nooow eeeet's....

BATHTIME! FOR GOAT TOUCH
-ER, MERCY ME!
LET'S GET THOSE STAINS ON THE RUN!


...Rose with the turned-up nose!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Spider Kender
Spider Kender
His spider heart
Is warm and tender
He has to steal - he has no choice
He sings little songs in a squeaky voice.
Look Out
Here comes Spider Kender.
Vo do de oh.


...A room with a view

And you.


I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas.

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