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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
To be most blunt, my lady, I haven't the slightest idea. The Heydrich family consists mostly of infamous individuals that happen to be vampires (such as my sister and myself) and we all try to kill each other for control. And, if memory serves me well, I made sure that the only people who bear Heydrich as a last name are me, my wife's (including mistresses) and my children.

What a shame - such a dear, and I didn't mind the fangs at all.

Is it me, or are we getting buzzed by supersonic clowns?

How dreadfully vulgar.

Juliette, as the head of the family, I formally forbid you from becoming undead again. Grandpapa's will says so!

This thread has gotten stranger... is getting stranger

Horizon Hunters


Sovereign Court

*Comes into the room, sporting a fancy pair of reading glasses, and looking at a written document that just so happens to be the will that Comte de Malodor was talking about.*

I've just been reading your Grandpapa's will and I'm afraid that it doesn't actually say that so...

*Accidentally bumps into a certain Laser Clown that's running around and drops the will into a nearby fireplace, destroying the precious document.*

Whoops, sorry!

*Turns away, embarrassed.*

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Well, that's that. We shall have to summon Grandpa to make absolutely certain. Vidmaster7, kindly draw the pentagram.


Scarab Sages

*looks at Vidmaster7's drawing*

Is that an Hallucigenia worm?

Come! Come! Come to the Sabbat! Bingo! Come to the Sabbat! Bingo! Come to the Sabbat! Bingo! Grandpa's there!

Sovereign Court

Again, I'm really sorry about what happened, I didn't mean to do it.

*Gets knocked off of feet as a surge of magical energy erupts from the pentagram.*

Well, that is one way to make an entrance.

Dark Archive

Eh,wotamIdoinghere? I mean....

*bows with a flourish before stepping out of pentagram*

Thank you! Thank you! Now then...where is my sacrifice?!?

Do you mind?! This is a private pentagram, and you are certainly not Grandpapa. No horns, for a start, and you're not wearing pince-nez either.

Really, how rude.

I am wearing a pince-nez right now.

Just not on my face.


Toucher's Mucilaginous Intimacies?

It might be...

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Well, given the intensity of my waxing treatments, it is a rather moot issue. It's not as if you have any skin left, fore- or otherwise.

(delightful Patrick Stewart reference, BTW)

I used to be average until I got a beauty treatment.


Sovereign Court

I think that it all boils down to perception really. So everyone, roll those dice (all kinds are acceptable) and see what you get! DC is 17

*Puts on dressing gown, goes to the spa Salon to get the massage, takes a couple of red d6 dice out of the left side pocket and rolls them, adding my racial +10.*

Yes! I got a 24! My perception is good (as evidenced by the way I perceived that my body would heal itself after the waxing).

*Enters the massage area, where the masseur (Jambi) is patiently waiting, disrobes and lays down on the massage table.*

Scarab Sages

*takes out own eyes, rolls them*

2d100 ⇒ (21, 97) = 118

"Well-secluded...I see all...!"

Dark Archive

*takes out Comte de Malodor's eyes with the aid of an enchanted jade-and-obsidian chisel and a handy nearby shellfish fork, rolls THEM*

1d100 + 1d10 - 1d20 ⇒ (68) + (9) - (20) = 57

*pouts* Really, is that tawdry rhinestone the best that YOU could do for a false eye?!?

Also, your other one appears to have developed some NASTY cataracts....

*With a 'pop', another eye appears in the middle of the Comte's forehead*

Let me see... Ah, no. That's the cubic zircona encrusted one.

eye yi yi yi yi yi.

...Like your cooooconuts

Not coconuts. It's a horse.

Actually, I'm not a horse.

I'm a broom:

:unzips horse costume, revealing a broom, which falls to the floor:

Presumably, if we unzip the broom, we'll find a coooconut.

Sovereign Court

Presumably, yes. But I don't see why you'd want to do that. Anyway, I am very busy having a most luxurious massage at the moment so please leave me alone for now.

*Drifts off to sleep as Jambi re-enters the room with an electronic sander, ready to continue giving me the massage.*

If you like sand, I can hit you with a sand blaster.
Those are fun.

Everyone told me
Not to stroll on that beach
Said seagulls gonna come
Poke me in the coconut
And they did
And they did


Nothing I could do but yell
When these birds attacked me
When I tried to run I fell
And then these kids start laughing
And then, got hit in the neck with a hacky sack
Where'd it come from?


You will never be clean again.

Yes... It was a "hacky sack".


Filled with my finest hairball hacks, thank you very much.

Well now I don't want to know.

Sovereign Court

*Comes out of the spa, looking fabulous and feeling fresh as a daisy.*

Now that's a great experience, worth every penny, I'm going to recommend it to everyone!

just the one today.

I know.

Have you been shooting cucumbers too, Vid?

Well I can't shoot cucumbers my great aunt is a cucumber and that would put me in quite the pickle.

Brine it on!

Sovereign Court

*Somehow manages to pluck Bigger Shark out of the water and onto a large chopping board, where GoatToucher promptly turns the shark into sushi.*

Don't go for the Big Shark, go for the Bigger Shark! But not the Biggest Shark (that would lead to a vast quantity of food waste).

That's a very unusual way of making sushi, I must say.


Got out of there just in time.
Wonder what they served instead of sushi.

Oh, a little of this, a little of that...

Do not want to know.

No... No...

Definitely not.

*Explosion of hellfire*

(Inhales and exhales)

"I have...returned."

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