What are your silly items?

[Nodrog]

Now I know some groups have different levels of humor and tone of game play. But I thought just for fun, what are those items that have come up during more lighthearted or silly moments in the games or just in game discussion.

Today, Coffee of Frog transmutation came up. It's coffee that turns who ever drinks it into a frog.

Last week I came up with an item for venerable aged female characters.
A handbag of whippersnapper bane. Adds a +10 to hit any character half the wielder's age or younger. Does non lethal damage.

[The Sideromancer]

There was an interesting exchange once relating to a few kegs of booze. Somebody inspects for traps, finds out one is, asks what kind of trap. Apparently the keg was full of rubber snakes. Said keg got given to the barbarian, whose player was in the bathroom.

After rushing into a pit trap, the barbarian opened the "Keg of quality ale" to console themselves.

[PossibleCabbage]

I'm very fond of the vorpal net. On a roll of 20 (and critical hit confirmation) the target you threw the net over has their head fall off with no apparent cause.

[DungeonmasterCal]

In 2e I had the "fish whistle". To use it you had to dunk your head into the water and then blow a note on it. It summoned 2d12 fish to the person using it, so they ate a lot of fish while adventuring.

[Reksew_Trebla]

My large wolf animal companion has fabulous boots custom made for her so the townsfolk won’t be as scared of her. We also joke that all headbands of int are nerdy glasses, and headbands of wisdom are bald caps, so my wolf has the headband that increases two mental stats, and it’s of int and wisdom, so she has fabulous boots, nerdy glasses, and a bald cap. Yeah, the townsfolk have no problem with her. They charge me extra to have her sleep in the same inn room as me, but they have no problem with her.

[JoeElf]

There was an "actual" class called the Jock. It was in an April (Fool's) edition of Dragon Magazine #72. [The edition also had the first occurrence of the Cavalier class, which was really nice at the time.]
https://www.annarchive.com/files/Drmg072.pdf
Magic items made for Jocks:
Hockey Stick +5, Holy Terror: In the hands of any character other than a jock, this will perform only as a hockey stick +2. In the hands of a jock, however, it is a +5 weapon which will also knock out 1-6 of the opponent’s teeth on a natural roll of 19 or 20. This occurrence will reduce a character’s charisma by 1 point, or reduce a monster’s biting damage by 1 point.

There were other items in the Jock class alone, and I am sure lots more over the various April editions of Dragon.

[DungeonmasterCal]

I have that issue. Fun stuff.

[quibblemuch]

I once gave a party a stringed instrument that, when played, created a harmonic resonance which allowed the musician to use ranks in Perform instead of Perception, but only to find nearby valuables.

The Lute of Loot.

[the David]

A diminutive fire elemental inside a lantern. Great way to annoy your players.

[Statboy]

The Beguiling Gift spell requires any item that would force the other player to use two hands and thereby drop their weapons. Though I like to use the Girdle of Opposite Gender. Force someone to drop their weapon and spend a round putting on a belt that changes their gender. I once did this to someone in my own party which was hilarious. Its a DC 20 Fort save to resist switching genders, if you nat 1 you become androgynously non-gendered.

[TheMightyEskimo]

I had a squirrelly looking NPC that game the party a magical that was handed down to him from many generations. It turned out that it was a Box O'Many Squirrels.

-Outside of combat, many squirrels can be coaxed out for 10 minutes at a time (swarm). These squirrels can follow simple tasks, such as; Teach trick: Attack, Come, Defend, Down, Fetch, Guard, Heel, Perform, Seek, Stay, Track, and Work.

-Durring combat one squirrel can be grabbed from the box. Being forcefully removed from the box in this way makes the squirrel jittery and nervous, thus limiting it's time outside the box to 1 round before releasing there physical form.

If Squirrels are coaxed out and realize they are instructed into doing things a squirrel wouldn't normally do (such as jumping off a cliff, or trigger traps), they will release their forms and retreat into their box.

[DungeonmasterCal]

In a very early on 1e game one of the players received a magical sword called Squirrelbringer. And that's what it did. It brought dozens and dozens of squirrels to fight alongside the wielder, no matter the location or terrain.

[blahpers]

• decanter of endless waiter: Waitstaff pour endlessly out of the decanter at a rate of one gallon per round...so pretty slowly.
  
• bag of trix: as bag of tricks, but the fuzzy balls from the bag only produce anthropomorphic rabbits trying to protect their sugary grains.
  
• cloak of misplacement: A minor cursed item appearing to be a cloak of displacement; any item the wearer drops, stows, sheathes, or places teleports two feet in a random direction.
  

[blahpers]

PossibleCabbage wrote:

I'm very fond of the vorpal net. On a roll of 20 (and critical hit confirmation) the target you threw the net over has their head fall off with no apparent cause.

Ha! Made me picture that laser grid scene from the first Resident Evil film.

[Guardianlord]

I had my players roll on an Oregon trail style overworld travel table, they rolled something random, so I gave them a hunting opportunity: A cow, except it was a Major Image permanencied. They naturally took it (Failing multiple rolls to dibelieve) as a new immortal mascot.

[Mystic_Snowfang]

So far I've come up with a bag of endless cookies. It makes sweet cookies of all sorts. However, they have all the nutritional value of cookies. Meaning that they might be able to stave off outright starvation but they are not exactly healthy for you.

Another one I came up with was a bag of glitterizing. It's a cursed bag of holding that gets glitter /all/ over everything put in the bag. And no you can't just wipe it off. It also constantly leaks glitter everywhere and you will end up with every item you own with at least a few bit of glitter on it. (and on you). Why can't you just wipe the glitter off? Because it's glitter.

[Schrödinger's Dragon]

I made a magical mug which could be commanded to fill up with either hot tea or iced water at-will. However, the item was cursed such that whenever it was commanded to fill up, it would fill with whichever of the two drinks the commander desired less at the time.

The item was quickly (but laboriously, as he had no means but to bash it repeatedly against the floor) destroyed by the party's Cleric of Trelmarixian for being an affront to his god.

[the nerve-eater of Zur-en-Aarh]

I did once give PCs a pair of glasses which had two powers, clinging in situations where glasses might otherwise fall off, and rendering it completely impossible for anyone to recognise them as the same person, even someone who was standing next to them while they took them off.

And I have fond memories of the suit of fireproof armour from a Paranoia scenario in White Dwarf in the late Eighties which was good enough to let you swim through lava unscathed, but where one waited until the PC was entirely submerged in the lava before reminding them that they had not actually asked for the matching helmet.

[quibblemuch]

This sneering idol of a leather-clad gnome is topped with a wild fringe of blond hair. When set on the ground and the command word spoken, the statuette casts mirror image on the speaker. The speaker receives a cumulative +5 competence bonus to Perform (dance) checks for every image that appears, as long as no one else joins in the dance.

It is, of course... the Billy Idol.

[Nodrog]

All of these are good.

[DungeonmasterCal]

quibblemuch wrote:

It is, of course... the Billy Idol.

Debeverage. How I didn't see that one coming a mile off totally baffles me.. LOL

[blahpers]

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

quibblemuch wrote:

It is, of course... the Billy Idol.

Debeverage. How I didn't see that one coming a mile off totally baffles me.. LOL

Just remember, if you use that item and hear "Here Comes the Bride" start to play and your cleric/paladin is spent for the day, run for your life if you value your levels.

[Tim Emrick]

Back in AD&D 2E, one PC in our group was a wizard who carried around several small but largely useless trinkets that he had made as an apprentice as part of his exams. His favorite was a magic ring that allowed you to wear a second magic ring on that hand, but had no other effect.

In my last campaign, I created a NPC vanara spellcaster and item-crafter who made Barrels of Monkeys to guard his workshop. If you opened or broke a barrel, a monkey swarm would pour out and attack. (This was before I discovered the spell Mad Monkeys, which would have helped me simplify the item text considerably.)

But the most absurd item I've heard of was in a totally serious campaign. My wife played in a rogue's guild-based game, and one mission required a major distraction. The result of the PCs' runaway brainstorming was Ty Sathoth's Oddly Alluring Mackerel of Overwhelming Stench. It was charmed so that anyone who saw it wanted to pick it up, but unless you spoke the command word, it produced a stinking cloud. The party caused a huge riot because townsfolk started fighting over the fish. Finally, the Mackerel was enchanted with a teleport effect so that once one riot was sparked off, they could summon it back to the party and do it all over again in another part of town.

[HWalsh]

I once nailed a player with a cute cursed item.

A cursed ring that, when identified, appeared to be a "Ring of Bladder Control" which allowed the user to force a target to roll Save vs Spell (this was 2nd edition) or void their bladder.

The rogue, thinking this would be hilarious, put the ring on intending to target the party's Fighter.

He suddenly found that he wet himself. It was a cursed ring that inflicted incontinence on the wearer.

Took him a full two levels to get it removed. Hard playing the brooding bad-(censored) when you're wearing diapers. He learned his lesson about trying to play pranks on party members.

[JDLPF]

One of my players was a bit of a min-maxer, and true to form he instantly jumped for a 75gp battle-trained bison mount the instant he could afford it.

Now, this sort of thing can seriously undermine encounters, but I don't want to take away his agency as player to pick legitimate and legal published items.

So instead, as the group travels down a forest road and camp for the evening, a mysterious old man arrives asking to share their fire. He is friendly and harmless all night, and the next morning he approaches the owner of the bison.

What a magnificent cow, he says. A fine creature, that. Why, I'd dearly love one for myself. Might you be willing to consider a trade, good sir? Here, it so happens I might have something of interest in exchange. Don't be fooled by their appearance, he says. They've powerful magic inside.

And he holds out a handful of beans.

(Identifies using Detect Magic as Strong conjuration, single use item of CL 17th Obscuring Mist, Climbing Beanstalk, and Teleportation Circle)

[Meraki]

I had a sorcerer a few years ago who had a mithral waffle iron (actual item from Ultimate Equipment). He had max ranks in Craft (waffles).

[Mark Hoover 330]

Not necessarily an item, but my players came up with a hilarious way to avoid combat back in the beginning of my current campaign...

Ghost Shirt

First they used a Scroll of Obscuring Mist to fill a steep ramp along the side of a ruin with fog. This was followed in rapid succession with glow-in-the-dark paint on a spare white shirt, Ghost Sound, and multiple Prestidigitations.

The result was a ghostly shirt... I mean, APPARITION, floating at 10'/round, billowing on a sourceless breeze, and howling with otherworldly pain. It glowed (the paint plus a Black Light effect underlighting it from Prestidigitation) with an eerie face but it's body and extremities just tapered off into the mist!

The players took turns adding their own exaggerated effects, like weird noises from the mist as they snuck by or rattling a chain they had with them, and everyone was laughing out loud! The kobolds however that gazed upon Ghost Shirt were all successfully Bluffed into thinking the specter was real and terrifying as it flowed inches from the ruin's walls.

So began the legend of Ghost Shirt...

[DungeonmasterCal]

Tim Emrick wrote:

In my last campaign, I created a NPC vanara spellcaster and item-crafter who made Barrels of Monkeys to guard his workshop. If you opened or broke a barrel, a monkey swarm would pour out and attack. (This was before I discovered the spell Mad Monkeys, which would have helped me simplify the item text considerably.)

When I first began as a player with 1e a long time ago, our DM ran us on this adventure which was, in effect, the mind of a crazy wizard name Algrath. It was pretty humorous, though deadly in places. Rather than a Barrel of Monkeys, though, we opened a Barrel of Vikings. We got our butts kicked.

[Gremlington]

In my campaign worlds, there is a set of instant silverware: a potion of instant spoon, a potion of instant fork, and a potion of instant knife (and legends tell of a potion of instant spork, but none have witnessed such a wonder). You pop them open and pour them out, and they form a single piece of silverware. It is extremely ill-advised to drink them.

The means to create such wonders seem to have been lost to time, so acquiring a full set is seen as a true accomplishment.

[Loren Pechtel]

HWalsh wrote:

I once nailed a player with a cute cursed item.

A cursed ring that, when identified, appeared to be a "Ring of Bladder Control" which allowed the user to force a target to roll Save vs Spell (this was 2nd edition) or void their bladder.

The rogue, thinking this would be hilarious, put the ring on intending to target the party's Fighter.

He suddenly found that he wet himself. It was a cursed ring that inflicted incontinence on the wearer.

Took him a full two levels to get it removed. Hard playing the brooding bad-(censored) when you're wearing diapers. He learned his lesson about trying to play pranks on party members.

When you're adventuring would there be much need of them? Just put a piece of tubing in your armor that runs down and drains behind their footgear. Since there's no control they'll just keep dribbling slowly, no problem. He will only need diapers in town.

Obviously this would be much harder to do for a female but you said "he".

[Grumbaki]

Dagger of Healing.

Does damage like a normal dagger, but then heals for 2x damage dealt.

[Bjørn Røyrvik]

Less a silly item and more a prank:
In "White Plume Mountain" there is a ring that, when picked up by a character, claims to be a ring with several powerful abilities, including at-will flight, Haste and at least one Wish. When you put it on and try to use it, it turns out to be non-magical - just a contingent spell when first picked up. It was put in there to see if parties looting it would start fighting over who got it.

I ran WPM for a high-level paladin solo adventure as part of his quest for Immortality (the weapons were to be the appropriate gift to his prospective sponsor), and he thought the ring sounded super useful so he put it on. Now, the rest of the group knew that the ring was a fake and while their PCs did not know, the players all said and did things to prevent the Ring Wearer from using his ring or coming up with good excuses for why it wouldn't work when he tried. For several months this went on before the ring rolled a 1 on its ST against a Disjunction and the player, reading the effects of Disjunction wondered why his ring didn't disintegrate.

He was rather miffed and swore bloody vengeance on me when I 'fessed up.

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

*waves*

[Azothath]

Let's see, how about a guitar that had make whole 3/day allowing the elKabong swashbuckler type to destroy it on a targets head and then after a standard action have the guitar back again.

[Azothath]

Telekenetically controllable MW Socks with an effective Str:16. They were mainly used to taunt monsters or blind them. Clearly they had other uses.

[Azothath]

A large mirror that connected to the land of dreams(Lovecraftian). Many found their reflection oddly disturbing.

[Heather 540]

Azothath wrote:

Let's see, how about a guitar that had make whole 3/day allowing the elKabong swashbuckler type to destroy it on a targets head and then after a standard action have the guitar back again.

lol I gotta ask, what race was the El Kabong type character? Because I doubt he was a horse. Did he have a pet burro?

[Gnomezrule]

I have always wanted to give out a child's training wooden sword named Splinter. Its a generic +1 shortsword for an adult. Why is it funny? Its an intelligent sword with the personality of an elderly paladin which loudly gives pointers to the wielder and lectures the user on morals, fairplay, hygiene and courtly love.

I did give my pirates in my Skull and Shackles game the Regalia of the Crimson Hare. The Crimson Hare (in my version of Golorion) was a children's story that was popular in Andoran. It was about a Zorro type rabbit who defended the good and free animals in a democratic forest community. They were beset by evil animals and monsters which were obviously Andoran rivals. Think of it as an obvious pro-Andoran values allegory. The items themselves were found in an old sea chest with a copy of the book. It was clearly intended as a present for a young boy who loved the story. The items were enchanted/cursed by a capricious powerful entity upon the father's death. Each piece of the regalia (think a kids dress up set) was a minor item, +1 Ironwood cutlass, Dashing Red shirt was armor, Rabbit foot shoes were boots of springing and striding there were more pieces. The kicker was that the items gave the wearer subtle rabbit features; a rabbit tail, buck teeth, and so on. If the wearer used more than one of the items at a time they then became the Crimson Hare. Complete with a quest to fix the issue.

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

Gnomezrule wrote:

I have always wanted to give out a child's training wooden sword named Splinter. Its a generic +1 shortsword for an adult. Why is it funny? Its an intelligent sword with the personality of an elderly paladin which loudly gives pointers to the wielder and lectures the user on morals, fairplay, hygiene and courtly love.

I did give my pirates in my Skull and Shackles game the Regalia of the Crimson Hare. The Crimson Hare (in my version of Golorion) was a children's story that was popular in Andoran. It was about a Zorro type rabbit who defended the good and free animals in a democratic forest community. They were beset by evil animals and monsters which were obviously Andoran rivals. Think of it as an obvious pro-Andoran values allegory. The items themselves were found in an old sea chest with a copy of the book. It was clearly intended as a present for a young boy who loved the story. The items were enchanted/cursed by a capricious powerful entity upon the father's death. Each piece of the regalia (think a kids dress up set) was a minor item, +1 Ironwood cutlass, Dashing Red shirt was armor, Rabbit foot shoes were boots of springing and striding there were more pieces. The kicker was that the items gave the wearer subtle rabbit features; a rabbit tail, buck teeth, and so on. If the wearer used more than one of the items at a time they then became the Crimson Hare. Complete with a quest to fix the issue.

This is great and might incorporate something like it in my home game.

[Slim Jim]

Grumbaki wrote:

Dagger of Healing.

Does damage like a normal dagger, but then heals for 2x damage dealt.

Well, be careful you don't stab any friends only one point from neg-Con.

[Sah]

Shamelessly stolen from the web comic Goblins, the anymug. It can produce any non magical liquid with just a thought. In the comic it is used to make ogre pee and a super alcoholic dwarf drink (which is used to set something on fire).

In our campaigns it is a holy artifact of Cayden Cailean.

[Mass Kneebreaker]

I can recall two instances of magic items i have seen being completely useless.

When i was a DM, i gave the party an item called the Staff of Stability. What did it do? Well, when you placed it on the ground...it stood upright and didn't fall down. So in effect it was completely useless. Except the Rogue managed to use the staff to infiltrate a mage's academy, using it to convince everyone he was a wizard! I thought that was awesome.

Other item was when I was playing. We found a horn that could summon d6 marmosets per day.

[Pagan priest]

A +5 long sword, made by the Jester of the Gods. Anyone who used this blade had their clothes and armor take on the appearance of a clown suit.

Thee was a known powerful magic sword, named "Waycleaver" able to cut through stone and allowed the wielder to cast Passwall three times per day. Also in existence, but less well known, was the Halfling made "Wheycleaver". It gave the wielder a +2 on making cheese.

[Azothath]

I'll refer yall to the book of swords by Fred Saberhagen. That's more core DnD material.

For silly things try the lighter books.

[Wevi]

Walking Hand
This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

[Haywire build generator]

Wevi wrote:

Walking Hand

This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

*Casts Shield Other.*

[Wevi]

Haywire build generator wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Walking Hand

This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

*Casts Shield Other.*

I have no clue what your taking about.

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

Wevi wrote:

Haywire build generator wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Walking Hand

This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

*Casts Shield Other.*

I have no clue what your taking about.

He made your invulnerable hand into a hp damage soaking sponge.

[Wevi]

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Haywire build generator wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Walking Hand

This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

*Casts Shield Other.*

I have no clue what your taking about.

He made your invulnerable hand into a hp damage soaking sponge.

lol I feel stupid

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

Wevi wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Haywire build generator wrote:

Wevi wrote:

Walking Hand

This cut off magic elf hand can walk around. The player can control this hand thing with a ring. The hand can talk to the player with the mind. The hand has free will. The hand has lots of gold tucked away.
HP: 100,000,000
AC: 10
Size: Tiny
DR: All damage has no effect

Speed: 10 ft
Climb: 10 ft

Str: 14
Dex: 14
Con: 30
Int: 8
Wis: 6
Cha: 6

Skills
Acrobatics: +10
Climb: +10
Stealth: +10
Disable Device: +8

Mage Hand: Caster Level 20, Can be used 3 + Player Cha Mod

*Casts Shield Other.*

I have no clue what your taking about.

He made your invulnerable hand into a hp damage soaking sponge.

lol I feel stupid

No worries. Happens to the best of us.