I disguise myself as an iceberg and lurk in the sea in front of the Captain's vessel, with only my frigid quiff sticking up above the surface.
I place Kali's head in the boot of my Richard-Scary-cheese-wheel car, and SLAM THE DOOR DOWN!! (in one swift motion, unlike the scene in Dare Devil)[my car's trunk is bladed!]
I then drive away in my Richard-Scary-cheese-wheel car.
Fondue for two? Will do!
:melts the Richard Scary cheese wheel car down around TGH:
I asphyxiate GoatToucher by flooding his incubator with pure nitrogen.
I tie JTDIII down on a railway, then cackle as I twirl my moustache.
I take TIF and, for the span of three weeks, put him in my house, a place where no plant has been known to survive for half that long.
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I grab one of Pulg's loose hairs and run, until he completely unravels.
I create an orange circle of teleportation below IHIYC, and a blue one above him. After about 30 seconds, I dispel both circles.
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On a dark moonless night, when GM MacShack least suspects
We'll creep up behind him so hard to detect
We'll bring out our anchor by the light of the stars
And shove it inside of his big f*ckin' arse!
*Invokes the rage of the Pentahook on Kiani*
He'll break your neck
And eat your face
The foe of all
The human (and undine xD) race
He'll stab your mum
And drink your rum
This bastard can't be killed
Oooh, a song duel! I like it!
You've been tracked, you've been seen
Murdering the next of kin
Ate their hearts, drank their blood
Washed your fins in blackened mud.
Now you swim, try to hide
Heart beats faster from inside
Thought it was a big charade
Your life was ended by mermaids.
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Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
What are these strange enchantments I hear whenever you're near? (Ah ah ah aaaah ah ah)
Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
Oh goodness me, I've hammered an ice pick in through your ear.
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Rrrraaaaggggghhhhh!
My call is ringing,
Tell me - Buff Scrotes - why
Are you 'glistening'?
With storm and flash,
Hoe and heave,
Welcome to Venus Island
I hope you like it here
Because you'll never leave!
Now I hunger, this rhyming aches,
So now I feast- whatever it takes!
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*conducts performance of "1812 Overture" - cannons just happen to all be pointed at The Invenusable Flytrap*
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I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse 'cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me The Invenusable Flytrap apart.
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(Turn arouuuund)
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
That the best of all the spears have gone by (without hitting)
(Turn arouuuund)
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I stick a fork in your eyes.
(Turn arouuuund, tight thighs )
I have you in my control
time to do exactly what I say
prepare to take your last breath
under my spell you'll suffer for you
sins
My wicked laughter bring you
to fall upon your knees
your anguish is relief to me
it is the fix that I need
I am a fiend for torture
I'm craving your demise
now that the clock has struck
midnight
this is the point of no return!
TL,DR: *Does regular witch stuff to Epic Level Bonnie Tyler*
:hits Elise Frostmourne with a pipe until she stops wiggling and fluids stop spurting:
:drops pipe:
:straightens blood-spattered ascot:
:walks off:
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Retconned out of existence by Disney.
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*Colours in Archmage Variel with an array of vividly tinted Sharpies*
Closing your eyes, don't ever say you love me, Pulg
You never meant a word, I know you lied
When there is life, there is despair, indulge me now
And stay alive this night... I promise you the end before the first light arrives...
Hard to starboard
Man the cannons
And on my command, unleash hell!
FIRE! Show them your steel
Bring them to death on the battlefield
Ride on the wind, and conquer the foe
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Shut your f%&@ing face, uncle f!%$a!
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle f@#+a!
You're an uncle f$$#a, yes it's true!
Nobody f+~&s uncles quite like you!
Shut your f&$!ing face, uncle f$~%a!
You're the one that f+*$ed your uncle, uncle f+~&a!
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just f&~! your uncle all day long!
*collaboratively 'shuts' Isabella Locke's face using hammer, nails, and wooden boards*
I am hunting for your soul
It dwells within your heart
I lacerate your pounding flesh
Your spirits shall be mine
So rise my spirits rise
Revel in this dead man's body
Grip his soul, sip the blood
Life in death
A holy carnage
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It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
It's a neighborly day in this beautywood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
*animates a 2-story house, literally brings the neighborhood down on Sylvyana the Ghoul Queen's head*
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I like coffee, I like tea,
I like the Thompson gun and it likes me!
Coffee and tea and .45 ACP,
A shot, a shot, a shot, in Vladek, boyyyyyyy
Leviathan
Cresting the waves
Leading us all to the grave
Leviathan
Slaying all foes
Who dare to oppose
Tearing bodies limb from limb
Eviscerating on a whim
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If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise!
If you go down to the woods today, you'll never believe your eyes!
For every bear that ever there was, has gathered there for certain because,
Today's the day they maul, then consume, Kiaaaaani!
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Are you ready,
Are you ready for this
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Oh Elisa it doesn't matter what you do
I know I'm going to get inside of you
To make your eyes catch fire
The way they should
:does so:
All this singing and poeming has worked. I'm dead.
P.S. GoatToucher, a dirge for you: I keel you! ♬
I seeng of the glorious JTD, he lives in America somewhere.
When he arrives, we attack him with knives and then beat him with prickly pears
*throttles 'Glistening' Buff Scrotes*
GOTCHA! NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAAAWWW!!!
*Poisons ITF's Rubber Robert Muldoon costume*
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While IHIYC was reading 'Dune'
And eating a delicious macaroon
And listening to Jeff Koons
Play a tune
On a bassoon
In the West African state of Cameroon,
I asked a boon
Of Manshoon
Who swooped down from the moon,
Enchanted the jester with a rune
Inflated him like a balloon
Shot him with a harpoon
Then scraped his brains out with a spoon.
Pulg is eaten by a dire loon.
:tapes an iPod and speakers to GM MacShack's brain tank, playing this song on a continuous loop:
:the results should be obvious:
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I airlift The Invenusable Flytrap over a "Range" of "Power" and then release the lever! He falls into the immense energy field, which dissolves him into waves of visible light: Blue, Yellow, Red, Black, and everyone's favorite - Pink!
JTDV sets his aircraft to autopilot, and I reboot the computer, sending him falling to his doom the aforementioned Power Range.
I drill a hole in GM MacShack's cupola and allow his brain-fog to leak out, while holding up a sign saying 'I HAVE NEVER WATCHED JURASSIC PARK'
