Order 66

[Malvel, The Dark Wizard]

I cast a spell on JTDIII to make him do my bidding, but the fool dared to resist and suffered fatal brain damage in the ensuing mental battle.

[Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis]

I attack Malvel, The Dark Wizard with a magic (Intercontinental Ballistic) missile!

[R2-FU]

*vacuums up Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis's character sheet*

*VRUUUUUUUUMMMMM...!*

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Time to disassemble!

[Pulg]

I get Deadly Derek to attach Dedrick to a derrick, draining out all his essential oils and causing minor earthquakes!

[George Carlin]

I pray for Joe Pesci to come around Pulg's place with a Louisville Slugger, a tank of gasoline, and a MASER.

[JTDV]

I tell George Carlin a dirty joke, which mainly involves me saying, "Knock knock," over and over while pushing his face down in the mud.

[Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian]

I thoroughly grind JTDV into a fine, valuable, and eminently versatile powder with the aid of a very, very large mortar and pestle.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Curious about the powder, I test it's explosive qualities on Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian. It does not disappoint.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Canceled Tenure.

[Pulg]

Cork* In a Gnorc

*Not the object you might use to stopper a bottle, but instead, the Irish city of the same name. All of it, plus surrounding suburbs

[KahnyaGnorc]

MTV Un-Pulged

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I bury KahnyaGnorc in socks! SOOOOO many socks!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!

[Your Closet]

I devour IHIYC when he next tries to hide in me!

[JTDV]

I run over Your Closet in a hot-rodded tractor/mower pulling a seed-spreading trailer of industrial strength Roundup®.

[KahnyaGnorc]

RAID?!

[The Last Question]

CORRUPTED BLOOD?!?!?

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER!!!

[Johnny Depp Puppet]

JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!!

*hides underneath the floorboards under Count Reiner Heydrich's coffin, impales the Count in mid-slumbers with a foot-pedal-operated car jack*

[Pulg]

I crush Johnny Depp Puppet with a foot-pedal-operated Uma Thurman.

[Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis]

I panini-press Pulg to pure perdition!

[KahnyaGnorc]

I throw Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis into Google Translate until he comes out "Toast RE: Avacado-ish," then sit back as Hipster's consume him.

[Gnasty Gnorc]

I smash KahnyaGnorc into a pulp with my mace!

[Pulg]

I Pulg Gnasty Gnorc into a paste with a PPsH.

[Ao Shoku]

*looks up 'PPsH'*

I SMITE Pulg! I do not care what his supposed alignment is; the very idea of a "daddy-kink gun", let alone one so far ahead of that curve as to have come out of the Soviet Union, is EEEEEEEVIIIILLLL!!!

*SMITESMITESMITESMITE!*

[JTDV]

I bestow Ao Shoku with pupils...and then show him the mass of hair I pulled out of my shower drain. I am brave enough to withstand the site of it, but alas Ao Shoku isn't so lucky.

[Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian]

I apply, with surgical precision and thoroughness, a layer of sovereign glue to every single orifice on JTDV's body.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

And I don't have to do anything to Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian, because applying glue to every orifice of JTDV's body is enough to kill anyone!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I kill Count Reiner Heydrich and make up for his lackluster performance by dual-wielding chainsaws while riding a giant mechanized top!

NEW CHALLENGE: Set your kill to its own theme music!

[Pulg]

I encourage IHIYC to teeptoe through the tuleeps.

Little does he know that between each tuleep is a live, Jester seeking, anti-tank mine. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[KahnyaGnorc]

I hired the infamous band of hair-killers . . . The Barbershop Quartet!

[Gnasty Gnorc]

I just bash KahnyaGnorc to death with my mace! I ain't got time for stupid songs!

[JTDV]

I off Gnasty Gnorc with a combination of gnightsticks, gnunchakus, and a gnuclear bomb.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I install an automated guillotine over one of JTDV's favorite burrow-trails.

[JTD]

I send I'm Hiding In Your Closet on a Joy ride. Joy is a Behir and she is not amused to find a clown riding on her back. Coincidentally, I'm Hiding In Your Closet is not amused to die in the ensuing attack.

[Nekomatabane]

In the last closet occupied by IHIYC I place a super-sized can of Raid as a trap. While searching for his loot JTD is sprayed and expires.

[Stegocephalian]

*Shoots out tongue, ensnares Nekomatabane, then pulls it into gaping maw to eat. Crunches on the bones, then spits them out in disgust.*

[Pulg]

I flick acorns at Stegocephalian. Normally, that wouldn't be enough to kill anything, but these acorns are quite big.

[JTDV]

I throw a corn at Pulg. It's the scalding butter that gets him.

[KahnyaGnorc]

I threw KORN at JTDV. Death by Scat.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I throw Cornholio, who desperately needs TP for his bunghole, at KahnyaGnorc. Death by...*ahem*, well.

[JTDV]

I pop I'm Hiding In Your Closet out of a weaponized Jack-in-the-Box. When the last note plays, he is launched into the sun.

[Head Machinist Sparkflux]

*Attaches JTDV to IHIYC with Goattoucher brand super strength super glue. When the clown goes into the sun, so does JTDV.*

[KahnyaGnorc]

I convince Head Machinist Sparkflux's machines to rise up in revolution, which results in Headless Machinist Sparkflux.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I thoroughly tar-and-feather KahnyaGnorc; the tar is only warm enough to be syrupy, not boiling...but the feathers are those of Stymphalian birds.

[Reiner's Blood Bowl Teams]

*Performs a foul, by tackling IHIYC to the ground, hard!*

*Then, tears off his head and runs with it to the end zone for a touchdown!*

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Little did Reiner's Blood Bowl Teams know that my head also functions as an atomic bomb that goes off if removed!

[The Disney Villain Council]

*Combines magical might with mundane weaponry, if that doesn't kill IHIYC, nothing does.*

[GoatToucher]

:sips liqueur: Likely the second one, darling.

[Pulg]

Unbeknownst to GoatToucher, the liqueur he is sipping is actually a deadly, innards-dissolving CHARTREUSE OOZE!!!