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Owly: The Song of Songs aka Song of Solomon
Enh. Looks like another George R.R. Martin rip-off. It'll never be big.
Hahaha... after reading all the other entries, I also offer you these:
355. How to Cook Humans- A dusty old tome written in an unknown language (except for the title, of course) appears to be a culinary manual of some kind from a monstrous race (insert creature type or leave ambiguous) involving... wait... ...the title seems to be:
How to Cook For Humans- ahh, much better. But wait, there's still more dust... ...now it says:
How to Cook Forty Humans- Well that's terrible! ...no, still more dust... ...at last, the true title reads:
How to Cook For Forty Humans- well, it seems clear who the monsters in this library really are.
Twilight Zone or Simpsons parody?
356. Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book- This is a reproduction of the diary of Lady Angelica Cottingham, which features pressed garden fairies. Or rather the psychic images of the fairies, who quickly turned it into a game, where they leapt between the closing pages in an effort to outdo each other to produce the most outrageous poses. The book claims to be the facsimile edition of the notebook of Lady Cottington who, it is said, took the infamous photograph of a group of fairies that was authenticated by Conan Doyle, but later discredited. She was determined to prove the existence of fairies and began to capture them between the pages of her notebook, in which she had previously pressed wild flowers. This is a record of the fairies she caught, and of the disruptive influence they had on her otherwise sheltered life. (images from the real book)
The second one reminds me of the girls who claimed to see fairies, then the photographer captured them on film, but they looked like children's book illustrations.
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363. Dianetics
364. Necromancy for Dummies- an owner's manual for undead minions, including care and feeding (if applicable)and tips for dealing with common problems (odor, angry mobs, introducing your new pet to your existing shambling horde, etc.)
365. a pair of small pocket sized books that appear blank, but things written in one immediately appear in the other. ("journeybooks" from Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series). Even better, a series of such books that can be personalized for a particular user by signing the dedication in the inside cover (i.e. "for Whomever" or "this book belongs to Whomever"). Thereafter, anyone who writes a message in their book and addresses it "To Whomever" or "Dear Whomever" or somesuch, that same message would instantly appear in Whomever's book- like e-mail! Each comes equipped with a stylus that never runs out of ink when used with its book.
Each comes equipped with a stylus that never runs out of ink when used with its book.
I would add that "If one ever loses the stylus that comes with the book, said book becomes useless." Hehe.
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366. The Nikous Sphere - This early Azlanti "book" is an obsidian sphere, about the size of a ogre's head, with a roughened surface. Pouring a bars worth of molten gold over the sphere reveals that the roughness is actually an intricately etched star map leading to five locations across Golarion.
Unfortunately, in the tens of millenia since the book's creation the position of the stars in the sky has shifted considerably, and attempts to reconcile the stars current position with those etched onto the sphere have met with failure.
I would add that "If one ever loses the stylus that comes with the book, said book becomes useless." Hehe.
Certainly, unless you want to craft another at a high DC to "tune" it to your book.
I'd LOVE to see a comprehensive list made of this for PFSRD so we can random-roll odd books from it!
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367. The Master Spellbook of Antaranius, Mage of Renown This profoundly titled tome is covered in genuine dragonhide, originally taken from a great wyrm green dragon centuries ago. The pages are of the finest quality as well. Numerous spells to ward against decay, water, bookworms, rot, and the mundane banes of books (including fire) ward it. Even damaging this one-foot by nine-inch tome is difficult due to warding spells that make it exceptionally durable (hardness 16, hp 30). Upon opening, the reader finds a note written to one "Selvon" to prepare to pen a second volume, as this one is apparently "quite full". If the reader proceeds, he finds that instead of an actual spellbook, this is actually an index of every spell Antaranius knows, all crossreferenced to other books with similarly grandiose titles...none of which are present. Those books (some of which may have been mentioned in this thread) must be tracked down individually. On the last pages, however, are a series of seemingly random words. These are the words to bypass the guardians and glyphs, runes, symbols, and other arcane traps guarding those other tomes. Alas, these are not indexed at all, requiring more research or trial and error to match to each tome.
371. The Necronomnomnomicon- a recipe book for ghouls and zombies likely originating in Geb. The face on the front of this foul work will bite the hand of a living being holding it unless they pass a DC 15 Reflex Save (1d2 dmg)
372. The Grosh Joban Compilatin- the collected songs by the renowned half-orc bard, complete with winter holiday songs, lyrics, and musical notation.
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363. Dianetics
375. Battlefield Golorian A plot boiler about the invasion of Golarion by the forces from Atikon. The forces of Atikon seem to have conquered, until a hero arises and easily defeats the invaders. While possessing no literal merit whatsoever, it is attributed to the Living God Razmir, whose follower have donated ten copies to this strange library and make a point of keeping this book in print.
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378. The Savage Side of Me A memoir of a Chelish colonist living in Sargava who became separated from the mercantile expedition he'd been serving with. This callow clerk describes his harrowing first days lost in the Mwangi Expanse, having no clue how to survive. After much trial, error and pain, he manages to eke out a meager existence in the jungle, and eventually learns to thrive, becoming just as fierce and wild as his new home. He describes how he comes to enjoy killing and how the hunt makes him feel more alive than the stultifying life of civilization, but at the same time feels lonely and pines for contact, making several overtures to local Mwangi tribes with varying degrees of success. After being rescued by a band of adventurers, he tries readjusting to civilized life, but finds that he can no longer relate to his peers. The memoir ends with the author pondering if such primal feelings exist in all men, and whether or not people like the Mwangi, whom he once derided as primitives, might be far more civilized than the Chelaxians ever could be, in touch with their savage side and able to harmonize it with their civilized side, whereas the Chelaxians repress it to the point where when it emerges it takes the form of sadism and tyranny. A popular work in former Chelish colonies like Andoran and Galt, the work is viewed as scandalous and subversive by the Chelish and Sargavan governments.
379. The hidden door: your guide to secret passageways, concealed openings, magical portals and covert storage spaces.
This book looks like a big pulpy romance novel with the real text being concealed within the text of a painfully cheesy love and immaturity sentime tal doorstop. The pictures have illustrations visible only if the viewer lays one eye at the bottom left corner of the page, and the text is revealed if read by the light of a half moon. The reader savvy enough to read the real book gets a bonus on constructing or detecting hidden doors. If read by full moon light the same book will reveal the illustration on page 1376(about the middle of the book) to be a portal to another copy of the book in a library in a distant part of the world. This illustration in daylight looks like Roncival revealing his noble birthmark shaped like a piece of toast on his .... Waist, to the surprised and amused female protagonist.
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380. My Life Among the Makh'Inuxkh: chiromigrants of the undersea volcano and their culture, novel social inventions, and gnome befuddling tool designs.
This is a heavily illustrated cetaciouthropogical treatise on the monstrous killer whale humanoids. Almost every page has a black ink drawing showing tools symbols seating plans and small talk interruption decision trees. There are frequent passive aggressive observations on the anthropologist who rejected the authors marriage proposal. Reading it carefully will give the reader a plus two on sense motive checks for the next fortnight but only on cetaceans. The inventions show a very aquatic bias on problem solving, such as lids held I place by bubble pressure when stored at a certain angle and hunting strategies built on wave patterns and ice buoyancy. Social inventions include ideas so foreign as to be untranslatAble and indescribable (slosh heaving body angling to determine fish vomiting gull attraction to pitch indirect woo through conscientization of pod elders as a polyfidelitous courtship strategy for example). This book is best read in a deep bath with a seal pressing the cover against your sonar cranial sac.
382. Kum-Pow! The Complete Guide to Tian Martial Arts and Combat
This horribly written, however extensively illustrated, book claims to be a complete and comprehensive guide to Tian martial arts combat styles and weapons. The truth of the matter is that all of the terms and weapons are invariably spelled wrong, poorly translated, incorrectly used, and completely misrepresent the weapons and styles of combat depicted. All of the illustrations depict incorrect usage of the weapons and inaccurate portrayals of various combat stances, and in most cases are rather humorous.
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383. Orcs Twerk, Vol XIV Now banned in five kingdoms and counting!
This illustrated paperback "Rule 34" book is actually hidden behind several dusty tomes of "get slim" diet books. This is a well-thumbed page turner depicting orcs' mating rituals in salacious detail. Several episodic chapters include blasphemous plotlines such as elf/orc and elf/dwarf/orc. At end of each plot, is an advert guaranteeing your participation if you patronize the sponsoring red-light establishment.
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384. The Doomed World
This alarmist religious tract occasionally pops up in isolated academic circles in Golarion, with varying degrees of hostility from local religious organizations. It mainly details a set of speculations by the author, asserting that the Dead Vault, where Rovagug is imprisoned, is not some god-made prison in the center of Golarion, but rather an entire Material Plane universe not unlike Golarion's. The author goes into further detail describing how Rovagug's imprisonment in this universe cut it off from the rest of the planes and even from the gods themselves, who could no longer hear and answer the prayers of whatever faithful they left behind on that world. The author emphatically condemns the gods for this, claiming that in order to save one world from Rovagug, they doomed the people of another to be at his mercy for all time, and that no matter how long these brave abandoned souls held out, eventually the enemy would conquer them.
The tract has largely been discredited in most serious circles, as much of the events and places it describes have no corroborating evidence from the author or his peers, it conflicts with virtually all metaphysical literature both religious and secular regarding Rovagug's imprisonment (which, admittedly, happened so long ago that the line between myth and history is simply not present, but still presents a narrative very different from the one the author bases his assumptions on) and the fact that sometimes the writer seems to replace Rovagug with a different evil force he names "Izrador" or "The Shadow," a being that bears little resemblance to Rovagug in temperament or purpose.
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387. Letters of the Women of Tian - This book appears to be a wooden box filled with carefully folded scarves and shawls of Tian design. According to the text carved into the lid, at one point women of a certain country on Tian were not permitted to learn to read or write. In response they created their own secret language that could be woven into cloth so they could exchange letters disguised as gifts.
Translating the designs in the fabrics reveals that most of the scarves are letters between mothers and daughters, with the daughters asking for advice regarding their husbands and other personal matters and their mothers responses. One scarf however shows a very panicked tone, with a young woman begging her mother for help as she has discovered that her new husbands family contains several tieflings, to include the head of the family. This ancient scarf could prove fatally embarrassing to what is now one of the ruling families of a certain country.
(edited number)
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Count is off. Previous post should be 387. Getting us back on track...
388. The Gray Hunger: This novella, written by an Ailson Kindler wannabe, follows the story of a noblewoman from Karcau who falls in love with a neighboring lord. He charms her over the course of several chapters, each one concluded by a description of a feast he provides for the protagonist, which grows longer with each chapter. Interspersed with this are the protagonist's concerns over her expanding waistline and her suitor's preoccupation with guiding her down a path of hedonism and indulgence as she begins to investigate, finding references to a rite called "the Gray Hunger" that ensnares its victim in subtle gluttonous urges that then spread to those the victim comes in contact with. The climax reveals the suitor to be a member of a cult to Urgathoa, wanting to slowly indoctrinate her while fattening her up and then sacrifice her. The protagonist is able to alert the Countess, who breaks up and arrests the cultists. The novel ends with the protagonist musing over whether or not her suitor was successful at corrupting her, as she no longer feels concerned about her increasing obesity and appetite, and notices that her servants are starting to grow a little plump too...
383. Orcs Twerk, Vol XIV Now banned in five kingdoms and counting!
This illustrated paperback "Rule 34" book is actually hidden behind several dusty tomes of "get slim" diet books. This is a well-thumbed page turner depicting orcs' mating rituals in salacious detail. Several episodic chapters include blasphemous plotlines such as elf/orc and elf/dwarf/orc. At end of each plot, is an advert guaranteeing your participation if you patronize the sponsoring red-light establishment.
I think it's banned in Equestria, so make it 6.
Bad news for the cult of Rovagug. That sounds like reality. There is no escape. :(| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
390. The Laughing Masters: The Complete Guide to Catching and Keeping Slaves From the Secret Traditions of the Gnolls: This exhaustively researched (and thoroughly contemptible) tome details the traditional methods that Gnolls use in the capture, treatment, and sale of slaves. Copious details are presented on the best way to perform raids, how to "motivate" troublesome chattel, and how much food slaves should be given, calculated down to the bite. This is supplemented by four appendices: the first is on the creation of more potent poisons, specifically ones made to knock out the victim. The second, comprising almost half of the book, is anatomical and psychological details on many different races (exact number for GM to determine), human and otherwise, and how these details might be used to the advantage of the captor. The third is a recent guide on how and where to sell slaves, including abolitionist countries such as Andoran and The River Kingdoms. The fourth is a glossary of Gnoll slaving terms and translations of 50 phrases into many different racial and regional languages (again, exact number up to the GM). These phrases range from the more general and common ("Shut up.", "Get back to work.", and "Food later. Work now.") to the bizarrely specific ("I'm going to bash your skull so hard that your eyeballs will pop out and then I'll pull them around to the back of your head so you can watch me kick you ass."). The Eagle Knights offer substantial bounties for copies and they have an enormous bounty out for information leading to the capture of the anonymous author or the author itself (alive, so that they may be put on trial and made an example of). Multiple editions exist, so there can be substantial difference between the outward appearance of each edition. Many of the copies on ships or on persons traveling outside of slave nations are disguised as something less offensive, usually a boring looking religious or philosophical work.
-When used as a reference in the creation of poison it adds +1 to the save DC. If the poison causes unconsciousness the bonus becomes +2.
-If a person studies the appendix section on a specific race for 4 hours they gain a permanent +2 bonus on Intimidate checks against captive members of that race and a +2 bonus on Appraise for determining their market value. This bonus can be earned for every race included in the book, but it requires 4 hours of study for each additional race.
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391. The Erotic Acts of Iomedae: This book is the collective work of eleven anonymous bards who were each contacted by a Chelaxian publisher to contribute to this mildly blasphemous text. The stories stick to the general theme of each miracle but they are recast as legendary sexual escapades that led to Iomedae's ascension. The tone and quality of each story varies, some are light and bawdy, others are explicit and pornographic. The final Act is considered the finest of the collection, renown for the sensual quality of the writing, and has been known to inspire many amorous encounters. While the Church of Iomedae has a dim view of this heretical work, they refuse to take an official stance on it. On an organizational level, to even acknowledge the book's existence would give it more undeserved attention. On a more personal level, some members of the clergy are known to offer rewards for copies (presumably to destroy them, but who can say?). The first edition was published cheaply on pulpy paper with a cloth cover and a crude illustration to begin each chapter. Later editions have been known to be leather bound and lavishly illustrated. Many of these variety can be found in upscale brothels (especially in Cheliax) to whet their clients' appetites.
-If a PC with Perform: Comedy spends an hour reading this book they gain a +2 bonus to that skill to tell humorous (but dirty) jokes and stories for 24 hours.
-If a PC spends an hour reading the final Act they gain a +1 bonus on Bluff or Diplomacy checks to seduce someone for 24 hours.
391. The Erotic Acts of Iomedae: This book is the collective work of eleven anonymous bards who were each contacted by a Chelaxian publisher to contribute to this mildly blasphemous text. [...] Many of these variety can be found in upscale brothels (especially in Cheliax) to whet their clients' appetites.
Interesting. What's the publisher's motive?
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395. The Strange Librarian
The library's keeper, this intelligent book has innate encyclopedic knowledge of each and every tome, scroll, paperback, and graph within the confines of library (including those carried by guests).
If this book keeper of books is found, it will not willingly surrender the secrets of its charge without proper persuasion. Its only means of communication is through the writing within its pages, which appear as it "speaks". It can hear normally, and otherwise sense its surroundings well enough to know how many intruders lurk within its home. The only currency it accepts in exchange for its storehouse of knowledge is more knowledge, and only in written form. If adequate written knowledge is offered in exchange for its services, it will then reveal the location of any one book, scroll, etc., or more, if the written knowledge offered is especially valuable.
391. The Erotic Acts of Iomedae: This book is the collective work of eleven anonymous bards who were each contacted by a Chelaxian publisher to contribute to this mildly blasphemous text. [...] Many of these variety can be found in upscale brothels (especially in Cheliax) to whet their clients' appetites.Interesting. What's the publisher's motive?
Well, this is sort of an adaptation of something that a PC of mine did a few years ago. There was a fellow PC who was an upstanding Cleric of Iomedae and my PC was a bard who wrote plays and they had a friendly sort of rivalry. So when we opened out first brothel in the city we founded (it was Kingmaker), my PC staged a performance of The Eleven Erotic Acts of Iomedae as a publicity stunt/joke to PO the Cleric.
For my own game, the publisher's intent was twofold: 1) to mock and denigrate the Church of Iomedae in an attempt to draw them into a religious conflict that would hurt more foolish innocents than actual diabolists and 2) to make money off of diabolists who find the erotic adventures of the Paladin Goddess amusing. There's also an undercurrent of misogyny to it as well, but some of the actual stories subvert that and show Iomedae as a woman in full possession of her sexuality who gains the upper hand on lecherous and foul men (or women as is the case with the second Act). However, any other GM is welcome to make their own back story (like me saying they couldn't would have stopped them).
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408. The Alchemist's, Herbalist's, and Brewer's Easy Guide to Making Tasty Consumables. The writer of this book rambles on and on about how to make potions, mutagens, teas, ales, and every kind of potable known to humanoids. But there are nuggets of useful information buried in the tangents and exposition. Anyone using the Craft Potion feat may decrease the time needed to make a potion by 50% and the cost by 25%. This also affects various wondrous items such as sovereign glue at a GM's discretion. Potions will leave the drinker's breath with a special minty freshness, giving the imbiber a +2 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy checks for one hour after consumption.
408. The Truth About Aroden
This book recounts the authors life work tracking down every leed. He found every place where Aroden might have died, but couldn't prove anything. All the so called bones of Aroden proved to be fakes. Real bones, but from mortal humans or monsters. The slice of bread with an image of Aroden on it only looked that way to one washer woman. By the last chapter you will want to kill the author. The last chapter was written by his daughter who cared for him as he became bedridden and eventually died of a heart attack.
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410: Dee Iyevjiaich: A Novel in Letters
A fictional epistolary of letters written by Dee Iyevjiaich, a human commoner, to various friends and relations. The book starts out painting an image of a fairly pastoral village run by a handful of elders. As the novel continues, however, it becomes apparent that the elders are corrupt and the villagers are all suffering. Dee herself speaks of tyranny and madness running rampant, and as the novel progresses and the situation worsens, Dee's writing begins to strain itself to avoid words containing certain letters, either because the elders have made their use a crime or because Dee believes that words containing these letters are contributing to the madness plaguing the town. By the book's climax, the only letters left in Dee's vocabulary are D, E, F, G, and H.
412: Bart's Big Book of Big Bags This book contains descriptions of Handy Haversack's and Bags of Holding. It also includes biographies of some of the more famous magic bag makers through history.
412: Bart's Big Book of Big Bags This book contains descriptions of Handy Haversack's and Bags of Holding. It also includes biographies of some of the more famous magic bag makers through history.
I love this. I completely believe finding this book in a wizard's library.
413. The Summoner's Guide to Summoning: This book is a thousand-page guidebook to all things summoning, from tips to drawing a summoning circle, to tips on haggling with outsiders on contracts, and even how to bind your dead friend to an outsider so you can bring him back to life without paying a cleric. Reading it gives a +2 insight bonus on caster level and charisma checks relating to summoning.
414. The Knoledge Seekers Guide Book
This book contains detailed maps and directions to the nearist maghical wrighting be it a tome, lebram, manual, scroll, or spellbook.
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418. Melexor's Notes on Planar Bindings. A plain leatherbound book in appearance, the reader finds that this book contains a good bit of information regarding several outsider species, such as succubi and lilitu. Particular details are given regarding the means of acquiring the services of such creatures through the planar binding series of spells. Following Melexor's exact details gives the reader access to all the spells in that series, but with a quirk or two. His spells may only call various creatures that are attractive and feminine in form, such as lillends, erinyes, succubi, or lilitu. In addition, such creatures arrive physically restrained in masterwork ropes or manacles as desired. Outsiders must physically break the bonds or escape with the Escape Artist skill before attempting to break through any magic circle effects. The last pages of the book contain a variety of artful fetish pictures of various outsiders he perfected his spells on. It also mentions the next book as a reference.
419. Rune, Glyph, and Symbol Magics for Advanced Users, by Velletrix the Binder. Written by the abjurer Velletrix, this rather dry tome describes techniques for improving the efficacy of various rune magics she gleaned from such unexpected sources as the inevitables and the aeons. If the notes within are followed while casting any magic circle, symbol, glyph, sepia snake sigil, fire trap, or explosive runes spell the caster may gain one of two benefits on each casting. The caster may either a) increase their effective caster level by two for determining all effects of the spell, or b) reduce the cost of any material components by 100gp per caster level. Either way, consulting Velletrix's notes increases the casting time of such spells by one minute per spell level.
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Runes, by Giblero Garberario
Each page of this book is covered in various runes and glyphs. Soem pages are devoted to a single rune; others are concentric runic circles, and still others have several runes of different sizes and page positionings as though they weren't even inscribed in the same day. The book does not radiate magic. Further, some runes are actually characters in various old languages, but very few seem to be arranged into meaningful sentences. About half of them don't match any known language or magical inscription. In truth, the book is actually a sketchbook in which Gliblero drew pictures of runes he thought looked interesting.
423. Careers Advice for Adventurers: How to Make that Million. Vamer the Scammer offers a number of practical tips for adventurers seeking to make and keep their fortunes - the text is blank unless you actually bought the book.
"I'll give you a copper for that book, then sell it back for a silver."
Yeah, I didn't need that book anyway. :)