100 Books Found in the Strange Library


Homebrew and House Rules

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Third Mind wrote:

468) The Likes Of Which You Have Never Seen

Unknown author. This small, pocket sized, tan hard covered book lists the word "Like" in every single language possible. Even ones that no one knew existed.

469) 10 Steps to Summoning the Best Thing Ever

Unknown author. The tone of the book is overall quite cheery, making the steps to summon the "best thing ever" extremely easy to understand, drawn pictures and everything. The reader of the book must make a will save against a DC of 20 (illusory script) or enact the ritual necessary to summon the "best thing ever", which turns out to be an random elder god.

470) Decisions, Decisions

Written by Steve the Seer. This large, hard covered, leather back tome is filled with pages that have numerous sentences made up of long underlines followed by a question mark at the end, with a small box just after the question mark. The first three fourths of the book have been written on, each underline with a question written on it, asking about a decision that needs to be made. A straight forward green yes or red no filled in the box after the written question. The book acts as the augury spell, except questions must be written so that it can be answered with a simple yes or no.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Apologies if one of these has been written before. I haven't looked through all of the pages.

No, you're good.

Shadow Lodge

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473. Not-So-Imaginary Friends: A Guide for Parents of Precocious Summoners. Case studies illustrate how to enforce bedtime or curfew on youths who can express displeasure through extraplanar allies, how to encourage your child to develop normal relationships with their own species, and how to deal with an eidolon that is a bad influence.

Weirdo wrote:
Wheldrake wrote:
((Has anyone compiled this list into a pdf or word document? A great list for randomly rolling bookshelf or library treasure contents.))
Working on it.

Holy leaping libraries!

Scarab Sages

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Owly wrote:

I dig. :)

Thanks Atarlost. Neal Stephenson novels have given me a fondness for things cryptographic in nature. How we work these into a fantasy rpg is a challenge, given how a simple trap will often befuddle for an hour or more of gameplay.

Play Might & Magic VII: For Blood & Honor (better yet, play the whole series, or at least III-VIII); the "Path of Darkness" includes a character-promotion quest that involves a respectable cryptography puzzle.

Scarab Sages

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474. Liber Formicidae: Every letter in this average-sized book of questionable theology is a preserved and sculpted ant husk. Lawful characters who take 1d6 weeks to read the whole thing are permanently rewarded with the ability to benefit from the guidance spell as a swift action 1/day/2 character levels.

475. The Little Red Riding Book: A political treatise, evidently quite specific to a certain time and place, urging werewolves and humans to unite against a logging consortium rather than fighting one another, and violently seize its assets for the good of all.

476. The Little Prince: A (probably satirical) guide to ruling tiny planets with ruthless cunning and an iron fist.

477. Your Body and You: A to-the-point handbook for keeping one's body safe and comfortable while astrally projecting.

478. The Prophet's Footsteps: This dense blue book relates the author's story of obsession with an ancient Oracle who claimed the ability to walk on water, the author's subsequent quest to uncover how it was accomplished, and their findings. The author goes on at uncomfortably detailed length about the finer points of podiatry and speculation about the ancient Oracle's feet, as well as those of various other historical figures. Anyone who manages to take the 1d3 months required to wade through the tome and succeed at either a DC 20 Wisdom check, DC 25 Knowledge (Nature) check, or DC 30 Heal check gains a permanent +10 competence bonus to Acrobatics checks made to balance, and learns how to walk on the surface of water and liquids of similar density by making a DC 35 Acrobatics check (to which the above bonus applies) per 100 feet traveled.


476.Sure it's easy when you have no citizens or serfs. :)


479. This plain and unassuming black journal bound in black leather has no title on the cover and it's not magical but is heavily enchanted against any form of divination.
The first page is signed by the Kyton demagogue Morrobahn “The Parasite Seed” and carries the title of the journal in a magnificently elaborate but somehow quite unnerving calligraphy: "Fun."
It describes in graphic detail and generous amounts of poetic effort (a bit pretentious but rigorous in the metric department) the most intimate sexual fantasies and practices of the fearsome demagogue.
Of course, given the tendency of the book to lead his readers to madness and self harm, no one has ever be able to finish it.
However, if somehow someone could do it, it would be possible to count 24738 mentions of the words "fluffy pink bunny".

480. Magic Mushrooms Of The Mwangy Expanse.
This is a thick and well kept book of clear elven fabrication, elegantly detailed with silver engravings on the leather cover and filled with illustrations of the finest quality, all signed P.G.
It was authored by the renowned expert of natural history and long thought deceased member of the scrivener’s guild of Absalom Psillogene Gallindoi.
It describes extensively and in detail more than two thousands varieties of mushrooms encountered during the permanence of the scholar in the Mwangy Expanse in a twenty years long research expedition.
The book is divided in two sections: Magical Discoveries and Natural Specimens.
The first one lists a conspicuous number of fungi with magical properties or uses complete with instructions for their preparation and consumption, maps of the locations where they where found and rigorous academic dissertations.
The second regards mundane hallucinogenic varieties and is written in the same dry, very precise and scholarly tone, but also describes at length the first hand experiences the author had while methodically sampling each and every single one of them.

481. My Awesome Adventure. By Grixnog The Mightiest Of Them All.
This is a one hundred and fifty-two manuscript written in uncertain and childish draconic calligraphy on dirty sheets of numerous kinds of parchment.
It is the story of how the author found THE MOST AWESOME PIECE OF ROCK OF THEM ALL while learning to perform his duty in the kobold’s mines.
It also explains in detail why this is surely a sign that one day he will conquer the world and enslave all the kids of the tribe who were mean to him.

Scarab Sages

482. Malleus Banana: This intricate wooden mechanism is sculpted into the form of a perfect banana, complete with removable peel. The book's introduction and first 2 chapters are inscribed on the interior of the peel, and can only be read in their entirety by separating the sides of the peel and rearranging them in 36 different ways. Beneath that, the 'core' of the banana is separated into 5 segments, which must be read by painstakingly twisting and adjusting them individually. The most important part of the book, however, is not written: it must be gleaned from reflecting on the manner in which one peels the outer layer of the book, in the context of the readable contents of the book.


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483. The Great Destroyer: A record:

At first glance, this book appears to be a thorough collection of reports detailing the history and, more importantly, biology of the feared Tarrasque. (Substitute any sufficiently dangerous legendary creature in your game.) It chronicles tales from all over the multiverse, detailing the abilities and powers of this feared creature.

However, a relatively simple intelligence check is enough to note several inconsistencies and contradictions. A much harder Knowledge (Arcana) check reveals the truth, that this book is a collection of nearly every legend, tale, and drunken boast about the Tarrasque, with no thought to research on the actual truth of the stories. Factual reports are buried among gross exaggerations, incorrect assumptions, out-and-out fabrications, and insane theorizing.

If used as research material, it can be used to grant a +2 bonus on any Knowledge (Arcana) check involving the Tarrasque. However, a failure by 5 or more results in the character believing in one of the many inaccuracies presented in the book. Such inaccuracies can include:

* A ray attack of every elemental damage type hitting the tarrasque at once will cause its carapace to shatter for a time, making it vulnerable to magical blasts it was formerly immune to.
* The Tarrasque is afraid of its own reflection. A large enough mirror will scare it away.
* Green Slime is the Tarrasque's secret weakness. Feed it green slime to kill it.
* Treating the Tarrasque's carapace in acid and melting it in a forge results in a bounty of valuable diamonds being released.


484. Ghostly Sounds. This plain book, when opened, makes a variety of different sounds. The strange thing about the book is that the sounds may be different even if you flip to the same page of the book at a different time. It is actually a modified version of the clairaudience spell. Each page is attuned to a different location within the castle the book is found within. It was designed to serve as a spying device for the Royal Spymaster, who could look to be reading innocently in the library yet be listening in on conversations throughout the building. Sounds around the book do no transfer to these locations. Each page depicts a location in the castle and indeed the book can give the reader a +2 bonus to any rolls to navigate the castle, it is quite thorough in its descriptions.

485. Hear no Evil. Reputedly, this book was penned by an angelic choir before being gifted to one of the good-aligned faiths. No one can agree on which faith, as pictures within this pure white book show religious iconography from all good faiths. Anyone reading through the book who is a divine caster will hear faintly the sounds of a heavenly choir as they read. Evil divine casters are sickened for as long as they try to read the book and one minute after. Neutral divine casters are shaken for a similar time. Good divine casters may add the spells ghost sound, silence, sound burst, shout, and greater shout to the spell list of one divine class they possess after spending a week reading this book, using the cleric or wizard level for each spell as the new spell level. For spontaneous casters, these are bonus spells known. Other readers are unaffected by the book, though they may feel uneasy (if neutral or evil) or a bit happier (if good).


486: The Chronicles of Rodimar Ravenblade

This collection of books tells the story of a half-elven hero. They are poorly written, to put it charitably.

To begin, Rodimar is utterly perfect. He is a master warrior, able to use any weapon he grabs with expert proficiency. He wears plate mail, yet dodges out of the way of all but the most inconsequential attacks. He casts arcane or divine spells with no mention of studying, praying, or preparation of any kind. He has any skill or knowledge that seems necessary for the 'plot' at the moment.

Worse, although the writer claims he is cursed by his 'half-blood' status, looked down on by everyone he meets, this is never shown, as everyone reacts with fawning awe upon seeing him. Every women he meets is instantly smitten, and he usually reciprocates, always leaving them at the end, and yet nobody ever seems to mind.

The plots are mostly copied directly from other, better, stories, as well as real-world events, especially tales of other adventurers. These can be the most offensive, as Rodimar often just walks in to the middle of the plot and cleans it up handily, with the other story characters, no matter how powerful they are (In story or real life) sitting back and letting Rodimus handle things. Or, worse, shown as completely incapable of solving the problem, but stealing all the credit when Rodimus solves it single-handedly.

Developments:
*The margins are filled with notes complaining about every problem in the books. Depending on whose library the PCs find the book in, they may focus on the horrid inaccuracies in the spellcasting, the ridiculous descriptions of combat and large-scale war, or (If the PCs find it in a Big Bad's library) notes on the absurdity of the idiot villains without any decent motivation.
*For a bit of humour, perhaps the owner of the collection is actually a big fan. Imagine the horror upon realizing the big bad of the campaign is a fan of these stories. (Or, for even more horror, the Big Bad is the one writing them!)
*If the PCs are famous enough, have the most recent books actually detail one of their adventures. To their likely disgust, have the PCs in the book described as bumbling, incompetent morons who steal the glory from Rodimar when he comes in and saves the day.
*To add a bit of sadness, have the PCs discover that the books are written by a child of the Big Bad or similar powerful figure. This child, neglected at best by their villainous parent, have resorted to cheap escapism in order to cope with their life. Perhaps this explains why several of the books seem inspired by the PC's adventures.


487: Stories of the Shacklebreakers

This story series details the adventures of the Shacklebreakers, a band of heroes dedicating to freeing slaves and battling against slavery.

At first glance, the stories are fairly average, nothing impressive but at least consistent and mildly entertaining. Further reading, however, notes rather worringly lurid descriptions of the numerous busty, nubile, underdressed women slaves they almost always seem to be rescuing, and a distressing amount of detail on their restraints.

For added humour, have the most blatant portions of the book be purposefully dog-eared for easy reference.

Scarab Sages

488. The Absalomite's Big Book of Cavalier Cartoons: This hefty grimoire consists of page after page of woodcuts depicting Cavaliers in various situations, with a short caption at the bottom of each one, usually intended to portray something being said by one of the figures in the woodcut. Each is intended to be humorous, the humor being based on some well-known stereotype about Cavaliers or about current events pertinent to Cavaliers. Nobody enjoys this sort of humor more than Cavaliers, and readers who take the 2d4 days needed to finish the book acquire a permanent +1 bonus to Diplomacy and Perform checks directed at Cavaliers; readers who are Cavaliers themselves gain a +2 bonus to these checks against other Cavaliers, as well as a +1 bonus to these checks against all other creatures who have a solid basic idea of what Cavaliers are (laughing at oneself can open doors, after all).

Needless to say, there are other, similar grimoires also bearing the hallmark of The Absalomite that have been published about most every other PC class; the contents and benefits of these are the same as those listed above, but applied to whichever other class that particular book is about.


489. Life//Death. This is a pretty thick book, the size of a college textbook. One cover says in simple text, "Life". If you look at the back cover, you must flip it around, but the word on that cover is "Death". Anyone who opens the book to "Life" learns a great deal about anatomy, health, and the book then goes on to describe creatures and their roles in the world. Reading this section grants a +1 bonus on Knowledge (nature) checks due to the fundamentals of ecology described therein, as well as +1 on Heal checks. If the "Death" side is read, there is a great deal of information regarding the various poisons, diseases, and ailments of the world, culminating in descriptions of not so nice demises. This section ends with a description of what happens when a person dies, detailing the passage into the afterlife. Reading this section grants a +1 on Knowledge (planes) checks as well as another +1 bonus to Heal checks. Reading either section takes a week of time, in 8 hour increments. Both sections take the same amount of time. There is a small chance (5%) that anyone reading both sections will find the book now has a third section: Undeath. This section details the methods for becoming undead, particularly rituals for lichdom. Readers of this section are considered 2 levels higher for the purposes of determining how many undead they control, as well as for determining their caster level when casting animate dead, create undead, or similar spells.


The adventures guide to fine dining: This book contains recipes for the well to do adventure. This book has recipes such as Dragon stakes, pickled Goblin ears, Werewolf brains, and Moonflower pod skin soup.

Liberty's Edge

[b]491. Sexual Dysfunction In The Elven Male[\b]

The text of this time has the typical juxtaposition between the titalating and the disgusting, with an occasional entry specific to elves that may teach more than is desired.

The notable part if this tone is that the inner covers, and much of the margins, are filled with inscriptions from one Elven man to another; the book has been a gag gift for centuries. "Elandil, Happy Festivus. Check page 47, then see the doctor...." Might be a typical entry. Enhancements with various enchantments, such as magic mouth, programmed illusions, etc. just add to the fun.

Hook: book can serve as evidence that two characters new each other; or, proof is provided that a character was still alive on a certain date.

Note: book based on an actual volume found in a second hand store going back to the 1920s. I regularly kick myself that I didn't buy it.


492) The Book of Books
This book appears to be a normal book with a single blue bookmark.
It's totally blank, there is an infinite number of pages, and writings bounces away whenever something is written on any page.

Trying to open the page corresponding to the blue bookmark is astonishingly difficult and it requires an Intelligence Check (CD 34) to find a method to open it (examples of methods are: looking at it for 9 days without ever blinking, pulling the bookmark so quick that the arm that moved it dis-attache from the body, convince the book to simply open itself with words despite it lacks intelligence of any sort, convincing at least 100000 people that the color blue doesn't actually exist, forgetting how to breath, and so on). Any other attempt fails without results. Only bonus that always applies can be applied to this check, and Aid Another cannot be applied.

Whenever someone puts a book inside a pair of blank pages of the Book of Books and close them together, the second absorbs the first, generating a new bookmark (of a different color). When the book is opened at a bookmark page, it shows the corresponding book inserted at the last page being read, and turning pages respect the behavior of the normal original book. In any other case (except the blue bookmark's page and the first page cases) the Book of Books is blank. Any number of book can be inserted into the Book of Books, it always generates a new bookmark of a different color, and any book maintains any capacities it had before the absorption. When there are at least 2 bookmark, the first page shows the title of each book with the corresponding color of the bookmark pointing at it (but the blue one).

If a bookmark is destroyed (0 hardness, 2 hp), the next time the Book of Books is opened, it release the book in the conditions it was the time it was inserted, and the book is totally erased from the Book of Books. Books can be inserted again.

If something/one manages to open the book at the blue bookmark, all the books inside the Book of Books are instantly destroyed, but the Book of Books itself become any book that can grant an Inherent bonus to an ability score (+2). This can be chosen by writing a wish demanding this bonus on the blue bookmark (There will be enough space on it once the writer discovers a method).

When the book is used in this way, it return to his original function, without any sing of a blue bookmark (colors of new bookmarks are never blue).


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493) Reproduction and Mating Habits of the Otyugh

Trust me….. You don't want to know.


More for 492) I would add 6 books already in there with bookmarks every other color of the rainbow. This is a good way to introduce my favorite books from this list and confuse players because the red bookmark is easy to access.


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494) Grillin' with Mammy Graul, Hillbilly Cookin' Done Right!


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Goth Guru wrote:
More for 492) I would add 6 books already in there with bookmarks every other color of the rainbow. This is a good way to introduce my favorite books from this list and confuse players because the red bookmark is easy to access.

That book is very versatile. Maybe you want to decrease its power but that's your choice. I usually use this at level 14+ so it makes sense.

Back on topic;

495) Stop being a lich NOW and become mortal AGAIN!
This book emits a lot of positive energy as an aura of 15 foot where undeads receive a penalty to Channel energy DC saves equal to -2.
It explain 99 sure ways to free a lich from his own phylactery.
If a lich is willing to follow any of the instructions found in the book, it must save against a CD 30 Will save. If it succeeds, he returns to his original form as a mortal in 3d4 days. A failure simply means that the lich adds a cumulative +1 on that save, which can be attempted once per day. The old phylactery then doesn't work anymore, but it still worth 60000 gp.


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496) Naked, Came I, Memoirs of a Succubus


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497. The BBG Guide to Exposition & How to Avoid it.
498. Bewildering Koan - a lay-gnome's guide... Or is it?
499. Anatomy and Transfusions across the Humanoid Races - +2 to Heal Skill to heal humanoid races.
500. How to prove your parenthood! A Bastard's Guide. As a side note Bastard's Guides have proven persistently popular within many adventuring groups and often discuss such topics as Overthrowing Evil Rulers and the Tactics of battling Half-Siblings.


501) The Antipaladin guide to Fall From Grace
The cover of the book is warded against goodness and laws, and it's protected by Protection from Good/Law. When it's read by a paladin, it appears to be an old book of his good faith.
It provides wrong hints and tips for a paladin who risks to fall and good ones for the ones who are willing to embrace darkness.
Some of the "hints" are;
1) You are a good person, so you are justified for whatever you do.
2) You can't be wrong.
3) Punish evil whenever it shows, it's better to prevent things from getting worse.
4) Forgiving people's sins is not going to work; they'll have the chance to do harm again.
5) You have to respect your paladin code, it doesn't matter the situation.
6) It's good not to be charitable; you need the money to buy a sword and poor people is not going to kill demons and alike.
7) "Because it's evil" is always acceptable as an excuse.
8) If you ever need any help, read again this book.

Burning this book halves the price of an atonement spell when it's used to restore a paladin's lost power.


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502) I Will Destroy You All!!!, Rovagug's guide to life


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captain yesterday wrote:
502) I Will Destroy You All!!!, Rovagug's guide to life

Morbo the Destroyer wrote a glittering review of this.


101 Uses For A Dead Gnome - this thin softbound book features 101 not-very-humorous uses for dead gnomes, such as draft excluder and footrest. It does, however, accompany each with an excellently done woodcut demonstrating the use and is often collected for the woodcuts, even by gnomes who find the text rather revolting.


Great ideas!

Owly wrote:

1. A blood-stained, hand-drawn almanac of an unknown continent, in an unkown ocean, ...signed by a well-known explorer who is known to be long dead, but is dated just a few years ago in a not-too-distant city.

2. Treatise on Aberrants in the Darke with Recipes by Marco Ramius(+2 on Aberration Knowledge rolls for the next adventure)

3. A buckled and locked book that radiates both evil and magic. It has a piece of parchment tucked into one of the straps explaining that said book should be buried and forgotten when found, the ground salted and blessed, and Memory Lapse cast on everyone present. Also, it instructs the reader to add his/her name to the list (at the bottom). ...there are a dozen names on that list.

4. Book of Axiomatic Experimentations by Rupul Darvallis, which contains various spells for dealing with Chaos and Law, and instructions for summoning a particularly Axiomatic servitor, "Master Manfrenjensen" who (if the spell is completed) takes the form of a very knowledgeable librarian concerned only with order and procedure...

5. An art folio of what appears to be an exotic race of fey creatures, and some curious land formations in the background, as well as some hurriedly-scribbled phrases and words in the margins. There is a hastily drawn map as well, showing where three rivers come together. There is a strange, dried flower blossom pressed between the pages.


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504) Might, Right or Smite, Iomodae's Guide to Parenting

Shadow Lodge

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505.) I Fthagen, and so can you!: Written by the disturbed alchemist Lazarus S. Brixton, Gentleman of Calva. In it he discusses the treatise he has learned from examining the blasphemous and abhorrent writings of the secret cults of the Lot family and their shadow cult on the furthest fringes of the frontier. The book also contains many disjointed and rambling yarns in which he discusses his conversations with an entity he refers to as The Queen, the tentacled monarch of his proud homeland. Many readers debate as to whether this character is a delusion of his eroding sanity or an entity from the dark tapestry taking an approximate form of his beloved monarch. Some editions even make mention of greater creatures and architects, a builder of a grand device referred to as The Psychosis Beacon. This is the only surviving instance referencing the mysterious manuscript of the Lot family.

506.) The Complete Study of the Frontier Ghost Scorpion: Another tome by the mad alchemist Lazarus S. Brixton, this thick tome covers the most complete and thorough review and study of the mysterious Ghost Scorpions often found in the deserts and arid plains of the northern frontier. Like many of his previous books after his recognition as a scholar in the scholastic fields this tome shows signs of his degrading mental condition, with sudden breaks in his studies to discuss the topic with his muse, a being he refers to as The Queen. Despite these episodes the tome is still one of the most thorough and complete studies of the beasts ever put to paper.

Both of these are inspired by the alchemist in my home game and the books he has been pinning since the campaign began.


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507) The Idiots Guide to Wizardry
508) Things to Hate, Ted Nugents Handy Handbook of Favored Enemies


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509) Music of the Ninth Hell: A large tome penned in Infernal, this book has music from every type of creature that lives in hell, from the orchestras of the devils to the strange discordant music of the asuras. While the author says it's name is Aserar Dialbex, it is too in-depth to be written by any human.


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captain yesterday wrote:

507) The Idiots Guide to Wizardry

508) Things to Hate, Ted Nugents Handy Handbook of Favored Enemies

507 is about the computer game. Some argue about what a computer is, while others claim Glorion is a computer game and thus you cannot have a computer within it.


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510. (no title). The book itself is plain in appearance when seen on the shelf. No title on the spine at all. Picking it up reveals it is sticky to the touch and does not want to open. When it does, it reveals a fanged maw. Congratulations, you found a baby mimic. All the other books on the shelves? More baby mimics. The shelves? Those are the parents. Prepare for a baby mimic swarm and multiple angry mother mimics.

Sczarni

511. Short Stories by Kib Glibwit This book is a collection of 34 short stories by a gnomish author from Riddleport. Glibwit's stories all feature gnome or halfling protagonists, and a major theme of his work is the struggle of living in a human-dominated city and dealing with human prejucides against the shorter folk. Reading this book grants you a +2 circumstance bonus on Diplomacy and Knowledge: Local checks involving Small races or the city of Riddleport.


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Lathiira wrote:
510. (no title). The book itself is plain in appearance when seen on the shelf. No title on the spine at all. Picking it up reveals it is sticky to the touch and does not want to open. When it does, it reveals a fanged maw. Congratulations, you found a baby mimic. All the other books on the shelves? More baby mimics. The shelves? Those are the parents. Prepare for a baby mimic swarm and multiple angry mother mimics.

I think I'm going to have to borrow this into another thread, figure out the CR and add it to a pre-built AP I'm GMing. This sounds terrifying and fun.


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Third Mind wrote:
Lathiira wrote:
510. (no title). The book itself is plain in appearance when seen on the shelf. No title on the spine at all. Picking it up reveals it is sticky to the touch and does not want to open. When it does, it reveals a fanged maw. Congratulations, you found a baby mimic. All the other books on the shelves? More baby mimics. The shelves? Those are the parents. Prepare for a baby mimic swarm and multiple angry mother mimics.
I think I'm going to have to borrow this into another thread, figure out the CR and add it to a pre-built AP I'm GMing. This sounds terrifying and fun.

Please feel free! Who hasn't seen a book with teeth? Now you know what you're dealing with. If the PCs hate it or love it, point them here to see who is responsible, I don't mind! LOL


I'll do just that.


512 Spells to Kill the Ignorant by Divivch. This traveling spellbook contains Magic Missile, Cone of Cold, Cloudkill, and several other spells of the GM's choosing. If anyone tries to burn it the fire goes out as it generates a cloud kill spell effect. The book won't even be singed.


I was looking through the topic to see if I already posted 512. That's how I found this...
237. Belts through the ages. An in depth treatise into the development of belt-making across the centuries. Potentially could give some small bonus should the pcs ever seek to identify or craft a magical melt.
The book obviously has this misspelling several times, so if the reader just assumes the author meant belt every time the book is still useful.

Scarab Sages

513. Eat, Pray, Love: A practical primer for worshiping Urgathoa.

Shadow Lodge

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514. A Robot's Guide to Humanity: Written by the great AI Alpha 496 this leather bound tome seems to be a guide to the social, cultural, and psychological interactions between the various races along with a quick guide on how to best respond to them as a walking machine. Often criticized as a fake by technologist whom believe that a machine has better ways to store data than a book, this is often seen as a fools buy. 496 and other machines though see it as a true value as storing the data in written format better prepares many of its users for the, "horrible and backwards nature that most flesh beings do things."

Scarab Sages

Third Mind wrote:

468) The Likes Of Which You Have Never Seen

Unknown author. This small, pocket sized, tan hard covered book lists the word "Like" in every single language possible. Even ones that no one knew existed.

469) 10 Steps to Summoning the Best Thing Ever

Unknown author. The tone of the book is overall quite cheery, making the steps to summon the "best thing ever" extremely easy to understand, drawn pictures and everything. The reader of the book must make a will save against a DC of 20 (illusory script) or enact the ritual necessary to summon the "best thing ever", which turns out to be an random elder god.

470) Decisions, Decisions

Written by Steve the Seer. This large, hard covered, leather back tome is filled with pages that have numerous sentences made up of long underlines followed by a question mark at the end, with a small box just after the question mark. The first three fourths of the book have been written on, each underline with a question written on it, asking about a decision that needs to be made. A straight forward green yes or red no filled in the box after the written question. The book acts as the augury spell, except questions must be written so that it can be answered with a simple yes or no.

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Apologies if one of these has been written before. I haven't looked through all of the pages. Is this part a joke?

515. Trail Jerky: Though the author of this respectably-sized book is anonymous, they were pretty obviously a crusty, probably Neutral Good, Ranger. It is a helpful guide to wilderness travel and survival for adventurers and other travelers who don't know much about it, interspersed heavily with poems, jokes, and stories long circulated among wilderness adventurers. Most importantly, copies of it are invariably made of entirely of cured, seasoned meat. It is edible, nourishing, and pretty tasty, although as the first page admonishes readers: "Don't forget to eat your greens!" If used as a reference only and uneaten, the book provides a +3 bonus to Survival checks. If eaten, it provides a +8 bonus to Survival checks, but only lasts for a total of 2 months (in addition to feeding the reader, consuming it appears to magically augment the reader/eater's expertise, as well).


516.Fun With Alchemy Using Common Household Ingredients: no author. this awkwardly sized 11&3/4" by 12&1/3" volume comes with a hard(ish) cover made of laminated paper which is delaminating, the pages were probably bound with the disintegrating glue of which remnants are found on the edges of some pages, and the printing was done in an ink which ran and makes it hard to read. The text purports to contain directions for simple experiments like model volcanoes. The book does provide some amusement in imagining what household would consider the white from a medium sized roc egg, the drool from the middle mouth of a 3-headed dog, the shadow cast by bat during a gibbous moon, the leaves from an ancient mandrake plant or similar to be common ingredients as these are to found in every formula. Attempting to follow the directions for any of the experiments results in an unhealthy looking thick brownish liquid which:

  • 1) permanently gives any surface coated with it a tacky & greasy feeling which does nothing except make those who touch the object think it would be a good idea to wash
  • 2) makes anyone who drinks it feel queasy, which can be quite a novel experience for goblins or otyugh, but has no other effect
  • 3) never becomes solid no matter what is done too it
  • 4) if ignited will produce a thick smoke which causes -2 to all rolls for the next 24 hours made by the person who ignites it, no matter how far away from the liquid they are when they ignite it as long as they are on the same plane.

  • Grand Lodge

    Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

    517. "The Making of Ishtar". Only Hell would greenlight a book dedicated to one of the two films that actually put me to sleep in a movie theater.

    Years later, I tried watching this film on Netflix. Fell asleep again.


    LazarX wrote:
    517. "The Making of Ishtar".

    Written, no doubt, by Ninurta.


    I'm hiding in your closet wrote:
    Is this part a joke?

    Nope. Honestly wasn't sure if someone had come up with the same concepts. More so the last one.

    518. Martin's Magnificent Index - This extremely large tome indexes all books immediately upon their creation, indicating title, the name of author (if written onto the book) and its current location, which is updated constantly. If destroyed or hidden by proper means (lead box, magic, etc...) the location merely reads "NA". The location only applies to the very first book created in this way. New pages are magically added when room for more information has run out.

    519. A Civil Commoner's Pocket Translator: Illiterate Barbarian Edition - This pocket sized faded green colored booklet translates common Barbarian ravings into speech that commoners can understand.

    Some Examples:

    "I'm going to tear your head off of your shoulders and throw it at the nearest ill tempered elk!" translates to, "It is good to have a friend who enjoys hunting. Quick. Look at that elk over there!"

    "RAWR!!!" translates to, "I disagree greatly with your being here at this moment."

    "More wine!" translates to, "More wine... please."

    520. Unknown - This book has no title and looks rather ordinary at a glance. A DC 25 knowledge History or Religion indicates the book as being one of the few rare copies of an ancient cult known only as The Darkest Secret. The book can only be read by using Read Magic, otherwise it looks to be only gibberish. Those that can read it are immediately warned on the first page to never speak of the contents aloud. Only whispering allows the reader to impart its knowledge to others. Whoever reads this book from front to back or is taught in great detail of its contents (taking 1d8 hours) gains a permanent +1 bonus to either Caster Level, Attack with one chosen weapon or a +3 increase to one skill of choice.

    Any that speak of the books contents aloud are immediately struck Deaf and Mute as the bestow curse spell, except with no save.

    [Note: Probably a bit much in terms of bonus if the players are at all smart. Might be harsh punishment as well... but I can be a harsh person at times.]

    521. The Faces Book - Legend has it that this moderately sized dark brown leather bound book was created as a granted wish by an old leprechaun in exchange for its stolen gold. The thief had asked for an item that would allow one to disguise their appearance almost perfectly, yet be easily hidden. Each page has an extremely detailed picture of a face upon it. Each face on each page is different in its own ways.

    When used, the item gives a +12 bonus to disguise. The leprechaun wasn't happy with the thief of course, so in order to use the item one must forcefully and painfully slam their face directly into the desired page of a book to gain it's facial disguise. This deals 1d6 non-lethal damage. In order to change from face to face, one must slam their face back into the same page they had gained their disguise from and then slam their face into the next disguise they desire to use. There is a 10% chance of getting a nose bleed upon slamming ones face into the book (rolled by GM each time they use the books ability). If one gets a bloody nose in this fashion, they receive a +5 to their disguise skill instead of the normal +12 until they are healed properly.

    522. The Readers Rainbow - When one opens this red colored hard back book, a vivid rainbow shoots out from the blank, gold colored pages leading to the nearest magical creature. Whether they are hostile or not is not known.


    523. Lower Laws of the Universe, Volume 235. A thick tome made of sheets of thin metal beaten even thinner with a cover of the same, this book weighs a good twenty pounds. Written rules regarding the laws of magic and physics are covered in this work. If a reader spends an hour reading through the book, they may make a DC 30 Intelligence check. Every hour past the first grants a cumulative +2 bonus to this check. If failed, nothing happens other than they get a mild headache (fatigued). If made, the reader finds an obscure law of the universe that can be exploited to deal with a situation at hand. Treat this as a limited wish spell. After doing so, the reader cannot use this book again for twenty-four hours. A team of inevitables is dispatched to reclaim the book after any use, as the tome belongs in a library in Axis and was stolen long ago.


    524. The Arshean Family

    As the title suggests, this is a book about raising a family according to Arshean beliefs. The advice is organized by topic and phrased in a practical, matter-of-fact manner. Notable topics include childhood sexuality, dietary practices, discerning potential sex partners from sex predators, disease prevention, inheritance, jealousy, outercourse, and parenting arrangements.


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    525.) The Art of War

    Written by a Tianien strategist named Sun Tzu, referencing this book gives its reader a +2 to any Knowledge Checks dealing with warfare.

    526.) A Knife's Guide to Knives

    This book details how to create and maintain daggers, including tips on how to sharpen, clean, and polish them. The book itself also radiates moderate transmutation magic, and if the proper command word is said, will transform into a +2 Dagger. Saying the word again reverts it back into book form.


    527. Like My Father Before Me: a murderhobo's guide to murderhoboin'.
    528. Just What Kind of Crap Is This?: a tracker's scatological guide to scat... now in scratch'n'sniff!
    529. Choose Your Own Adventure: a map leading to the exit of the current library or bookstore.

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