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Waterhammer wrote:

The Waterhammer Chanel. There is stuff to see, and sounds to hear. It's fascinating.

The Chanel Waterhammer is even better.

Chic, deliciously scented, and 1d8 Bludgeoning damage, or more, in expert hands.


Need a fire with that?

(Holds up a delayed fireball)


Shall we watch my channel?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Your channel is scrambled on my tv.

Sovereign Court

*Everyone's TV shows get interrupted (again).*

"We interrupt your daily viewing for a special news bulletin."

*The newscaster reads from the piece of paper that he's holding.*

"Due to a lack of intervention, the nation of Taldor has become populated with worgen (a type of werewolf created by elven magic) and that anyone who goes there will either be killed and eaten or turned into a worgen. Everyone is advised to stay away from Taldor as much as possible. In other news, the new ruler of Taldor (TBBWOK) has decreed that the nation will be at the forefront of the tourism industry and that people visiting Taldor will be given a special care package containing lots of money and many other things to make your stay comfortable and memorable."


*Turns off TV*

Eh, nothing good is on.


Especially since the Great Taldan Wolf-Off got moved to Channel 4.


He's competing with Shere Khan over there.


There is no competition. I have already won.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Except you make an excellent rug Mowglis told me all about it.


*changes channel again*
*VO Announcer: "Next on a very special GoatToucher Island..."*


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Oh! Is it the GoatToucher Island Christmas Special?


Featuring the seasonal Krampus Rump-us, 'turkey baste' and wetsuit competition.


No, that was last year's special.
This year's is about GoatToucher stranded on rubber raft adrift at sea surrounded by sharks.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Poor sharks


These are Hugh Hefner-breathing sharks, though.


They may have a certain amount of immunity.


:takes out a bucket labeled "shark aphrodisiac", slathers himself with the contents, winks at the camera, and dives into the water:


1 person marked this as a favorite.

MY EYES!!!! SOMEONE GIVE ME THE BLEACH!!!


GoatToucher wrote:
:takes out a bucket labeled "shark aphrodisiac", slathers himself with the contents, winks at the camera, and dives into the water:

I wonder if that might have been a mistake. I heard sharks kill rivals.


I thought sharks circled their prey. All these sharks seem to be swimming away. Except for that one with the gimpy tail fin.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Message board troll wrote:
MY EYES!!!! SOMEONE GIVE ME THE BLEACH!!!

I CAN'T!!! I ALREADY USED IT ALL ON MY EYES!!!

Grand Lodge

Godamnit stan! Why would you use ALL the bleach?! A cup works just fine!


:water froths with activity, the occasional dorsal fin or naked posterior momentarily emerging:


Huh. He's actually going easy on the shark. That's nice of him.


Oh, so that's why they call them 'Hammerheads'.

Learn a new thing every day, don't you?


I actively avoid it. I've only got an intelligence of 8, and I try to ration my skill points for Diplomacy and Bluff. Ain't got time for none of 'em fancy shmancy knowledge checks.


So, what happened? GoatToucher was eaten by sharks? How droll.


I believe the sharks "ate" him.


Psst!

Nobody mention Capricorns to him...


:as the frothing subsides, he emerges from the water. A number of shark teeth are embedded in his body, and there is a chunk out of his left thigh. He smiles broadly.:

Bracing!

:below the surface, swimming away with a look of what can only be called shame in their doll-black eyes, the sharks weep:

Sovereign Court

*Camera pans back to GoatToucher's Island, where a worgen newscaster is reporting on the smashing display of 'Shark Shaming '.*

"What a fantastic show of nature that combines festive dancing and grand, artistic talent! Remember folks, these displays of brilliance are proudly sponsored and brought to you by 'The Taldor Travel Agency ' where all destinations are FREE! So don't delay, book your next flight today!"


(Sits on his infernal seat, watching the broadcast and scrying the airport)

As soon as people are prepping the means of flight, not yet boarded....it suddenly combusts, utterly burning down.

Hah-HAHAHAHAHA!!!


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* walks toward the burning airport with some sticks, some chocolate bars, a box of graham crackers, and a bag of marshmallows *

Anyone up for s'mores?


The Fiend Fantastic wrote:

(Sits on his infernal seat, watching the broadcast and scrying the airport)

As soon as people are prepping the means of flight, not yet boarded....it suddenly combusts, utterly burning down.

Hah-HAHAHAHAHA!!!

It's Macho Grande all over again...


Are things getting dire?


Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:
Are things getting dire?

RRRAAAHHHHRRRR!!*

*Yep!


Easy now, great bear.

I know you're be excited about starring in a canadian maple syrup commercial, but it's all going to be fine.

The bear necessities of life will come for you.

(Firebolts any sing-alongers)


Yes, you're right. My necessities are bare, thankyou for asking.

Careful with that firebolt.


Ow ow ow ow ow!

Meanie!


Give him what for!


The green four! Let's give him the green four!


1. Emerald
2. British Racing
3. Mint
4. Snot

OK. What now?


Now we make them do poses!

Sovereign Court

My, what hideous poses you make!

*Eyes narrow and snarls viciously.*

The better excuse to kill you for!

*Promptly kills Jokey and everyone else doing the poses.*


*Pops out of a nearby hole*

Fangs for the feedback!


You must have the beer necessities, the beer necessities. Shalm-a-lama-a-doom-shawm-shalm!


I count that as a parody sing-along.

(Firebolt to Waterhammer's head)


Hit him again for good measure.


Okay..

(Firebolt #2 to Waterhammer's head)

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