Jokey the Unfunny Comedian's page

I believe that all ancestries should have their names changed to reflect their size relative to an arbitrary "whole".

Dwarves = Broadlings

Elves = Thinlings

Humans = Dire Halflings

Orcs = One and a Halflings

Gnomes = Thirdlings

Goblins = Slightly more than a Thirdlings

And then any mixed heritage you just do the math.

Orc/Halfling? 1.5 x 0.5 = Three-Quartersling

Human/Halfling = Half-Dire Half-Ling

Gnome/Dwarf? Height 1 Base 2 x .333 = H1/3 by Base 2/3rds-ling.

It's obviously the most intuitive way to call everyone.

That’s Numberwang!

Ma-hara-gyrus. You guys are all forgetting the invisible letters in the word that you can only read when you cast Detect Magic.

Errenor wrote:

Even children raised in utter isolation, who never hear a word of any mortal speech in their short lives, can communicate in Necril once slain and animated as undead. From these experiments and others, I must conclude that somehow the knowledge is carried on the currents of negative magic, and gradually seeps into the undead’s awareness over the course of days or weeks.

I like how the passage just casually skips past raising kids in complete isolation and then murdering them and raising them as undead to see if they'd still speak Necril like it's a completely normal thing barely worth mentioning. Can't do science without the occasional moral atrocity!

In Geb those are known as “whoopsie-doodles.”

Mios was cheating. The glabrezu was done dirty.

"Wait a minute! Did you just exploit a bunch of weaknesses with one attack?"

"Yeah. So?"

"That's against the rules, isn't it?"

"Screw the rules! I have esoterica!"

Shouldn’t we be continuing this discussion on the Postmature discussion about the Thaumaturge thread since the book is now released?

Also, the sheer bureaucratic sprawl of both Pharasma's mortal church(es, since it's a pretty widespread but not globally unified faith) and that of the psychopomps themselves likely slow down any major efforts at stamping out undead that much further, and that's on top of all their other different but no less important duties - after all, Pharasmins aren't purely undead exterminators, they're morticians, scholars and regular everyday clergy as well.

"I'm sorry, but did you have a warrant for stamping out that vampire cult?"

Nanomachines, son!

"While you were learning to talk, I was studying the claw."

Karmagator wrote:

It being a popular weapon in Arcadia is what basically guarantees it.

I mean, the weapon outright says it uses regular firearm, aka black powder, ammunition.

The lore writeups also explicitly call out Air Guns as having short range and low stopping power and that as a result air guns have been losing popularity in Arcadia. The Harmona gun has the highest damage die and longest range of any firearm in the game, it very much does not fit that description.

Regarding black powder weapons in Arcadia, we're told that they're "a new development" not that they're unheard of. They're even explicitly becoming more popular in the Deadshot Lands. Skymetal guns, beast guns and air guns are more established, but the harmona clearly isn't any of those.

Plus, again, the book already tells us it uses black powder ammunition.

I think you forgot to mention that the book lists it as using black powder ammunition.

I can’t believe everyone has already forgotten that all dungeons in Golarion are made out of soundproofium alloy.

I feel weapon inventor is on par with other options but doesn't feel like it. There's value to being able to have a weapon with Versatile BPS, or grappling+trip on a 1d10 reach weapon, etc, but a lot of the power is less obvious than Armor just saying "resist everything" eventually, or "cloaking device". It's not as splashy.

Inventor has standard martial damage boosts. Overdrive starts at +2 damage, +4 on crit. You get a bonus 1d6 of energy at 9 with Offensive Boost. It's a lot of fairly unconditional damage on your main weapon.

And then yes, you get Explode which is basically free Fireball level damage every fight, at level 1, which is amazing for usability. Megavolt is basically Electric Arc and once per fight Lightning Bolt. Both of these can be reused if you're lucky and eventually become twice per fight baseline.

Weapon Inventor also gets that ridiculous late game feat to just strike everything everywhere at zero MAP. (Come to think of it, Inventor overlaps some with Barbarian in what kind of things they can do).

It makes sense if you think about it. Barbarians deal damage by working out their arm muscles. Inventors deal damage by working out their head muscle.

Totally Not Gorbacz wrote:

Funny, I didn't know that French post-revolution anarchy was caused by ** spoiler omitted ** but as usual with Ixal, you learn something new every time he spins his "Golarion is Earth with dragons" tale.

opens history book, points exasperatingly

It's written right here!

Huh. I guess Maximilien Robespierre was a giant worm from another dimension after all. The more you know.

Rysky wrote:

Dodgeball?

You enter into the lich's chamber. It stands before you, an eerie and unwholesome light glowing in its eyesockets. The undead hefts a strange orb, pointing it in your direction. Its jaw crackles with disuse as it opens its mouth and, before lobbing the orb at you asks, "Art thou ready for this?"

"Verily, foul undead thing! I will come on and slam! So be prepared for the jam!"

Alchemic_Genius wrote:

LandSwordBear wrote:

Damn rogues stole the point of the thread….Wizards, fumble around with your not-slings and cudgel these beweapon’d churls into paste!

Typical rogue, stealing everything

Hey, that's a stereotype!

Just like all Bards using rapiers and instruments!

Wizards and rogues are natural enemies!

Like foppish stereotypes and bards!

Or a horny reputation and bards!

Or emotion-proof enemies and bards!

Or bards and other bards!

Damn bards! They ruined music!

Deriven Firelion wrote:

Paizo will never let wizards have simple weapon proficiency. Wizards have no time to train with anything but that list as they are too busy learning magic in a superior fashion to others to learn all simple weapons.

If a druid can learn how to work a crossbow between editions, a wizard can learn to use a spear (which is different from a staff because someone sharpened one end).

Asking a wizard to know if the pointy end gets stuck in the enemy is too hard! Only smart people could know that kind of advanced knowledge!

Man, it sure is nice that a Fighter multi classing into Magus gets eternally regenerating temporary hit points, or the ability to block magical damage with their shield, or the ability to spellstrike with a ranged weapon.

Magi are, without a doubt, the greatest users of the simple staff in the game due to the Twisted Tree Hybrid study.

Because fighters now are not the unquestioned best at using every single weapon in the game, they are now low-tier trash best lost to the dustbin of history.

My prediction is the Buttermancer, an Occult Caster who weaves their magicks through the uncanny power of baked goods.

The Raven Black wrote:

Temperans wrote:

As Graystone put it. There was a very big debate about how much "Summoning" the class was doing. 1 side said that it was, because of 1 word in the playtest description of the class. While the other said that nothing in the class actually supported it, and that was a problem. Some asked for more summon support (like me), others asked for a name change (not me).

Now that the class has been released and all mentions of summoning are restricted to a handful of feats. Most of which don't actually make you better at summoning. I felt like it had to be pointed out. Regardless of how the class works, if the Summoner isn't good at summoning and the main feature is specifically called out to not be summoning, then it fails to deliver.

Because like my example, Greystone's example, or "is this your wallet?" Meme:

Are you a Summoner? wrote:

Do you summon a creature as your main feature? No.

Do you get an ability to summon more? Not really.
Do you have support for summoning rituals? No.
Do you have a lot of support for summons? No.
Are you a Summoner? Yes.

It's just a jarring thing to see when Druid and Wizard are better. When Wizard has literally some of the worst feats in the game.

TBH I feel like Oracle has it a thousand times worse, from the very beginning. And yet there is no comparable ruckus.

Meanwhile I'm out here with my favorite classes being the Ranger, Oracle and from what I've read but not yet experienced in real life playing the game, The Summoner.

I do have experience with Ranger and Oracle for real though. I guess I'm an oddball.

Rangers aren't even forced to use ranged weapons. Game is literally unplayable.

Fireball

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Fireball is coming
Right onto you

Roses are red

What would a "dedicated necromancer" actually be doing?

Romancing necks, I think?

Guntermench wrote:

Mildly surprised no one has pointed at "Barbarian" as being problematic.

Could be worse. At least we don't have Hanna-Barberians.

My personal favorite subclass for them is the Pic-a-Nic Basket Instinct.

Sanityfaerie wrote:

Schreckstoff wrote:

With the Magus there's an Arcane Fighter now and the monk and paladin are occult/divine fighters leaving a hole that is a primal fighter.

Which could be the shifter but wholly elemental themed would be nice too.

Other than that it's difficult to come up with something that couldn't be an archetype or class archetype instead.

The Ranger is at least as much the primal fighter as the monk is occult, and Barbarian gets a taste of that too. I'm not saying that there's not space for a more heavily primal-themed martial or semi-martial class, but I don't think the "occult fighter" slot is filled all that well either.

That's totally right particularly the barbarian covers the primal fighter pretty well.

And the monk picking a tradition is just windowdressing since the abilities from it are mostly monk themed instead of borrowing from a tradition.

Which means what's actually missing most is an occult fighter, which is kind of hard to categorise being lovecraftian and other bizarre things.

The Phrenologist! A warrior who knows exactly where to stab you in the head due to their extensive studies on the subject of skull shape.

Themetricsystem wrote:

Claxon wrote:

Be condescending?

I don't know, I think that both you and I have proven that even Humans can be condescending from time to time. :p

Negative, I'm a meat popsicle.

Oh, lah-de-dah, look at this guy, lording his meat popsicle-ness over us plebes. Get out of here elitist!

Grankless wrote:

Please understand this is a game first and not an accurate simulation of reality. To elaborate on Mathmuse's post, there's no need to give the latrine diggers Digging Lore.

It says right here in the diggers union hall #623 handbook that every differ much have Digger Lore to apply for a job. It's be against union rules to not have the skill! ;)

I would think that Poop Lore would be more appropriate for latrine diggers to have myself.

Unicore wrote:

@Mark, do you have a secret wizard persona who has written one of the essays in this book?

How would that work, exactly?

If I had to guess, I’d say secretly.

Claxon wrote:

I mean, who doesn't love bread, deserts, and deep fried things?

I do love bread and deep fried things. I'm not a fan of dry heat or sand, so I can take or leave deserts. ;)

It's rough, and coarse, and irritating, and it gets everywhere.

Xenocrat wrote:

ASB123 wrote:

What might a starfinder order of peace keeping warrior monks look like, only Solarians?

What does this have to do with the Jedi, an order of anarchist terrorists trying to tear down legitimate authority?

So who are the Sith? Lol

The Senate.

KrispyXIV wrote:

I mean, in Pathfinder...

Arcane = Sciencey Fantasy Magic

Occult ÷ Alien Mentalish Magic

Focusing too much on what makes them similar will lead to overlooking what makes them different, and what makes them different lies heavily on the associated in game/setting mechanics behind each.

This is true, but it creates inconsistencies. Or at the very least, questions that I don't think the lore explains.

As an example, since Elves are aliens in the Golarion universe, why do their ancestry feats give bonus Arcane and Primal cantrips/innate spells and not Occult spells, since they are aliens, and the Occult list explicitly deals with aliens?

Shouldn't a Chelish person who crosses the border into Andoran be able to use Occult Magic since they are now an alien?

Bold of you to assume that anyone knows what they're doing.

Ferious Thune wrote:

lemeres wrote:

Ferious Thune wrote:

“Which lore should I take for my Witch?”

“Witch Lore.”

“That’s what I’m asking!”

Real answer, maybe Herbalism Lore.

But Who is on First?

“No, Hoo is my familiar.”

“I don’t know!”

"No, Idunno is the witch"

Isn't Which the rogue?

If we're doing spell fencing, might as well embrace it.

Spell Waggling.

Maybe "Spell HAVE AT THEE!"

Fuzzy-Wuzzy wrote:

Mathmuse wrote:

That comes out as CSABCDDEMF

Ah, that takes me back to my childhood in R'lyeh, learning my CSABCDDEMFs. "Now I know my CSABCDDEMFs, next time won't you sing with me" we would chant, happily waving our tentacles.

Can't forget those MFs

Aberration-bloodline sorcerers have to come from somewhere!

I see your ABCs and raise you RTFM.

Raid Tripoli for Mother?

You're really defending this post hard. A lot of people were like, "Hey, this is a divisive issue and here's why..." And the response was, "No, but it's funny, y'know, like a comedy bit."

But then you've come to defend every point. While there are people saying that one point or the other doesn't make one a bad GM, generally the idea of WrongBadFun is at the core of this. GMing is not an easy position and there are few who willingly get behind the screen and spend hours of prep time for what is (sorry to say it) essentially a board game. Having threads that are just negative in tone really suck to read as a new GM or even someone interested in the system.

Rather, like was done (and has since fizzled out since the topic is EVERYWHERE on the Internet), a thread about common flaws that new GMs might fall into and how to ease that load goes over a lot better. I've played with rough GMs, I've played with actual downright horrible people, but I've never had a list of qualities that I could point to and say, "And this, objectively, is why you are bad."

If it's comedy, let the jokes speak for themselves. If it's meant seriously, then maybe consider your approach.

Don't you know? The funniest jokes are the ones you have to explain to the audience!

All of them, if you're a skilled enough fleshwarper.

If we start a derail about Sacred Geometry, I'll have won Pathfinder Forums Bingo!

I'd only allow it if the PC attempting to run on water was Naruto-running.

Well, I’d start with 18 strength, since that’s as strong as you can get in character creation.

Obviously, I think that we can agree the only real choice here is Know Direction.

The best buff spell? Why, that would be Ant Haul, of course! It makes its target very buff!

thorin001 wrote:

Obviously the best condition to inflict is "dead".

Ya beat me to it.

Ideally, you want to get to Dead 2 or Dead 3.

no good scallywag wrote:

I'm certain "touching the ground" means a flat surface wherein you are able to brace yourself and "ground" yourself. I don't think "ground" in the RAW literally means the ground with dirt.

Curses! The evil fiend has carpeted his entire lair! I'm helpless!

Oh no! A polished hardwood floor! My one weakness!

Note that our Earth exists in the same universe as Golarion. We now need to explain why we do not have the same level of unnatural occurrences here.

It’s because of you, The Raven Black. The reason we have no magic here on Earth is specifically because you exist.

GRuzom wrote:

Lord Fyre wrote:

Not that a critical mass of people now have their books, I want to ask a general question.

Is Pathfinder 2 a better game then its predicessor Pathfinder 1?

"THAN", not then.

those are different words with VASTLY different meanings ...

Thank You. I missed that error.

Grammar matters!

Let's eat grandma.

vs

Let's eat, grandma.

Good grammar saves lives!

Having bombs without any trigger other than the veil breaking after you threw it sounds like a terrible idea.

If you fall off a cliff then, all of your bombs would explode, right on top of you. After you just fell off a cliff.

That is just the first of many reasons why that is a terrible idea.

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Kyrone wrote:

I kinda want to see the group that claim that Pathfinder 2 copied 4e have a debate with the group that says that it copied 5e...

It actually copied 6e, via time-travel.

Specifically, they time travelled back to Ancient Egypt to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons 6e.

CorvusMask wrote:

I think he assumes that Aroden would have left anti Tar-Babhon traps in the Cathedral so he just wants to blow the Cathedral up :p

The idea that Aroden explicitly designed the test to exclude TB isn't something I considered, but I really like the idea.

I agree that TB probably sees the test as beneath him. "I'm not taking some 'test' to prove my worth. Literally surviving being smote by a GOD is test enough. I am TAR-BAPHON AND I TAKE WHAT I WANT!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA." (villain monologue)

Tar-Baphon just wants to make his dad, Skeletor, proud of him.

Krakens worship Norgober, because they know his greatest secret: he was secretly a kraken in a trench coat all along!

Pharasma loaned Aroden her dominion over prophecy, and now regrets that she’s probably not getting it back.

She really should have seen it coming.