Amby's Brain's page

As I sat outside with my double-portion coffee waiting for the first hits of caffeine to kick in, I made direct eye contact with Fat Squirrel perched on a low branch in the Japanese cypress. I could feel him peer deeply into my soul. And in that moment, I came to know a universal truth:

In a squirrel brain, the distance between the thought "Hey, weird biped that feeds us, do you have more tasty seeds for me?" and the thought "I really want to eat you face right now" are much closer together than humans realize.

So we moved this past week (after 17 years). The new place is awesome. And of course, Monkey Santa’s already picked out the choicest spot for one of his hobbies.

That window looks like it is right out of The Amonketyville Horror.

You know how face masks have those pockets for an air filter in them. Well I'm going to pack mine full of coffee beans.

.

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Thorny. A tiny, spiny, goat-fighting plant.

The adjective "goat-fighting" reminds me of a recent event.

.

Brain: Also, I'm gonna mentally play it for at least the next couple hours.

Me: G~!+#@n it.

I suggest breaking some legs.

.

Do you think everyone at Schrödinger's funeral was staring at the coffin and wondering?

Late at night, when no one else is around, how many cats stop by his grave?

captain yesterday wrote:

That's why I stay at hotels in college towns or downtown any large metropolitan area if I can, as long as you don't trash everything and no one calls the cops you can pretty much do whatever you want.

See now this guy gets it.

I am suddenly picturing you flying to Wisconsin to set the Guinness World Record for "How Many Milkmaids Plus 1 Freehold Can You Squish Into A Hotel Room?"

Edit: Not sure if butter is involved or not.

Remember to use plenty of Santatizer this Christmas. :p

{fails save vs earworm, now has "Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer" stuck in my head}

Torpor Gigio

It is not possible to adore Amby more than I do in this moment.

Wow! Thanks-

{just now notices hanging on the wall the Chekov's shotgun loaded with 12 gauge buckshot of disappointment} Oh no.

Here is my right leaning perspective on California

Spoiler:

those damn democrats and their weather machines causing natural disasters!!!!! When will they learn! does more meth from wholesome red states

Again, my brain attempts to read what isn't there, so I now have a mental image of you grinding math books into powder and snorting them like Pacino's Scarface.

EDIT: Grouchy Nekkid Monday.

{has pleasant Susanna Hoffs flashback}

How much extra-nekkid do you have to get at the top of the 5000th FaWtL page?

Freehold DM wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I would trust freehold with super powers. maybe not x-ray vision, but some super powers. specific ones.

I think he already has one. He seems able to adjust his level of black manliness at will.

its not a super power, but years of training. When I get up to Black Dynamite levels of power, it will be a super power.

Those are called Charles Atlas Superpowers.

Speaking of OPM, half the S-Class has "I trained too much" as their power.

{ponders Freehold with Doom Patrol tv show's Flex Mentallo powers...}

One of my cats...the smarter one...jumps up and starts demanding that it's dinner time. She's only two hours early. She waits for me to take my hand off my mouse. She then sits on it. And she starts randomly right clicking on things. With her butt.

If I could do that with my butt, I imagine I'd be able to live a non-extravagant-but-comfortable lifestyle with my own softporn video website.

Cap'n Yesterday, FaWtL Tourism wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

lhow polluted is this river? Would the phone climb out of the river as a sentient being wanting to serve you?

It's right in the name, the Illinois River, of course the phone is climbing out of the river an unholy abomination.

Well, first it will be eaten by an Asian carp. Highly invasive species. That will begin the process.

Hmmm... didn't Donny, Mikey, Leo, and Raph fight the Invasive Radioactive Smartphone Carp back in TMNT issue #23?

Threw some dragon trutles at my party today.

They shat bricks.

Makes homebrew note: Dwarves have wombat butts.

I just got done putting together an EdPuzzle over Iran-Contra.

>_>

<_<

{whisper sings:} [1984 Edwin Newman] ♪♫ "Iranians’ pains come mainly from Khomeini." ♪♫ [/1984 Edwin Newman]

Co-worker: We can always park the machine in front of the trailer so it's more secure

Me: Yeah, except I already booby trapped the trailer.

{pictures would-be thief shackled to giant pair of inflated boobs, gently floating away into the sky}

{scribbles note: "Highlander reboot - hardware stores are now holy ground"}

That's the second time in as many minutes I've seen a reference made to arugula. Weird.

[Def Leppard] ♫♪ "Rocket, yeah..." ♫♪ [/Def Leppard]

I went to a horse ranch the other day. The man showing me around gestured at some horses in a building. He said "These are the stables." Then he gestured at some horses in a pen far from everything else. One of them exploded. He said "And those are the unstables."

something something Roy Scheider Jackie Scanlon/Sorcerer alias

Amby's Brain wrote:

quibblemuch wrote:

Great. My aliases are coming undone.

Well now I'm gonna have that Duran Duran song stuck in my head for hours.

Here, try this instead.

My Peter tingle is warning me not to.

Great. My aliases are coming undone.

Well now I'm gonna have that Duran Duran song stuck in my head for hours.

I am convinced Flo is a harbinger of the singularity.

And Chandler is the har-har Bing-er of the singles hilarity.

26 years ago today I called the General and asked her out, she said yes.

Did you ask her out the first time 26 years ago, or did you have to stage a Time Heist™ sometime afterward to fix events so you did ask her out 26 years ago?

If the later, does any of the plan involve puppet Paul Rudd destroying the twerking Thanos in some horrifying manner?

There really should be a bard/ninja archetype that wields puns like Weirding module shurikens.

4) Walk away in slow motion as Michael Bay in a Ford Pinto filled with nitroglycerine, C4, and Taco Bell chili-cheese burritos explodes behind you?

5) Hot wire a turbocharged llama and take it for a joy ride down Pennsylvania Ave?

6) Mildly tease John Wick's dog enough to make it annoyed but not enough to do any lasting harm?

I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my mind.

Woran wrote:

Hedgehog is back in the garden <3

There's a dirty joke in there somewhere...

something something bustle in your hedgehog something something spring clean for the FaWtL queen

I might get a moped for getting to work.

That's gonna make your Pearl Jam karaoke with chainsaw accompaniment quite entertaining during commuting.

Edit: And now I want to see an Ash Williams + Eddie Vedder buddy apocalyptic/zombie roadtrip movie. On mopeds.

M-hmm, yes, watch Freehold will.

"What? We're overplayed? But we have such dashing charisma and style!"

Thanks. I'll now hear mimics, space and terrestrial, with Maurice LaMarche's voice.

If it-a brings-a you the joy-a!

Me, I'm-a gonna go jump-a on-a tha turtles.

In some reality, these lines are from an AO3 or Chuck Tingle novella titled "Turtley Enough for the Turtle Club", starring Mario Mario and Mitch McConnell.

DM's note: OK Slaad, your alignment had already shifted well into Neutral Evil territory. You can stop now. Please. Stahp.

Edit: Ooo, a Twilight fanfic, except with were-turtles instead of vampires.

MageHunter wrote:

I actually picked this because the name wasn't taken and magehunter is a hobgoblin alternate racial trait.

Consequently I murder spellcasters frequently.

Plus, that avatar's got a wicked awesome soul patch.

EDIT: Or is that just a wrinkly chin? I'm going with soul patch, because wrinkly chin is never wicked awesome.

Need to stat up a dwarf demilich who Devours Souls (Su) of (N)PCs with his jeweled soul patch.

Heyah.

Even after all these years, I still can't read that with mentally autocompleting it with "...it's me, Imoen."

Upon killing someone: "tell Pharisma I said hi."

GM: The corpse shudders, then lifts its head, looks at you, and smiles beatifically. In a hollow, echoing voice totally unlike the one it possessed in life, it replies, "You can tell her yourself in another 13 days" before becoming lifeless again.

I'm a bard. Perform: puns.

This immediately made me think of the Weirding Way training scene from the Lynch Dune movie, except with a bard using puns to deal physical sonic damage without the need for the Module.

...sometimes I think I need a proper villain costume for this....;)

Hmmm...

PING PIIING!!!

I'm surprised that isn't "Sgt Pulg's Fairy Glockenspiel Band"

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Just a Mort wrote:

Currently having a bowl of Salmon Don. That's like so cat!

NO!!! NOT SALMON DON!! What will his wife, Haddock Sarah think? And what about their children Flounder Billy, Cod Michelle, and Sole Steve? Won't you think about the children?!?!?

And the end of the day Salmon and Haddock are different fish species and wouldn't breed with each other.

So don't try to pull wool over my eyes.

Note to self: That's a good idea for a witch familiar.

Something something gonna put the D in Standars something

Meeeee...

I keep telling me that life would be less irritating and more entertaining if I'd just give in and become Chaotic Evil.

You are probably right and Zim is very likely to follow that. However, god hes a boring ass coach. His style wins when it works but it doesnt take much to turn everything upside down on him....

Until I googled the Vikings, I briefly pondered this Zim as their coach. Which would be... different.

NobodysHome wrote:

...runs through, kicks over the bean curd. Runs off...

My bean curd!

{pours out fresh beans onto fresh plate, commences overthinking them}

Amby's Brain wrote:

Everytime I see AVID CONTRARIAN!!! show up, I subconsciously expect to see PREMIERE CONTRARIAN!!! and/or FINAL CUT CONTRARIAN!!! to show up shortly thereafter.

I don't get it.

This will be a one-off joke I think, so don't get used to it.

Avid, Premiere, & Final Cut

Everytime I see AVID CONTRARIAN!!! show up, I subconsciously expect to see PREMIERE CONTRARIAN!!! and/or FINAL CUT CONTRARIAN!!! to show up shortly thereafter.

I blame Cosmo that you felt the need to confess that on the Internet.

268. Dipper people.

My immediate thought was instead an entire race of Dippers from Gravity Falls.