The Paizo Office Closure Conspiracy Thread!


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Today I read the following message on the Paizo web site and I quote:
"The Paizo offices will be closed on Monday, October 10, 2016. We will return on Tuesday, October 11, 2016."

My question is why? That statement offers no explanation for the reason of the closure. We need to find out answers. We need to learn the truth! If anyone can shed some light on this conspiracy, please post below before it's too late...

Dark Archive

Two words: Columbus Day.


NenkotaMoon wrote:
Two words: Columbus Day.

No, that's just to throw you off. No one celebrates Columbus Day anymore, because he didn't actually discover America or anything really. I can't believe that the Paizo People would take a day off to celebrate him.


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Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

The official name of the US Federal holiday is "Columbus Day".

My local library, not having any of that, says it is closed for "Staff Training" day


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The Paizo offices are being used for a LARP for the next 36 hours. The game started at C.O.B. this evening. Rise of the Rune Lords LARP is a go for test mode.

Grand Lodge

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Annual intern planar summoning.

Scarab Sages

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"Closed?" They're such daring liars.

Every year on these dates, the Paizo offices don't merely "close" - they magically cease to exist!

It's part of the Bargain they made with...Something....


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Indigenous Peoples Day happens to fall on the same day. What are the odds? :P


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First thing that comes to mind: They're maintaining the rituals that keep Aroden dead!


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I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

"Closed?" They're such daring liars.

Every year on these dates, the Paizo offices don't merely "close" - they magically cease to exist!

It's part of the Bargain they made with...Something....

Ya better shut yer bonebox on that clap, 'fore you end up addle-coved or in one of the Lady's mazes.


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In other news TSR has redecorated the old offices in preparation for the first Forgotten Realms box set release. 1986 has never looked so good


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

Ah...the Harvest must have begun...


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Look, sometimes you just gotta cancel Monday.


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Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Starfinder Accessories, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

The Paizo messageboards have finally achieved sentience, gifted hyperspace to its true believers and they're off engaging in the first ever Real Life playtesting of an RPG.


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QuidEst wrote:
Look, sometimes you just gotta cancel Monday.

Paizo is sekritly controlled by Garfield.

Addition evidence: No spider avatars.


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Scythia wrote:
Indigenous Peoples Day happens to fall on the same day. What are the odds? :P

1/365 :p

EDIT: Assuming Columbus day was already settled down.

Paizo Employee Pathfinder Society Lead Developer

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I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

"Closed?" They're such daring liars.

Every year on these dates, the Paizo offices don't merely "close" - they magically cease to exist!

It's part of the Bargain they made with...Something....

Oh dang...I think I need to reconsider my plan to come in tomorrow to catch up on writing projects. I don't want to get caught in some kind of Uringen transposition loop.


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MMCJawa wrote:
Ah...the Harvest must have begun...

Maybe Monday is set aside for building the wicker man?


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It's obvious that they're celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving Day, to give thanks for having Canadians.


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IDTheftVictim wrote:
Annual intern planar summoning.

More like Annual Intern Sacrificing.


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Maybe they slipped across the border to Canada to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving Day.


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Recovery day for their playtest of the Presidential Debate Drinking Game™.


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The reason IS columbus day...

They've gone back in time to steer columbus the right way to india.


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This is the one day of the year when the Fabric of Reality weakens to such an extent that the terrifyingly unknowable THING that is

Spoiler:
Cosmo

is able to do more than merely manifest himself as bizarre impulses in the darkest imaginings of those who have gone beyond madness, and it will take the entire staff the entire day to successfully complete the soul-searing rituals that are required to keep the Wards that ensure the safety of our entire universe intact.

Dark Archive

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

The stars are right*!

* to skip coming in on Monday


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Obviously they are preparing for my surprise birthday party

I will turn 53 tomorrow, yippie!


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Drahliana Moonrunner wrote:
IDTheftVictim wrote:
Annual intern planar summoning.
More like Annual Intern Sacrificing.

They aren't mutually exclusive ya know!


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They have all taken a vacation to Sarusan. That is why there are no detaila on that corner of Golarion, they don't want to have nosy adventurers coming in and crowding their vacation spot.


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Terquem wrote:

Obviously they are preparing for my surprise birthday party

I will turn 53 tomorrow, yippie!

The bad news is that they are doing your party Nidalese style.


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It wasn't me!

It was me.

Dark Archive

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KC: I didn't do that.

Narrator: He did.


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Nicos wrote:
Scythia wrote:
Indigenous Peoples Day happens to fall on the same day. What are the odds? :P

1/365 :p

EDIT: Assuming Columbus day was already settled down.

1/365.25


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Knight who says Meh wrote:
Nicos wrote:
Scythia wrote:
Indigenous Peoples Day happens to fall on the same day. What are the odds? :P

1/365 :p

EDIT: Assuming Columbus day was already settled down.

1/365.25

February the 29th seems like an unlikely day to choose if you want to commemorate something on the same date every year.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Maybe they slipped across the border to Canada to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving Day.

Writers, artists, and actors, never pass up a chance for free food. :)


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Its clear that the conspiracy is much bigger than I thought. Today I am celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving, but I can't believe that the Paizo Offices are closed to also celebrate it. I call on the fans of Pathfinder to begin an investigation that will probably take years, and it will take them to paths that have nothing to do with the office closures. Somehow we must find out the TRUTH, and we probably won't like what we find.
Now I must finish my traditional, Canadian Thanksgiving meal...


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Seltyiel Fangirl wrote:

KC: I didn't do that.

Narrator: He did.

Wrong! Where did you find this? Where did you find this? Not true!


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#PointyEared Seltyiel Fangirl is making up stories about me! She's very mean, very lying. Bad.


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Seltyiel isn't a real magus. He's a wizard who casts Bull's Strength on himself. Many people say that. Has anyone seen his character sheet? No one's seen his character sheet! No one, no one at all. It's unbelievable.


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Uh oh, the Trumpypool virus corruption has started to spread...

KC's new alias is delightfully horrible. Although I am worried that it does seem to come to him a bit too easily.


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Listen, as everyone knows, #Kooky Ambrosia Slaad lays eggs in people. And it's great, she's a great mother, everyone knows I love mothers, and I love slaads. I talk to slaads all the time, and they tell me, "Kobald, it's just a mess. Just a mess. Why don't they listen to you more? This is just a mess."

And I'll be really good to the slaads, but you look at their neighborhoods and it's just—it's a mess, it's a mess and everyone knows it, and now you can't even drift down the Maelstrom without getting implanted with bad slaads' eggs. Not good slaads' eggs! Bad slaads, who are, who at least sixty percent of slaads right now. Not good! We don't need more of that, and I've been saying this from the beginning: Not. Good. That's why I'm gonna build a huge wall between us and the Maelstrom. It's gonna be beautiful. #Kooky Ambrosia Slaad will tell you we can't do it, she'll say a lot of bad, mean stuff about me, about planar boundaries, physical impossibilities, but we're gonna build it and I tell you, it's gonna keep us safe, and it's gonna keep slaads safe, and that's how I plan to heal divides between modrons and slaads.


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By the way, the first time someone asks me to lay off the Krump, he's gone. He's probably the "safest" mockable candidate we've ever had, since even many of those who are voting for him see him as a lesser evil, but I don't want to make people who sincerely think he's an okay guy feel uncomfortable on the non-political threads.

...

Well, what matters is, I'll stop if asked. :P


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After being awake for 48 hours doing research on the Inter...and Outer...net, I am forced to conclude that the Illuminati was involved in the Paizo office closure. Their involvement was not a surprise, because they have their tentacles into everything. I will need to doing some more research, but I may not share my findings right away. Unfortunately, I believe that this thread has been infiltrated by an Illuminati spy..,

TRUST NO ONE!


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These Illuminati, say what you will about them, but they are strong. They are strong leaders, UNLIKE, LISA STEPHENS, WHO is letting us LOSE, the EDITION WARS. We started this business, and Wizards, who are very new, they're very new to tabletop RPGs, but who's winning? Look at who's winning, it's not us, because #Storytime Lisa and #Clowny Cosmo and all the rest just don't have the gamer look. They don't have the gamer look. They don't have the Constitution, and Wizards, they're taking all our gamers, all our gamers are going to Wizards because we're anti-gamers, all because the Paizo staff have no Constitution!


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We need to crack down on third parties. Paizo is losing billions of gp a year with third-parties, and they're getting paid. They're getting money, hundreds of hundreds, and we are losing jobs, losing gamers, and increasing the debt—which by the way, I never let myself go into debt, #Kooky Kalindlara says I did but I never did, I'm a businessman, unlike her and unlike #Storytime Lisa, who has lost us fifty million gp propping up third parties.

The third parties need to pay up if they want our help, or else start up their own RPG! We're losing billions of gp a year on them! Billions, under Cosmo's leadership! The world's laughing at us, and it's just a damn shame. We need.

to make.

Paizo.

crit again. And that starts with me. Only me, nobody else.


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...

And I thought I was an incoherent raving lunatic...


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Steve Geddes wrote:
The Paizo messageboards have finally achieved sentience, gifted hyperspace to its true believers and they're off engaging in the first ever Real Life playtesting of an RPG.

Given the APL with that many NPC-classed players, it's going to be a rough, rough first chapter of that Starfinder Hyperlane Campaign. ;)


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I thought you were, too, #Scurvy Killjoy. You act very weird, very crazy. You do not have the temperament to lead these boards. I, everyone says, I have a really good temperament.


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Are you also tasty when properly seasoned (pickled)and lit ablaze?!

LET'S FIND OUT!


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Well, I heard that everyone needed that Monday off to sleep off some really bad hangovers from the weekend-long drinking party.


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Farael the Fallen wrote:

Its clear that the conspiracy is much bigger than I thought. Today I am celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving, but I can't believe that the Paizo Offices are closed to also celebrate it. I call on the fans of Pathfinder to begin an investigation that will probably take years, and it will take them to paths that have nothing to do with the office closures. Somehow we must find out the TRUTH, and we probably won't like what we find.

Now I must finish my traditional, Canadian Thanksgiving meal...

Hey, Canadian boozes are way better (and more alcholized) than American ones... so they are excused.

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