Kobold Scalecaster

Kobald Krump's page

31 posts. Alias of Kobold Cleaver.


6 people marked this as a favorite.

Very sad. Very bad. And I'm bigly un-glad. I can't believe this country elected that orange human over me. RIGGED! MY VOTERS = SO MAD!

And with that, Kobold Krump began to stomp on the ground. He stomped and he stamped, pound, pound, POUND, POUND!

And he stomped, and he stomped, and he stamped, and he stamped. And his frenzy of stomping continued to ramp—

'til a crack in the earth opened, and his foot was caught.

He wouldn't stop stomping 'til what he wanted he got.

He kept stomping and sinking until all that was seen

was the orange fungus he combed, cut, groomed and preened.

Then he stomped one more time, and he smashed through the ground!

And that was the last anyone in the town

ever saw of that strange little kobold who'd been yapping around.

Exit, stage far-right.

People say I hate dwarves, but I have been a very good business friend to the beautiful dwarves of Fellstrok. I will run Paizo like a business, and dwarves will profit, which as we all know is very important to them!

Very nasty stuff. Way worse than anything I ever said. I will be, so good for the dwarves. I will put them all, in very safe, boxes, where they belong, we are being overrun—just overrun, it's unbelievable, and the elves tried to warn us, many prominent elves believe, and it's really big to think about, once I went to the dwarven city of Fellstrok—horrible city, slaves everywhere, slaves, way worse than people say I slaved people, I didn't keep any slaves, you can ask Sean Pugwampity, and there was crime, and there were violent dark-skinned elves, and I went to an old business partner of mine, very successful, very upstanding dwarf in that city, and he says, "Kobald, the dwarves are a mess, you need to lock them up for us," and I said I would, and in conclusion, we have got, to do something, about, the dwarves.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Set wrote:
Sarcasm Dragon wrote:
Rednal wrote:
For a bit of lighter news, the next President may have to deal with pirates in Iceland.
Well obviously, Trump could just build a Biglier wall around the pirates. In the middle of the water.

Everybody talks about Iceland, but nobody does anything about Iceland!

He's already promised to solve problems with nukes. Is this a problem that a nuke can fix? Let's find out!

They won't even say the word "Greenland"! This politically incorrect administration keeps calling it "Iceland"! How can you fight Greenland pirates if you won't even say the word?

12 people marked this as a favorite.
Rogar Valertis wrote:

About factions: I think Taldor should be painted as a nation that entered the "renassaince era" but was great during "medieval times". This gives meaning to ideological conflict between nobles (but also among the common people, just not to the same extent since Taldor is a nation mainly ruled by nobles).

A "traditionalist Taldan" should be someone who believes the nation can do great if it rejects foreign influences and goes back to "the traditional taldan way of doing things" (basically sounding something like most of the roman senatorial class during imperial times or even during the republican era).

Our jobs

are fleeing the country

they're going to Cheliax

they're going to Mwaangi

We. Are going. To make. Taldor. Great again.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

King in Yellow pretends to be me, but isn't as much, isn't nearly as great as me, the real Kobald Krump. SAD!

3 people marked this as a favorite.

#Lonely Hermit was very unfair to my campaign today. Those puppets = UNFUNNY! WASTE OF TV TIME! NOBODY watches them. I will sue after this election. #krumpTV

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Farael the Fallen wrote:
Is Donald Trump behind the conspiracy? Is he the Illuminati King? HOW FAR DOES THIS CONSPIRACY GO????

I am the greatest at the Illuminati. I have actually received their endorsement—they've never endorsed a candidate before, they endorsed me, I have so many endorsements from them.

3 people marked this as a favorite.

The #Biased Media, #Fallen Farael, #Ugly Thomas ruin all my jokes! I tell the greatest jokes—you can ask Conservative Anklebiter, nobody is calling Conservative Anklebiter, I told him, "Nobody tells jokes like I do," and many people agree with that! Every SINGLE online poll agrees: I am the best at jokes in this whole RIGGED election!

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Maneuvermoose wrote:
DrDeth wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Oh, thank goodness. I'd miss the lil' bugger.

I missed him too, but that was due to his small size......


You mean Kobold Cleaver is actually Donald Trump's hands?!? KC must by tiny!


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Kobald Krump wrote:
I guarantee you there's no problem. There's no problem.


4 people marked this as a favorite.

My dancing is the best, I am a great—just an amazing dancer.

7 people marked this as a favorite.

I never said Nualia was a good leader. Where did you read that? Where did you find this? I never said it. I don't know anything about Nualia. I mean, I know some things, but I don't understand them.

5 people marked this as a favorite.

My friend, Nualia, a beautiful woman, definitely a 9 for humans, she's done some amazing things for the Thistletop goblins. She is a much stronger leader than any of my opponents! She is outsmarting Kooky Ambrosia Slaad, and the whole world is laughing at us.

6 people marked this as a favorite.

I could tell you some things about #Nasty Anklebiter's whole family, for instance, Comrade Anklebiter—he's a socialist. A lot of people don't know that, that Comrade Anklebiter is extremely left-leaning, very extreme. My opponent, #Nasty Conservative Anklebiter, has a very, very left-leaning brother, and he's—who knows? Who knows? He won't release his paid speeches to the Thistletop goblins! Who knows? I don't know, maybe he was on Sandpoint's side the whole time. I'm not saying he is, I'm saying it's very, very possible.

5 people marked this as a favorite.
Governor Mite Pence wrote:

::walking along, kissing babies, defending apple pie, making sure the corn is knee high by the 4th, etc::

I sure hope Kobald kept his cool today, I can't handle anymore drama and scandal, oh hey, a tape...

I'll just pop that into the VCR in my John Deer and have a look see...::watches tape::

::dials cellphone hurriedly:: Uh, yeah, Mr. Krump, I can't be your running mate anymore, because you literally are the worst...kobold...ever.

Pharasma help us all...I quit!

Maybe I can get a job with the corporate golem who is running against Krump, at least she can act like a reasonable adult and at least gives the semblance of sanity and has a mouth filter...I'ma gonna go to special hell for this, I know it.

#Annoying Mite backs out of the race. Too scared to see it through! Always knew he was weak, had no stamina. Eats bugs, very gross. Whole establishment trying to shut us down - BAD!

4 people marked this as a favorite.
GM_Beernorg wrote:

::sneaks in, leaves an audio tape of Kobald Krump talking about female kobolds and how he grabs them by the cloaca::

We shall see who shall win the spin war Krump...WE...SHALL...SEE!

::loudly:: Hey, look an audio tape that has something to do with Kobald Krump, we should watch it over and over, and listen intently, woooo!

I was actually talking about, everyone knows this, I was talking about the Cloaca Dagger. A great submission to RPG Superstar, just great, I use it in all my games. #Sneaky Beernog is trying to distract from the real issues—I happen to know his mother, Player_Beernog, did some very bad things. Some very bad things! But I looked myself in the mirror and I said, "Kobald, you can't say those things about someone's mother. You can't accuse someone's human mother of sleeping with an orc," which she did, and it's disgusting, it's just disgusting. But I don't wanna talk about it.

6 people marked this as a favorite.
Captain Killjoy wrote:

Happy #SwallowtailFestivalInvasionDay! The best pickle jars are made in Krump Kavern Canneries. I love goblins!

6 people marked this as a favorite.

Creepy Chromatic doesn't even have hands! He doesn't even know what hands are. If I had to go hand-to-hand to him, I would win, big league, like I always win big league.

6 people marked this as a favorite.

I just met an ogre, and his hands were actually much, much smaller than mine. And he, ogres have big hands, I think I'm confident in saying. I have the most, I have the greatest, biggest hands. #Creepy Chomatic lies again!

7 people marked this as a favorite.

My claws aren't small, actually, it's Chromatic's tentacles that are small, really, so actually he's the one with tiny, tiny things.

6 people marked this as a favorite.

I guarantee you there's no problem. There's no problem.

10 people marked this as a favorite.

I thought you were, too, #Scurvy Killjoy. You act very weird, very crazy. You do not have the temperament to lead these boards. I, everyone says, I have a really good temperament.

13 people marked this as a favorite.

We need to crack down on third parties. Paizo is losing billions of gp a year with third-parties, and they're getting paid. They're getting money, hundreds of hundreds, and we are losing jobs, losing gamers, and increasing the debt—which by the way, I never let myself go into debt, #Kooky Kalindlara says I did but I never did, I'm a businessman, unlike her and unlike #Storytime Lisa, who has lost us fifty million gp propping up third parties.

The third parties need to pay up if they want our help, or else start up their own RPG! We're losing billions of gp a year on them! Billions, under Cosmo's leadership! The world's laughing at us, and it's just a damn shame. We need.

to make.


crit again. And that starts with me. Only me, nobody else.

12 people marked this as a favorite.

These Illuminati, say what you will about them, but they are strong. They are strong leaders, UNLIKE, LISA STEPHENS, WHO is letting us LOSE, the EDITION WARS. We started this business, and Wizards, who are very new, they're very new to tabletop RPGs, but who's winning? Look at who's winning, it's not us, because #Storytime Lisa and #Clowny Cosmo and all the rest just don't have the gamer look. They don't have the gamer look. They don't have the Constitution, and Wizards, they're taking all our gamers, all our gamers are going to Wizards because we're anti-gamers, all because the Paizo staff have no Constitution!

10 people marked this as a favorite.

Listen, as everyone knows, #Kooky Ambrosia Slaad lays eggs in people. And it's great, she's a great mother, everyone knows I love mothers, and I love slaads. I talk to slaads all the time, and they tell me, "Kobald, it's just a mess. Just a mess. Why don't they listen to you more? This is just a mess."

And I'll be really good to the slaads, but you look at their neighborhoods and it's just—it's a mess, it's a mess and everyone knows it, and now you can't even drift down the Maelstrom without getting implanted with bad slaads' eggs. Not good slaads' eggs! Bad slaads, who are, who at least sixty percent of slaads right now. Not good! We don't need more of that, and I've been saying this from the beginning: Not. Good. That's why I'm gonna build a huge wall between us and the Maelstrom. It's gonna be beautiful. #Kooky Ambrosia Slaad will tell you we can't do it, she'll say a lot of bad, mean stuff about me, about planar boundaries, physical impossibilities, but we're gonna build it and I tell you, it's gonna keep us safe, and it's gonna keep slaads safe, and that's how I plan to heal divides between modrons and slaads.

11 people marked this as a favorite.

Seltyiel isn't a real magus. He's a wizard who casts Bull's Strength on himself. Many people say that. Has anyone seen his character sheet? No one's seen his character sheet! No one, no one at all. It's unbelievable.

9 people marked this as a favorite.

#PointyEared Seltyiel Fangirl is making up stories about me! She's very mean, very lying. Bad.

9 people marked this as a favorite.
Seltyiel Fangirl wrote:

KC: I didn't do that.

Narrator: He did.

Wrong! Where did you find this? Where did you find this? Not true!

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Ice Bear wrote:
Ice Bear for President.

#Clowny Ice Bear would be weak President. Born in Russia? Won't release bearth certificate! Krump was born in USA!

4 people marked this as a favorite.

#LowEnergy lantern archons a bad summon. MANY summoners tell me: TOUCH ATTACKS=WEAK!! Need to gestalt 2 b useful summon. Sad!