The Paizo Office Closure Conspiracy Thread!


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Do you get your jokes as the prizes in boxes of Kobold Kracker JacKs or from Bazooka Jacobs bubble gum wrappers?


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#Lonely Hermit was very unfair to my campaign today. Those puppets = UNFUNNY! WASTE OF TV TIME! NOBODY watches them. I will sue after this election. #krumpTV


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::straightens tie, fixes perfect 1956 dad hair in a hand mirror, clears throat and steps out on stage at some out of out of the way community college to answer student questions regarding a controversial Kobald Krump rally thing held recently at some overblown joint he owns somewhere::

Student: "Governor, how would you respond to the claims of your running mate regarding your campaign being unfairly targeted by...a talking self reflective reclusive frog?

Governor Mite Pence: "I..err..applegize for my running mates undue and bombastic response to comments made by Mr. Frog on...

Wait...I just said applegise instead of apologize!

::Mite Pence looks frantic and claws at his hair:: That SON OF A...he put one on me!

::runs off stage screaming:: GET IT OFF....GET IT..OFFFF!!

Dark Archive

Thanks, you know made this an extension of that dumb election thread.


Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

I still think that sacrificing interns is the most likely possibility. The Paizo folks have denied the whole thing, but of course that is exactly what you would expect them to say whether they are totally guilty or totally innocent.

Of course, the main weakness to this theory is the apparent fact that, as far as we know, none of the former Paizo interns went missing -- we don't know where they are, but presumably their friends and relatives do.

But what decent conspiracy theorist would ever let facts get in the way of a juicy story?


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Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Everyone has it wrong. I know the truth.

* looks around nervously *

The office was closed because that was the day the Mighty T-Rex King, James Jacobs, releases the warehouse raptors to hunt down the warehouse goblins and other pests that have gotten too numerous over the past year.


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Uncle Teddy wrote:

Everyone has it wrong. I know the truth.

* looks around nervously *

The office was closed because that was the day the Mighty T-Rex King, James Jacobs, releases the warehouse raptors to hunt down the warehouse goblins and other pests that have gotten too numerous over the past year.

...

Hunt down?

I thought we were playing...


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Captain Killjoy wrote:
Uncle Teddy wrote:

Everyone has it wrong. I know the truth.

* looks around nervously *

The office was closed because that was the day the Mighty T-Rex King, James Jacobs, releases the warehouse raptors to hunt down the warehouse goblins and other pests that have gotten too numerous over the past year.

...

Hunt down?

I thought we were playing...

Feh. We were playing. But with all the bloodshed and gore, it can confuse the humans.

Sad sots...


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*makes ridiculously bad joke about preparing to migrate to another country.*


Insane KillMaster wrote:
*makes ridiculously bad joke about preparing to migrate to another country.*

It's the hip thing to do.

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