1) Poog once saw guy called Mizter Slave make blonde bimbo disappear by erm.... -lowering himself onto her-, starting with head, that truly be best way to make bimbo ladies vanish?
2) Poog be shanking unsuspecting deers while traveling, why me called criminal against nature? Me only kill 3, troll friends kill 12 already, forest keeper included?
3) (throws up), why?? :(
Next pozter, here're your two-erm, three new answers.
A) Thaco is coming to pathfinder 2.0.
B) Quickly, we must aid Corak the Mysterious!
C) Mein kopf macht schmerz. >_>
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A. Alright, I'm getting near the breaking point; prove to me beyond all reasonable doubt that it's time for me to ditch Paizo once and for all.
B. DAMMIT, has Sheltem stopped taking his anti-malware updates again?!?
C. Haben Sie Rammstein gehört, während Sie Panzerschokolade gegessen haben?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your most pressing question next two questions next three questions next four questions amongst the myriad questions you no doubt have are as follows:
१. If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn't need aftershave!
२. ...Gonna need a bigger bottle for that.
३. Now, I eat the banana!
४. Women, children, Red Indians, spacemen, and a sort of idealized version of complete Renaissance Men first!
५. RIGHT! Stop it! It's all got TOO SILLY!
१. Sorry sir, why did you want to walk down Axe-tershave boulevard?
२. Sir, sorry to bother you, but, what if the shark won't be caught using that bottle?
३. Right, you so provoked the guy wielding a banana. You shot him for coming at you with it.... now what?
४. What's the latest selection of loyal customer gifts, on a membership on 'book of the month club'?
५. Military fairy, ooh!
Next poster, here are our answers.
1) Hearing Rammstein, while eating some serious chocolate.
2) People say it was Bill Clinton, but we all know it was Beyonce.
3) Holy fcknuggets! Get out of here!
1: What is it like being a heavy metal singer pre-menstrual?
2: Who was the first black leader of the United States?
3: :Adam West voice: Well, my young ward, it appears that we are about to be sexually violated by animate elements of McDonald's Value Menu...
So many answers:
1: Well, if Batman devoted his billions to urban renewal instead of billion of dollars worth of bat-themed technology for his "brutalizing the mentally infirm" hobby, life in Gotham might actually improve.
2: He has kept a rotating harem of well-toned young men at his stately manor for years. Let's not forget how he chooses boys who resemble him either.
3: Because if one rogue cop put a bullet between the Joker's eyes... something... bad... would happen?
1) Please, tell me what would really, really, really piss Frank Miller off.
2) What makes you think that Barney the Dinosaur swings that way?
3) Why won't you play 'snap' with Lt. Callahan any more?
Khajit has answers if you have coin.
1) Try rubbing it on the warts.
2) Hammer garlic through its heart.
3) One for sorrow, two for joy!
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A. What am I supposed to do with an antimatter-toad???
B. What's the first line of the Romanian equivalent to the "Old MacDonald" song?
C. What are you doing with *three* full bottles of Everclear?
Question me these answers three,
if e'er the other side you'll see:
α. Well, we could tone down this military-industrial jag everyone's been forcing him onto and move him closer back to his Zorro-like roots....
β. It's not the perfume that you wear. It's not the ribbons in your hair....
γ. Ms. Fairchild, the Pentagon is very interested in this "Boomerang-Zoomerang-Toomerang" of yours....
α. Mister Banderas' been so seriou-sss lately, can't we unwind him in some way?
β. I had a man with an identity crisis at my practice last week. All dolled up. He couldn't imagine why his girlfriend stood up and left in the restaurant. What would be the most subtle way to put the reason to him/her?
γ. The most explosive vorpal boomerang has been invented, and we're looking for a sponsor.
Next poster, hereby your answers.
1) Well, that happens when Wendy stuffs Ronald's rek-tum with his own greasy burgers, feeding Chuck-E's dead body to the animal shelter, and plucking Colonel Sanders clean before tossing him into the frying fat for a good hour.
2) Contrary to the general belief, the moon landing was a fake.
Space may be the final frontier, but it's made in a Hollywood basement.
3) The only way to defeat the megadragon is to alter the timeline.
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1. I hear that every once in a while, something called the "Fast Food Wars" takes place and it's really intense. What's all that about?
2. Please just tell me why you have you got Sir Patrick Stewart and Buzz Aldrin tied up in your lab, ready to be sent to GoatToucher's workroom?
3. Seriously?! You're enchanting your dead grandmother's antique hourglass at a time like this?! We've got a draconic overlord to deal with, what gives?!
Here are the answers:
1. Wooloo fanart will NEVER go away or be outdated!
2. That's what I get for booking a room in a haunted hotel!
3. Sir, your wife has just sat down in my ice cream. Please stop laughing and help her.
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1. I'm desperately looking for a stable investment, but these days, not even gold can be trusted. Isn't there anything better?
2. Honey, remember last night when I broke out my travel-sized pottery-wheel? Oh god, that was wonderful...but that *was* you, right???
3. Say, little Nephew-of-mine, do you know how to make antifreeze (hyuk, hyuk, hyuk...)?
You've got questions. I've got answers:
하나. "THE" Poog of Zarongel in an after-school special.
둘. KahnyaGnorc in an animated sci-fan anthology.
셋. Billy Mays_ in a Kurosawa film.
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하나. Longshanks Is Real Monster!
둘. INVISIBLE CLOCKWORK BEWBS
셋. 29,299+ Samurai
Blastin' back to the fpastuture with these quanstwerions!!!:
Z. It's the only "sexy pinup calendar" to prominently feature Tamerlane, you know!
Y. An alternate timeline in which Jesus of Nazareth got his 15 minutes of fame, and that was IT.
X. That cat, at the end of the hallway, just...staring.
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Here's the questions:
1. What can I trade for ALL these lemons and the pair of underwear I'm currently wearing?
2. What could I use to blot this giant's gaping wound?
3. What can you give me, so that I can help the people to pay the debt they owe you?
And here are the answers:
1. You'll have to come back later, we're having a onesie party at the minute.
2. Only if you're aim is good.
3. Well, what did you expect? You tried to swindle Count Reiner Heydrich out of the deed to the Draco Chateau.
Questions?
1: Hello! Is the room ready for one of my legendary Sexy Parties?
2: Do you think I can [REDACTED] in your [REDACTED] from ten paces away?
3: What am I to do with all these Thralls that keep attacking my Workshop? My larder is getting full!
Answers.
1: I did it all right, but I think I pulled a muscle in my back.
2: It's more likely than you think!
3: Come now: you don't really need all your skin.
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1: Who stole the cookies from the kilometer-tall cookie jar?!?
2: Me? Hiding In YOUR Closet?!?
3: This 'circumcision' thing sounds like it'll hurt, though....
ANSWERS! ANSWERS! Get your hot, salty answers HEE-AAH!:
P: I guess that's why they're called 'tiddly suits'.
M: They're A-B-C--LICIOUS!!!
J: Even St. Jude, Patron of Lost Causes, would give up on you, geez.
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These are questions:
P: there's a bunch of dwarf barristers at my door, can you believe that?
M: so you intend to resell alphabet soup with letters from the [unpronounceable word] alphabet? What do you intend the tagline to be?
J: I'm struggling to do anything! Even trying to work through life is not working, got any words of wisdom for me?
And here's the answers:
1. Nothing in common, but there's trust, I'm like a minus and she's like a plus.
2. One going up, one coming down, but we seem to land on common ground.
3. If things go wrong, we make corrections, to get things moving in the right direction. Try to fight it, but it's useless Jack, opposites attract.
1. So you're Objectivist modrons, hey?
2. Tell us how you manage to '69' in public parks, please.
3. And you use Tippex as lube? Really?
Riddly diddly piddly pee, answer I these questions four (-1)
1. There were plants and trees and rocks and things!
2. I set my sights on Monday and I got myself undressed!
3. I drank from the silver cup and rode that highway in the sky!
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Questions:
1. So, you survived the night in Goattoucher Woods. Tell me, what did you see?
2. You got kicked off of the Castaway set? What happened?
3. When Goattoucher dies (assuming he can) and inevitably comes back to life, what do you think will be the first thing he says?
Answers:
1. Now, when I said "Jurassic Park", I was talking about the movie.
2. I can see how YOU get through the week!
3. My wife didn't want a kiwi like me, what with MY tiny wings no, she had to have an ALBATROSS!
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1. I suppose it is sort of cool seeing the headquarters of a company as important to the modern computer revolution as PARC, but...I mean, they're really, REALLY old, so it fails to catch my social-media-shriveled attention span. Why did you want us to come see this?
2. *crashes a Lamborghini through the wall, obviously high on angel dust and imported Swiss chocolate, while a classical symphony orchestra composed entirely of nubile young centerfold stars plays hair-metal versions of Aram Khachaturian's greatest hits and three vengeful armies of (respectively) Prussian Imperial soldiers, Somali pirates, and French-Canadian fursuiters charge in from over the horizon*
3. So you're in here, drowning your sorrows out of that small shallow bowl I keep on hand just for you, meanwhile your wife is cursed to sail the high seas until Judgment Day - what the hell happened this time??!?
The important thing is not to stop questioning, so here are some answers to help you get started:
. Certainly - but remember: It's a sin to kill a mockingbird.
. People are not photons, you cannot be both a wave AND a particle, so pick one and make your peace with the logical consequences, damn it!
. SCP: MST3K-R34.
. CLOWN SPORES! CLOWN SPORES EVERYWHERE, AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
. Of course; hence, why I am using Mongolian numerals this time.
10%. Can I Catch Her in the Rye?
20%. Can the Springfield atoms fans cause fusion?
30%. What should I be watching on broadcast TV?
40%. How do you post on every topic?
50%. Is this topic descending into silliness?
The answers to your questions are...
Juan. Magic underpants.
Too. I keep thinking of things to add.
Tree. That's what I want. Nothing to do with reality!
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Observation, questions:
1. These strange shorts I found in your wardrobe, that keep sparkling and change colour, what in the crab nebula are they?
2. Come on, the shops are closing soon. Haven't you finished with your shopping list yet?
3. You're trying to obtain a living dream? Surely you realise that, by definition, that contradicts reality right?
Solution, answers:
1. It's a long time, to be sure, but I have no regrets. Besides, that genie had it coming!
2. Not even Goattoucher would misunderstand the phrase "fanfare".
3. Stop talking to me, I don't even you!
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1. You've been holding onto that "Your Wish Is My Command Sweepstakes" 1st-prize certificate for a one-night-stand with Barbara Eden for *HOW LONG*?!?!?
2. Look, I KNOW you were promised an ungodly sum of money, but why the hell would you use the opening ceremony of the Olympics as cover for trafficking a crateful of Oompa-Loompas?!?
3. Do you *hee-hee*...want to see something...*wheeze* STRANGE, and *heh-heh*...MYSTICAL...?
I am not bound to please thee with my answers:
!. It pisses me off every time I see it; it's like they've unlearned one of the most important lessons that made me want to come here to start with.
@. The Colonel would SLAP you...and I would applaud.
#. I'm sorry, but that's a really stupid 'takeaway message' to get from Who's Line Is It Anyway?.
Alpha:Have you seen that book about Gamer etiquette?
Beta:Did they investigate the guy who played Colonel Klink when the guy who played Hogan was murdered?
Omega:Since the points don't matter on this board, can I just post anything?
1: Because it just is.
2: Homey don't play that and neither do I.
3: That's too political and religious to answer here.
1 - Why?
2 - Shall we play a game?
3 - Does Satan influence democrats?
1) The wrong way.
2) The middle ground.
3) Over the top.
1: Alright. You're all strapped in and the object is slightly lubricated. Which way do you want it?
2: What was the name of that charming coffee shop in the Neutral Zone?
3: Where shall I hang this BDSM Association banner?
Answers? For you?
1: Put your back into it, Lieutenant!
2: It looks delicious, but I doubt you'll enjoy it. Have some.
3: Gooseberries? Gooseberries?!? GOOSEBERRIES!?!
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1: Cap'n, the Spineripper-Cannon is all out of ammo! What should I do?!?
2: What's the most memorable line from the avant-garde mashup of literary classics The Godfather and Aliens for Lunch?
3: *looks down into the Grand Canyon, takes deep breath* ...GOOSEBERRIES.
Are you a honeybee? Because I've got some anthers for you!:
¢: A lot of Christian hymns are really creepy if you actually listen to them.
ҁ: Ja, jas, das is typisch Schweizerisch...und -das- is sehr Schweizerisch, hö-hö...und...und...Mein Gott. DAS ist SEHR Schweizerisch!!!
ק: The double-reinforced titanium ballsack of Roger Waters.
I) The congregation fhall rife and fing Hymn no. 34.
'You might be changing your britches,
You might be doing a poo,
Whatever you're up to, Jesus
Is always peeping at you!'
2) La, fir, 360 chocolate-covered milkmaids (all called Robinson) forming a pike bloc to deter investigators from examining bank transfers from Berlin to Zurich in the last days of WWII?
C) With what shall we knock down the walls of Belmarsh to release Julian Assange?
Gentlefolks, I hath three pretty toys for thee.
Will: No no, the chant is now 'Jared, Jared, Jared Kushner'
Fort: It grows on the Creflo Dollar Tree.
Ref: Well, it turns out vodka is only haram if ingested by mouth. Who knew?
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Will: Is Subway REALLY going to revive its 2000-2015 ad campaign???
Fort: Where ever did you get that disturbingly organic-looking plenary indulgence certificate for all your years of pretending not to recognize your congregation-members whenever you saw them at the liquor store???
Ref: You know, it's not that I mind my alcohol-catheter business making me a multimillionaire practically overnight...I'm just a little surprised by the fact that most of my business seems to be bulk-shipment orders out of Riyadh, Tehran, and Kabul.
Some people spend their whole lives looking for answers and never finding them - well YOU just hit the jackpot!:
₱: I think it's some kind of elemental disease.
₢: You look like Postmodern Heracles.
₰: All I have to do is squeeze.
₪: Yes...unless you pay the funeral-clown's fees.
₣: You're going to have to visit...The Marquis.
₯: When that's done, I'll replace your teeth with bees.
₥: ...BURMA SHAVE!
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1. I seem to have developed a rash on my arm that causes it to change from being made of fire to water to earth to air. What's your opinion on this?
2. So recently, I've been on that "home Greece god workout course" for a month now. What do you think?
3. Aha, so you are the famous fruit interrogator! Tell me, what is your secret into getting them to talk?
4. My rich, eccentric, uncle has just passed away. Is it possible to bury him near to the circus?
5. Yeah, I need to see an expert about my... condition. Got any advice?
6. OK, I've got to ask, is it really necessary to replace my intestines with spiders?
7. Blooming heck! I've become as hairy as Pulg! Quick, how are we going to fix it?
Good grief, that took a while . Here's some answers to cool us off.
1. My face! Get it off my face!
2. This calls for a Lava Juice toast! To the universe! A universe that shall belong to the Dark Specter!
3. QUIET! Those Power Rangers are nothing more than mere infants! YOU WERE DEFEATED BY CHILDREN! You dare call yourself an Empress of Evil?! You are not fit TO DESTROY A COCKROACH!
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1. But monsieur, if this is the cat, then where is the lobster?
2. We are on the verge of our grand conquest and nothing can stop us! What say you?
3. Your evilness, I really did try to defeat those brats! Won't you grant me pity?
And now, more answers!
1. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis Frankenstein!
2. Tell her the...
3. Well, these weren't the answers I wanted to give, but I've forgotten the ones I did!
1. Well, the rhinestone's connected to the, cheeseburger, and the cheeseburger's connected to the, prescription painkiller, and the painkiller's connected to, Shakira's Truthful Hips, now what in the Lord's name is that?!
2. Dear Auntie Clamps, I have changed from a human into a solid gold robot with Vibrating Attachments, a Chardonnay spigot, and a light-up 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign. What should I tell Karen?
3. Why have you failed your dentist's exams?
These are the Answers At The End Of Time.
1. I Can't Believe It's Not Goethe.
2. Suds and Bowls for my Lord Arioch!
3. Farewell, friend - I was 1,000 times more Elvis than thou!
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1. By this point I'd sell my soul for some good kraut; what can I eat that's not technically a violation of my fausting regimen?
2. Wilt thou not declare thy loyalty, O demon-powered dishwashing machine!?
3. It'll be a blue Christmas without you...but just because I ain't never caught a rabbit don't mean we ain't friends, does it???
Question me these answers three, if e'er another post you see!:
1. I know it by their pale and deadly looks; they must be bound and laid in some dark room.
2. The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!!!
3. That is the question.
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1. And just how can you tell that we're dealing with vampire ghorans?
2. If Batman was a priest, what would be his words when facing the Joker?
3. *Holds a man over a suspension bridge.* Toby, or not Toby?
I hope you're satisfied with these questions, because here comes some answers!
1. Zombie or morlock, I don't care, they're a bunch of pale dudes that want to eat us!
2. You're just jealous that I got to join the Disney Villain Council and you didn't!
3. And you thought it was a good idea to sacrifice GoatToucher!
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1. Settle a bet, those guys coming this way, zombie or morlock?
2. Come on man, I'm twice as evil as you'll ever be. So what gives!?
3. The heavens are aflame, the earth has turned to jelly, the eggs are all mouldy and keep exploding, the colours have all twisted and become inverted and my dead grandmother has come back to life and is once again trying to burn molten lava! Just how did this happen and why do we not have the cosmic power that we we're promised?
1. You look like a large and furry lollipop!
2. A walrus does not make a good substitute for a tin opener.
3. Just like that, I found Wally, and permanently ended his wandering career.