The answers to your questions are ...

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Captain Spalding wrote:

Your Answers:

1. Hot Cross Bunnies.
2. The man down the lane.
3. The Last cemetary you will ever see.

1. What do you get when you throw live rabbits in the oven?

2. Whelp, the authorities are starting to catch up with you, CS. Left too many hints. Got too sloppy at times. Time to pick up stakes and move on to greener pastures. Before you leave, you have to leave some evidence that leads to a patsy that will distract the FBI. Who is the "lucky" chump you'll pin it on?

3. I don't see why you brought a shovel to the park, though this doesn't look much like a park. What is this place?


1. Sounds like lunchtime!

2. If I only had a brain...

3. That kind of thins is what got me kicked out of seminary.

1. What are you doing with cucumbers, mustard, maple syrup and Beeswax?

2. What did that girl say to you when you asked her out?

3. Would you like some wheat thins?


1. It sounded like Choochookerflufflebumpbingbangbong.

2. I'll give you a hint. It's soft, fuzzy, has cute widdle eyes and MONSTROUS claws!

3. I think you just ate my cement.

Scarab Sages

1. So, how was the flumph folk music concert?

2. What's Koko the Gorilla getting for her birthday next year?

3. I drink your milkshake! I DRINK IT ALL UP! What have you got to say to THAT?!?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. The nefarious Zoopwango Goldstein!

2. Deyja, Bracada, and Nighon.

3. That's it. Tim Burton's gone too far!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Really sergeant, what weirdo are you if you're a balloon-loving rich Frankenstein?

2. A necromancer, a wizard and a warlock walk into a bar, guess where they're from?
+1 point to the clown for bringing up this jewel.

3. Tim Burton's planning a new film revolving a dark tale about the 7 little goats, this time working the gritty underworld of tokyo as yakuza. What do you think of that?

So, these are yours:

1. Unbelievable, republicans have dwingled massively in the government due to it.

2. Now if you'd done that sooner, little Elliot from 'round the corner would still be here.

3. A ham sandwich, pickles and a salami.

1: Have you heard that a bad batch of Viagra on the east coast is making old men's hearts pop?

2: I'm going to start leaving candy in my bear traps instead of cheese to attract larger game.

3: Man, I'm not hip to the new terms for various sex acts. What do you call what the people are doing in that video?


1. Yes, a little harder please.

2. -Now- you're talking! Sign me up for a half dozen!

3. A few times, but never in the city I'm living in.

1. Did I hit you hard enough?

2. I have two dozen real girl scout cookies. Made from REAL girl scouts! Want some?

3. Have you ever burnt down a high school gymnasium?


1. Plucky Duck marries Daffy in the latest one.

2. There are two things to life. Taxes and I forget the other one.

3. Yes. You can do that, but I'm not sure how it will turn out.

1. Frank Miller is trying to widen his fanbase, so 300.3 is likely to be a little different
2. Conan, what are your duties as a responsible citizen of Cimmeria?
3. So, you don't mind if I use Sovereign Glue as an intimate lubricant?

Dear heart, your answers are as follows.

1. And that's why it was worth all the effort shaving it!
2. Winky the Squirrel is *not* going 'Neep, neep, neep' on my watch!
3. And if your fingernails drop out as a result, don't blame me!

1. Our new Giant Space Hamster is much more efficient now that we've gotten rid of it's hairball problem.
2. Why are the bottoms of your trousers wriggling like that and where's Winky?
3. Should I drink these three potions I just mixed together?

You answers are as follows:

1. I don't know, but my bottom sure is sore

2. Yeah, but it tastes like sh!t

3. Superman always does it that way, when nobody's looking

1. What were you doing in there with those two flumphs and the ogre with the bad comb over?

2. Here, try this. It's super good for you!

3. Why are you using your X-ray vision to peek at people's underpants again?


1. A giant mongoose and three little pigs.

2. It goes something like: There once was a man from nantucket.

3. That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard.

1. What's the entertainment for the wedding reception?
2. How does the joke that ends "Five dollars, same as in town!" begin?
3. I've had this rash on my groin for like, three weeks!


1. One is a group of cunning runts.
2. That's not where I left my car.
3. Twenty seven. Twenty eight in a pinch.

1. What's the difference between a Raven and Writing Desk?

2. So, do you usually park on the roof?

3. How many spicy tacos can you eat in 60 seconds?


1. Indeed. They say that's the only way to go.

2. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that you're wrong.

3. It's good to be the King.

1. You signed up for an explosive volcanic flight burial?
2. Do you really think getting a tin foil hat will protect you from the orbital chem-induction cannons?
3. A twelfth helping of triple-choc marshmallow cream brulée? Really?


1. You need to take that up with the inquisition.
2. This army!
3. It's just one city, let's not get carried away.

1. Excuse me, Mother Superior, but I seem to have misplaced my internal organs...

2. Which army will win: my army of warbots, or your army of birthday clowns?

3. Hal Jordan, you must answer to the Guardians for the destruction of Coast City!


1. Not very "Super" at all, really.
2. It would have worked, too, if not for my new invention: inflatable pants!
3. Milton Berle's Legendary Genitals...

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. What's Mario like in bed?

2. Didn't I have you fitted with cement shoes and sent to sleep with the fishes?

3. Dammit, we need an amazing new superhero team for our Saturday morning cartoon lineup to teach kids how to think and what to value, but today's kids are COMPLETELY jaded to just about EVERYTHING! Anyone got any ideas?!?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. So that's where this Beatles Reunion album came from!

2. Jesus was Japanese.

3. Tim Burton's Freakazoid!

1. Did you get that box of your stuff you left at my house? I left it on your front porch.

2. So there's this dude named Jesus at work, do you know where he's from?

3. What's the new movie they're playing at the Kindergarten party this year?


1. Two fish in a barrel.

2. You'll need shoes, ships, sealing wax, cabbages and kings.

3. They call him Puff the Magic Dragon for a reason.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Well, we've cloned Abe Vigoda, but the goverment is on to our so called "unethical scientific practices", and they're going to raid the lab. We have to get rid of the evide... what do you have there?

2. I'm going after the Jabberwok. My Vorpal Blade is ready to go, but what other supplies should I bring?

3. Okay, I know Great Wyrms are supposed to be creatures of mind boggling wisdom and power and that their ways are beyond mortal ken, but all he does is lay there and eat Funyuns all day, listening to his jam bard music. And what's with the bloodshot eyes? And what's with that alchemist that visits him twice a week?


1. I haven't thought about that in a long time. Those were the days...
2. As long as we are done within a fortnight, money is no object.
3. That is, by -far-, the saddest clown I have ever seen.

1. Hey, remember that thing with the guy? They guy with the hammer and a bouquet of flowers?

2. Look, I don't know why you want to build a three-story trebuchet, but getting materials, much less zoning permits, in this time frame is really going to cost you.

3. Look at Jingles over there. Man: his mother dies, his wife leaves him, and he's diagnosed with explosive gonorrhea, all in one week. I'm surprised he can even make it through a birthday party anymore.


1. Just over the next hilltop, but watch out for the Grue.
2. I never though of that, but I'll need a pair of pliers.
3. You sicken me. Have some respect!

1. Are we there yet?
2. Can you cut a saw a robot and a blender in half and then stick one half of each together?
3. Hey baby, how about we rearrange the alphabet and put U and I together?


1. If that's the best come-on you've got, I have my work cut out for me.

2. Wait, chocolate and tacos? That's genius!

3. Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.

1. Is there a crack in my ceiling?

2. Where is the Aztec temple to Tacolate?

3. Why can't I find pants in my size?


1. Illegal in 27 states, and a capital offense in 14 European countries, but compulsory in Belgium.

2. Graduating from an unrecognized, unaccredited vocational school at the bottom of the class.

3. Twenty-Two pounds of bear meat, 8 pints of lager, and a blender.

1. You mean, you use MAYO with fries?
2. How do I get started on my career as a dedicated underachiever?
3. Why, this vegan curry is the best I ever had, how did you make it?


1. Well, then SHE started grappling me instead.
2. I don't know. Now watch this.
3. AAAAAAAAA... hey, that is pretty neat, actually.

Scarab Sages

1. How did your date with Jenny the Jellymancer go?

2. When will this anime marathon of yours END?!?

3.'re standing right over Alice's rabbit hole....

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Wikipedia was WRONG!

2. I know, and now the Aesir gods are suing us!

3. The new Rabbi class.

1. Hang on, didn't the wikipages mention jesters are supposed to be cheerful and out in public?

2. nicked that golden goblet and claimed you made it, didn't you?

3. So you're never going to guess. The new class is a .5 BaB, it specializes in close quarters interrogation & solving problems with urination. It comes with the class' extra mini-guillotine too. But sadly, there's no choice of haircut.....still, any clues yet?

Good next poster, here be your answers.

1) Well sorta, it hasn't been tested on all cattle, like goats.
2) I might have funded that, were it not for the risk of black holes.
3) You see a wife,....i see a widow.

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Your questions are:

1) Have you heard how effective the new nerve toxin the government developed is?
2) Did you invest in the new multi-generational colony ships?
3) Have you seen GoatToucher's new wife, Lizzie Borden?

Your answers are:

1) One less than too many.
2) The first of the last.
3) That sinking feeling.

1. How many tacos did you eat? 2 Million??

2. What place did we come in for the Brazilian waxing competition?

3. It not quite butterflies, but not full dread, do you know what feeling I'm talking about?


1. The Millennium Falcon and SeaQuest DSV

2. It means "A malfunctional raptor who prefers fried chicken over raw fish."

3. Yes you can do that, but you can't tango with a banana and get away with it.

1. Quick, name something awesome and something involving Peter DeLouise!

2. Oh, this dinosaur is adorable! What does his tag say? "RRAAAWWRRAAGH!" You speak dinosaur. What does that even mean?

3. Can I do the wicked dance of the suppository with this kiwi fruit without breaking any local ordinances?

Answers? Answers.

1. I think it's great, but I don't think your wife will appreciate it.
2. You're going to need a topical cream to clear that up.
3. Tiptoe, through the tulips, with Ba'al, Canaanite god of darkness and fire.

Well, At least someone's seen SeaQuest DSV!! It actually has both Peter and David DeLouise in it.

1. So, I was thinking about growing a beard, what do you think?

2. How am I going to get rid of those pesky Smurfs?

3. How does that one song about the tulips go again?


1. Religion is often the go to answer.

2. There really is more to life than death and taxes.

3. Toe nail clippings do not belong in dessert.

1. What is the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems?

2. What's wrong with me being a Libertarian?

3. Having come in second place on Top Chef, what advice would you give to next season's competitors?


1. Well, thereby hangs a tale: It was back in ought-five. Your mother worked the swing shift at a coal mine, and I helped make ends meet as an exotic dancer at what was surely the lowest quality gentlemen's club in Appalachia...

2. That was the last time I ate discount shellfish, I'll tell you that for free.

3. Lo, did I raise my mighty fist, and bring it down, cleaving the skull of Halfgar Skjolfison.

1. Please won't you give us the background to your C&W smash hit, '16 tonnes of nipple tassles' ?
2. I'm afraid I have no money, sir! *Sob* When was the last time you ate discount shellfish? OH TELL ME, PLEASE! I MUST KNOW
3. What do you think clinched things for you when you were interviewed for the editorship of Vogue?

Thine answers:

1. Twice 'round the pan and pointed at both ends.
2. Can be a bit sore at first, true, but TOTALLY WORTH IT.
3. Belt sanders.

Scarab Sages

1. How do you cook sausage Asmodean-style?
2. Doesn't having a shoulder-mounted antiparticle cannon cybernetically installed on you hurt?
3. What are the best implements for disciplining GoatToucher?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Rum, Bailey's, LSD, and a green carrot.
2. The Republican Party, who else?

1: Besides livestock and a tub of Vaseline, what are the ingredients of a first class night out?
2: Who the hell would take Swift's "Modest Proposal" at face value?
3: Hey look, it's overreacting Johnny! Whassup, spaz?


1: Sweet creamery butter.
2: Big enough, but not -too- big.
3: I wouldn't shave -that-, but I'd shave a lot of other things...

Scarab Sages

1. Choose your weapon!
2. Describe planet Neptune.
3. How do you feel about this vintage factory-discards-edition "Save the Whales" T-Shirt?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Of course, why do you think GoatToucher votes Republican?
2. Of course, why do you think The Fiend Fantastic votes Labour?
3. Of course, why do you think Sissyl votes against the Cake, Comic Books, & Sex Party?

I gotta hear this one... :-)

Me too, i'm not from the UK, why the hell would i vote for another country's party? :)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Because he's got bored of goats and now wishes to be known as ElephantToucher
2. He thinks it stands for Look! Apple Bottomed Orcus' Underwear - Ripped!
3. Watching a cake have sex with a comic book is actually pretty boring.

Darling poster following me, here are your precious wee questions.

1. Yes, he Hides in Closets, but what is he doing with that bidet?
2. And what does Lyranis turn into at the stroke of midnight?
3. Why should JumboFrotteur get two goes?

1: Something -strange- and -mystical-...
2: Film star and rich baritone Morgan Freeman. He stalks the night, creeping into the homes of the innocent, and when they wake, he... -narrates-.
3: Because the first try was so hilarious, he earned a Mulligan. I mean, I think he actually soiled himself!

Getting back to the original format, some answers:

1: You know what they say: When life give you lemons...
2: I didn't know that. That's the kind of thing that can totally alter a fellow's worldview.
3: That sounds sexier than Bugs Bunny dressed in women's clothes.

Your Questions are:

1. What are you going to do with that citrus farm you inherited?
2. Did you hear that I'm Hiding in Your Closet once touched Sissyl's hat?
3. Do you want to see pictures of Sissyl wearing a tuxedo?

Your Answers are:
1. Craptacular.
2. The round peg in the square hole.
3. The once and future marsupial.

Scarab Sages

1. What should I say now about the source that assured me The Fiend Fantastic was a British citizen?
2. My last 3 answers were all answers in the form of questions, but answers to questions nonetheless - what do you people take me for that makes this so hard to understand?
3. A video game that casts characters from the Sonic the Hedgehog universe as characters from Arthurian legend sounds great - but what would we call such a thing?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Worry not, we'll have that Fiend deported by elevenses!
2. What do you know? He really WAS a wealthy Nigerian prince!
3. Why, that's the official manifesto of the Cake, Comic Books, & Sex Party.

1. Well, second breakfast is over. What to do now?
2. Wanna know what I just found out about the spam I deleted?
3. Why is this book called the Kamic Sutra Book of Erotic Desserts?

Answers to the next three questions:

1. That's not quite the hue I was expecting.
2. It was the water buffalo!
3. I was really worried until that guy showed up with sushi and pretzels.

Scarab Sages

1. I couldn't find the guy who played Dr. House - but I've got this uncharacteristically sympathetic young Borg here. Will he do?
2. Who or what do we blame for VeggieTales jumping the shark?
3. Man, I thought we'd never get rid of George Bush and Dubya! They nearly had us, too! What scared them away?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. A singing, dancing, rubber ball.
2. That's why I voted for Count Von Count.
3. Tim Burton's bathrobe.

Sovereign Court

1. Holy drumsticks! What IS that thing!?

2. Good gravy, this new vampire President is really bad at mathematics!

3. And what exactly is this piece of ragged, filthy,green cloth?


1. It's my birthday!

2. Just shut up and take the flipping gun!

3. Dude, you know she's right, she's ALWAYS right!

1. Why, why should i give you a cake at all? You just ate?

2. But boss, development within the mob is good right? Why can't i use a hand crossbow?

3. Does she always put a knife to your throat when arguing?

Good poster who posts after me, hereby your answers.

a) Trolls only, even then only on wednesdays and saturday nights.
b) Of course Darth Vader, batman loses, period.
c) We class and statblock that person as Baron von Murder.

Shadow Lodge

A. Have you ever seen any of the giant races perform an interpritive dance of the life and times of Scott Baio?
B. In a no hlods barred street style dance off who would win Darth Vader or Batman?
C. I was wanting to put Mother Teresa in Wrath of the Righteous, but I don't want to be too obvious. How should I do that?
Next poster your answers are as follows...
1. Peanuts and shame.
2. Your mom.
3. Usually some tapioca, a light coating of axel grease, two pints of vegan blood substitute, a pound and a half of ogre toe nails, and bake at 450 for 2 hours.

1. What flavor ice cream does a grown man eat after attending the One Direction concert?

2. Who is the "father" of quantum physics?

3. What are little girls made of?


1. Not while all these thirsty midgets are on -my- side!

2. Well, that escalated quickly.

3. T.V.'s Frank.

Sovereign Court

1. Why don't you and your pyromaniac friends surrender to the Gnome Republic already?

2. Because of your 'advice' the wererats and driders have gone from name calling, to all out war! What do you have to say for yourself?

3. That man who just gave you his phone number with a saucy look in his eyes, who is is he?


1. My pet tarn linnorm.

2. Don't ask me, talk to fish, he saw it!

3. I tried talking like a farmer, but ended up sounding like a pirate.

Shadow Lodge

1. Who are you bringing to prom?
2. We have a witness that says you witnessed what happened to the witness down at the docks, what do know about what is happening? WHO KILLED ARODEN?
3. So I hear ya got a date with that cute half-orc at the asylum, how did you pull that off? I herd she only likes sea men.
1. No I don't know it got in the cargo hold, but I may know a guy who does.
2. I hear he likes Black Pudding.
3. Insert peg A into hole B and fold flap C over the whole mess.

Scarab Sages

1. What's a day in the life like for a psychic smuggler with severe dissociative disorder?
2. Are you familiar with my character The Skiron Slayer?
3. Explain the Macarena to me in engineering terms.

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Nahtzee!
2. Oscar the Grinch.
3. Why yes, that's the other meaning of Hannukah...the one we, um, don't talk about.

Shadow Lodge

1. What was Hitler's favorite dice game?
2. Who is the Prime minister of Whoville?
3. What's that one holiday, it's one of those the Catholics stole from some other religion, I believe they use it to celebrate the slaying of 1,000 flumphs by Jesus on one crit roll?
Following Poster the answers to your 3 questions are as follows:
1. A paladin.
2. Twilight.
3. Hermione Granger was the last one to touch it go ask her.

1. What class is IHOYC?
2. What happens when you rewrite Anita Blake for idiot teenagers?
3. Where did my bottle of lube go?

Following Poster, the answers to your next 3 questions are as follows:
1. Only in Vegas
2. I would advise against it, but please ask a trained medical professional or a guru of BDSM about it.
3. Three stars to the left and straight on til morning.

1. Where can a man get a three hundred pound transvestite to give him a foot massage while he sings the theme songs to 1970's sitcoms in a rhino costume for under a hundred dollars?
2. Yeah. I've kind of... "misplaced" my riding crop. Can you grab those tongs and see if you can lay a hold of it for me?
3. Do you know the way to San Jose?

Answers, damn your eyes!

1. Tell Bill I said to have a Coke and a Smile and shut the f*** up!
2. I gave it all to my friend, Jiggs Casey.
3. Let George do it!

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