The answers to your questions are ...

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Sovereign Court

Dear following poster,

The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

  • Yes, but only on Thursdays and only when You Know Who is not around.
  • Probably, but you won't know until you try ... and no, not like that.
  • No. Gods no. What the hell is wrong with you for even asking such a question??!?!?!

Scarab Sages

1. If the Master Emerald is what gives this entire island the power to float, does it know, drift out of its resting place in the Hidden Palace Zone and float around on its own?

2. Do you think I'll be able to pull myself up by my own bootstraps and soar under my own power? *reaches down to own boots, starts yanking upwards on straps*

3. Hi, I'm Ron Paul, and I'm running for President of the U.S.A! How would YOU like to be my running mate?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Only Weird Al Yankovic knows.

2. Figure that out, and you'll be guaranteed a Nobel Prize.

3. I'd say THAT question is its own answer.

1. What kind of holy song deserves a cover?

2. Is it in the female genes that a mother-in-laws judge their future son-in-law with an inquisitor's observation?

3. With Golarion decorated with many things, do we really "need" jesters?

Dear next poster, here are your questions three answers:

1. The day Andorans start worshiping Asmodeus.

2. Hard to say, it could have been this morning.

3. I know he'd never, but i sure as hell would.

Scarab Sages

1. I see you put a big red circle around "the 11th day of the 9th month of the first year of the new millennium" - why? What is that day to you?

2. I sure have been online a long time - do you remember when I got on?

3. Do you think that if Hillary Clinton became President, Bill would start doing a Mrs. Doubtfire schtick so the President of the United States could be in two places at once?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. It's no good, Mr. President - they'll STILL hate you.

2. 141.

3. I would consider that "justifiable homicide."

Silver Crusade

1. What if I declare war on Alaska?
2. How many rounds has this combat been going on?
3. What's your analysis, Wilkins?

Next 3 Answers

1. Yes, but only on Tuesdays and tax holidays.
2. Badminton on Bears.
3. The kind you shut up and listen to when the chips are down.

1. Good lord! Will we ever be rid of these officials?
2. So Jimmy boy, any ideas on this year's special event?
3. What sort of person should i be weary of in this casino?

Here are your answers,

1. Seems Irastil tried hitting on Pharasma.
2. That was probably an eyeball.
3. No, no, no! That's what cost me the previous pupil last week.

Sovereign Court

1. So I've heard of a "green thumb", where anything that is planted by the person grows like a crazed weed. Everything I plant grows and promptly dies. What the hell could cause that?

2. I had this feeling I was being watched as I walked around downtown last night and when I turned to look behind me, something small quickly moved down the sidewalk beside me and seemed to almost jump into a storm drain. Any idea what it could have been?

3. If I had reacted quicker, should I have poked it with a sharpened swizzlestick?

Dear next poster, here are the answers to your next three questions:

1. Whoever told you that was lying.

2. Yes, there is a Santa Claus, but that's not who breaks into your house on Christmas Eve.

3. Winona Ryder. Because, just because.

Silver Crusade

1. Is it true Canaidans are part bear and drink maple syrup directly out of the bottle?

2. Daddy, did Santa take our presents?

3. Who did we do this for?

Answers to the next Q.

1. They were drinking Jagermeister when they thought up the name.

2. Lower.

3. No, he was DIVIDED.

Sovereign Court

1. Most everyone will agree that snickerdoodles are great freaking cookies. Especially when baked by one's grandmother. But what kind of grandmother comes up with the term "snickerdoodle"??

2. When traveling to Scotland, which road should one take to get there quickest?

3. I just heard the President was derided on possible responses to the growing situation in Ukraine. Who in the hell would deride someone for weighing their options before acting in regards to a bad situation? Is that what this country has reduced itself to? Derision for the sake of derision?!?! I am honestly ju ... OOOOOHHHH! That makes a lot more sense.

Dear following poster, here are the answers to you next three questions.

1. Because the Muppets are FREAKING AWESOME!!!

2. Probably not, simply for the fact that it would violate most laws of physics as we know it and would probably turn all the world's chocolate to a shade very much like puce.

3. There were three, but two disappeared and were replaced by four more after the last one left and hired on three other replacements to do the work that could really be accomplished by a monkey in a lab coat.

1. Why are puppet movies making a come back?
2. Do you think the mullet make a comeback like that too?
3. Do you know what happened to my sandwich?

Your answers are:
1. The Alamo!
B. I was going to, but then Doctor Who came on...
• Because Gene Wilder said so, that's why.

1. So guess, guess, guess, what's the evil counterpart of The Omala?
B. Did you take care of the Andoran ambassador's corpse yet?
. Honostly...
Why on earth would marrying three times be a good thing?

The answers
1. No my dear, it is perfectly safe to drink the liquid in that skull labeled vial.

2. It's quite normal for a foreign emissary to be held inside a man sized crate on his trip across this road.

3. Of course, the sight was AWESOME.

Silver Crusade

1. Are you sure this is just a new kind of Coke?
2. Are Europeans REALLY that stretchy?
3. Why is there a gravel pit where Mt. Rushmore used to be.


1. Where else would you store it?
2. No, I will not fist bump you.
3. Hundreds upon hundreds of them. Why?

Scarab Sages

1. What's Paul Wellstone's corpse doing in that man-sized safe of yours?

2. Hi, I'm Barack Obama, and I'm the President of the U.S.A! I passed a healthcare reform bill designed by a far-right think tank, brought all our soldiers home from Iraq (with the, um, necessary exception of a team of "advisers" larger than we had in Vietnam before that war started, as well as some private security contractors), and now I'm gearing up the person I beat in the primaries by running to the left of so we can keep change going! I'm totally the liberal antidote to Reagan! Isn't that RAD?

3. many "private security contractors" did you say you left in Iraq?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. That wasn't Quiche Lisp, that was my WIFE!

2. I once knew a man who could write in Latin with one hand and Greek with the other at the same time - he was shot.

3. That's an Epsilon-level spell.

Sovereign Court

1. Who was that strange looking avatar I saw you with in the last thread? You know, the one that looks like Don Rickles?

2. So I was thinking about making my next character an ambidextrous bilingual gunslinger. What do you think of that concept?

3. If D&D had been developed by the ancient Greeks, what level would flame strike be?

Dear following poster,
The answer to you next three questions are as follows:

1. Every odd odd number.

2. Of course it's made of cheese.

3. That's exactly what it is supposed to be ... unless it isn't ... in which case you should probably move slowly away from it before it takes notice of you.

1. Do you really have to accent weird numbers?

2. Are you sure your orc repellant is effective after 20 years?

3. That adult dire wolf is tame right?

Next poster, here are your answers.

1. 69

2. The mother-in-law.

3. That....would be his cousin.

Scarab Sages

1. *cocks head at a 45-degree angle, as though very puzzled* What's the symbol for the zodiac sign Cancer?

2. Helen of Troy has decided to marry Hephaestus! Athens and Troy won't have to go to war after all! This is WONDERFUL! What could possibly go wrong?

3. Hi, I'm Pugsley's fiance. I don't know why people around here say such mean things about this family, that you're weird and stuff - I guess those 47%'ll look for any excuse to scapegoat families that know how to handle money, huh? OH, there's Gomez! HIYA POPS...uh...why's Mr. Gomez talking to that little haystack?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. The Terrorists!

2. A miserable little pile of secrets!

3. It's the only class that gets a d20 as a Hit Die.

1. Do you know the name of the new Stallone movie? It's like the Expendables but from the villains point of view.
2. What are these manilla folders on your desk?
3. Why would you play a class named the load?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. I did it 45 minutes ago.
2. Colonel Mustard in the library with the pipe.
3. If you find who knows the answer to that, kill him. Kill him dead.

Dark Archive

Want a drink?
Who killed archbishop Aardvark?
Who am I?

3 am
You don't know
I'm cleaning out my closet

Scarab Sages

1. When did you say you scheduled our tennis game for, again?

2. B-B-But General - what am I supposed to tell them if they ask?

3. *gasps, followed by 30 seconds of awed silence* This is Ab urbe condita libri - the full text, even! How did you FIND this?!?!?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. It's not hypocrisy when we do it to you.

2. Watchmen 2.

3. If you actually knew anything about world mythology, you'd understand.

Silver Crusade

1. So wait...did you just...?
2. What will Zack Snyder do when Batman vs. Superman is over?
3. Why is this thing trying to eat you again?

Your answers are:
1. Because it's time to play the FAMILY FEUD!!!
2. Because that plumber was packing a PhD in Molecular Biology.
3.That's a terrible idea.

1. Why are we going to find out which one of the 7 dwarves your wife is most like in bed?

2. How on earth did he know that wasn't mildew?

3. Do you think that if we made a bungee cord out of aluminum it'd bounce back quicker?

Your answers are:

1. 42.

2. I suppose a European Swallow.

3. You act like I should have known she was a cop, jeesh, give me a break.

Scarab Sages

1. How many cards does the Ku Klux Klan use in its official poker games (given that they don't allow spades)?

2. Goedenavond! Since this is your first time attending a Dutch brothel, would you like to start with something simple for this experience?

3. Why did Little Tiffany have do die???

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. I'm one of THEM.

2. Two pharaohs, three Mayan astronomers, 19 Japanese fishermen, 7 Koori shamans, and Tim Burton.

3. The aristocrats!

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber


Scarab Sages

Charles Scholz wrote:



1. Are there people deeply afraid of cute little kittens?

2. Please describe the following party of my initial set of minions when I hit lvl 7 many levels ago.

3. Please describe people that I have little use for as a lvl 50 epic mythic being.

My answers
1. 57 hordes of human fighters and 20 hordes of human cavaliers.

2. 25 high level owl bears.

3. Fafnheir.

Scarab Sages

1. On the 77th Day of Mega-Christmas, my true love gave to me....

2. What's a good challenge for a level 10 Summoner?

3. What is the Legendary Creature of the Fire Faith in Lords of Magic?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Acrobatics is more than just a skill - it's a way of life.

2. In the immortal words of Voltaire: "A witty saying proves nothing."

3. Spetum? Damn near ate 'em!

1. What do you mean, only acrobats allowed?
2. I have this wisecrack at my table, he tries diplomacy with quick bad puns. How can i "pacify" him?
3. Have you seen those new leeches yet? What're they called again, Spetums?

Good poster, the answers to your questions are:

1. That's EXACTLY what we need to make the UDS stay silent permanently.
2. Jurassic Bard trampled it actually, it's broken now.
3. UNDER 9000!

Sovereign Court

1) Why do you need a .45 coated in blueberry jam?
2. Have you seen the lute with the ankylosaurus shell inlaid fretboard and tyrannosaurus claw tuning pegs?
3- So, could you give me a rough idea as to what your credit score is, Mr. Fiend Fantastic?

Dear Sir and/or Ma'am who is posting forthwith, please review for the resolutions to your inquiries ...

1) Artichokes and asparagus just should not go on it.

2) No, no, you should not have told her that!

3) A short cabbie with pink eye and no sense of personal space.

Scarab Sages

1. It's the Official State of California Pizza - what are you complaining about?

2. Dear customer: We have finished forwarding your personal information, including prior relationship and medical history, to the fellow client you have expressed interest in. Would you like us to set up a date?

3. What should I meet my cousin with at the airport so their visit to New York will so horrible they'll never want to come here again?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. The Zeno's Arrow paradox.

2. You're a bad person, pure and simple.

3. Those are all spells from the new ailuromancy school.

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. What do you mean if I pull this trigger you won't get shot??

2. Anyone up for a game of Cards Against Humanity?

3. What in the hell is kitty jump, cat swagger, and feline power swat doing on your character sheet?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Why yes, I am happy to see you.

2. There are just certain things a muppet can do better than you.

3. Just off the top of my head, an undead cat in a box for one.

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

1. I'm so sad. Isn't there someone out there who is glad to see me?

2. Why were Dominar Rigel XVI and Pilot not portrayed by real people in Farscape?

3. What would a lich give its minions for Christmas?

The answers to your questions are...

1. Megatron, Darth Vader, and Ralph Wiggum.

2. A garbage bag full of packing peanuts.

3. Oh, about 50/50.

1. Who would I like to Eat Lunch with? Paintball? Punch in the lip?

2. What did you just clean up?

3. What are the chances that I'll step in dog poop on my way home?

The answer to your questions are

1. Yellow Highlighters

2. A bottle of lotion and a box of tissues

3. A circus tent

Scarab Sages

1. What's the most important tool for turning dollar-bill George Washington into a Muppet?

^I can personally vouch for this.

2. *shiver* Remind It...*shudder* again...*cower* what It puts...*sob* in the Basket?

3. What's something that starts with the letter 'c' and ends with the letter 't' that one enters through a pair of folds to have a really good time inside?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Yes...Yes!...YES!...YEEEAAAA-maybe.

2. That's exactly what you'd expect a man with nine legs to do, isn't it?

3. Perhaps the same could be said of all religions....

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

1. Would you care to have dinner with a bunch of zombies?

2. Why was he chosen to play forward for the U.S. Men's Soccer Team in the next World Cup?

3. Telling people scary stories and then passing out metal plates to collect money? And what is up with the symbolic use of food? What sort of organization is this? This does not make sense.

Dear poster,

The answers to your questions are:

1. Only if the pickle is being held in the left hand

2. A tuxedo made of duct tape and a dress made of bubble wrap

3. It was like that when I got here, I swear.

Sovereign Court

1. Is it considered polite to take a pickle out of the jar with your bare hands?

2. How can you look posh, safe and secure on a cheap budget?

3. What happened to this priceless vase?

Dear poster,

The answers to your questions are:

1. My butt hurts

2. Call someone who cares

3. You're standing way too close

1. So big lizard tell me, what you feel after you is spanked by 1 million cave trolls?

2. Longlegs is hurt, why nobody help him?

3. That is big shiny box, but likely trapped. What is safe distance?

New poster, your answers be:

1. Goblins have succeeded and burned down Sandpoint as revenge.
2. Clowns only good clown if carry hammer for making closet-box.
3. Talingarde had guard carry BIG-BOOM-BOMB inside his chest, killing PCs who kill guard with big-boom-bomb in chest when trying to escape prison.

Scarab Sages

1. Okay, so our party's just returned from Hell, which we've discovered is utterly blanketed in ice - what's new on the Prime Material?

2. Is there something wrong with my weapon of choice being the Elven curve blade?

3. What do you mean, "reverse Joker maneuver?"

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. I admit, it's an inventive use for a dreidel.

2. See, now this is why we can't have nice things!

3. A Truenamer with Tourette Syndrome.

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

1. This is how you make mashed potatos kosher.
2. How can one person be so clumsy?
3. What do you get when you cross a linguist and a jackhammer?

1. Angel Hair
2. Denial of that which is not.
3. A little girl named Sam.

Scarab Sages

1. What are Mr. Rogers's lovely sweaters made out of?

2. As a bread-worshipper, how am I to achieve greater closeness to that which I hold in the highest of all conceivable regards?

3. This is an...interesting sandwich. Who made it?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. He sold his soul to Santa.

2. Sonic the Hedgehog said so.

3. The Gospel of Nimrod.

1. Did you hear about the elf diabolist?
2. Why is that -No Good-?
3. What is Elmer Fudd's favorite book of the bible?

1. Not as long as you'd think.
2. Every Tuesday, weather permitting.
3. A flaky crust.

Scarab Sages

1. Don't worry - do you have ANY idea how long it would take to free Rovagug from His prison?

2. I keep hearing that Something Big's going to happen "when the Stars are right" - so when is that, exactly?

3. What's the most important ingredient in a potion of heroism?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. Funny, that was your FIRST wish!

2. The Mad King Ludwig Edition of the Bible.

3. It's called a Dr. Seuss Cocktail.

1. I wish I knew the wording for my wish that would have the best possible result.

2. "And Jesus said 'God is Loaf'"? What kind of bible is this?

3. This drink is 50% liquid laxative? Oh, the places you'll go.


1. Bend over Sir William. I cannot wait 'til lunchtime.

2. Four whole fried chickens.

3. When you put it like that, how can I refuse?

Scarab Sages

1. Good heavens, Your Majesty, your horse has run off! What are we to do?

2. Did anyone see who robbed that bank?

3. Jimmy...have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. You are a SUPER Goober!

2. Bomb the business schools!

3. Belief.

Sovereign Court

1. I have a nose the shape of a trumpet, eyes like orange jelly and a mouth that resembles the keys of a grand piano when closed. What am I?

2. How do we end the threat of bureaucracy?

3. What is it that you lack in me?

Dear next poster, the answers to your next questions are:

1. Jack Black in a panda costume and electric guitar.

2. That's none of your business, prime minister!

3. You dress up like Elvis and I'll go as Father Christmas.

Scarab Sages

1. By what sign will we know South Park has finally jumped the shark?

2. Just how long, exactly, has the CIA been injecting microchips into my country's citizenry???

3. You said we're going out to a swanky restaurant with your boss and his wife tonight, and that you really, really need to impress them - but what should we wear?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. He's now the newest member of Blue Man Group.

2. Eyeballs, meet toothbrush!

3. Everything you know is wrong - black is white, up is down, and short is long, and everything which you thought was so important doesn't matter!

1. The old wizard fed a growth potion to the musical frums (backwards), causing him to grow alot. Whatever happened to him?

2. Well, we've had the cinnamon, ice bucket and whatnot, so what's the next challenge we should start?

3. If everything worked like the negatives of pictures, how would the world be like then?

Esteemed next poster, hereby your answers.

1. Up & down, turn em around, 99 bottles of rum on the wall.
2. A plushy bunny, a speeding ticket & a positive pregnancy test.
3. Well, solving that, although mandatory, will get you chased after by every government for life.

1: You appear to be an excellent physical specimen on the outside, but how do you exercise your colon?

2: What is a great combination of things to find on your front seat that will assure that the police at a checkpoint will bring you in, short of illegal drugs?

3: I'm days away from producing cold fusion in my basement lab!

Some answers which are in urgent need or inquiry, dear poster:

1: They called it "Indecent behavior with government property."

2: I cradle it gently, nay lovingly, and gently pat the head.

3: Because he's the Pope, that's why!

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

1. what did they call the crime that the chicken who crossed the road committed

2. how do kill this hellspawn?

3. Mommy, why is the man wearing a funny hat???

teh solution to y'alls queries be:

1. one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish


3. the square root of banana is illegal activity

Sovereign Court

1. So what is that new counting convention used by ichthyologists?
2. Can you name a recently committed, worldwide, crime against humanity?
3. What the hell do you mean I was breaking the law when I was eating breakfast this morning???

Dear person who will be posting next in this thread, here are the answers to life's pestering questions ... pestering, like kids in the back seat during a two week family road trip ...

1. Fruits and vegetables being used as verbs
2. Because it's my favorite freakin' Cards Against Humanity card, that's why!
3. It's one of the risks of the job ... I just hope it grows back.

Sovereign Court

1. What annoys a grammar obsessed literacy teacher the most?

2. Why do always carry that thing around with you all the time?

3. Did you really lose your bladder when you went to deliver that parcel full of dog meat to those angry pelicans?

Dear next poster, the answers to your questions are:

1. That would be my breakfast, sir

2. So what? I'm in to robot geishas!

3. Genies do NOT grant wishes! I learnt that the hard way.

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