The answers to your questions are ...

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GoatToucher wrote:


1: Well, tap dancing has always been my first love.
2: Nonono. I said a ship full of "rapping" pirates!
3: With enough ointment, I think I could manage it.

1.) My god man, it's been three days! You have no feet any more! Your legs are but stumps! Why do you persist?

2.) I got that boat full of "self-service" buccaneers that you wanted! Why don't you look happy?
3.) That's an awfully small fondue pot. Are you sure?

Ahnold has answers for you.

1.) Get to dah choppa!
2.) I'll be back.
3.) Let's kick some ice!

1) We're getting picked off 1 by 1, what's the plan?
2) you rejected him. Did he say anything in return?
3) I've kicked many sort of balls. Soccer, tennis balls, rubber bouncing balls, privates...what's there left to kick around?

Someone else has answers too...

a) I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm here to take your life.
b) And i can kill you with this piece of apple.
c) Live for nothing, but die for something.

1: Ah! The Grim Reaper! Do what you want with the girl, just leave me alone!
2: "Action Botanist?" What, are you Indiana Jones, but for flowers?
3: I hear your grandfather flew with the fabled "Nihilism Squad" during WWII. What was their motto?

You answer to me!

1: I'm gonna take your heart, and I'm gonna rip it outta your head!
2: I was born a poor black child...
3: We can kill the gophers... We don't even need a reason!

1.) Foolish hero! You have lost! What can you accomplish against a demon of my power with naught but a plastic grabby claw?
2.) I've heard that you were working on a new novel. How does it begin?
3.) what reason could you possibly have for dropping a nuclear bomb in my front yard?

If you call, I will answer...

1.) That's two too many.
2.) I did warn you.
3.) *Stares uncomprehendingly in stunned silence*

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1) Hey, I've cloned Trump! What do you think of that?
2) Ohh, why did I decide to walk in on Hillary before she put her make-up on?
3) I'm still sad that Ted Cruz isn't running.

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door
With a thousand million questions
About truth and love and war?

1) It was Conn Crete, the Last Irish Minoan.
2) It was Mem Chai Iceberg, the Rappin' Rabbi of Rehovot
3) It was Don Luke Earp McKilt, the legendary Flying Scotsman

1: Who made the corned beef and saganaki?
2: Who dropped the dope rhymes about Manischewitz?
3: Who soared by in the zeppelin in the shape of a haggis?


1: Can't you see I love you?
2: I always get my man.
3: Well, I'll tell you one thing for sure, I didn't pay a back alley surgeon to plant a half kilo of C-4 in your abdominal cavity! Because that would be wrong! :grins nervously: Not for nothing, but you might want to deliver that briefcase to Mao-Yin of the Blue Dragon Triad in the next half hour.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Seriously, man? A thousand sloths in my yard?
2. Let's see, we have thirty wrecked patrol cars, fourteen casualties, more than a hundred wounded civilians, at least sixty lawsuits for police brutality, a demolished quarter in central Manhattan, and a dead giraffe. For a shoplifter?
3. What did you do to me? Please tell me that is yoghurt...

And now, the answers:
1. They misunderestimated me.
2. Most of our imports come from overseas.
3. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... ummm... can't be fooled again.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1.) Huh. Never seen a man strangle two dragons to death at the same time, Mr. W. How'd you do it?

2.) Mr. W, where are we going to get all of the cow tongues for your plan?

3.) Well Mr. W, there weren't any bombs in Quadira or Osirion. What do you have to say?

Ask me the questions, next poster! I'm not afraid!

1.) On second thought, let's not go there. 'Tis a silly place.

2.) No, you can't go back to face the peril. It's very... um... perilous!

3.) And there was much rejoicing. *yaaaaaaaaay*

1) Shall we head for Camelot?
2) Onwards, we must bring justice, amiright?
3) ..and they were forced to eat sir Robin's minstrels.

Hereby are the answers.

1) It was accomplished by using the camera obscura.
2) Because James Jacobs said so.
3) Only if you press the A+B+Select at the same time.

1: How did the caretaker, Mr. Jenkins, scare off all the carnival patrons?
2: Why did Varisia become the geographic, cultural, and magnetic center of Golarion?
3: Can you get Samus to make the sweet, sweet love to Mother Brain?


1: Love for sale!
2: I got you in a stranglehold, baby, and I'll crush you face!
3: The line forms on the right, babe!

1.) I have but two pennies and a rubber band. Can I affored anything?
2.) My face and throat are unbreakable! What say you to that?
3.) High-five!

What questions await me, I wonder?

1.) What a time to roll a natural 20, huh?
2.) Oh no! No no no! No! Definitely not.
3.) From a certain point of view, I suppose you could say yes.

1) I need a decent roll for diplomacy, a base 2 would even do.
...what the, for this???
2) Shall we put GoatToucher as the final test in Fear Factor?
3) With vampires having to suck blood, wouldn't you agree they are victims to anemia, and should be treated with care to overcome it?

And hereby the answers.
1) Indiscriminate murder is counter productive.
2) I know that all these NPCs don't pose a threat to me.
3) But I gotta kill kill something right now and this'll have to do.

1) So the Assassin's Guild is supporting the new Wandering Peasant Conservation Act?
2) And you're confident about winning America's Next Top Plot-Hook?
3) Come on. It may be twitching, but it's a pie. What do you think you're doing?

Answer me!

1) I picked him up by the ankles and played him like a bassoon.
2) No, those are bongoes.
3) So I saved the city, but lost my hurdy-gurdy in the process.

1.) Geez boss, Jimmy the Snitch is shaking like a leaf! What did ya do to him?
2.) So, I take it that these are some kind of Ancient Bedouin batteries, then?
3.) I don't get it. You're a hero! Why do you look so sad?

What goes up must eventually be answered.

1.) Well that's... that's just, uh... great.
2.) Zombies. In the end, it's always zombies.
3.) Well, the Queen wouldn't approve, I can tell you that much!

1) I'm a genius! I've found a way to make a succubus-werewolf hybrid!
2) I'm out of inspiration...we've had vampires, werewolves, witches, mummies, skeletons, ghosts, ghouls......any ideas on what to use for our next horror movie?
3) Maybe it's time to change a few lines in the British anthem. Long live the King, has kind of a Disney ring to it, no?

And hereby...

a) What I may never know is the place of the maze.
b) In which I would have erased some f*cking fairies from space.
c) I neglected to ask before I killed the last dairy farmer who knew.

A.) Come on! You are the Oracle-Who-Sees-All-Except-For-One-Thing! Surely you can tell us how to get to the Labyrinth!
B.) You thought of a good subtitle for your biography yet?
C.) All we need to end this stupid fetch quest is find a rind of Golden Cheese. Fiend, did any farmers mention where it was before the... er... incident?

Ask me no questions, and this game ends. So please ask.

1.) Yeah, well, I'll just make my own then! With blackjack, and hookers!
2.) These deadly predators hunt by sound alone. So be on your guard.
3.) Sound the vuvuzelas of war!

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. King Henry VIII, The One True Church forbids you from getting a divorce!
2. I may have severe tinnitus, but I have neutronium flesh, don't need to breathe, and am immune to all forms of poison and disease! What weapons do our enemies have that I need fear?!?
3. How do we communicate with the Angry-Hornet People?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. I know my apprehension might never be allayed, and so I close, realizing that perhaps the ending has not yet been written.
2. I do not miss...except at will.

1. How does the closing chapter of 'Anxiety Self-Help For Patio Doors' go?
2. Nice to know that the Brigade of Guards have managed to add Prince Alarms to their targeting devices, isn't it? Might help to prevent... accidents...
4. What, you didn't know that we're playing Minefields, not Minecraft?


1. That's what happens when you crossbreed an Otyugh and a My Little Pony.
2. Which is why you can't remove GI Joe's Action Man's, for UK readers underpants
3. Yes, I suppose you could use a Nerf gun for that. In Denmark.

1.) Gibbering Mouthers have invaded City Hall! How did this happen?

2.) Wait, the CIA has been manipulating the action figure industry for decades?

3.) Grab your nerd gun! We're going Grendel hunting!

What questions might I see?

1.) I am the best at being humble. No one else is even close!

2.) In the end, it was our hubris that did us in.

3.) Well, obviously!

1: Name The Stupidest Paradox!
2: Who murdered everyone in the fraternity but you?
3: You, uh... Peed you pants.


1: In the grim darkness of the thirty first millennium, there are only savings of up to 70% off on our entire stock of household appliances!

2: Not in my -rectum-!

3: Not in -my- rectum!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1: So, we're doing good in electronics and furniture. However, i wonder how long the electronics will last, any idea?

2: Well mister Bond, where in your body shall i shove this cattle prod?

3: Ok mister Blofeld, the plug is ready for placement, any other wishes?

Hereby the answers.
a) It doesn't have to be like this.
b) Oh no!
c) Feed you with a kiss.

1.) This battle is inevitable! You must have known how this would end on the day that you took the last donut, Stan!
2.) I'm afraid that the growth on your butt that we've been monitoring has started to think for itself.
3.) And how are you going to make me ingest all these cubes?

Answers! Get your pipe by hot answers here!

1.) No.
2.) No?
3.) No!!!

1: Would you like to try something interesting?
2: You do not deprive yourself of physical pleasures, do you?
3: Excellent! Jambi: retrieve my largest probe and my smallest bottle of lubricant!

Answers, damn your eyes!

1: In hell, Satan and Benny Hill will laugh at your suffering!
2: One more twist to the left and we'll be legally married in Utah!
3: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Why did you trick me into signing this?
2. How fast is Utah going liberal?
3. Dude, that feels like I should penalize you for your alignment, you're LG right?

I shall answer five, no three questions...

1. It's hidden within Asmodeus' nose.
2. If you have to ask, it's no!
3. In precisely 17 hours, 43 minutes, and twel-- no ele-- you get the point.

1. Where is the key to Rovagug's prison?
2. Will the paladin sit on my face?
3. How long until my new spear arrives?

iimpendulo zakho:

1. And that's why I had to 'assegai' what it was all about!
2. No, I called you a ronca
3. And you can also use it to take stones out of horses' hooves.

1. The prisoner won't say anything, sir. What weapon will you use to make him talk?
2. Don't call me a Branca, i'm no dumb dwarf.
3. This big metal vice is useful for squishing heads, wouldn't you say?

Next poster, here are your answers.

a) Because succubi will dominate.
b) That succubi always wins the grapple contest.
c) Rysky gave permission, that's why.

A.) Why are we wearing these mascot costumes again?
B.) And why are the costumes covered in cold iron barbed wire?
C.) Linnorms?

You ask, I answer.

1.) Clearly it wasn't enough.
2.) Is this really the time to be asking that?
3.) Um... Yes?

1) Aw come on, i threw a hundred goblins to sate the appetite of the ogre, so i could pass unnoticed.

2) You did check these parachutes before flight, right?

3) On with our getaway plan. Did you refuel the car, btw?

Here are the answers:

a) If you wish to self terminate by electric shock - press one
b) For termination by overdose - press two
c) If you would like to make a reservation at the end of our drowning pool - please press three

1.) Finally, the hold music is off. Hello? Is this the utility company? I want to complain!
2.) No, my electricity is fine! I'm calling about my pool water!
3.) Overdose? Look, can you recommend a place I can swim while I get the pool looked at?

Ask, for I have answered.

1.) Huh. How about that.
2.) That makes me feel sad.

1) Look, look! I made a piñata out of a goblin and a pair of chickens.
2) I didn't want to, but the king wanted me to slay that dragon.
3) Was that your best? (mocking laugh) Let me show you how it's done, savvy?

Continuing with the answers...

1) For termination by hanging - please press four
2) For death by self inflicting gunshot - press five
3) To speak to a representative, stay online

1: What do you have that might be nice coupled with a bit of "self love"?
2: Do you have any information about the Speed-Trepanation workshop?
3: I have a delightful recipe for goblin foie-gras. Interested?


1: Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful!
2: But tonight I'm lovin' you!
3: I just can't stop lovin' you!

1.) You don't mean that, do you?
2.) Don't you have a thing to go to tonight?
3.) Seriously, why are you still here?

Three answers for you, dear poster:

1.) I didn't expect that, that's for sure!
2.) it was like buttering a chihuahua: smooth'n'easy.
3.) It's fine. I don't really need to breathe anyway.

1: :displays contents of trousers: What do you think?
2: Did you just swallow that duck whole, and alive?
3: I'm just going to park this '76 Buick LaSabre on top of you. Five minutes, tops, okay?

1: Well, I ate it, obviously.
2: It was chewier than you'd expect, but quite tasty.
3: I'll tell you this for free: I'm not looking forward to my next bowel movement.

1. And what did you do when they poured molten gold down your throat?
2. What was it like, being trapped in the Andes with nothing to eat but a shipping container full of silicone breast implants?
3. Is it true that you can bend over backwards and whistle up your own bottom, and that you got stuck the last time you tried?

Give to me these answers three.

1. Clang!
2. Ptoof!
3. Sker-blatt!

1) Fill me in this: Cling, Cleng, .....
2) The magician made the rabbit disappear...but what SFX should we write it to go with?
3) If i drop a halfling from a 12 story building, what sound would be hear when he hits the ground?

Good poster, here are your answers.

A) 2 Italians, a Frenchman, and a Russian prostitute.
B) The boat was sent back to Africa.
C) Donald Trump in a tutu, in Hilary's dungeon.

A.) Alright, it's time to plan our expedition to the Lost City! What kind of help were you able to get?
B.) Dennis, what did you do with my yacht?
C.) But how will we know when the end of days is upon us? What sign should we expect?

If you're not looking for answers, then why are you in this thread?

1.) Ha ha! You said "butt!"
2.) Well, that's what the alpaca is for.
3.) Why must you be such a Negative Norbert? Why can't you be a Positive Pagliacchi?

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

1. I know you are, but what am I?
2. I didn't know llamas could do all that?
3. I don't care what the experts say, it will never work.

1. Live and let die.
2. Band on the Run.
3. Uncle Albert.

1. Okay kids, do any of you know the motto for our Kindergarten?
2. What band was it who won last year's Avatar of Zon-Kuthon music award?
3. What is more tasty than Uncle Albert's Pepperoni pizza?

And answers:

1. I know.
2. No. I am your father.
3. Never tell me the odds!

1. Madam, are you aware that your hat appears to have melted?
2. Are you the man, the very fat man, who beers the workers' water?
3. You're a tudennt of nciennt reekk eliggion. Why don't you want to know about the anttheon?

Sizdin joop:

1. It's either too big or not big enough
2. Goose grease, if you can get it
3. Rinse, spit, repeat.

1: :exposes self: What do you think? :pauses: Oh, come now: you have to look!
2: All right, let's get down to business. Now, you might feel some... pressure. Is there anything you'd like to make you more comfortable?
3: :sweating, naked, covered in goose grease: Well, that was fun. The bathroom's over there. What did your mother teach you about times like this?


1: Goodness, no!
2: Oh my, yes.
3: Mmmmmaybe...

1. So you wish to make a sacrifice to me, but not kill a virgin maiden, how about a newborn goat?
2. What, are you so fond of that little four legged thing already?
3. Would you sacrifice it, if i gave you four adult goats in return?

Next poster, here are your answers.

1) It is a tribute to the late Gene Wilder.
2) Putin and Assad together in a rubber rowing boat.
3) That won't work, have Gorilla Grod wrestle them into submission instead.

1.) What possible reason could you have for drowning children in a river of liquid chocolate?
2.) Have you heard about Russia's new secret military project? What was it again?
3.) So then, I was thinking that in the next panel, the Joker would beat both Batman and Superman in a thumb war simultaneously.

I have such answers for you, next poster...

1.) Try humming the Ghostbusters theme. That always works for me.
2.) I think that you may have overdone it on the jalapeño peppers.
3.) Impossible! No mortal has ever been able to defeat me!

1) I know a guy, and he's having problems. There's a clown hiding in his closet, a skeleton in the cupboard, and a poltergeist roaming the attic. What can he do to have a decent sleep?
2) Hmm, i don't get it, they drink a gallon of water each, after eating one of my spicy bread loafs.
3) Liu Kang's requested an audience, lord Stan. He claims he's here to challenge you to Mortal Kombat.

For the next poster, here are your answers.

!) The new US president will neither be Trump nor Clinton.
@) That's the result of casting unnatural lust on an otyugh.
#) Because spoon!

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

!. Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou, Actually-Came-To-Real-Life-Superman! You've singlehandedly made America a true democracy! What do you think will happen next because of this?
#. Why is The Tick the greatest orator out of all the superheroes?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. My name is Rene Korda. I specialize in creating pocket universes.
2. Brent Spiner with a ponytail, a laser pistol, and futuristic homemade explosives.
3. An insane clown with reality-warping powers. No, not me, the other one! No, not him either! The OTHER other one!

1.) Please state your name, and why you think you would be a good fit for our adventuring party.
2.) So you have a boss character for our sidescroller beat-em-up game, Star Trek Actors vs. Star Wars Actors?
3.) If it was not you who transformed planet Earth into a giant unicycle, then who was it?

The answers, if you'd like them.

A.) Eh... I'll pass.
B.) Yes! Immediately! Why aren't you starting right now?
C.) Well that would be because you're holding it upside-down.

A) Care for some dragon's blood elixer?
B) Okay, pardon sir. We also organize dragons' hunting parties.
Where the participating dragon gets to hunt their picked party of would be heroes, interested?
C) Wait, why is the design of my rocket boots implemented in my tux's collar?

Here are the answers.

1) If that was your first time hearing the band Zeromancer, be ashamed.
2) Ah, so -that's- what happened to the British house of parliament, after exiting the Euro-Zone.
3) The Empire of the Rising Sun!!

Scarab Sages

A. What's on the radio? *turns it on, listens a few second* Oh, just more rock'n'roll. Boring. *switches to classical music station*
B. Oi, look! They're playing the 1812 Overture live on the Thames - wait, where are they pointing the cannons?!?!
C. Who in the world would give Constitutional rights to robots sooner than whales?

Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:

1. A Faberge Egg with Groucho Marx's leering face on it.
2. A Cryo Ego Obsidian Flamberge Golem Smasher of Town Portals.
3. If you're going to use genetic engineering to conquer the world, you do it by making dragons and minotaurs, dammit - not CORN!

1.) Hello, citizen! Do you know what first alerted Friend Computer to the dangers of communism? Be aware that a wrong answer is an indicator of treason!
2.) Come on! Our portal back to town is made of solid Indestructum! What could possibly destroy it?
3.) My lord? Is there some problem with my engineered killed high fructose oozes?

If you call, I will answer...

1.) That is not the word I'd use to describe it.
2.) But... you can't... physically impossible to... bwuh?
3.) Well... I guess if it's you, then it's okay...

Sovereign Court

1. Looking back on the fight I had against the woodcutter in the Order 66 thread, I would say that my victory was fair, wouldn't you agree?

2. I have had enough of being stuck in Karazhan's opera event! I'm leaving the thrice cursed mage tower and joining Illidan's crew. What do you have to say about that Barnes?

3. Relax! Your grandmother is just fine, she's naked and tied up in the closet with IHIYC yes, but she's alive. Besides, I pose as old ladies to help scare off thieves and shady businessmen, pretty nice right?

Answers are as follows:

1. I'm sorry to do this, but my lady will not have it any other way.

2. That's OK, young man, I was married once too.

3. Yeah, wait, married!? That's not what I meant!

1: Why are you walking around the party nude but for a pair of fuzzy fox ears and a tail plugged into your posterior?

2: I have no autonomy. Outside forces control my every move. A voice... a keening voice shrieks into my mind, relaying all manner of harsh judgments. I feel I must go -MAD-!

3: Of course I will make you my wife, dear boy. Then you won't die alone, as you have feared for so long.


1: It's the Demogorgon!

2: Promise?

3: Lando Calrissian...

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