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Duel, Pops.
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A professor we like to call Dedrick
*Begins to strum the sentient pie*
I say, that's new!
What’s your take on paradoxes then? The same as my take on regular doxies.
That's a very accurate summary of my weekend.
{Diddler durdur, diddler durder, diddler durdur, diddlerdur} I see those,
Reach out, touch pants.
*Knits for The when, a pair of woollen trousers. That doesn't talk, or takes.*Pants knitted by a mime. Sure to be as comfortable as they are invisible. Hmm. Keep going. You have my attention.
Of course I wanted his baguette to be hidden. I'm on a gluten-free diet, and must avoid temptation. Same reason why Orange Hulk's pastry genitals should be concealed from view.
I'd be more relieved if they weren't MY trousers.
I can't think of a good reason to put clothes ON!
I'd help, but all my insides have been replaced with hand-carved wooden cutlery.
I'd be surprised if we did miss you. Multi-barrelled Halfling launchers can cover a pretty wide area very comprehensively.
Pre-stained!
Yes. Made a burrito instead. Rather than having my mouth washed out with Pulg, I was eating that very burrito. 'Burritos don't look like Pulg!', you might say, but this was a vintage, cellar-aged, pork 'n' prawn burrito.
I must say that your Porn Star Livertini was a bit of a masterstroke.
**** *** *****. ** *** *** ****? ****!? *** ** ***** & *********!!! **** ***!
Hold on, so waiters don't normally have flaming backsides?
I say, the nurses here really are something else!
Also no, as she was a well-known halfling "entertainer". She took her own life after taking Comte de Malodor as a client.What about the very well-upholstered Karen 'Settee' Porter-Trapps? Hey, that's not true! Having it off with the ammunition is a bit far out even for me.
Juliette, tell me again why you need both of my kidneys?
Oh, it's pointed at her alright, and she's pretty big, but I still wouldn't be within 50 metres or so if you don't want to get SUDSEH.
Make sure that you get a good lock on Borvil, Alphonse, we can't let any soap go to waste! The whole point of a multiple-barrelled soap launcher is that you don't have to aim. And in reply to Grand Magus, certainly not. The witch will be cooked properly or not at all - raw witch is preferable to over-done.
I had a vanlephant, so the best of both worlds. However, I also have a multi-barrelled rocket launcher full of gigantic halfling-shaped bars of coal tar soap which is primed and ready to fire, so I'd get out of the way if I were you.
18. Me.
You finally learn to tie your own shoelaces, Schism marries the immortal emperor of humanity (Harry Styles, painted silver and trapped in a lightbulb), The When is the new host of 'I'm An Inquisitor, Get Me Out Of Here!', and Jambi and GoatToucher have taken over Jim Bakker's show. Buckets for everybody!!!
It is the year 3552, the Blood War's still ongoing, Mummy's in trouble for snubbing Dagon at the Carol Service (Carol requires regular servicing, as I know only too well), 'Everything I Do, I Do It For You' by Bryan Adams is still at number one in the hit parade, and I have changed my underpants.
Well, somebody must. We can't afford to lose another regimental mascot, and I'm not filling in form 1068091/bc4 (Pies, mutton, loss of, non-combat incident, by officer of commissioned rank, naked, half, Marmite, smeared with) again. Took me six months last time.
Never mind that. Where's my mutton pie?!
Sergeant, let's not waste this opportunity. Stuff the Duke of Huzzah-rd into the howitzer, light the slow-match from the seat of my britches, then we'll see if we can't put him right in the middle of that platoon of pit fiends over there.
Phew. That's better. I knew bicarbonate of soda would sort me out eventually. Now, you there with the keytar and ocarina. How do you fancy a job as a high-explosive 552mm artillery round?
Dear Unkie Goatie Touchie, I have been sampling from Grandpa's box of out-of-date 1950s geriatric medication. I am exploding in approximately 15 different dimensions, many unknown to science. I am being chased by a) a fire breathing tree, and b) a chimera with the heads of Barba Striesland, Bette Midler, and Carly Rae Jepson I am simultaneously playing 'soggy biscuit' with Winnie the Pooh and God. I also no longer have Parkinson's Disease. My question to you is, how do you fancy Dorchester Town's chances against Weymouth FC this Sunday.
Help, help, I'm being chased by a fire-breathing tree!
OK. Those look very much like fruit to me. Roughly spherical, pendulous, and covered with fine hairs - couldn't be anything else!
Whoopeeeeeee!!!!
Take it easy? Oh, that won't be a problem. I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load as we speak.
Have you been eating my dreams? Is that why you're being violently sick?
Hold on. Great-Aunt Hortense had a soul?!
I was a bit sceptical about your Miracle Weight Loss Programme at first, but what a transformation - those excess pounds have just melted away!
Wow, thanks, I've been trying to get rid of those for ages.
Play-doh is an extremely versatile substance.
Will he tamper with my biscuits?
Uncle Honore had.
Gracious!
Oo coo gosh baboosh yaroo!
Ba ba ba, ba babababa, bababa Well, there's a statue-shaped dent in my bonce, and I still need to saw these manacles off, but let's see: Swarfega
Yes, I should say so. I just hope we can finish in time for the live broadcast of 'Challenge GoatToucher'
So what? We were all wearing masks, we mopped up after ourselves, and none of the pangolins were permanently harmed.
Yes. It's a bit tight, and oddly sticky (and corrosive), but it'll be fine once it's worn in, and trust me, this will knock 'em dead when we have the battalion night out at 'Scandals' niteclub, City Of Brass.
Ooh, free ammo.
Demon kender eggs? Great! Same calibre as halflings, but far more annoying to the enemy.
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