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Bumptious Wazzock wrote: Comte de Malodor wrote: Bumptious Wazzock wrote: Super Slaad? wrote: Are you like them, having a passage to Bangkok? Me? Never! That sort of thing is always a Comte de Malodor thing. 'To', or 'in'? Only you would the answer to that question. .
I do! Now, let me tell you, in exhaustive detail. First -
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Bumptious Wazzock wrote: Super Slaad? wrote: Are you like them, having a passage to Bangkok? Me? Never! That sort of thing is always a Comte de Malodor thing. 'To', or 'in'?
Listen, it's a medical condition, alright?
Colossal pervert I may be, but putting olives in Lime jello is something even I would balk at.
Safety Cat wrote: Robert Palmer is safe enough, but watch out for the rest of that stuff, guys. Somebody has to palm those Roberts, I suppose - Uncle Honore, perhaps you would like to volunteer?
That's one of the rarest and most illegal magazines in my private stash.
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A professor we like to call Dedrick
Had a tryst with a gargoyle named Cedric
But, sad to relate,
Lightning twice struck his date,
And melted the end of his lead prick.
*Begins to strum the sentient pie*
Mr. Grinch wrote: What’s your take on paradoxes then? The same as my take on regular doxies.
Oni Taiko-Drums In Your Closet wrote:
*Bum-Bum*
*Bum!-Bum!-Bum!*
*BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM!*
*BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM!!!*
*BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BU M-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM!!!!!! *
*clatter...!* That's a very accurate summary of my weekend.
The when wrote: Rather than engaging in pointless acts of violence (That’s more the Grinch’s thing), The when offers the nice mime knitted jodhpurs to the Comte.
“I’m handing them over till them over via telekinesis. You just have to reach out and grab them, Count.”
{Diddler durdur, diddler durder, diddler durdur, diddlerdur}
I see those,
Personal trousers.
Something to warm your thighs, as well as the hair.
Reach out, touch pants.
The when wrote: Goblin Mime wrote: *Knits for The when, a pair of woollen trousers. That doesn't talk, or takes.* Pants knitted by a mime. Sure to be as comfortable as they are invisible. Hmm. Keep going. You have my attention.
Of course I wanted his baguette to be hidden. I'm on a gluten-free diet, and must avoid temptation.
Same reason why Orange Hulk's pastry genitals should be concealed from view.
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I'd be more relieved if they weren't MY trousers.
I can't think of a good reason to put clothes ON!
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I'd help, but all my insides have been replaced with hand-carved wooden cutlery.
I'd be surprised if we did miss you. Multi-barrelled Halfling launchers can cover a pretty wide area very comprehensively.
The when wrote: Yes. Made a burrito instead. Rather than having my mouth washed out with Pulg, I was eating that very burrito. 'Burritos don't look like Pulg!', you might say, but this was a vintage, cellar-aged, pork 'n' prawn burrito.
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I must say that your Porn Star Livertini was a bit of a masterstroke.
**** *** *****. ** *** *** ****? ****!? *** ** ***** & *********!!! **** ***!
Hold on, so waiters don't normally have flaming backsides?
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I say, the nurses here really are something else!
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Count Reiner Heydrich wrote: Pulg wrote: Count Reiner Heydrich wrote: No, "Deathtrap" Duncan was a notorious prankster known for his lethal and puzzling "jokes".
Hence why, he gave himself the nickname of "Deathtrap" (he was inspired by the infamous Deathtrap Dungeon).
While Forrest O'Doom (no connection to Darkwood Forest, the actual Forest of Doom) was a petty baron from Khul.
They have since died, Deathtrap Duncan met his end (ironically) in Deathtrap Dungeon.
And Forrest O'Doom was victim to a mine collapse whilst searching for gold to improve his status. What about the very well-upholstered Karen 'Settee' Porter-Trapps? Also no, as she was a well-known halfling "entertainer". She took her own life after taking Comte de Malodor as a client. Hey, that's not true! Having it off with the ammunition is a bit far out even for me.
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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote: This is awkward... I only accept/use the currency of my homeland.
Fortunately, by amazing coincidence, Mortvania uses Great British Pounds.
And the bail is set to £10000, I recommend having a bake sale.
Juliette, tell me again why you need both of my kidneys?
Oh, it's pointed at her alright, and she's pretty big, but I still wouldn't be within 50 metres or so if you don't want to get SUDSEH.
Dedrick, The Professor wrote: Comte de Malodor wrote: I had a vanlephant, so the best of both worlds.
However, I also have a multi-barrelled rocket launcher full of gigantic halfling-shaped bars of coal tar soap which is primed and ready to fire, so I'd get out of the way if I were you. Make sure that you get a good lock on Borvil, Alphonse, we can't let any soap go to waste! The whole point of a multiple-barrelled soap launcher is that you don't have to aim.
And in reply to Grand Magus, certainly not. The witch will be cooked properly or not at all - raw witch is preferable to over-done.
I had a vanlephant, so the best of both worlds.
However, I also have a multi-barrelled rocket launcher full of gigantic halfling-shaped bars of coal tar soap which is primed and ready to fire, so I'd get out of the way if I were you.
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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote: Good grief, that is such an unpleasant situation! But what happens to me and everyone else? Surely you gleaned some information about all of that? Please my friend, do not leave me in bewilderment, I must know the truth!
** spoiler omitted **
You finally learn to tie your own shoelaces, Schism marries the immortal emperor of humanity (Harry Styles, painted silver and trapped in a lightbulb), The When is the new host of 'I'm An Inquisitor, Get Me Out Of Here!', and Jambi and GoatToucher have taken over Jim Bakker's show. Buckets for everybody!!!
It is the year 3552, the Blood War's still ongoing, Mummy's in trouble for snubbing Dagon at the Carol Service (Carol requires regular servicing, as I know only too well), 'Everything I Do, I Do It For You' by Bryan Adams is still at number one in the hit parade, and I have changed my underpants.
Well, somebody must. We can't afford to lose another regimental mascot, and I'm not filling in form 1068091/bc4 (Pies, mutton, loss of, non-combat incident, by officer of commissioned rank, naked, half, Marmite, smeared with) again. Took me six months last time.
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Never mind that. Where's my mutton pie?!
Reiner's Dragon Head Fruit Tree wrote: *Catches up to Comte de Malodor and sets his trousers on fire.*
*Smugly lumbers off, back to the greenhouse.*
Sergeant, let's not waste this opportunity. Stuff the Duke of Huzzah-rd into the howitzer, light the slow-match from the seat of my britches, then we'll see if we can't put him right in the middle of that platoon of pit fiends over there.
Phew. That's better. I knew bicarbonate of soda would sort me out eventually.
Now, you there with the keytar and ocarina. How do you fancy a job as a high-explosive 552mm artillery round?
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Dear Unkie Goatie Touchie,
I have been sampling from Grandpa's box of out-of-date 1950s geriatric medication.
I am exploding in approximately 15 different dimensions, many unknown to science.
I am being chased by a) a fire breathing tree, and b) a chimera with the heads of Barba Striesland, Bette Midler, and Carly Rae Jepson
I am simultaneously playing 'soggy biscuit' with Winnie the Pooh and God.
I also no longer have Parkinson's Disease.
My question to you is, how do you fancy Dorchester Town's chances against Weymouth FC this Sunday.
Help, help, I'm being chased by a fire-breathing tree!
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OK. Those look very much like fruit to me. Roughly spherical, pendulous, and covered with fine hairs - couldn't be anything else!
Take it easy? Oh, that won't be a problem. I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load as we speak.
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Have you been eating my dreams? Is that why you're being violently sick?
Hold on. Great-Aunt Hortense had a soul?!
GoatToucher wrote: :appears, his approach unnoticed, immediately behind the Comte:
Were you saying something, old boy?
:sips dark purple liqueur absently:
I was a bit sceptical about your Miracle Weight Loss Programme at first, but what a transformation - those excess pounds have just melted away!
Wow, thanks, I've been trying to get rid of those for ages.
Play-doh is an extremely versatile substance.
Will he tamper with my biscuits?
Classes/Levels |
- INACTIVE - (playtest character) |
About Elgolion
Elgolion
Elf (cavern)
Laborer
Monk (Fighter Dedication); Level: 5
NG; Male
____________________
Perception: +7 (+2 (wis) +5 (prof)) [T]
Special Senses: low-light vision, darkvision
Skills:
+10 acrobatics (+6 expert, +4 Dex)
+8 arcana (+5 trained, +3 Int)
+10 athletics (+6 expert, +4 Str)
+5 diplomacy (+5 trained, +0 Cha)
+5 intimidation (+5 trained, +0 Cha)
+8 lore, labor (+5 trained, +3 Int)
+7 medicine (+5 trained, +2 Wis)
+9 stealth (+5 trained, +4 Dex)
+7 survival (+5 trained, +2 Wis)
STR 18
DEX 18
CON 10
INT 16
WIS 14
CHA 10
____________________
AC 21, Touch 21; Fort +6, Ref +10, Will +8 (conditional modifiers)
Expert in all saves
[b]HP 56/56
____________________
Speed 50 feet
Melee
[dice=Unarmed Strike, attack]1d20+10[/dice]
[dice=bludgeoning, cold iron, magic, silver]1d6+4[/dice]
agile, finesse
Ranged
[dice=+1 expert comp. shortbow]1d20+10[/dice]
[dice=magic, piercing]2d6+2[/dice]
60ft. range, deadly d10, propulsive
Powers 2/2 Spell Points, DC 19
Ki Rush <>
Move twice; two strides, two steps, or one stride and one step. You gain concealment during this move and until the start of your next turn.
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Feats:
B: Robust Recovery (skill)
C1: Ki Rush
A1: Weapon Familiarity (Elf)
C2: Fighter Dedication
S2: Quick Jump
G1: Fleet
S4: Terrain Stalker (underbrush)
C4: Basic Maneuver: Point-Blank Shot
A5: Nimble
Class Features:
Powerful Fist
Graceful Expertise
Flurry of Blows
Incredible Movement
Metal Strikes
Magic Strikes
____________________
PROFICIENCIES
Simple Weapons: [T]
Martial Weapons: [T]
Light Armor: [T]
Medium Armor: []
Heavy Armor: []
Shields: []
____________________
EQUIPMENT
Resonance: 2/2 (addtnl. 3 invested)
Combat Gear:
+1 expert composite shortbow (level 4 item)
bracers of missile deflection (level 3 item)
bracers of armor, 1st (level 2 item)
Magic Items:
invisibility potion (level 3 item)
bestial mutagen, minor (level 1 item)
quicksilver mutagen, minor (level 1 item)
Other Gear:
??
Bulk: 1.5 (9 Maximum Bulk)
Coins: 500 silver
____________________
Languages:
Common, Elven
Dwarven
____________________
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