Last one to post wins

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*After a while of everyone talking about GoatToucher University, and The Beandalorian being a complete disaster (especially from a financial point of view), everyone receives a fifth postcard.*

*The postcard is entitled "Monks of Harmony".*

Namaste, Fans of Wally,

I've returned to the "Land of the Battling Monks", only now the invisible Monks of Fire and the - clearly visible - Monks of Water are working together to ensure peace, balance and harmony between the two elements. They've even started to combine them together and create tall mountains and warm pools of healing. Hope you can still find everyone, despite all the steam!

*The scene depicts a rocky, orange coloured landscape with patches of lush foliage (particularly, around the pools of water), and four large holy mounds (one in each corner, with two producing fire - and technically, lava- in the top left and bottom right, and two producing water, in the top right and bottom left), with monks (all of whom, are male) on them praying. The monks of fire are completely invisible, save for the red hooded robes they wear, and the monks of water wear blue hooded robes (but with the hoods down). Also, the monks of fire are able to "shoot" jets of flame from their invisible hands, while the monks of water rely on buckets and simple machinery.*

*Wally is among the greenery of one of the pools, Count Reiner Heydrich is with a group of monks of fire crossing a bridge, the cat is the lap of a monk of water (and being petted), the knight is walking across some boulders in the background, and the mining troll (from the previous scene) is digging out of a tunnel, and unwittingly disrupted a group of both sets of monks.*

[The when]

Steam!

[Pulg]

Steam?!

[Mr. Grinch]

Pity we can't be there Pulg, but steam makes our hair all frizzy.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Maybe you two should buy some GoatToucher brand dry shampoo and hairspray.

*Studies the picture on the newest postcard.*

Let's see, Wenda is on the bottom left mound, with the praying monks of water.

Woof is by another of the pools, with only his tail showing.

Odlaw is among a group of monks of fire, that are heating up some rocks to make the pools warm.

And Wizard Whitebeard is partially behind a primitive fire engine.

[Pulg]

Very primitive. It's a carved stone bucket.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

No, that's just a statue of a bucket of water, which serves as an icon representing that element.

I meant the wooden thing on wheels with a water pump on top, and hoses coming out of it.

[The when]

Nope. That’s an apparatus of GoatTouchers’ device. Never mind what it’s used for…

[Magmaret the Demon Housemaid]

Tee hee! That tickles!

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

*Writes a letter to Vampire Schism (using blue ink, as I'm out of red ink).*

Greetings, daughter,

I trust everything is well with you and that the castle is being well maintained and that Dowager Comtesse de Malodor has been able to provide assistance. I haven't received any news stating otherwise, granted, I've been on the move all the time.

Speaking of which, I am currently staying (along with Wally and everyone else) at some sort of motel that exists outside of time and space. Apparently, this is where Wally goes while figuring out where to go next. There's been talk of going somewhere you can "dream of 3 wishes", whatever that means. In any case, things are going to start getting more lively than usual.

Take care of yourself in the meantime, and send me a response, if you can.

Yours sincerely,

Count Reiner Heydrich

[GT's Sousaphone Monster]

*Appears out of nowhere, working as part of GoatToucher's Postal Delivery Service.*

*Takes the letter, once it is in an envelope, and delivers it to Vampire Schism.*

[Vampire Schism]

Reads letter

Dear Father,
Everything is going fine here. Dowager Comtesse de Malodor has been very helpful; I didn't realize all that went into running a castle.

A certain someone who shall not be named has somehow been sneaking into the female servant's quarters again. Good thing we installed that pervert alarm. I have learned several new curse words in multiple languages from the new servants, as well as some actual curses. He is now resting at the GoatToucher home for the afflicted.

If you stop at the post office at Transylvania 65000, I had a cardboard cutout of you painted. You can use it when you take pictures on your journey. One side has a serious look, while the other has touch of a smile. You can use whichever side you like.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter

[Comte de Malodor]

I say, the nurses here really are something else!

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

[GT's Sousaphone Monster]

*Delivers Vampire Schism's letter to Count Reiner Heydrich.*

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

*Reads letter, allows self a warm and tearful smile.*

That's so very sweet, I shall have to get some souvenirs.

*Quickly teleports to the post-office at Transylvania 65000, to pick up the cardboard cutout.*

It's really quite something, think I'll keep it safe for now.

*Goes back to the motel in the void, puts the cardboard cutout in my motel room.*

Alright, time to resume that fantastic journey with Wally!

*Leaves the motel with Wally and the others.*

[Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band]

*Serenades Wally, the Count, and friends as they walk out into the car park*

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

*As Wally, the Count, and friends reach the end of the car park, they all teleport away.*

*Then, Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band gets run over by a lorry (that is being driven by Pulg himself).*

[The when]

Is it cool to be mean? No, not cool to be mean.

[Pulg]

Hang on. They're under the lorry, *and* in the lorry, *and* on top of the lorry, *and* floating around the lorry, in a sort of parpy cloud. What's happening here?

[Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band]

We have achieved ENLIGHTENMENT.

[Fish-Malkovich]

The when wrote:

Is it cool to be mean? No, not cool to be mean.

That's very profound for you, what are you smoking and can I have some?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band wrote:

We have achieved ENLIGHTENMENT.

So has Comte de Malodor, just not the right sort of enlightenment.

[Pulg]

Entightenment, not enlightenment, i.e. he's trapped in Borvil's hosiery. He seems happy enough, so let's leave him to it, hey?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

No amount of GoatToucher brand brain bleach is going to remove that image from my mind!

[GT's Sousaphone Monster]

*Delivers the sixth Wally postcard to everyone.*

Everyone gets a copy of the exact same postcard.

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*The postcard is entitled "Land of the Genies."*

Hi-de-ho, Wally spotters!

Ever wondered where genies come from? I did, and now I know! Look at how many genies there are: genies of lamps, genies of bottles, even a few genies of jars and pots! It seems that all the people here are trying to get their wishes granted. Hopefully, you won't need a genie to find me and my friends!

*The scene depicts a classic Arabian landscape, with people from different cultures including a few sailors and even medieval nobility are scrambling amongst themselves in order to acquire one of the many genies. The genies (most being male, but there are plenty of female ones) are a wide range of colours and are coming out of all sorts of objects. Most are coming out of lamps (different kinds), but some are coming out of scrolls, rocks and even food!*

*Wally is partially behind a large, blue skinned, male genie of the lamp (shameless reference to Disney Aladdin). Count Reiner Heydrich is amongst a group of men that are enamored with a beautiful, purple coloured, female genie of the bottle. The cat is on a flying carpet. The knight is getting ready to defend himself from a green coloured dragon genie. The mining troll poking his head from one of the top windows of a building. And an invisible monk of fire (from the previous scene) is among some people sitting down with an orange coloured, male genie of the fire.*

[The when]

Colored genies?
So we should look for Jean Grey somewhere in the picture.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

I'm not sure about her, but I do see The Jean Genie in the picture!

[Pulg]

You rub your magic jorts and they appear to give you three wishes, all of which must involve denim in some way.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Pulg wrote:

You rub your magic jorts and they appear to give you three wishes, all of which must involve denim in some way.

Interesting. To be fair, I was referring to the David Bowie song, but couldn't quite get the hyperlink to work.

I've just realised that none of us have found the star fragments in any of the pictures!

*Begins re-examining the previous five postcards, whilst studying the sixth one.*

This might take a while, I'll report back with my findings.

[Pulg's Fairy Trombone Orchestra]

In the meantime (rub rub), we wish for THREE DENIM TROMBONES!

[Fish-Malkovich]

*Suddenly, a giant, cartoon foot squashes Pulg's Fairy Trombone Orchestra.*

Hey, Pulg, remember me how and why you bought the rights to Monty Python?

[The when]

Because, “The Comfy Chair.”

[Pulg]

Fish-Malkovich wrote:

*Suddenly, a giant, cartoon foot squashes Pulg's Fairy Trombone Orchestra.*

Hey, Pulg, remember me how and why you bought the rights to Monty Python?

Well, I actually bought you the rights to the Diamante Parthenon, but I'd rather you didn't drop rhinestone-encrusted Greek antiquities on my fairies.

[Fish-Malkovich]

I know nothing about any of that, I don't even like antiquities.

And things just fall on your fairies all the time. Same thing happens with Comte de Malodor.

[Pulg]

It scarcely makes sense to drop things you like on people, so my point stands, I feel.

And the Comte is presently safe in Borvil's tights, though safe from what, you might well ask.

[Bumptious Wazzock]

*Uses Pulg's Wives to smash all the windows of their own home.*

[Pulg's Wives]

Look at him, trying to smash up a yurt.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

So, you never noticed that I installed windows into your yurt for you?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Fish-Malkovich wrote:

Hey, Pulg, remind me how and why you bought the rights to Monty Python?

And you need to stop smoking whatever it is that The when is smoking.

[Schism Hag]

Smoked Time really messes you up.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Indeed, the adverse effects are quite detrimental (putting it lightly).

And I have found the star fragments, I did say it would take a while.

First postcard: the star fragment is on a serving tray, among some caviar.

Second postcard: the star fragment is in an upstairs window of the most left hand building.

Third postcard: the star fragment is on the front cover of a book about space.

Fourth postcard: the star fragment is hidden amidst a star patterned mushroom cap.

Fifth postcard: the star fragment is inside a large flower.

And now, the sixth postcard: Wenda is partially obscured by a group of people trying to get a lamp being juggled. Woof can found amongst other dogs going to chase a grey cat genie. Wizard Whitebeard is in a doorway of one of the buildings, obscured by some pirates trying to steal someone's newly acquired wealth. Odlaw is with a group of people cowering from a large, red coloured, evil looking male genie. The star fragment is floating around the head of a recently concussed, yellow coloured, male genie.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

*Returns, briefly, to the motel in the void. Writes a letter to Vampire Schism.*

Hello, daughter,

I hope all is well still with you and thank you for the cutout, I can't wait to use it.

Regrettably, I will have to keep this short, as I'm going back out in a few minutes after writing this.

Please may you, if possible, send me some red ink. I've ran out of it a while ago (hence why this letter and the previous one is written in blue ink) and I can only write out/sign documents with that specific ink.

All the best,

Your father

*Gets the letter delivered, before leaving to go to the next location.*

[The when]

Schism Hag wrote:

Smoked Time really messes you up.

Have some smoked haddock instead. It’s the one that called himself Malkovich.

[Pulg's Wives]

Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

So, you never noticed that I installed windows into your yurt for you?

You sellotaped clingfilm over those holes you made in the walls to watch us bathing, if that's what you mean (but it didn't work, because we never do)

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Pulg's Wives wrote:

You sellotaped clingfilm over those holes you made in the walls to watch us bathing, if that's what you mean (but it didn't work, because we never do)

Madams! Not only do I possess no interest in you, but I also take great pride and care in the installation of glass windows. And, in all honesty, I don't see why Pulg finds you so attractive.

[Vampire Schism]

Dear Father,

Since you had never written to me before, you usually use telepathy, I did not know of your ink preference.
I went through your office and found bottles of Scarlet Red and Blood Crimson.
I figured one was for personal use and the other for professional.
I am sending 10 bottles of each overnight to the Transylvania 65000 drop.
They will probably have already arrived, since I know it takes longer for the mail to go through.

Your Daughter.

[GT's Sousaphone Monster]

*Acts as a courier to deliver the ink to the count, ready for when he returns.*

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

*Returns from the most recent location, feeling terribly exhausted.*

I never knew just how tiring travelling could be, how does Wally find all the energy?!

*Gets the delivery of ink from GT's Sousaphone Monster.*

Excellent, writing in blue ink is very mundane and just not me. That being said...

*Uses the last of the blue ink to write a third letter to Vampire Schism.*

Daughter,

Please forgive the formalities of my letters, and thank you for sending the ink.

I'm currently recovering from the latest expedition, you'll find out all about it in the next postcard, and dealing with various matters that require my signature (hence the request, we vampires only use red ink. Plus, it's my favourite colour, most vampires prefer lilac.) How are things at the castle? With the warmer weather on the way, certain creatures in the area begin to really come alive, I'll explain later. In regards to writing to you, instead of using telepathy, it is because I am constantly moving and am at such a great distance (we can be in different dimensions/realities, but trying to communicate telepathically from the void is impossible). I hope this clears up a few things. Remember to stay in touch as often as possible.

Sincerest regards,

Father

P.S. Don't let Dowager Comtesse de Malodor eat anything from my personal larder, she'll get windy.

[Lady Blackmoor]

Ah, so that wasn't the klaxon sounding to warn of fog on the Styx, then.