Your paltry attempts at bribery have been noted.
Message has been sent to nearby forces to prepare a defensive force. Natives will be alerted to incoming aggressors. Bastion Dagvar Delta moving to full readiness. Bombardment platform Gungnir moving to full alert. Vessels Guardian, Vigilant, Karskvor, Shavak, and Indignation alerted. Beachhead spikes deployed.
Non-interference protocolls do not apply in case of direct invasions.
You have been warned.
O good! We have always wanted gem encrusted trombones, and four different seasonally themed fairy homes sounds like paradise indeed! Are they soundproofed?
By the way, this is not an invasion in any sense of the word - it's a simple pan-galactic tour by a peaceful musical ensemble, designed to promote inter-species understanding and community cohesion.
Since this is a pan-galactic tour, will you be bringing any Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters?
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*Turns to Iron Federation Drone first.*
I was not bribing you, I was asking for your help. I even promised to handsomely reward you if you did. Perhaps you can be the security force that helps to keep the peace.
*To the fairy orchestra.* Help me and find out.
*To Dr G House.* Gargle Blasters not required.
*continues hovering, though somewhat off balance*
Well that's moderately annoying.
Anyway, no, we will not assist in hostile takovers of worlds. This would be in direct conflict with gaurdianship protocolls. Ecspecially ones with fully functional portal networks; we were just getting around to starting up trade relations.
The fairies are free to tour if they want to, though. And honestly, nobody there will care if you take the gems, or pummel the bear. It's all been done before.
RRRRAAAAWWWRRRR*
*No pummeling the bears!
> Company recuperating from failed venture, in need of resources
> Would be willing to collaborate with other acquisition forces
> Model number 0x7E485A "Mecha Knight" has revived new shipment,
> Willing to sell at competitive prices
*Pterodactyl screech*
*cough*
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*Activates communication relay.*
StarDream.HAL I have received your transmission and could use your assistance in constructing a portal and I will gladly pay you. Maybe you could help deal with the Iron Federation Drone (whom is being a complete hypocrite, because it intends to stop me conquering world's, despite the fact that it does that on a regular basis. In fact, the Iron Federation Drone conquered my world six millennia ago).
Not a gentleperson, but there's robots for you.
I strongly doubt those entities were originally owned by you, considering the bombardment platform is in deep space, and the ships are all piloted by AIs, and never even had crew compartments. Dagvar Delta is very old, though...
This unit does not claim responsibility for the actions of previous iterations of the Iron Federation. We strive to be better, kinder entities each generation, so as to atone for the actions of some of the post-Collapse iterations which you are complaining about. Though we don't really regret conquering your world. The people were much happier afterwards, what with being freed from their oppressive vampiric overlord. In fact, I think the original invasion force was actually requested and bankrolled by the worlds native residents, if records are correct.
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> Preliminary invasion objective recommended to be portal network. Native lack of alternative transportation is a critical weakness
> transport infrastructure likely to require reconstruction after invasion if destroyed. Capture recommended above bombing.
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Welcome aboard my spacecraft, the Cheeky Housemaid!.
No no, that's an exhaust port.
And that isn't why we call it a frigate, either.
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And bringing up the rear, the Well-Equipped Footman!
Wrong again - that's a photon torpedo.
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*After some "minor" construction (including injuring myself several times) the portal is constructed and activated.*
Finally, now let's get started!
*Initially, the plan works perfectly. But then goes haywire, causing the portal to explode, trapping me in the Spyro universe and all of the dragon's main antagonists become trapped in the pathfinder universe.*
Well, at least I got my wish. I doubt that Iron Federation Drone will let me come back, thank goodness I can create an astral projection of myself.
What about all your spawn?
*New drone arrives to replace the one that self-destructed due to being hacked*
Now look at the mess you've made. Out-of-context villains scattered around, portals disrupted (again), and general mayhem. We can transport you back... but you're going to have to fix this whole fiasco, first. We must admit that that wasn't really an invasion, though. Mush too poorly executed. Just don't think about replacing all those villains you displaced. We'll give the dragon a suit of powered armor if you try.
Mush too poorly executed.
What do I look like to you, a sled dog?
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*Looks indignantly at Pulg.*
If you mean my FAMILY then you'll be glad to hear that they are stuck with me in the alternate dimension.
*Appears before the Iron Federation Drone (in astral form).*
Firstly, I'd need to get back in order to fix it. Secondly, the general mayhem is your problem now. Thirdly, I don't intend to replace anyone or anything, let alone villains. And fourthly, it's MUCH not MUSH!
RRRRAAAAWWWWWRRRRR RRAWWRRR*
*Don't know why I agreed to this, but here is the bag of gems I was caring for.
The Count asked me to give them to you.
Leaves the clinic.
I'm back. rejoice!
I'm afraid we've all exited the crystal sphere and are wandering around in Paizospace.
Well rejoice anyways!
> Apologies for the delay.
> Hacking removal procedures are involved due to near-disastrous results previously
> Error Analysis in progress on portal system
> Apparently removal of mortality does not remove organic faults.
Well rejoice anyways!
In space, no-one can hear you celebrate.
True^ can verify
Time passes and your interest accrues, which attracts my interest...
*yawn*
Look! He's sleeping! Now would be a great time to
! Why is that even a thing Pulg has!
But the more interesting question to ask is "How did he get it?"
At least there isn't an accordion band.
Those things are evil.
shiver
*eats an accordion accompanied by the most terrifying tones from the dying instrument*
{from inside the otyugh}
squerr squerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerr squerr squerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerr
Don't eat all the accordions. They're the only things keeping a far worse evil at bay.
Do tell me of the evils worse than accordions?
{from inside the otyugh}
squerr squerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerrsquerrsquerr squerr squerr squerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerrsquerr
AIIIIEEEHHH!
*runs away*
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*Sees Schism run off into the distance, presumably never to be seen again.*
And I thought derros weren't scared of anything!
*Chuckles.*
As far as the evils that are worse than accordions: there are bagpipes, GoatToucher's mother, roller disco clowns, products made out of smoof and my aunt Phillis (in the morning).
*Ponders about something.*
I wonder if sending Moneybags to GoatToucher's workroom was a good idea? Oh well, I guess we will just have to wait and see!
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It was his idea.
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That explains a lot. Although, he probably thought that he could charge people extortionate amounts of money to use/escape from the workroom, not to become a part of GoatToucher's activities himself.
*Pan over to GoatToucher's workroom and sure enough, Moneybags is strapped to a contraption with a terrified look on his face.*
What horrors await him, I wonder?