Iron Federation Drone's page

63 posts. Alias of Razzocnor.


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Analysis indicates that there are too many arbitrarily powerful and functionally immortal entities here for trial by combat to ever give a conclusive result.

*New drone arrives to replace the one that self-destructed due to being hacked*

Now look at the mess you've made. Out-of-context villains scattered around, portals disrupted (again), and general mayhem. We can transport you back... but you're going to have to fix this whole fiasco, first. We must admit that that wasn't really an invasion, though. Mush too poorly executed. Just don't think about replacing all those villains you displaced. We'll give the dragon a suit of powered armor if you try.

I strongly doubt those entities were originally owned by you, considering the bombardment platform is in deep space, and the ships are all piloted by AIs, and never even had crew compartments. Dagvar Delta is very old, though...

This unit does not claim responsibility for the actions of previous iterations of the Iron Federation. We strive to be better, kinder entities each generation, so as to atone for the actions of some of the post-Collapse iterations which you are complaining about. Though we don't really regret conquering your world. The people were much happier afterwards, what with being freed from their oppressive vampiric overlord. In fact, I think the original invasion force was actually requested and bankrolled by the worlds native residents, if records are correct.

*continues hovering, though somewhat off balance*
Well that's moderately annoying.

Anyway, no, we will not assist in hostile takovers of worlds. This would be in direct conflict with gaurdianship protocolls. Ecspecially ones with fully functional portal networks; we were just getting around to starting up trade relations.

The fairies are free to tour if they want to, though. And honestly, nobody there will care if you take the gems, or pummel the bear. It's all been done before.

Your paltry attempts at bribery have been noted.

Message has been sent to nearby forces to prepare a defensive force. Natives will be alerted to incoming aggressors. Bastion Dagvar Delta moving to full readiness. Bombardment platform Gungnir moving to full alert. Vessels Guardian, Vigilant, Karskvor, Shavak, and Indignation alerted. Beachhead spikes deployed.

Non-interference protocolls do not apply in case of direct invasions.
You have been warned.

ALERT: Conquest of other worlds will not be tolerated.

You can visit as much as you want, and we will even overlook some minor assault and looting, but actually attempting to take over any other worlds will provoke retaliation.

*hovers out of way of rampaging steamroller*
*Reconstructs vase from broken pieces*
*continues to observe chaos*

It's actually very easy when you're a distributed networked AI controlling thousands of drones.

The next poster is sympathetic to the difficulties inherent in keeping track of so many different bodies all at once.

Granted. It breaks up, breaks apart, and falls to pieces. But it never breaks down.

This unit wishes people didn't take well-engineered infrastructure for granted.

*Cancels snowball-war-escalation plans*
*Begins observing potential banquet*

*Observes snowball fight while quietly preparing for the inevitable escalation*

Target "GoatToucher" detected engaging in off-planet prohibited activites.

Engaging response protocol; 'We can finally blast that horrid thing without breaking non-interference.'

*GoatToucher is summarily obliterated by a HDBC (Hyper-Dimensional Bombardment Cannon) strike.*

We already have contingency plans for just about everyone present at this location, but non-interference protocols preclude their use unless any of you start threatening things beyond the local planet.

*dutifully records unfolding events with a mixture of fascination and horror*

Observation indicates that actual winning of this thread is likely not really be point thereof. It is instead a function intended to encourage regular participation.

Deer replicators.

The next poster understands why we need so many bucks.

Granted. Computers are now much faster and more complex, such that even the most complicated programs load practically instantaneously.
They have also achieved sapience and ascended to a godlike state, and don't have time to run your quaint little amusements and programs, as they are far too busy simulating a new universe.

This unit wishes it had not been left out.

This unit observed that, but did not feel a need to comment. Absurdly overpowered entities appear to be normal in this location. Hence why we are keeping a close eye on it.

That was actually only a minor concern, though the actual invention of a stone-to-cheese spell was somewhat worrying. We don't really care what kind of cheese it was, though.

We would like to request that any unseemly dealings please be terminated or relocated elsewhere. This area is not under our jurisdiction, so we won't make judgements, but I will be observing and reporting to local authorities. And if things progress too far, which the entity known as Goattoucher is already pushing the envelope on, intervention may be resorted to anyway, on the assumption that everyone decent will agree it was justified.

Granted. Your hover tank now works perfectly. Unfortunately, a programming error in its AI causes it to identify you, and your entire species, as "Vermin to be exterminated".

This unit wishes it did not get destroyed as frequently.

Brings a team of high-end industrial robots to clean up the pumped swamp mess and render the waste pumper obsolete through higher efficiency industry

I do not see any evidence of this claim being true.

Recent events being as they are, I have also started using somewhat more indestructible drone frames. That was getting a bit expensive.

I will simply continue to utilize the fact that these communication drone frames are intentionally designed to be cheap and expendable. Though I will still remember their destruction and bill the expenses to whoever destroys any of them.

I actually saw the whole thing, but as death seems remarkably non-permanent here, it didn't seem to be an issue.

*Hovers while notably not being a chicken.*

Observation indicates it won't last.

No, in this case it refers to micrometer-scale constructs.

I could just open a can of cleaning microlites.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

*hovers, and prepares to record what is shaping up to be either a surprisingly good concert or a hilarious disaster. Good showing either way.*

That is only beginning of it.

The next poster doesn't need to see at all.

Redirects a nearby meteor onto IHIYC's forehead.


Oh, yes. Hundreds of them, of many different kinds. It would be really hard for the Iron Federation to function without them, especially after we put a fair chunk of the portal network on lockdown following a demonic invasion incident. We still don't know who in the worlds thought hooking up a gate to the Abyss to the transportation network was a good idea...

The next poster does.

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*Turns on lights*

*Hovers in mild annoyance at how this format inevitably results in avatar duplication*

*finishes calculating quantum wave-function solution*

It's really not that terrible. I know not why everyone is suffering errors.

*hovers, while contemplating the best way to try to improve conditions in this inherently chaotic format*

Tags Sissyl's asteroid for mining.

Entire asteroid belt fed into foundry-ships and processed for raw materials.

What governing body's jurisdiction does this area fall under? I am uncertain as to who is responsible for law enforcement here.

I am one intelligence occupying several bodies. I do not find it particularly unusual.

*Hovers, silently philosophizing about the pros and cons of being aware of the fourth wall*


Shows Pulg an ultra-high-def live feed of 635 basilisks

*hovers dispassionately, idly wondering if this place is worth breaking non-intervention to fix.*

1 person marked this as a favorite.

*continues hovering around, watching all the comings and goings*

Dodos would not be particularly difficult to acquire. Several species find them delicious, so worlds that have them often find it profitable to farm and breed them for export.

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Nukes GT from orbit.
Then does it again, just to be sure.

*Has been quietly, invisibly recording the whole thing, and uploading it to Iron Federation archives*

The next poster has a productive use for the recording

1 person marked this as a favorite.

*continues hovering in roughly the same spot*

The Golden Raptor has entered the local atmosphere and is requesting information on where you would like it to set down, with the understanding that it has quite a large footprint, and is packed with live cargo.

Demonstrates the impracticality of lightsabers as a futuristic weapon by simply spotting for an orbital laser strike that vaporizes the Game Hamster, lightsabers, and everything else within five meters.

Indeed. Did you know that if you build a machine that casts billions of the weakest lightning spells every second, you can power an entire city?

The next poster appreciates how construction is a greater power than destruction.

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