Eddie Lizzard's page

No, Phone is the bat boy. Who is on First.

Limeylongears wrote:

My life, I never realised anything in this thread had been flagged, but every day's a school day in Fawtland.

I might have flagged some posts when I was drunk.

Thank you for flagging those posts. They're part of the British Empire now.

So anymore questions for me?

Do you have any favorite stand-up comedians?

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Monkey Santa wrote:

Nonsense! My entire body is fire-retardant. How else do you think I survive chimneys?

A diving helmet and bacon grease?

But enough about my honeymoon...

There's part of an Aristocrats joke in here.

It's very quiet here. Everyone must be at the canteen.

The penne al arrabiata is good today, made from Jeff Vader's mum's recipe.

(#@(#(* #^&*@*@ #*&y@#(* piece of (&@#Y^(* software.

...And now Woran is channeling the spirit of Malcolm Tucker.

I learned today that Worcestershire sauce is labeled as 'Salsa Inglesa" for Spanish language packaging.

I want to add a bubble to the label that reads something like, "Made with 100% English people!"

Ah, like Tim Tams are made from Australians.

"Just give it to me straight, like a pear cider Worcestershire sauce that's made from 100% pear Englishfolk."

It's pronounced BOO-kay.

I should Assassin's Creed Origins so I can gawk at the scenery right before I'm mauled by a crocodile.

AC:O is set in Australia?

Shania or Mark?

Monkey Santa is a dead ringer for young Alec Baldwin.

Please don't let him win the set of steak knives.

Ragadolf wrote:

quibblemuch wrote:

Even Monkey Santa's telecommuting these days.

I have no idea what they're up to, but I'm terrified.

Ok,... THAT I personally find far more terrifying than the corona virus,... O_o

What could you possibly have against 7 legitimate businessmonkeys conducting legitimate business via Monkrosoft Teams? Legitimately.

Well, for starters, it's because you're already more than halfway to 12 Monkeys.

Just...grr. Feel like a heel.

{mentally casts Freehold in "Kinky Boots" on Broadway}

[A BIT LATER...]

I may have to shave myself.

It's like he's psychic.

Plants flag in the middle of FaWtL.

Haha!

Oh crap, a cunning use of flags!

Political Wizard _ Malcolm Tucker: "We need to persuade Matt Delaney not to cross the floor. I think we should use the carrot-and-stick approach, yeah. You take a carrot, you stick it up his f!cking arse, followed by the stick, followed by an even bigger, rougher carrot."

Eddie Lizzard wrote:

She probably also has a sofa stuck in her staircase* from when she first moved in to her home/apt.

* Edit: "Sofa stuck in her staircase" wasn't intended as innuendo, but eh, whatever works for you.

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

I'm not sure Douglas Adams qualifies as a kid, but who am I to judge who is and isn't a baby Capra aegagrus.

One of my technicians just got a phone call from a former work-from-home employee. She's received the shipping labels for all of the equipment she needs to send back, but she needs advice because she's pretty sure the equipment doesn't fit in the same boxes it came in.

....

It won't fit in the box it came in.

...

Perhaps this is why you are now a former employee.

She probably also has a sofa stuck in her staircase* from when she first moved in to her home/apt.

* Edit: "Sofa stuck in her staircase" wasn't intended as innuendo, but eh, whatever works for you.

Oh, yes, please reboot the internet! That Izzard guy went and deleted it, and I'm stuck!

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA! No pictures of cats or penne all'arrabiata for you!

Flagged.

Also flagged.

Overly hostile. Flagged.

Flagging myself.

That's when you have to ask yourself "Would Thanos flag that?"

.

I'm not going to flag this, because that's what The Man expects me to do.

Very well! Give her cake!

I still think Gerry Dorsey is a perfectly cromulent name. I don't know why his agent made him change it to Ergerberger Humperdinck.

captain yesterday wrote:

I have no idea what that is, so probably not. :-D

Sorry, I meant GURPS. Generic Universal Role-Playing System.

Me and the other lizards in the petstore used to play Human Eccentrics Role-Playing System. I was really proud of my 7th level human mailman, Jerry Dorsey. It was a shame when he and the whole party were TPKed in The Ruins of IRS Mountain.

lisamarlene wrote:

A conversation earlier today...

Me: So have you given any more thought to your character for the Azlant campaign?
WW: I have, actually. I've been thinking it would be fun to play a mad Sheltie alchemist.
Me: . . . ?
WW: Not a Sheltie. What's it called? Selkie. That.
Me: Either way.

GothBard still has dreams of writing up a gnome cavalier riding a dire corgi...

Or your gnome cavalier (or alchemist) could be a were-corgi.

I just got a Lemonade Sprite, and the label says "Made with 1% Real Juice."

I genuinely love the honesty.

"Just give it to me straight, like a pear cider made from 100% pears."

Limeylongears wrote:

I like Egremont Russets the best, myself.

Egremont Russet sounds like it ought to be the name of the guy who plays French Horn in marching band.

"...Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwalla, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck Egremont Russet, Vingelbert Wingledanck –"

"No, no, go back one!"

The page is doing that thing again! pokes thread with stick

Stick poking doesn't work. Try licking your eyeball.

The Game Hamster wrote:

*licks eyeball for CY*

What?
I'm not a lizard person, I swear!

I suspect a sekrit love affair between The Game Hamster and CY.

{nods head in agreement} It's true!...

{shakes head in denial...}

{nods head in agreement...}

♫♪ Keep them moving blades sharp... ♫♪

Well, Murglethigh season is just around the corner, so brace yourself for the deluge.

It was also the 5687 (we use Pictish dating) Westmoreland Crab Hinting (amalgamated rules) championship yesterday, Mercia vs. Elmet, and there's a lot of bad blood there, let me tell you, dating back to 4725's infamous Huws Grey Charity Shield semi-finals. Some very fine work from Elmet's lower back-side rut-dabbler, but only four groggerlumbs in a full six-hour match is pathetic, considering we're at national level here. You'd expect a better score at a school match.

With a little work, this could easily turn into a sports version of Emo Philips' "Guy on the Bridge" joke.

+1ing the Best Wishes for your dad's recovery, Mr. SupaStah! Badger.

What's unnerving is that, in voicemail, Freehold's voice sounds very similar to the Pseudo-Russian's voice in voicemail. So he could potentially call and pretend to be the pseudo-Russian and possibly fool someone.

This new bit of info totally fits into my preconceptions of Freehold's superpowers.

{cracks knuckles, squints menacingly} Black, oolong, or green tea?

{sigh}

I blame Cosmo that I really want use this alias to ask someone "Do you have a flag?"

KarlBob wrote:

So a watched quantum pot really never boils? That's deeply, truly weird.

It has a 50 percent chance of being either boiled or unboiled at any given moment.

You two are this close to inventing the first Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser, or at least Advanced Tea Substitute. {wanders off searching for common sense particle}

If this isn't for PFS, would you consider a third-option: a reptoid?

Hypnotato wrote:

I am the Potato in the sky

Looking at you-hoo-hoo

I CAN READ YOUR MIND

Youhoo is delicious. Youhoohoo, however, is just rancid.

And a Yoohoo hoohoo [CENSORED] you should put down plastic first.

My home town's excellent impression of Florida.

Good luck trying not to laugh.

You should tweet that to Jeff Foxworthy.

Turns out the Chef isn't Swedish, and it pisses the Swedes off

I do have Lord Byron's butt rub and sriracha though...

⊙_⊙

Huh. We musta skipped that chapter in British literature class.

Edit:

I don't know if I've ever had actual red pepper flakes, hmm...

You can usually get a few packets of red pepper flakes free when you order takeout/delivery pizza.

Dragon78 wrote:

This book would have been great if it came out within a year from Kingmaker's release but at least we are finally getting something for the First World.

A book's greatness is not dependent on its date of release but on the contents of its pages.

A Sutter book is never late, nor is it early. It arrives precisely when it means to. :)

I learned last night there is a thing called the ACA, The american cornhole association.

Are we still doing phrasing?

Edit: Nekkid innuendo!

Vogons

Just so I can have the Craft: Vogon Poetry skill

Vogon poetry is so bad I think you'd need mythic rules to represent its epic awfulness.

Dear Ms. Merisiel,

What could you accomplish if you had a wheelbarrow and a holocaust cloak?

Heck, Ramsay could spread the word that Theon killed Walda and Roose Jr during his escape with ("kidnapping" of?) Sansa. That could preserve the Bolton alliance with the Freys, and distract the Freys by pitting them against the Iron Islands.

Treppa wrote:

For some reason, my dog was starving yesterday and ate four meals instead of his usual two. Today, he has to go out every two hours. In the snow. And I have the chills.

*sigh*

Initiating Freehold-warming protocols.

I think it's time someone told you that most warm-blooded mammals do not consider 30° F to be "warm." {applies another coating of Pam to scales, flips over on heat rock}

Drejk wrote:

Nebben Dahmeluc, a planar money-changer

Bye C, I just wanted to say another great showing. I would have said something earlier but you happened to post just as the absinthe was wreaking its vengeance :P

{telepathically sends Drejk idea for an "absinthe ooze"}

In double-checking and cleaning up the family tree, I had to bid farewell to Harald Hardratta as an ancestor. There's no evidence beyond people's fancies on ancestry.com. Boy, do those folks get click-happy!

I untangled the mess where one of my female forebears gave birth to a son 100 years before she was born. Yeesh, people, read the dates! You skipped a few generations!

I still haven't figured out how my great-great-great grandfather was born two years after his mother died. Might be time for the dhampir template.

Did any of your ancestors mention a lanky fellow, rather talky, always meddling, who waved a sonic wand and claimed he traveled in a blue box?

Wow. Up at 4 am. Stone sober with only a slight headache for all the pink lemonades* I drank last night.

*:

Pink Lemonade: 1 Shot lemon vodka, 1 shot limoncello. Mix with simply juice raspberry lemonade. Garnish with lemon wedge

Limoncello is delicious. That is all

You are Danny DeVito and I claim my £5.

Where is Urizen and Woodraven?

Covered in BEEEES!

Urizen is on Facebook, but seems pretty busy with Urizen Jr. and work. Don't know about Woody.