[Humorous] 1001 Explanations for the Disappearance of Golarion / Gap


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I thought the name was "Kei abd Yuri", some sort of weird future hybrid name (I've had to deal with a lot of Islamic names recently, and "Abd" is a real name there). Of course I wouldn't have gotten if even without the typo, but I do get the Dirty Pair reference.


I have problems typing and yes I make typos. Sometimes I'm too tired of them to fix them all.

Scarab Sages

As long as we are talking old, classic anime. . .

153) Absolom decided to enact the Dominion Tank Police. Hard reset was the only option to stop the property destruction.


VampByDay wrote:

As long as we are talking old, classic anime. . .

153) Absolom decided to enact the Dominion Tank Police. Hard reset was the only option to stop the property destruction.

Yeah, Brenton was pretty hard to stop when he got going...


154. After decades of ads tge people unanimously voted to move the planwt to an add free universe but didn't tell anyone as they didn't want advertisers following them.


155: its under the bed here somewhere... I'll find it when i clean

156: Pathfinders just HAD to push that button....


157: Ultimate Kaiju Battle! Unfortunately the planet did not survive the battle.


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158: It was the only way to be sure no one figured out whether the pathfinder society was formed at the Pigs Paunch or the Wounded Wisp


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159) There never was a Golarion. Or a universe before the Gap. The gods just made it look that way so they didn't have to wait through millions of years of history just to get to the sci-fi setting they wanted.


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160) Goblins overcame their fear of the written word. Of course, from there, it was only a matter of time before they discovered numbers; and, from there, it was only a matter of time until someone divided by zero.


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161)When the gods were designing the alternate class archetype for Rovagug, they created an option that obsoleted a future class ability, and the 5000 year gap was the wait for the errata.


163) Someone just HAD to know what happened if you put a ysoki into another ysoki's cheekpouch


164) Someone save-scummed the computer games too hard.

165) The Kalistocrats gained ownership and are intending to auction it off.


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Starfinder Superscriber

166) Universe full, Compress planets to save space (y/n)?


SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:

164) Someone save-scummed the computer games too hard.

We now have a suspect....


Adventure Path Charter Subscriber
VampByDay wrote:
FormerFiend wrote:
118: It's still there, right where it was. Someone just cast a mythic invisibility spell on it.
119: It's still there, right where it was. Someone has just put a Someone Else's problem Field around it.

167. It's still there, it's hiding behind Absolom station. Castovel was supposed to have gotten to million already, it's wondering when they will call "allie, allie, oxen free!"


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168) An April Fools Day prank got out of hand.


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Starfinder Superscriber

169. Extreme social distancing


170) They tried to pull a "Forgotten Realms Reset".

Grand Lodge

A player wanted to see the original notes on Golarion and still hasn't given them back. Too bad he's moved to a new town.


SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:
164) Someone save-scummed the computer games too hard.

Apparently within Elder Scrolls lore there are books ("Where were you when the Dragon Broke" and "The Dragon Break Reexamined") that talk of 1008 years worth of events, but only 150 years having logically passed, which is an in-game lore explanation of players reloading save games.

Which is a wonderful explanation for The Gap.


ThistleHoneymead wrote:
SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:
164) Someone save-scummed the computer games too hard.

Apparently within Elder Scrolls lore there are books ("Where were you when the Dragon Broke" and "The Dragon Break Reexamined") that talk of 1008 years worth of events, but only 150 years having logically passed, which is an in-game lore explanation of players reloading save games.

Which is a wonderful explanation for The Gap.

Better than that. Some of the more esoteric mystics in the setting have actually figured out that both "the world they exist in is a game" *and* "the dev console is a thing". *cough*


Tech support suggested turning the universe off and back on.


Some idiot tripped the sprinklers in the akashic record.


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176) That information is above your clearance level, citizen. Trust Friend Blue Golem that there is an explanation for The Gap and that you do not need to know about it. Why are you even asking? Are you asking because you are a [REDACTED]-[REDACTED]-traitor scum? If you are, please report to your nearest Disintegration Trap for disposal. Failure to do so will result in disintegration. Now go and have a Good Day. And remember: Fun Is Mandatory.


177: It's still exactly where it was. It's the rest of the universe that moved.


Pathfinder Rulebook, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Carry over from the kobold thread

178: A kobold won divinity from the Test of the Starstone and claimed Golarion for their own.


179: A crowd stormed the Test of the Starstone and the other gods sent Golarion away rather than deal with hundreds of new, annoying gods.


My personal theory is that Nethys tempered with a powerful artifact to give him infinite power, but caused the Gap instead.

180) Now, what we don't know is if the Gap was caused because Nethys tripped, dropped the thing and it shattered XD


181) Groetus got tired of playing PF1 and tried to destroy the universe prematurely so he could try out a different system, he got as far as Golarion before the gods managed to stop him and gave everyone space travel to keep him satisfied.

182) None of the players could make it to the session for the following hundred years so the DM had to gloss over what they had been doing for when they came back.

183) Some maniac goblin with a bunch of moon-sized bomb tried to play a game of pool with the sun and the surrounding planets


184) Golarion was demolished to make way for a hyperspace express route.

185) The Gap is just a lie spread by THE MAN to hide the truth and prevent people from traveling back Golarion!


186: Cayden Caliean lost the planet in a poker game.


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187) Abadar was sued by Hell regarding a crowdfunding scheme that got out of hand. By the time the court case was done, the interest was so high that Golarion itself was seized as payment.

Second Seekers (Jadnura)

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Pathfinder Starfinder Society Subscriber
breithauptclan wrote:
187) Abadar was sued by Hell regarding a crowdfunding scheme that got out of hand. By the time the court case was done, the interest was so high that Golarion itself was seized as payment.

Love it!

---------------
"...and in closing, Master, I'm afraid the contract verbiage is quite air tight. The Arch-Financial Hierophant Officer is required to pay the Prince of Hell one gold for each Like that the viral broadcast in question garnered, and as his backer and divine co-signer, you are responsible for any shortfall."

"Ah. Right. And, Counter-Deacon, how many Likes did said broadcast acquire?"

"Well, one must consider that it was one of the very first interstellar broadcasts, Master, and so the target audience was in fact quite vas-"

"The Likes, if you please, Counter-Deacon."

"One tredecillion, four-hundred and nine duodecillion, eighteen undecillion , six-hundred eighty-four decillion, twelve nonillion, four-hundred seventy-three octillion, nine septillion, six-hundred sixty-one sextillion, eleven quintillion, four-hundred nineteen quadrillion, nine-hundred fourty-nine trillion, six-hundred seventy-six billion, five-hundred and one million, four-hundred eighty-nine thousand, and forty-two, Master."

"Ordered queues, that much?! How is one juvenile canid that likeable?"

"I'm afraid so, Wealthy Father. I've Counted them all personally. I understand it was rather a cute puppy, to say nothing of the novelty headgear. Once the signal reached the Nonsaplodia System, well - you know how the mi-go are about small quadrupeds."

"Very well. I told that damned She-Wasp that 'social media' would be more trouble than it's worth!
...sod it, just give them a populated planet, in Maelstrom-locked hyper-escrow. If the devils push back, feed them some line about the value of one soul being immeasurable. They should fall to pieces over that."

"Very good, Master. Which planet, exactly?"

"Eh..." *vague, disinterested, hand wave in the general direction of Mataras* "That one."


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Starfinder Superscriber
Kishmo wrote:
breithauptclan wrote:
187) Abadar was sued by Hell regarding a crowdfunding scheme that got out of hand. By the time the court case was done, the interest was so high that Golarion itself was seized as payment.

Love it!

---------------
"...and in closing, Master, I'm afraid the contract verbiage is quite air tight. The Arch-Financial Hierophant Officer is required to pay the Prince of Hell one gold for each Like that the viral broadcast in question garnered, and as his backer and divine co-signer, you are responsible for any shortfall."

"Ah. Right. And, Counter-Deacon, how many Likes did said broadcast acquire?"

"Well, one must consider that it was one of the very first interstellar broadcasts, Master, and so the target audience was in fact quite vas-"

"The Likes, if you please, Counter-Deacon."

"One tredecillion, four-hundred and nine duodecillion, eighteen undecillion , six-hundred eighty-four decillion, twelve nonillion, four-hundred seventy-three octillion, nine septillion, six-hundred sixty-one sextillion, eleven quintillion, four-hundred nineteen quadrillion, nine-hundred fourty-nine trillion, six-hundred seventy-six billion, five-hundred and one million, four-hundred eighty-nine thousand, and forty-two, Master."

"Ordered queues, that much?! How is one juvenile canid that likeable?"

"I'm afraid so, Wealthy Father. I've Counted them all personally. I understand it was rather a cute puppy, to say nothing of the novelty headgear. Once the signal reached the Nonsaplodia System, well - you know how the mi-go are about small quadrupeds."

"Very well. I told that damned She-Wasp that 'social media' would be more trouble than it's worth!
...sod it, just give them a populated planet, in Maelstrom-locked hyper-escrow. If the devils push back, feed them some line about the value of one soul being immeasurable. They should fall to pieces over that."

"Very good, Master. Which planet, exactly?"

"Eh..." *vague, disinterested, hand wave in the general...

BEST COURT TV SHOW EVER

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