[Humorous] 1001 Explanations for the Disappearance of Golarion / Gap


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1) Someone heard they had GoT spoilers.

2) Trump was going to invade. It was the only way.

3) The gods got tired of people asking "What happened to Aroden?"

4) The server went down.

5) The crew of the Enterprise has been captured and needs the PCs to rescue them and let them fix the Negative Space Wedgie.

6) The Tablets of Fate are cracked, and Ao's on vacation.

Dark Archive

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Everyone else has already played that Scenario, but you haven't, so they have to pretend they don't know what happened.


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7) Too much content bloat happened, where most adventurers were playing as extremely bizarre combinations of classes, archetypes and so on from fifty different sources of "power".


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8) Goblins + Time Travel
9) I don't know, but that was one hell of a party, and I am still trying to figure out where my pants went.
10) Goblin + 3 Wishes


11. Someone didn't read the expiration date for the service contract on Rovagug's prison.

12. The Script, sadly written during a SAG writer's strike.

13. Fnord.

14. The Great Old Ones re-enacted Dogs Playing Poker with Golarion as the table.

15. Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!


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16. Someone finally found out what happened to Aroden. The Powers that Be didn't take kindly to that.


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17. Demolished in order to make way for a hyperspace bypass.

18. Aboleths


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Master Han Del of the Web wrote:


18. Aboleths

I read this with the same voice in my head that reads the "Aliens" meme. ;)

"I'm not saying it was aboleths ... but it was aboleths."


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The Mad Comrade wrote:
Master Han Del of the Web wrote:


18. Aboleths

I read this with the same voice in my head that reads the "Aliens" meme. ;)

"I'm not saying it was aboleths ... but it was aboleths."

Even if it wasn't aboleths... it was aboleths.


Golarion is on vacation in Miami.

Silver Crusade

19. The god of starfinders phone rang: "Fantasy called, they want their planet back.

20. A wizard accidentally blew up the planet with wish.

21. Norgorber pulled of the greatest heist in the galaxy... he stole golarian.


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22) Will the goblin succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history?!?!?! AT THE MERE PUSH OF A SINGLE BUTTON? The beautiful shiny button? The jolly, candy-like button?

Grand Lodge

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Cayden Cailean and the universe's worst drunk driving accident.


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23 A Cat, found the Loom of Fate, and a loose thread.

24 The Gods played in the largest caps game ever set up, and lost.

25 The question What happens if the Stars tone is placed in a Bag of Holding then dropped in a Portable Hole was anwsered.

26 After the Ball of Risqué the only way to make things right was the Gap.


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27. Their subscription ran out.

28. Edition change.


27 Nobody knows if it was Neb or Gex, but they finally went full magic nuclear on each other and blew up the Planet.

28: I was testing out my new 9th level spell Mythic Spell

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MYTHIC EPIC SHATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And things did NOT go as planned. In my defense I was aiming at the Moon.


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Pathfinder Maps, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

29 - The Gap started because an upstart wizard accidentally started a fire in the library of the Akashic Record.


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30. It was a legal action by Asmodeus - he placed an embargo on everyone's memories so they couldn't interfere with the case.


It was too problematic.


37) The Moral Guardians finally escaped from Bill and Ted's time machine, took one look at Golarion, and said.....surprisingly unprintable things.


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38) The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.

39) It got caught in an MLP shipping-pair flame-war.

Scarab Sages

SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:
37) The Moral Guardians finally escaped from Bill and Ted's time machine, took one look at Golarion, and said.....surprisingly unprintable things.

It's okay when they say that stuff, they are the moral authority.


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40.) Rovagug got out of his prison and heard about this other God trying to steal his schtick of destroying everything. When he went to investigate, he got swallowed up by a black hole and died. The paradox of a God of destruction being destroyed broke reality for a little while.


Rovagug, meet Azathoth. Azathoth, meet snack. *burp*

Dark Archive

Someone REALLY dropped the ball on the session recap.

Scarab Sages

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43) Too many classes, gods decided on a hard reboot just to simplify things.

44) All the weird rules inconsistencies finally added up and broke reality.

45) Ponyfinder became cannon. Discord insued


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VampByDay wrote:

43) Too many classes, gods decided on a hard reboot just to simplify things.

44) All the weird rules inconsistencies finally added up and broke reality.

45) Ponyfinder became cannon. Discord insued

45a) Literally. ;)


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46) "Golarion" never existed in the first place, and was a massive plot by the Lizard People who live on the Sun to cover up the existence of Fire Cancer, which has been killing off people on Golarion for millenia, such as the Darklight Sisterhood and Paladins of Asmodeus.

Scarab Sages

The Mad Comrade wrote:
VampByDay wrote:

43) Too many classes, gods decided on a hard reboot just to simplify things.

44) All the weird rules inconsistencies finally added up and broke reality.

45) Ponyfinder became cannon. Discord insued

45a) Literally. ;)

Very good, you caught my cleverly disguised joke ;-p


47. First use of the Drift Drive involved the use of Imaginary Numbers.


48. So THAT'S where I put the Sphere of Annhilation!

49. As it turns out, everyone was so busy with Rovagug they forgot Lavos' species was there too. Understandably, no god was a fan of its spawn going anywhere else.

50. Gee, hypothetical Absalom architect, maybe turning the Starstone, source of divinity, into a lighthouse was a bad plan?


(from a thread on rpg.net)
51) It was an orangutan. They're the devil once they've grabbed you by the foot.

52) Cayden Cailean lost it in a poker game.


John Napier 698 wrote:
47. First use of the Drift Drive involved the use of Imaginary Numbers.

LIES! Everyone knows Imaginary Numbers are imaginary!


SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
47. First use of the Drift Drive involved the use of Imaginary Numbers.
LIES! Everyone knows Imaginary Numbers are imaginary!

And Complex Numbers have a complex. :D


Ravingdork wrote:
29 - The Gap started because an upstart wizard accidentally started a fire in the library of the Akashic Record.

How many times do I have to tell people that it was an accident! And who are you calling an "upstart"?!


Starfinder Superscriber

53 - We can't have nice things.


48. Min-Maxers achieved a critical mass.


54) Someone left it in reach of a kender and then turned their back on it for more than 3 seconds.

55) When the gods realized their were kender on Golarion, they smote the planet so hard it permanently damaged the space-time continuum. It was the only way to be sure.


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56. Goblins pressed the reset buttons on all of Golarion's Servers simultaneously.

Scarab Sages

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John Napier 698 wrote:
47. First use of the Drift Drive involved the use of Imaginary Numbers.

57) The prototype for drift technology was the infinite improbability drive. On first startup, it turned Golarion into a blue whale, and all history dating back 1000 years as a potted plant whose only thought was 'oh no, not again.'


4 people marked this as a favorite.
VampByDay wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
47. First use of the Drift Drive involved the use of Imaginary Numbers.
57) The prototype for drift technology was the infinite improbability drive. On first startup, it turned Golarion into a blue whale, and all history dating back 1000 years as a potted plant whose only thought was 'oh no, not again.'

So the pilot was a two-faced three-armed man that stole my girl at a party last year?


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58.) Golarian was the site of a typical Rick and Morty adventure.


59) Rovagug was about to escape and the gods had Achacek (or however you spell the Mantis God's name) assassinate him. He got a little carried away.


CactusUnicorn wrote:
59) Rovagug was about to escape and the gods had Achacek (or however you spell the Mantis God's name) assassinate him. He got a little carried away.

Achaekek can't assassinate gods. It's the reason why the Red Mantis doesn't assassinate monarchs, they see as symbolic of that.


Malefactor wrote:
CactusUnicorn wrote:
59) Rovagug was about to escape and the gods had Achacek (or however you spell the Mantis God's name) assassinate him. He got a little carried away.
Achaekek can't assassinate gods. It's the reason why the Red Mantis doesn't assassinate monarchs, they see as symbolic of that.

Congratulations, you made me search my library for Ultimate Faiths.

"Ultimate Faiths wrote:


Achaekek DOES not directly strike against the gods... Achaekek DOES not turn his claws against his divine sisters and brothers,

Achaekek DOES not attack gods but he CAN. (I am using Caps for emphasis because I am on my phone and can't bold/italicise) Achaekek could decide that he is going to kill Rovagug or even that Rovagug doesn't count as a god, but as some mythic beast.

Scarab Sages

CactusUnicorn wrote:
Malefactor wrote:
CactusUnicorn wrote:
59) Rovagug was about to escape and the gods had Achacek (or however you spell the Mantis God's name) assassinate him. He got a little carried away.
Achaekek can't assassinate gods. It's the reason why the Red Mantis doesn't assassinate monarchs, they see as symbolic of that.

Congratulations, you made me search my library for Ultimate Faiths.

"Ultimate Faiths wrote:


Achaekek DOES not directly strike against the gods... Achaekek DOES not turn his claws against his divine sisters and brothers,
Achaekek DOES not attack gods but he CAN. (I am using Caps for emphasis because I am on my phone and can't bold/italicise) Achaekek could decide that he is going to kill Rovagug or even that Rovagug doesn't count as a god, but as some mythic beast.

60) A level 20 mesmerist with 10 mythic tiers convinced Achaekek that Rovagug wasn't a god and to kill him. Things got out of hand.


(another from rpg.net)
61) The Gods lost the planet to a Goblin in a game of dice. The Gods do NOT want to admit this to anybody.


Ventnor wrote:
58.) Golarian was the site of a typical Rick and Morty adventure.

62) The Vindicators destroyed Golarian to make sure that the villain of the week did not escape.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Arutema wrote:
Cayden Cailean and the universe's worst drunk driving accident.

Fortunately, his clerics are hard at work rolling sticky balls around everywhere hoping to collect enough random debris to form a suitable, if cow heavy, replacement.


Violet Hargrave wrote:
Arutema wrote:
Cayden Cailean and the universe's worst drunk driving accident.
Fortunately, his clerics are hard at work rolling sticky balls around everywhere hoping to collect enough random debris to form a suitable, if cow heavy, replacement.

Blinks Huh? Why cows?

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