[Humorous] 1001 Explanations for the Disappearance of Golarion / Gap


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99) The god that sneezed it out finally wiped their nose.

Sovereign Court

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Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
FirstChAoS wrote:
DJEternalDarkness wrote:
96) Rock and roll music. Always blame the music.
Actually it was orc and troll music.

Music with Rocks In It. (copyright Terry Prachett)

Liberty's Edge

100) Global weather change. The powers that be still claim there is no such thing so they had to hide the planet and any records that could prove otherwise.


so edgy. so brave.


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101) While setting up the curse on a tomb, the architect accidentally set the target to 'all' rather than 'all adventurers breaking in'. A syntax error in other words.


102) Asmodeuous' warranty on the lock expired

103) Desna felt bad for rovagag and let him out for walkies

104) 21st level adventurers broke in and lost the fight

105) emo teen wished not to live on this planet anymore


106) Pharasma couldn't even


107) I told them not to try that Bag of Holding/Portable Hole rifle. I really did.


108) Talavet got amnesia.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Lost Omens Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

109) a deepspawn ate a piece of Rovagug and was teleported to Golarion. Cue Deus Ex Machina and agreement among the gods of "we never speak of this again".

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Lost Omens Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Teleported to *the surface of* Golarion.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Lost Omens Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Explanation for those who don't get it: In second edition AD&D, deepspawn were one of the largest creatures in existence. Floating balls the side of large mountains that lived underground in forgotten realms and Greyhawk, mainly. They had mouths and eyes and claws which they could extend as pseudopods at will. That wasn't the scary part, tho. Any living creature they so much as ate a piece of they could duplicate as clones under their nigh-unto direct control, about once every month, I think it was. If one ate a piece of Rovagug, it would have the ability to birth a legion of Rovagugs. While lacking the godliness of their original (in Pathfinder terms, they would have supernatural, but not spell-like abilities, duplicated), they would nevertheless be an apocalypse under the control of what amounts to a second lamashtu.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Lost Omens Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

While deepspawn were threatening, they also allowed for things like the good lich who talked to Elminster before he became the most powerful archmage in Forgotten realms. He had a pet deepspawn he kept under lock and key which had only eaten 1 stirge, ever.


109) A fight broke out and Cayden had to use *something* to make his Barricade.


Starfinder Superscriber

110) Worst.Episode.Ever.


111) Someone asked for a clean slate.


00110001 00110001 00110010 00101001 00100000 01010011 01101001 01101101 01110101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101111 01110010 00101110


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112) A Numerian Technomancer created a doomsday device. Good news is that it worked. BAD news is that it worked!


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113.) The Gods hosted a 1-star guest from AirBnB.

114.) A sudden influx of Chaotic Good Drow rangers dual-wielding scimitars.

115.) Old Man Henderson


116: Calden cayden got ALL of the gods black out drunk at his wedding, then asmodeous took a dare from calistria to go tickle Rovogag, and then we had to blow up golarion? Okay, we ALL agree we are never telling the mortals about this....Asmodeuous, start work on that non disclosure agreement...


117: Doctor Who managed to travel back in time and make it so that Rovagag never existed, and thus Golarion never existed. The Gap was the result of Space Time and the Gods fixing reality.


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118: It's still there, right where it was. Someone just cast a mythic invisibility spell on it.

Scarab Sages

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FormerFiend wrote:
118: It's still there, right where it was. Someone just cast a mythic invisibility spell on it.

119: It's still there, right where it was. Someone has just put a Someone Else's problem Field around it.


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120: Some Andoran general thought Irrisen infiltrators had contaminated his bodily fluids.


121: A warrior figured out how to wield a Colossal Weapon. He missed his target, but then rolled a natural 20 to hit the ground. Crit confirmed.


VampByDay wrote:
FormerFiend wrote:
118: It's still there, right where it was. Someone just cast a mythic invisibility spell on it.
119: It's still there, right where it was. Someone has just put a Someone Else's problem Field around it.

It was covered in rainbow sparklies before the field was set up. Unfortunately no followers of Shelyn have been able to get regular enough contact with her to reach the levels where they could see through it. That might even be the real reason she is so hard to contact.


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Starfinder Superscriber

123. It's in a REALLY BIG yoski cheek pouch.

Radiant Oath

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124. An ysoki purchased a pet rat.


125. It became full of Bronies. Then one of them ascended to godhood.

Dark Archive

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

126. Someone finally put a large enough bag of holding into a very full portable hole.

127. I'm not exactly sure, but it's probably a Vancaskerkin's fault.


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128. Paizo was in talks with Wizards for a Planescape crossover, but the Lady of Pain was displeased and Maze'd the whole thing.

Scarab Sages

warmachine wrote:
125. It became full of Bronies. Then one of them ascended to godhood.
Sounds like my earlier one:
Quote:
45) Ponyfinder became cannon. Discord insued

129. Congratulations! The gods finally hit ‘Eff it!’


It was repossessed by the bank for missing 300,000 payments on the mortgage. Their collections office is tough!


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131. The gods decided the universe needed an afternoon of sensitivity training, and it was just that boring. They still haven't figured out how Golarion got out of it.


132. Belkzen developed nuclear weapons.


133) Tar-Baphon discovered thread necromancy.

134) It never really existed: it's a work of fanfiction by a god. The Gap is just their lazy way of explaining anything that doesn't make sense.

135) Isekai.

146) Elminster.


137: There weren't enough reasons for a Tavern brawl

138: Everyone took a sip of The One True Pint; thus wiping a "few" years worth of memory


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139. A tarrasque ate several acres of bean cropland. The resultant fart pushed the planet out of orbit.

140. A mathematician was given a wish spell and wished for an enchanted mechanical calculation engine that could divide by zero.

141. Oil was discovered on the planet so America sent space force to liberate it.

142. Earth's moon crashed into it having wandered thru space since Sept. 13, 1999.

143. Galactus. 'nuff said!

144. Someone at Paizo let George R. R. Martin write an adventure for pathfinder.


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I, Lucifer wrote:


144. Someone at Paizo let George R. R. Martin write an adventure for pathfinder.

His AD&D second edition adventure is due any month now...


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I wish there was a way to upvote or karma people here, that was a good one.


145) Someone let Tiax "point and click"

146) Golarion (which is actually a wildly successful VR game) is still there but hidden somewhere in the source code


Starfinder Superscriber

147) Golarion underwent a management change.


148. Someone decided to put the planet behind a paywall...


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149: Desna put golarion into the dryer and came out with a left sock


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I, Lucifer wrote:
I wish there was a way to upvote or karma people here, that was a good one.

you can press the little + button in the upper right corner of the post right under reply

Wayfinders

150. GW decided to revise the Codex

Wayfinders

Dave Lister from the Red Dwarf missed his pool shot.

Scarab Sages

Zymon wrote:
Dave Lister from the Red Dwarf missed his pool shot.

I love a good red dwarf reference!

151. Thor should have gone for Thanos's head.

152. The Daleks hollowed out the earth Golarion, turned it into a spaceship, and flew it away.


The WWWA sent trouble consultants Kei abd Yuri to retrieve a criminal that had taken refuge on the planet.

Nevermind you won't get it...

Wayfinders

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I, Lucifer wrote:
The WWWA sent trouble consultants Kei abd Yuri

I thought Dirty Pair was relatively well known. :)

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