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Can't believe this hasn't been mentioned but I didn't see it on a quick search so;
156. Carry dead friends around is a sack for weeks on end.
And yes, I'm currently not living in this sack on a two or three week trek back to Magnimar unless they can find a 9th level cleric or a 7th level druid wandering in the wilderness before then.
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156.5 Tie dead friends to a dinosaur's back, then drop off dead friends and the dinosaur in a mundane stable.
Not the proudest moment of my adventuring career...
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156.5 Tie dead friends to a dinosaur's back, then drop off dead friends and the dinosaur in a mundane stable.Not the proudest moment of my adventuring career...
Were you the owner, the guy in the sack, or the dinosaur?
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157. Survive after a fall of several miles. Despite the spikes they hit. Sadly, his three war elephants who fell the same distance did not survive. Despite having their fall cushioned by him...
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Along this theme:
158: Jump off hundred foot cliffs onto sharp rocks because they can't be bothered to find another route down, and it'd take too long to climb down anyways.
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Along this theme:
158: Jump off hundred foot cliffs onto sharp rocks because they can't be bothered to find another route down, and it'd take too long to climb down anyways.
I can honestly say I have never encountered this. Usually by the time they can survive a 100 foot fall onto sharp rocks they have easy access to magic that lets them reach the bottom without harm.
I can honestly say I have never encountered this. Usually by the time they can survive a 100 foot fall onto sharp rocks they have easy access to magic that lets them reach the bottom without harm.
Naah, you save the feather falls for the 200 foot drops. And it's mostly the fighters that do this anyways, and let the wizards save their spells.
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Were you the owner, the guy in the sack, or the dinosaur?156.5 Tie dead friends to a dinosaur's back, then drop off dead friends and the dinosaur in a mundane stable.Not the proudest moment of my adventuring career...
Technically Carina is the owner now, I guess. The original owner is . . . tied to the dinosaur's back.
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159: if encumbrance rules are enforced, will sit 1 pound from being encumbered for many weeks, forcing their friends to carry everything else they find.
No one liked that guy.
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160. Follow all the latest fashion trends of those they have killed.
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161). Refuse to call any NPCs by their actual names but instead refer to NPCs with names culled from pop culture and fantasy/sci-fi literature and movies. Said NPCs don't seem to mind and in fact respond to "Gandalf" and "Spock."
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162) Attempt to put on suits of armor that were designed for a different gender and/or species.
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163) "The old sage told us to always turn left, throughout the entire maze o' doom, glooooooom & eternal damnation. Let's go right. It'll make life more interesting"
164) GM: "You walk down the road to the village. Suddenly, as you turn a corner, you see an angry dwarf, standing in the road."
Players: "Alright? Well, we say hello to the dwarf, but he looks angry so we simply walk along. We're on a schedule."
GM: "Wait? What?? I said, there's an angry -dwarf- standing in the middle of the road."
Players: "Yes? Well, we smile at him in a friendly manner. Maybe it'll make his day a little better."
GM: "Guys, honestly, I'm telling you there's a -dwarf- in the ..."
Players: "Yes, we did understand that. We walk on towards the village."
GM: [shaken and confused] "Well, okay. You arrive at the village."
Players: "We head to the inn. We're supposed to meet the old sage there, so he can tell us to always turn left in the maze o' doom, glooooooom & eternal damnation."
GM: "Alright. Well you enter. It's a busy day and the inn is full of patrons. You see a couple of barbarians involved in a drinking game at the bar, and there's an elf with a decidedly wizardly appearance sitting in the corner. There are a bunch of locals as well, and there is a table near the back wall where nine dragons are busy playing dice and drinking."
Players [collectively] "WHAT?!?"
GM: "There's a bunch of locals and there's a table near the back wall where ... wait ... WHAT did I say you saw standing out on the road again?!"
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164) ...
Players: "We head to the inn. We're supposed to meet the old sage there, so he can tell us to always turn left in the maze o' doom, glooooooom & eternal damnation."
GM: "Alright. Well you enter. It's a busy day and the inn is full of patrons. You see a couple of barbarians involved in a drinking game at the bar, and there's an elf with a decidedly wizardly appearance sitting in the corner. There are a bunch of locals as well, and there is a table near the back wall where nine dragons are busy playing dice and drinking."
Players [collectively] "WHAT?!?"
GM: "There's a bunch of locals and there's a table near the back wall where ... wait ... WHAT did I say you saw standing out on the road again?!"
I so want to hang out in this bar. It sounds so much better than playing Harrows at the Feedbag.
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165) Step into a corridor, covering the floor are scrawled messages to turn back and "don't you dare". There are tens of these messages left from many others that have come this way over the years.
Proceed along corridor.
Find a lever.
There are markings again saying "don't you dare!"
Adventurer thinks about it, and pulls the lever.
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Adventurer thinks about it, and pulls the lever.
They seldom think about it. They just pull the lever.
Adventurer thinks about it, and pulls the lever.They seldom think about it. They just pull the lever.
Are we talking about adventurers or a small subset of dwarves here?
165) Step into a corridor, covering the floor are scrawled messages to turn back and "don't you dare". There are tens of these messages left from many others that have come this way over the years.
Proceed along corridor.
Find a lever.
There are markings again saying "don't you dare!"
Adventurer thinks about it, and pulls the lever.
"Don't touch that, Larry."
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145. Magically know the price of every magic item known to humanoids (and then some), know everything about the one item in the multiverse that fits their abilities perfectly and expect to find it in the next hamlet or treasure hoard (depending on something called "GM's Magic Shop syndrome").
145a. Despite knowing all this, they willingly part with magic items they don't need at half price with no complaint, even regarding people willing to pay the same price they would buy these items with suspicion. This suspicion extends to those who offer items at half price.
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165) Step into a corridor, covering the floor are scrawled messages to turn back and "don't you dare". There are tens of these messages left from many others that have come this way over the years.
Proceed along corridor.
Find a lever.
There are markings again saying "don't you dare!"
Adventurer thinks about it, and pulls the lever.
I spot your Dark Souls 2 here.
I pulled the lever.
Damn you curiosity!!
I have enjoyed the aftermath of pulling that lever.
That guy was an utter wimp! Not to mentain that he spawns in areas you have already been in and will just stand around with his thumb up his nose.
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Astonishingly, I just couldn't get into Dark Souls.
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165. "Okay, look, sure, this guy was innocent. And I did just murder him to get his book because it looked interesting. But come on. He REALLY should have been tougher if he wanted to live long enough to explain himself. So if you think about it, it's really kinda his fault."
"Dude, you just killed a five-year old."
"I'm not saying I'm completely blameless. Just saying, the onus is kinda on him."
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166. GM: You arrive at the dark and gloomy seaside abbey. There is the abbey itself, a storage building, a carriage house, an old well...
Players: We go in the well!
GM: What? Why would anyone in their right mind...
Players: Let's go in the well you guys! Can we climb down the rope?
GM: Yes...
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167. GM: the corridor is dimly lit, two figures shamble towards you moaning. However you notice they're not acting quite like zombies.
Monk: Ok, i 5ft step and full attack them.
GM: Well done, be proud, you've just beaten 2 innocent human commoner patients.
Cleric: By Toraq, what did you do!
*proceeds healing*
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Cleric: By Toraq, what did you do!
*proceeds healing*
Typical adventurer: I've confirmed 2 individuals not to be zombies!
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Cleric: By Toraq, what did you do!
*proceeds healing*
Sub-species contained with the species of "Typical Adventurer"
Self-Concerned Adventurer: Hey, quit wasting healing on the background scenery!Pedantic Adventurer:It's actually Torag, with a G.
Perhaps a Little too Well-Off/Investment-Minded Adventurer: Hey GM guy, you think if we put this ring of regeneration on this guy's finger we could shank him, wait for him to get up, and then shank him again to mine the XP? Technically knocking down a challenge over and over again like a bobo doll is still defeating the challenge, right?
Thrifty but Missing the Point Adventurer:Hey wait, I can animate those vicious peasants you killed into zombies! Free labor force!
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169: Go to the privy with a small one handed weapon (in case you get grappled), and a reach weapon (in case it hides down there out of reach).
170: Spend hours pouring over an entire library and retaining no knowledge of anything they read except for the one book they were looking for.
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171. Pay a food bill in platinum pieces and ask the innkeeper, "Can you make change for this?"
172. Instantly shapeshift to match the form and size of any desirable armor or clothing they find.
173. Only worry about the weight capacity of a bag if it's magical.
174. See magical items as a market commodity.
175. Never have to go to the bathroom at inconvenient times.
176. Burn up all the world's supply of valuable gems.
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166. GM: You arrive at the dark and gloomy seaside abbey. There is the abbey itself, a storage building, a carriage house, an old well...
Players: We go in the well!
178. If heading for a goal, always try to explore everywhere else first, so you don't miss any potential loot or enemies before you complete your quest. So if you start to suspect that what you're looking for actually is down the well, immediately leave the well and head for the carriage house.
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179. Leave a dead body in an unstable demiplane and destroy it...using nothing but rope.
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180. Upon finding out an NPC shopkeeper has a name, and has attempted to initiate a conversation; immediately declaring they had weapons drawn, demanding Sense Motive and Perception checks, reminding the GM of divinations they 'would have always had running', casting buff spells, and calculating their new Initiative modifiers.
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181. When the barmaid asks what they would like to drink, the barbarian rises, draws his greatsword and cleaves her down the middle in one fluid motion.
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181. When the barmaid asks what they would like to drink, the barbarian rises, draws his greatsword and cleaves her down the middle in one fluid motion.
So a pint of blood and a side order of viscera? Coming right up.
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182. When presented with the mastermind behind the plots of three million deaths, the necromnancer who killed their parents, best friends, and loved ones, the dastardly fiend in the process of summoning a corrupted evil solar from the realms beyond so that the material and Abyss might be merged as one, they tackle the bad guy, bestow curse him a few times (to lower his will saves), and then repeatedly put a helmet on him until he's their buddy, at which point they begin working together as friends.
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182. When presented with the mastermind behind the plots of three million deaths, the necromnancer who killed their parents, best friends, and loved ones, the dastardly fiend in the process of summoning a corrupted evil solar from the realms beyond so that the material and Abyss might be merged as one, they tackle the bad guy, bestow curse him a few times (to lower his will saves), and then repeatedly put a helmet on him until he's their buddy, at which point they begin working together as friends.
Did this actually happen in a game?
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182. When presented with the mastermind behind the plots of three million deaths, the necromnancer who killed their parents, best friends, and loved ones, the dastardly fiend in the process of summoning a corrupted evil solar from the realms beyond so that the material and Abyss might be merged as one, they tackle the bad guy, bestow curse him a few times (to lower his will saves), and then repeatedly put a helmet on him until he's their buddy, at which point they begin working together as friends.Did this actually happen in a game?
The gist? All the time in my groups. Rarely are the bad guys outright killed and, often, when they are, they're raised later. There are definitely exceptions to this but my wife, I, and quite a few of our friends played that way.
(Seriously though: barbarian grapple-punching the super-evil mega-angel repeatedly while the mage used curse after curse on the thing until the rogue could sneak up and put the second - not first, but second - helm of opposite alignment (which they'd, uh, "borrowed") on the thing (after the first had been successfully used on the summoner) again and again until he failed his saves was... a strange moment in the game, to say the least. Formerly-evil-angel also felt really bad and began using true resurrection and wish and miracle to make things right. I mean, yeah, it was a great end and all, but kind of a surreal way to get there.)
The necromancer realized he could never make up for his evil, but eventually took his host of undead on a kind of suicide run into the evil realm - I forget the name, now - that he'd condemned all the souls to in order to free them and lay waste to the demon armies there. Pretty boss exit.
Village-killer was just kind of a "for hire" bandit lord (evil, but mentally manipulated, previously) who, after a series of amazing diplomacy rolls, realized the error of his ways and joined the might of his bandits to defending the kingdom against invading monstrosities.
Of course, my Kingmaker guy has redeemed literally every boss/villain they've come across, taking every enemy, rehabilitating them, and turning them into devoted and good citizens of the kingdom.
EDIT: And don't ask me to be evil. :D
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182. When presented with the mastermind behind the plots of three million deaths, the necromnancer who killed their parents, best friends, and loved ones, the dastardly fiend in the process of summoning a corrupted evil solar from the realms beyond so that the material and Abyss might be merged as one, they tackle the bad guy, bestow curse him a few times (to lower his will saves), and then repeatedly put a helmet on him until he's their buddy, at which point they begin working together as friends.Did this actually happen in a game?The gist? All the time in my groups. Rarely are the bad guys outright killed and, often, when they are, they're raised later. There are definitely exceptions to this but my wife, I, and quite a few of our friends played that way.
** spoiler omitted **...
Awesome!!!
I keep trying to rehabilitate bad guys but most players don't seem to have that mindset.
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183. Put on a belt that somebody has told them is magical, then immediately check their bust size to make sure nothing changed.
When I first began playing D&D back in the 1e days, my 18 CHA Antipaladin put on a belt that changed him to a woman. My DM, who was a classic male chauvinist pig, thought this would make me angry. I laughed and said, "Cool. Hot evil women always get their way." He was disappointed and changed me back.
184. Figure a celestial is a good target for an eviscerate spell (GURPS).
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185. Calls uz goblinz sedistick and then makez humors ha-ha funny for lulz thread about how to get away with killingz goblin babiez. It's hippocritical if I, P.U. Stabby Toadhedz, Lice-sensed Prefectionist Smerty-Brainz, ever seez it.
It itz humorz ha-ha funny lolz, but don't pretendz to be holier hand-grenade than usses. We knowz yous is as battz as usses.