The Many Things Adventurers Do That Are Really Weird


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Silver Crusade

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Sissyl wrote:
181. When the barmaid asks what they would like to drink, the barbarian rises, draws his greatsword and cleaves her down the middle in one fluid motion.

That's the only sane response!

..damn jellyfish barmaids.

186. Proceeds to an inn and after listening to every drunk nimrod in the city, gets offended when it turns out that information gleaned from drunk braggarts may be faulty.
186a. As above, but drunk braggarts universally provide them with on the nose information instead of bluster.


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Spook205 wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
181. When the barmaid asks what they would like to drink, the barbarian rises, draws his greatsword and cleaves her down the middle in one fluid motion.

That's the only sane response!

..damn jellyfish barmaids.

O_o


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My character is walking a town and spots a PC being sold as a slave. I buy him and take him back to the PCs boat, intending to set him free.
But far from being grateful, he is rude and orders my character around, and keeps getting worse.
I wind up tying him to the mast, flogging him till he is barely alive and selling him back into slavery.

Sovereign Court

Joynt Jezebel wrote:

My character is walking a town and spots a PC being sold as a slave. I buy him and take him back to the PCs boat, intending to set him free.

But far from being grateful, he is rude and orders my character around, and keeps getting worse.
I wind up tying him to the mast, flogging him till he is barely alive and selling him back into slavery.

That's awesome :D


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188. "A beautiful woman, locked in a cell, in a dungeon... KILL HER!!!"


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Sissyl wrote:
188. "A beautiful woman, locked in a cell, in a dungeon... KILL HER!!!"

I don't remember you playing in my campaign... :)


189. Char has darkvision, is told he can see a withered figure come towards him.

Char: Is it coming towards me?

GM Didn't i just tell him?

Char: Any way, i crouch behind a bench and try crawling underneath.
Stealth check 6.

Figure approaches and attacks vs prone, 5 rounds paralysis.

GM ....


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PU Stabby Toadhed, Philosophist wrote:

185. Calls uz goblinz sedistick and then makez humors ha-ha funny for lulz thread about how to get away with killingz goblin babiez. It's hippocritical if I, P.U. Stabby Toadhedz, Lice-sensed Prefectionist Smerty-Brainz, ever seez it.

It itz humorz ha-ha funny lolz, but don't pretendz to be holier hand-grenade than usses. We knowz yous is as battz as usses.

I apologize for my brethren. There are many of my kind who do not invest in Intelligence.

But yeah, you guys are sadistic bastards what with the baby killin.


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Scavion wrote:
PU Stabby Toadhed, Philosophist wrote:

185. Calls uz goblinz sedistick and then makez humors ha-ha funny for lulz thread about how to get away with killingz goblin babiez. It's hippocritical if I, P.U. Stabby Toadhedz, Lice-sensed Prefectionist Smerty-Brainz, ever seez it.

It itz humorz ha-ha funny lolz, but don't pretendz to be holier hand-grenade than usses. We knowz yous is as battz as usses.

I apologize for my brethren. There are many of my kind who do not invest in Intelligence.

But yeah, you guys are sadistic bastards what with the baby killin.

Hey, you're the ones keeping them in cages and neglecting them to the point of cannibalism!


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HyperMissingno wrote:
Scavion wrote:
PU Stabby Toadhed, Philosophist wrote:

185. Calls uz goblinz sedistick and then makez humors ha-ha funny for lulz thread about how to get away with killingz goblin babiez. It's hippocritical if I, P.U. Stabby Toadhedz, Lice-sensed Prefectionist Smerty-Brainz, ever seez it.

It itz humorz ha-ha funny lolz, but don't pretendz to be holier hand-grenade than usses. We knowz yous is as battz as usses.

I apologize for my brethren. There are many of my kind who do not invest in Intelligence.

But yeah, you guys are sadistic bastards what with the baby killin.

Hey, you're the ones keeping them in cages and neglecting them to the point of cannibalism!

Hey it builds character! Puts hair on the chest. We're really just small spartans.


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THIS! IS! BRINESTUMP!!


Spook205 wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
181. When the barmaid asks what they would like to drink, the barbarian rises, draws his greatsword and cleaves her down the middle in one fluid motion.

That's the only sane response!

Oh god, I had not laughed so much in months.


Pathfinder Adventure Subscriber
Scavion wrote:
HyperMissingno wrote:
Scavion wrote:
PU Stabby Toadhed, Philosophist wrote:

185. Calls uz goblinz sedistick and then makez humors ha-ha funny for lulz thread about how to get away with killingz goblin babiez. It's hippocritical if I, P.U. Stabby Toadhedz, Lice-sensed Prefectionist Smerty-Brainz, ever seez it.

It itz humorz ha-ha funny lolz, but don't pretendz to be holier hand-grenade than usses. We knowz yous is as battz as usses.

I apologize for my brethren. There are many of my kind who do not invest in Intelligence.

But yeah, you guys are sadistic bastards what with the baby killin.

Hey, you're the ones keeping them in cages and neglecting them to the point of cannibalism!
Hey it builds character! Puts hair on the chest. We're really just small spartans.

That only makes you less sympathetic...


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190. See that tiny little tart in the bard's bag? Don't eat. Not because it's an important component of his spells—don't worry about that, he's got thousands of them—but because non-perishable tarts taste awful. What's even in them? No one knows. No one wants to know.

Dark Archive

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Sissyl wrote:
How about an air-elemental-tainted insectile tauric koala?

Now I want to see that character...

Shadow Lodge

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Paladin of Baha-who? wrote:
THIS! IS! BRINESTUMP!!

I seriously never wanted a goblin boon more in my life right now.


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191 Has an inexplicaple need to kill a gazeebo.


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*LOOMS*


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Oh no, the dread gazebo! Phear it, everyone, PHEAR it!!

192: use bite attacks on wooden gynosphinxes, then complain about splinters in one's tongue and get IC testy when the other characters joke about eating the ... well ... cat.


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Attacks a group of strangely dressed strangers on a street in daylight because they "looked evil".


The Alkenstarian wrote:

Oh no, the dread gazebo! Phear it, everyone, PHEAR it!!

192: use bite attacks on wooden gynosphinxes, then complain about splinters in one's tongue and get IC testy when the other characters joke about eating the ... well ... cat.

Somehow I don't see "<5-letter profane word for the vagina, equivalent to house in this context> cat" as describing a gynosphinx.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

My group wastes nothing!

When they kill something they clean and butcher it! Ogres, Fire Beetles, f!&@ing Robots! Everything!

4 years in, it still cracks me up:p


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

My wife's Gnome Witch made a rope of climbing out of a Quickling's intestines :-)


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Loren Pechtel wrote:
The Alkenstarian wrote:

Oh no, the dread gazebo! Phear it, everyone, PHEAR it!!

192: use bite attacks on wooden gynosphinxes, then complain about splinters in one's tongue and get IC testy when the other characters joke about eating the ... well ... cat.

Somehow I don't see "<5-letter profane word for the vagina, equivalent to house in this context> cat" as describing a gynosphinx.

I read that as a less-than-five-letter word, and was trying to figure out what the c-word had to do with houses.

(Not sure if anyone has done this yet)

193. Fires an arrow or crossbow bolt into every treasure chest they find before touching or even getting within 10 feet of it.


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194. Willingly touch a mirror that just teleported another party member away 6 seconds ago.


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Refuse to drink a simple glass of water because it might be poisoned but will practically bathe themselves in a filthy public fountain in case it might be magical.


DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Refuse to drink a simple glass of water because it might be poisoned but will practically bathe themselves in a filthy public fountain in case it might be magical.

They didn't prepare/have Detect Poison?


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Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Trigger Loaded wrote:

115: Evil cultists who sacrifice children to their dark god, tyrannical warlords who torture and subjugate their population to crush all hopes and dreams, and vile necromancers raising armies of the dead will be battled with absolutely no gravitas, treated as simply another threat, dispatched with pithy one-liners and unwavering bravado
115b: However, pickpockets or thieves who manage to steal a few items from them, will be ruthlessly hunted down with a seriousness and determination that makes the Inevitables raise their metallic eyebrows, and when caught, they will exact a vengeance that makes a Kyton shudder.

Oh yeah. Had a campaign with a Redcap serial killer, an insane queen trying to sink an entire city, an assassin that actually captured a player character and cut off his finger, a Necromancer that was killing and raising townsfolk as undead and an evil cult that was kidnapping and sacrificing children. But the villain the party truly hated? A thief who stole from them. Not one of their expensive magic items or even a coin purse. He stole their carriage. A carriage they would have had to abandon as they went into the mountains anyway. Just when I though they couldn't get anymore angry with him either the found the remains of their carriage. (It had been used as firewood.) They would have gone to the ends of the planet to kill this guy. As it was when they did catch up to him they not only killed him but a couple of people who happened to be standing near him. But the true beauty of it all was after all that I attached the thief's ghost to one of the magic items they looted off his corpse. (And later on when the character who had that magic item died, I attached his ghost to the item as well.)

Their most hated enemy, and he would mock the party forever. (Unless they actually got rid of a useful magic item, but, come one, they're PC's...)


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HyperMissingno wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Refuse to drink a simple glass of water because it might be poisoned but will practically bathe themselves in a filthy public fountain in case it might be magical.
They didn't prepare/have Detect Poison?

They have to use it first. Those are the moments one lives for, when the players just hand over voluntarily contact with diseases and poisons.

Good times. Good times. ;)

196. Shoot every statue in the knee with an arrow. It's a good thing the rogue carries bundles of arrows in the fighter's bag of holding. She went through so many in a certain part of Shattered Star...


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Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

197. Walk into a bar in a city that hates a certain race/nationality (that one of the adventurers happens to be) and when one of the bar patrons makes the inevitable racist remark, brutally murder them.

197b. Get confused when the rest of the bar patrons run screaming from the bar shouting for the Guard.

197c. Get even more confused when they find out that they are to be arrested, put on trial, and, if found guilty, executed for their crime.

198. Take absolutely everything they find that isn't nailed down.

198b. If equipped with a crowbar and a hireling, take everything that is nailed down as well.


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DungeonMaterCal wrote:
Refuse to drink a simple glass of water because it might be poisoned but will practically bathe themselves in a filthy public fountain in case it might be magical.

Casting purify food/water on soup, out of paranoia.

The soup was in fact, actually spiked without them knowing, but only their bowls.


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Trigger Loaded wrote:

115: Evil cultists who sacrifice children to their dark god, tyrannical warlords who torture and subjugate their population to crush all hopes and dreams, and vile necromancers raising armies of the dead will be battled with absolutely no gravitas, treated as simply another threat, dispatched with pithy one-liners and unwavering bravado

115b: However, pickpockets or thieves who manage to steal a few items from them, will be ruthlessly hunted down with a seriousness and determination that makes the Inevitables raise their metallic eyebrows, and when caught, they will exact a vengeance that makes a Kyton shudder.

You know, it's interesting.

I was wondering about this, but, in some ways (such as those mentioned here), it makes a lot of sense, even in-character, especially the worse a GM tries to make things. There are some things that are just "too terrible" for people - things that, if they accepted them with the gravitas and terror they should accept them, would simply be so overwhelming that the depths of sorrow/despair/disgust type stuff simply wouldn't stop.

It's kind of like how some soldiers acquire a very cavalier, almost daredevil approach to life, after having been through a traumatic war.

On the other hand, regardless of how much they've seen, the smaller evils - those that they can see, and wrap their minds around - are evils they can comprehend, and finally feel free to unleash their full wrath against. Consistently. It's a "safe" kind of cathartic fury.

It's a way of keeping sane.

This is, interestingly enough, something that I saw as true in my own father-in-law a police officer and negotiator in Miami for many years (who used to work at talking people down from dangerous situations). In some regards he's very jovial, even about the terrible things he's seen - he's explained once that he has to be, that he has to laugh, or else it would be too much.

As a related thing, however, it's also a possible sign of insanity... but a very, very rational one.

On the one hand, for the same reasons above, you'd almost have to be willing to accept that it doesn't matter who's bones you're smashing, or who's face you're caving in, or whatever: you're fighting people who're evil and going to kill you if you don't act right now, and there's really no time to let that pain, fear, terror, or hatred overwhelm you. Diffuse that with humor and jokes because you have to act now and can't really be bothered with the other. Sensible.

On the other hand... your equipment is your life (and everyone else's). Without said equipment (or gold needed for it), you are not going to be able to do the things that you must do to continue to stay alive. You are going to hurt and die and watch your friends do the same and perish knowing that the town you're in - including that <insert swear words here> pickpocket - are going to die and be turned into part of said undead army or turned into fiends or whatever. With such knowledge, there becomes a natural tendency toward a mania, a sense of a driving need for "my stuff! mine!" at the expense of much else, including reasonable responses. A tendency to fetishize (sp?) the things you own to an almost absurd-seeming degree.

So... still sensible, even if a kind of mania or insanity.

And finally... there's just the possibility that the PCs are crazy, or have a specific personal mental/emotional flaw in an otherwise rational person. That happens, too. :D


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TarkXT wrote:

14. "I will stand here and take untold amounts of physical abuse while you heal me with literal gifts from the gods......and I want you to call me dirty names while I'm doing it."

say that again, but slower....

Shadow Lodge

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199: Search graveyards in the middle of the night (this includes both adventurers and teenagers)

200: Attack the darkness (preferably with magic missile, but not required)


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

201. Search for traps on a door/make a find traps check, and then proceed to open the door from the next room over with a rope "just to double-check their work".

The Exchange

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202. After a BBEG fight, with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid from Exchange faction(only person who can use clw wand) decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first, saying he needs to recoup his finances from the tanglefoot bag he threw at the baddies.

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...


Just a Mort wrote:

202. After a BBEG fight, with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid from Exchange faction(only person who can use clw wand) decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first, saying he needs to recoup his finances from the tanglefoot bag he threw at the baddies.

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained. Out of combat, they'd need a 16 Wisdom and a healer's kit to make the first aid check taking 10. Heck, 1 character with a 12 Wisdom, said healer's kit and 2 DC 10 Wisdom checks to aid from his other 2 buddies that aren't looting the dead could've saved the dying character. And they can retry if they can't take 10 for some reason until the bugger dies.

The Exchange

4 people party, 1 bleeding out, besides the dwarf druid, one person had a -1 for heal check roll, the other was at a +0. No healers kits. Need to roll dc 15 heal check flat.


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Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

As to the player, well ... that's unclear.


203. The pc being a secret follower of Lamashtu, attempts to broker a deal with the scenario boss (a gnoll).
In gnoll he goes: 'Stand down and come with me, i'm building a temple to Lamashtu, your brothers and sisters will be there".


Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

Sure. But did the GM say dicks weren't welcome at his table?

[I actually find it kind of refreshing to see somebody actually playing a greedy dwarf for once.]


kyrt-ryder wrote:
Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

Sure. But did the GM say dicks weren't welcome at his table?

[I actually find it kind of refreshing to see somebody actually playing a greedy dwarf for once.]

^_^ That was highly entertaining.


kyrt-ryder wrote:
Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

Sure. But did the GM say dicks weren't welcome at his table?

[I actually find it kind of refreshing to see somebody actually playing a greedy dwarf for once.]

There are much better ways to portray greed than rifling a body while someone lies dying.

I don't find idiocy refreshing.

Now charging the guy for a revivification? Healing and instantly moving back to what interests you more? Sure. But allowing a comrade to die while you're looting corpses? That's moronic even for an evil character.


Wait, you're putting the one guy's life in the other guy's hands?

He can always find new companions, his focus right then and there is on the loot.


Jaelithe wrote:
kyrt-ryder wrote:
Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

Sure. But did the GM say dicks weren't welcome at his table?

[I actually find it kind of refreshing to see somebody actually playing a greedy dwarf for once.]

There are much better ways to portray greed than rifling a body while someone lies dying.

I don't find idiocy refreshing.

Now charging the guy for a revivification? Healing and instantly moving back to what interests you more? Sure. But allowing a comrade to die while you're looting corpses? That's moronic even for an evil character.

Not if you can charge the party for a Raise Dead spell after.


Heh heh heh. But the character in question was a Druid, so at best he could have charged for a Reincarnate right?


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kyrt-ryder wrote:
Heh heh heh. But the character in question was a Druid, so at best he could have charged for a Reincarnate right?

Absolutely, spellcasting is a very valuable service, after all. Besides, you don't want to haggle with someone who has abilities that can repossess all the healing they've given you. " Your GP or your HP!"

Sovereign Court

Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

As to the player, well ... that's unclear.

5 PCs down and bleeding out only the cleric remains, low level... Two large monsters 30 feet away... The cleric draws mace and charges.

Sovereign Court

Jaelithe wrote:
kyrt-ryder wrote:
Jaelithe wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

...with one of the group bleeding out, the dwarf druid ... decides to search the bodies of the bad guys first...

Note: The group did not have anyone else with stabilize cantrip, or decent heal checks...

o.O .... erm ....

Heal can be used untrained.

But that doesn't make the dwarf druid any less a dick.

Sure. But did the GM say dicks weren't welcome at his table?

[I actually find it kind of refreshing to see somebody actually playing a greedy dwarf for once.]

There are much better ways to portray greed than rifling a body while someone lies dying.

I don't find idiocy refreshing.

Now charging the guy for a revivification? Healing and instantly moving back to what interests you more? Sure. But allowing a comrade to die while you're looting corpses? That's moronic even for an evil character.

Doesn't make business sense, raising is expensive!

Sovereign Court

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1st level, we've climbed down into this pit tomb with a large rock slab door we need to move. We spend a hour devising a complex system of ropes to move the slab. DM asks us how much rope we have. Every single one of us decided against buying rope in character creation because of the weight..... (Face palm)

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