The Many Things Adventurers Do That Are Really Weird


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52. In a six month time period go from an untried doofus to one of the most powerful mortal beings on the planet.


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52a. And then get killed by a lucky hit from a random nameless minion.


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53. Somehow their clothing never seems to get filthy, even when they have just emerged from an implausibly large sewer tunnel on the night of the Great Bran God Banquet and Jalapeno Festival.


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54. They're using that ancient, incredibly power sword of myth and legend they recovered from the Tomb of the Eldritch God King as a crowbar.

55. They use powers that can regularly bend the shape of reality itself and which are often known only to most people through myth and legend for mundane tasks.

56. They think that adult dragon currently tapdancing on the king's army isn't worth their attention.

57. They debate about whether or not they can clear out the Crypt of Ten Million Dooms by lunch.


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tonyz wrote:
53. Somehow their clothing never seems to get filthy, even when they have just emerged from an implausibly large sewer tunnel on the night of the Great Bran God Banquet and Jalapeno Festival.

That's arcane casters, not adventurers. Prestidigitation is a wonderful thing. Also people around arcane casters because what arcane caster wants to go to the Great Bran God Banquet and Jalapeño Festival with a cleric who's covered in sewage


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58. The Bigger the Dragon, the happier they get.

59. They'd rather attack with their shields.

60. The thought of finding peacefull and diplomatic solutions is a distant second to slaying the bad guy or all out war.


MagusJanus wrote:

49. Willing to do the most bizarre, completely illogical things if told it's necessary to finish a quest.

50. Breaks out of prison, doesn't expect anyone to come after them.

51. Can take on goblins, orcs, the undead, and numerous other threats without even blinking... yet is deadly afraid of the common housecat.

(Come now. I own two cats. #51 is just common sense. Dangerous little critters.)

61: Are apparently as good at speaking fast as an auctioneer, getting almost infinitely long segments of speech compressed into 6 second chunks.


RDM42 wrote:
MagusJanus wrote:
51. Can take on goblins, orcs, the undead, and numerous other threats without even blinking... yet is deadly afraid of the common housecat.
(Come now. I own two cats. #51 is just common sense. Dangerous little critters.)

It was a DnD 3E reference.


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62: Party kills an enemy and levels.
Druid: "I think I can turn into a bear now, guys. Anyone else feel that? No? Just me?"

Grand Lodge

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62. They will charge head-first into a fortress guarded by balors, but will exercise the utmost caution if there are rusty nails on the floor.

63. Will accept that a tiefling druid with a stegasaurus animal companion just happened to be passing through after their latest grippli cleric of Iomedae perished in a fight with two dozen zombie lords.


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Kobold Cleaver wrote:
1. "Oh, hey, an underground pool. I guess I'll just jump in, fully-clothed, without taking any of my more precious

*Cannonball.

Simply jumping is too passe. =)


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

64. Will have lots of mundane, almost useless items in their handy haversack for finding invisible foes. Has no idea what soap is, or what it does. (chalk dust, flour, bag of marbles. Nope, no soap.)

Obviously adventurers have more need to spot invisible people on a daily basis than keeping clean....ever.

Scarab Sages

I always have soap its humans who don't understand the concept of bathing.

65) Will possess vast stores of mysterious and rare knowledge, as long as someone reminds them of the fact.

66) Can speak any language fluently unless someone calls them on that fact.

67) Will either ignore gold, silver and copper coinage as not worth their time unless they need wagons to transport it.

68) Will typically act in ones that are completely different from every other member of their race and/or sex.


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♣♠Magic♦♥ wrote:

62: Party kills an enemy and levels.

Druid: "I think I can turn into a bear now, guys. Anyone else feel that? No? Just me?"

Monk concentrating very intensely: "No, I don't get that feeling at all. Though I do suddenly feel as if I can jump twice as high if I focus and there's a sensation that I will never be concerned with disease or magical disease ever again."

Leading to 69: Consistently offers to perform dangerous tasks. Party members will rotate on what they volunteer themselves for based on the perception that certain members are invulnerable to certain risks.


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Ms. Pleiades wrote:
63. Will accept that a tiefling druid with a stegasaurus animal companion just happened to be passing through after their latest grippli cleric of Iomedae perished in a fight with two dozen zombie lords.

70. But only after the grippli cleric was killed. Before that they would already be murderhobing the druid as usual.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Quemius wrote:
25) Looking for work? Head down to the tavern. Good folks down there.

71. And once they're there: "We sit over there in the cramped, edgy, dark corner so that nobody hears us but mainly to look cool. NO, we will not sit in the center where there's plenty of room like normal people."


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Dreaming Psion wrote:
Quemius wrote:
25) Looking for work? Head down to the tavern. Good folks down there.
71. And once they're there: "We sit over there in the cramped, edgy, dark corner so that nobody hears us but mainly to look cool. NO, we will not sit in the center where there's plenty of room like normal people."

{makes mental note to draw up tavern map with maximum number of corners}


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I would answer that with a round tavern.


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72. Spend three hours investigating a flower in a field.


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73. When they get sex-changed, polymorphed into a bugbear, or suffer a similar calamitous change of their persona, they shrug and keep going, after all, s++@ happens.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

74. Three words: Token Evil Teammate

Silver Crusade

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75. "Why yes, I work with this person clearing out dungeons and other life threatening situations, relying on them for my survival and would trust them with my life. What's their name?...um...uh...it's Thief!...right?"


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76: Refer to themselves as "Peacies", despite the fact that war, mayhem, and large-scale slaughter follow them around like their own shadows.

The Exchange

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76. Put the moves on the elven queen/ king of the land/ head of the council because they are described as attractive.

77 Are upset when rebuked by the attractive ruler of the nation because they aren't of noble birth and ......we'll......are murderhobos to be honest.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

78.) Wander around the outside of a small estate and try to climb over a hedge in the back before walking through the open front gate.

79.) Attempt to light part of the hedge on fire, to see whether it's magically warded.

80.) Always check the cellar door before knocking on the front or even looking in a window.


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81) expecting potions and wands of Cure Light Wounds for sale at any hamlet even though the magic user of the hamlet us a 1st lv. Adept...

82) expect any armor and/or weapon of masterwork quality to be for sale at any hamlet general store...

83) expect any hamlet to have a temple(good deity) and a general store...


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Well sure, anyone who has traveled Golarion (by way of PFS) knows that even a settlement as small as 50 people has a full stock of weapons and armor ranging from mundane to +1 enhanced, not to mention cold iron, mithril and adamantine as much as an adventurer could possibly need.

Scarab Sages

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p-sto wrote:
Well sure, anyone who has traveled Golarion (by way of PFS) knows that even a settlement as small as 50 people has a full stock of weapons and armor ranging from mundane to +1 enhanced, not to mention cold iron, mithril and adamantine as much as an adventurer could possibly need.

That's because they know some adventurer will be along to buy it soon enough at a 100% mark up.

76b) They call themselves heroes inspite of the fact nine times out of ten its their actions that wake up the ancient horror from the dawn of the empire the locals have been smart enough to leave alone for the past 11,000 years.

84) Inspite of being wise, intelligent beings with immense skill and knowledge they have no sense of what an item is actually worth and will pay several hundred times the cost without blinking.


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84b) No matter the charisma of a character the cost of certain items and services simply isn't something that can be haggled over.

Edit: You can convince hostile people to hand over all their weapons and valuables but a 5 gp discount on an adamantine sword is unheard of.


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85) "Oh, an orphan! I gotta help her... I know, I will give her money! Dammit, I haven't had any coins since I stopped collecting them at level 15. Here, have a jewel worth 12.000 gp."


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86) will attempt to break a door open before checking to see if it's unlocked.


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87. Respond to traps by figuring out which among them can take the most damage and live.

88. Think reentering the planet's atmosphere to shove a sword through a dragon's heart is a fine strategy.

89. Will deal with the Evil Sword of Child Murder by first seeing if it improves on what they have, then trying to sell it at a local shop.

Liberty's Edge

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90. Will start a quest to destroy the ancient all-powerful god that can only be killed by that special artifact no one has ever heard of, fully certain that they will stumble on it along the way.

91. Plunging headfirst in the dungeon of certain death is no problem, but getting invited by a friend to have dinner at his home causes tremendous trepidation.

91b. When invited to a dinner, will show treasures of ingenuity to smuggle their weapons and armors inside their friend's home.


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90. Breeze through whole cadres of rooms and corridors and doors without once checking for traps, EVEN IF HIT BY TRAPS, then suddenly, without any obvious warning, get ultra-paranoid about a certain room or door (that looks like all the others) and refuse to deal with it until they have spent hours checking it for traps.

A selection of various, sincere strategies:

91. Firing themselves from a catapult into a city.

92. Fireball centered on one of the party members.

93. Jumping from a tower to skewer someone who looks suspicious.

94. Sneak through the brightly lit ballroom.

95. Having the female bard impersonate the evil king to his closest advisors for a few hours.

96. Steal a noblewoman's jewels while she's wearing them.

97. Nuking the entire thieves' guild with fireballs and then resurrecting the guild's hostage.


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98) see horrible eldritch abomination from beyond the stars, decide to punch it.

The Exchange

99 Will willing destroy the local economy by selling every spare item they have for half value.

Liberty's Edge

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100. "Oh yes, we are the goodest of the good champions of Truth, Justice, and the [Campaign Setting] way. We rescue puppies and kittens, save farmers and commonfolk from ravenous hordes and vile monarchies, and distribute economy-destroying levels of wealth amongst the orphans and beggars without recompense. Yep, saintly are we." {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Hello slave! I command you to run ahead of us in this deathtrap dungeon and trigger all the harmful traps. Don't worry if you don't get them all; we'll just summon another of your kin once you drop dead. And chop chop too--if we wanted to wait, we'd have the rouge rogue do it."

Corollary A to 100. {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Yes, goodie goodies r us, yada yada yada... Hello slave! I command you to act as a distraction/cannon fodder and get horrifically slaughtered in 12 seconds or less by the BBEG while we strategically wear it down and kill it. And don't you dare 5-ft step away to catch your breath--the melee-ers need the flanking bonus."

Corollary B to 100. "Look, I spent about literally a ton worth of non-platinum pieces (that I needed to ditch anyway) to involuntarily drag this powerful outsider to our plane and bind it to do our will... and the f!%&er dare tries to twist the wish(es) we are due?! How is that fair? What do you mean we have a bad reputation on the Outer Planes?!?! BUT WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!!!!"

Scarab Sages

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General Buck Turgidson wrote:

100. "Oh yes, we are the goodest of the good champions of Truth, Justice, and the [Campaign Setting] way. We rescue puppies and kittens, save farmers and commonfolk from ravenous hordes and vile monarchies, and distribute economy-destroying levels of wealth amongst the orphans and beggars without recompense. Yep, saintly are we." {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Hello slave! I command you to run ahead of us in this deathtrap dungeon and trigger all the harmful traps. Don't worry if you don't get them all; we'll just summon another of your kin once you drop dead. And chop chop too--if we wanted to wait, we'd have the rouge rogue do it."

Corollary A to 100. {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Yes, goodie goodies r us, yada yada yada... Hello slave! I command you to act as a distraction/cannon fodder and get horrifically slaughtered in 12 seconds or less by the BBEG while we strategically wear it down and kill it. And don't you dare 5-ft step away to catch your breath--the melee-ers need the flanking bonus."

Corollary B to 100. "Look, I spent about literally a ton worth of non-platinum pieces (that I needed to ditch anyway) to involuntarily drag this powerful outsider to our plane and bind it to do our will... and the f@~%er dare tries to twist the wish(es) we are due?! How is that fair? What do you mean we have a bad reputation on the Outer Planes?!?! BUT WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!!!!"

I admit this is why I prefer to try the 3rd ed's "eastern" approach to spells. Greetings "Insert creature here" I have summoned you to perform this task for me, here are a few things you like to apologize for the inconvenience of calling when you were in the bath now what do you want in exchange for doing this?


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101. Their voices vacillate between overly dramatic and completely normal.


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101a. ... sometimes within the same sentence.


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102. Adventurers think torches and lanterns are "old fashioned".


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General Buck Turgidson wrote:

100. "Oh yes, we are the goodest of the good champions of Truth, Justice, and the [Campaign Setting] way. We rescue puppies and kittens, save farmers and commonfolk from ravenous hordes and vile monarchies, and distribute economy-destroying levels of wealth amongst the orphans and beggars without recompense. Yep, saintly are we." {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Hello slave! I command you to run ahead of us in this deathtrap dungeon and trigger all the harmful traps. Don't worry if you don't get them all; we'll just summon another of your kin once you drop dead. And chop chop too--if we wanted to wait, we'd have the rouge rogue do it."

Corollary A to 100. {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Yes, goodie goodies r us, yada yada yada... Hello slave! I command you to act as a distraction/cannon fodder and get horrifically slaughtered in 12 seconds or less by the BBEG while we strategically wear it down and kill it. And don't you dare 5-ft step away to catch your breath--the melee-ers need the flanking bonus."

Corollary B to 100. "Look, I spent about literally a ton worth of non-platinum pieces (that I needed to ditch anyway) to involuntarily drag this powerful outsider to our plane and bind it to do our will... and the f$!@er dare tries to twist the wish(es) we are due?! How is that fair? What do you mean we have a bad reputation on the Outer Planes?!?! BUT WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!!!!"

Summons aren't real creatures, as detailed in the religion rules for summoning divine servitors. They're a copy of one. Sorry to burst your bubble.


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Welp, 102. Thread over.
Now go play in the yard.

Liberty's Edge

Ipslore the Red wrote:
Summons aren't real creatures, as detailed in the religion rules for summoning divine servitors. They're a copy of one. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Maybe for the players and GMs of divine casters' using the info in Inner Sea Gods. For everyone else:

Pathfinder RPG Core Rulebook wrote:

Summoning: A summoning spell instantly brings a creature or object to a place you designate. When the spell ends or is dispelled, a summoned creature is instantly sent back to where it came from, but a summoned object is not sent back unless the spell description specifically indicates this. A summoned creature also goes away if it is killed or if its hit points drop to 0 or lower, but it is not really dead. It takes 24 hours for the creature to reform, during which time it can't be summoned again.

When the spell that summoned a creature ends and the creature disappears, all the spells it has cast expire. A summoned creature cannot use any innate summoning abilities it may have.

They sound pretty real to me, even if they awaken alive again on their home plane. And really, even if they're "just" a copy, that makes it OK to treat them inhumanely? (And if continuing this derail is necessary, a different thread is a better choice for it.)

Liberty's Edge

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♣♠Magic♦♥ wrote:

Welp, 102. Thread over.

Now go play in the yard.

103. "That's it? No choice at all? Play in the yard?! What a railroad! No, I don't care that there's a sandbox in the yard, it's still a railroad!"


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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

47. Never, ever clean out their backpack. They can reach 20th level, and they'll still have that half-used wand of burning hands somewhere in there.

48. And then they'll claim that wand was "at their belt" all along when they need to justify drawing it in a hurry.

For me it was 5 sheets of parchment,inkpen and inkwell from level 1. I was sure I would need it for mapping.


This is the first "X things" thread I ever saw that reached X.


thegreenteagamer wrote:
This is the first "X things" thread I ever saw that reached X.

well it was a rather reasonable number


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

"I'm gonna leave behind the 5th legion of 300 paladins that have sworn fealty to me for this dungeon. They'd just get themselves all killed. I can't do my thing with that kinda liability."


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N. Jolly wrote:
75. "Why yes, I work with this person clearing out dungeons and other life threatening situations, relying on them for my survival and would trust them with my life. What's their name?...um...uh...it's Thief!...right?"

10###)#)3###. "...yeah. That's...that's me."

"Really? That's a bit—"
"Names are really hard to think of, alright?!"

MagusJanus wrote:
89. Will deal with the Evil Sword of Child Murder by first seeing if it improves on what they have, then trying to sell it at a local shop.

C. "The question is, is it evil?"

105. "What day is it? What year is it? We're already on 105? Why are we talking to this guy, again? What are we looking for? Why am I killing these people? It's not my job to keep track of this s&%+!"

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