1: With Guiseppe in the gondola
2: With Hermann in the leiderhosen shop
3: With Boris, in a hole in the ice.
1.) Who did you purchase that floating pasta from?
2.) No, your legs aren't fat! Where did you hear someone say that?3.) So you got frostbite in your head and had to have it amputated. Where did that happen?
Dear Poster,
You will find the answers to your next three questions below.
1.) It's no good. They just unleashed the Mecha-Trump.
2.) Astounding. Absolutely incredible! Well done!
3.) If you won't, then I will!
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1. The enemy are reading their weapons are they? Set loose the Mondo-Belch bot! What do you think about that, boys?
2. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, The Seven Wonders of the World! All stolen by yours truly! Gotta admit that I'm good aren't I?
3. WHAT!? Offer myself for a sacrifice in order to summon a monster that will destroy the universe? Forget it! Did you honestly think I would just go along with it?
Next poster, here are your answers:
1. We'll follow that trail!
2. The trail we blaze!
3. It was he's stupid plan!
4. My plan was that we lay low, you're the one who wanted go about and say 'oh look at me, I'm a God!'
5. You're buying your own con!
6. At least I'm not dating mine!
7. (Angry scowl) Oooh... low blow!
I only asked 3 questions, you know, as the OP decreed.
1.) Right now, our only solid lead is that the butler was seen eating a cheeseburger the day of the murder. Should we follow up on that?
2.) What did you say the name of your Pot Dispensary was?
3.) Catsup and chocolate syrup? Really?
Dear Poster,
You will find the answers to your next three questions below.
1.) That would be correct, I'm afraid.
2.) Ludicrous! Positively ridiculous!
3.) Well, no. We didn't have a hand bombard, you see.
1.) Wait, did Steve-O's new stunt involve GoatToucher?
2.) There's a rumor, Vladimir Putin is going to do charity work for refugees.
3.) The way that house is flattened, and all the scorch marks...that's your handiwork, isn't it?
Next poster, here are your answers three.
A) Wolverine would still win, period.
B) No, Alex, i won't take s-words, i'll take Swords for 400.
C) Sean Connery, all the way.
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1. What if I could go back in time and bring back Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, and Pygmalion all as candidates for being the new art teacher?
2. You *sure* you wouldn't rather control the highly lucrative tanning and curing industry than the vastly less profitable Might & Magic fanmod community?
3. Who should play Elminster in a big-budget big-screen Forgotten Realms movie?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. WOW...that would mean that everyone was wrong...except Tim Burton!
2. Oh, them? They're a radical splinter of the Cake, Comic Books, and Sex Party - but what's scary is that they've made *incredible* gains this election cycle.
3. Bobbin Threadbare on PCP.
1: Did you know that the art form that will save the Earth from destruction will be yodeling?
2: Have you met the Candidate for the Muscle and Hate Party?
3: Who was the robed figure sexually assaulting that park bench?
Answers, if you DARE!
1: Now -that's- a tin woodsman!
2: That's how he got the name "Crusty" the Klown.
3: Apply heat until pliant.
1. Who was it who 'galvanized' you into activity?
2. Is the percentage of pie fetishists amongst circus professionals greater than amongst the population as a whole?
3. And do they prefer them uncooked, piping hot or ready to eat?
Answer me!
1. I said kumquats, not conquer!
2. If the orange went in, it can damn' well come out again the same way.
3. One problem that lemon vodka grenades won't solve.
1: I have done as you asked, Dread Lord: I have brought the conquered back from the lands in the East!
2: :shifts uncomfortably: Hello, Dr. Hardcase. I seem to have... er... SAT! Yes, sat, upon a citrus fruit and now it's lodged in there quite solidly. Can you help?
3: Admiral, it's kamikaze pilots!
:claps briskly: Answers!
1: This looks like a job for the Pillsbury Dough Boy!
2: I'm all for it, though I shouldn't think the Vicar would approve!
3: Bees! BEEEEEEEES!!!
1.) Help! My biscuits are stuck in that tree!
2.) Want to help me turn the Cathedral into a skate park?
3.) Don't worry! I've brought backup!
Dear Poster,
You will find the answers to your next three questions below.
1.) That's... good?
2.) I understand completely.
3.) You'll find it on the rear-end of an ass's butt.
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1. Did you know that there's more than a bit of scientific accuracy in that joke from that one episode of Futurama, and nuclear winter really could help cancel out global warming?
2. What's a convoluted way of saying "I can't get up?"
3. He told me to "shove it someplace where the sun don't shine" - but where could that possibly be???
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. It's fine, you can kill them.
2. I...*terrified gulp*...I found it embedded Bitcoin's base code.
3. Lord Xeen on shrooms.
1: I've just got too many baby ducks, and I don't know what to do!
2: :lubricates barbed and hooked probe as thick as your forearm: So... Mister... "Closet". Where exactly did you find this image of the reptilian Illuminati's crest?
3: :hold hands over ears: Where is that horrible laughter coming from!
Answers:
1: I'm not sure, but it's probably not a coincidence that the lead singer of Coldplay is passed out naked in my bathtub.
2: They did things to him. Funny things.
3: Do what you have to do, but remember that the next blow on the head he takes might result in total evacuation of his bowels.
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1. Why did you persuade Gwynnie to add Quaaludes to the organic placenta and kale smoothies?
2. And what happened after you sent in the clowns?
3. Since we've got nothing to do until he comes round, can we stand on the cistern and throw acorns at him?
Answer, if you like.
1. Growing in my jeggings.
2. Growing in your jeggings
3. Those are MY jeggings!
1: Where is your sense of outrage?
2: Where is Uncle Frank?
3: Y u mad, bro? I make deez look GUD!
Answers:
1: Another injustice to lay at the feet of the patriarchy.
2: I had thought about it, but who has the time?
3: A twenty pound wheel of sharp cheddar.
1.) My ice cream melted!
2.) I'm going to the 25th Annual Get-Punched-In-The-Face Festival. Want to come with?
3.) Most dreaded of masters, what is thy bidding?
Dear Poster,
You will find the answers to your next three questions below.
1.) Well, that's my philosophy.
2.) Another whack or two and we should be good.
3.) Not the smooth jazz! NOT THE SMOOTH JAZZ!!! AAAAAAAAARGH!!!
1: Man: A drunken weekend in New Orleans is tough on the genitals!
2: :glomph: I'm telling you...:glomph: I can't fit...:glomph: any more of these...:glomph: golf balls...:glomph: in my...:glomph: stomach!
3: Mr. Ventnor, I must admit that I am impressed. We mortified your flesh down to bare bones, violated every hole you have (and several we made ourselves), and have now rendered you down to just a severed head attached to a nine volt battery in a tank of nutrient fluid, yet still you will not talk. I admire your conviction and confess that I am at a loss. While I go to my office and contemplate this, please enjoy the musical stylings of Mr. Kenny G.
Answers:
1: I'll tell you one thing: that's why I don't recognize the authority of the Human Rights Council!
2: Ugh. No more, please. I think I ruptured my duodenum.
3: Aunt Bernice always said: "If you can't beat them, ingratiate yourself into their number and destroy them from within!"
1: Have you read the article that talks about how the Hague is heated and powered by pre-teen slaves riding stationary bikes in the basement?
2: More pie?
Wait. Let me rephrase that.
More pie.
3: You've singlehandedly saved mankind from the Zerg menace! How did you do it?
Answers:
1: Once, I was seven years old...
2: Wish we could turn back time to the good ol' days.
3: Hello. It's me.
1.) How do you even know about that hole?
2.) Remember when we used to punch hedgehogs in the back?
3.) Can it be?
Behold the answers to your questions!
1.) But can you do the Can-Can?
2.) That... Uh... Worked.
3.) That's not a question!
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1: Over the last twenty years I've mastered over two dozen martial arts, bare handed and weapon. I'm rated as one of the top seven marksmen with a rifle in the world, and was the U.S. pistol quick draw and accuracy champion in 2014. I could, right now, from where I'm sitting, kill you in thirteen different ways without standing up.
2: :pinned down in a Miami warehouse by members of the Alvarez Cartel, Ventnor ducks behind a shipping crate, accidentally knocking over a jug of paint thinner as he passes. The pain't thinner pools under one of Alverez' men, and explodes when a hot casing lands in it, consuming the goon in a fiery conflagration. Agonized and terrified, the man spins, screaming. He reflexively fires his machine gun, severing cables on the catwalk above, which is occupied by five of Alvarez' men. The catwalk falls directly on to Alvarez' yellow Porsche, causing one of the men to drop the live grenade he was about to throw at Ventnor. The ensuing explosion kills all five men and bursts the sports car's fuel tank, causing it to explode, launching a piston through Alvarez' torso, killing him instantly. The only sound remaining is the crackling of fire and Ventnor's heavy breathing:
What the hell was that?
3: :Audibly soils self for a full thirty seconds, never breaking eye contact:
Answers
1: I'll show him... I'll show Pope Francis if it's the last thing I do!
2: 14. 17 if I stretch first.
3: :pushes a small package across the table: Take this to Kahn Singh on the island of Mantegua. Mention my name: He owes me a favor.
1. What do you intend to do with your combined drone dildo and holy water sprinkler?
2. Will you be able to 'accomodate' the combined drone dildo and holy water sprinkler by 14.18 ?
3. Do you have a spare Camembert that I can give to a mysterious Sikh?
Answers.
1. I suppose you could fit it all in a taco shell, but I don't see why you'd want to.
2. Very much like coconuts, yes, but less hairy.
3. In the river by the village, where Maria takes a bath.
1.) So, that's how I intend to get rid of my 5 tons of excess ground beef. What do you think?
2.) So your lungs are like... coconuts?
3.) So, hypothetical question: if one had a bag of dead alpaca tongues that one needed to dispose of, where would I... er, one... dispose of such a bag, if it indeed existed?
FEAR THE ANSWERS!!!
1.) My lawyer has advised me to say "yes."
2.) That's two too many.
3.) I think we should both agree never to talk about that again.
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1. Do you love America? DO YOU LOVE AMERICA? DO YOU LOVE AMERICA???
2. Always two, there are: A master, and an apprentice....
3. Remember when Gorilla Grodd started a crazy war in the "Last One To Post Wins" thread?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. "Sack of potatoes" is the name of a fencing maneuver, you moron!
2. Everyone has "quirks," as you call them. Just because yours are perceived as "normal" doesn't give you the right to find fault with those that aren't.
3. Deckard Cain on cocaine.
1: :looks confused for a moment, shrugs, stands, and exposes his scrotum:
2: My intense emotional investment in the achievements of muscular men is not "homoerotic:! It's a loveable quirk! I'm loveable! LOVEABLE!
3: Okay: who am I? :grabs you roughly by your lapels: DUDE, YOU GOTTA STAY A WHILE AND LISTEN! :sniffs, wipes nose: LISTEN YOU M++~@*-F#~~$#!
Answers? Answers.
1: Wait... Wait! ...aaaand I'm spent.
2: Of course! Just look at those curves! RrrOWrrr!
3: That tapioca pudding is a little too hot for my tastes, though thank you for offering.
1.) Let us begin the Trial of 1000 pitchforks! One... two... three...
2.) Oh my god, doesn't that highway look so sexy?
3.) We're debuting our "Kitchen on Fire" line of desserts tonight. Would you like a sample?
QUESTION ME THESE ANSWERS THREE!
1.) Yeah, that's why they call it "the neverending story."
2.) I'd appreciate that. Thanks!
3.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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1. So wait, they only made THREE movies?! With a title like they had, they could have gone on longer! Was this 'cliff hanger' deliberate?
2. Ah, Balthazar, my friend! I heard that you caught quite the sunburn on your trip to the Arctic. Would you like me to help you apply the lotion?
3. I have just checked on your wife and it would seem that in your anger you... Stole her bank details and raided the fridge. What do you say to that?
Answers:
1. Obi-Wan? That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
2. Of course I do! He's me!
3. These are not the droids you're looking for.
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Your questions:
1) What was the name of your favorite night club when you were in college?
2. Did you know about the guy who likes to tap dance while crossing the street?
3. I would like to buy some droids to distract GoatToucher.
Your answers:
1. She sells seashells by the seashore.
2. A woodchuck chucks wood.
3. Six silly swans swimming silently.
1.) Sally does what now?
2.) Now should I get rid of this forest?
3.) What was that? Who caused those ripples?
ASK OR BE DESTROYED!!!
1.) Well... I guess...
2.) 52. 53 on a good day.
3.) Well, first you need to apply glue to the afflicted area.
1.) When you throw many goblins into the ocean...it's more like killing en masse, than it is polluting the environment, right?
2.) How many goblins would we need to launch at it, before the ogre's belly is full?
3.) I'd like to trap a goblin on the area he burnt down, and kill him there just for irony's sake, where should i start?
Dear next poster, here are your answers:
1) Trump's slander campaign backfired.
2) That is the day China becomes a democracy.
3) Because sith lords.
1.) Wait, Hillary Clinton's Email Server won the Presidential Election? How the heck did that happen?
2.) Why do you have July 4th, 2022 circled on your calender?
3.) Why won't George Lucas leave well enough alone!?
Ask away, next poster! I'm not afraid!
1.) Because I'm the world Chutes and Ladders Champion, baby!
2.) Yes. Obviously!
3.) Your plan was good, though the toucan was a little much.
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1. Honey, I know it's romantic and cool and all that you made us a custom-designed house, but this is ridiculous - WHY can't we just have stairs like normal people do?!?
2. Is the US Constitution really "just a g!&*!~ piece of paper?"
3. So, what do you think of my ultra-sugary breakfast cereal disguised as a reasonably healthy one by implying itself to be fruit-based?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. It's a text message from Zeus!
2. I'm thinking of starting a swanky theme restaurant based on the Book of Revelations.
3. So that's what Daria's been up to lately!
1. YO EUROPA IS U WNT 2 TK BULL BY DA HORNZ LOLOLOL.
What in Hades is that?
2. H'mmm. An order for seven bowls filled with blood and the wrath of God, or Heinz tomato soup as it's also known. Why?
3. Are those boot-prints on your neck?
In order to avoid certain death, the following answers must be questioned IMMEDIATELY.
1. So Teddy Ruxpin was a Soviet spy!
2. A cross between Pamela Anderson and Barney the Dinosaur
3. Which is what you should expect to happen if you perform an Act of Love on a Gummi Bear.
1: I went through a bin of my old toys that I hadn't seen since the Berlin wall fell. One of my stuffed animals smelled like vodka and regret.
2: What's purple and spreads Hepatitis?
3: My mouth tastes of watermelon and my teeth are sticking together.
Answer! ANSWER!
1: Well, that's one way to interpret Catcher in the Rye.
2: Of course he didn't publish anything: All he had written since 1972 was erotic furry Star Trek: TOS fanfiction.
3: There goes my colon!
1.) All I'm saying is that I think Holden Caulfield was actually from Mars.
2.) So have you heard that Shakespeare is immortal but hasn't published any new plays for centuries?
3.) Um, Sir? Should your abdomen be doing that?
I ask for you to ask, next poster.
1.) That was intense!
2.) I've decided to ignore that. Forever.
3.) Well, at least the pie came out okay.
Questions:
1. I hear you crashed landed into GoatToucher's playroom. What would you say of your experience?
2. I hear he offered you permanent membership in his club?
3. What happened to the stuff you were taking to the Bake Sale?
Answers:
1. The opposite of maybe.
2. Around the bend.
3. The Bird.
1: Did you enjoy your time in my workroom?
2: What did you decide to call your book set in the erotic world of yoga?
3: What's the word?
Answers:
1: The Great Gatsby
2: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
3: On the Road
1. What do you call the one made of bakelite and shaped like a zeppelin that plays 'Ain't She Sweet' when it reaches top speed?
2. What do you call the one that consistently 'lands in the wrong nest' and displaces whatever's already in there?
3. What do you call the one which can go on and on and on without stopping and kind of smells like Allen Ginsburg?
Tell me, magician, do you have questions?
1. Mordenkainen's haemorrhoids
2. Morgan Le Fay's trick with the ping-pong balls
3. Friar Bacon's suspiciously stained cassock.
1: "Mordenkainen's Lubrication"? It must be a typo. :laughs: Imagine what you could use a spell like that for!
2: How was Arthur enticed into fathering Mordred?
3: How do you know that these monks grease them selves up and wrestle in the most homoerotic manner possible when the Abbot isn't around?
Answer of Puppets, pulling your strings!!!
1: I wouldn't say it's too much pork, but it certainly is a lot of pork.
2: Looks like you took a page out of Weird Al's book.
3: That looks infected. I'll get my hacksaw.
1.) You need to back out while you can! Do you know what happens when you eat a sandwich with that many layers?
2.) I've decided to wear a belt and suspenders today!
3.) My arm is a little... rubbery. Can you check what's wrong with it real quick?
Answer now, or forever hold your peace.
1.) I think you're inserting the wrong end there.
2.) Yes, that will do nicely.
3.) Maybe? I'm not sure why you'd want to.
1) I've tried putting the point of this thing in the fuse box, why won't it work?
2) Putting a horse in a dead end, and a 20 feet wide spiked pit in front of it, do you think i'd kill many goblins?
3) Could i enslave a demon if i make enough virgin sacrifices?
Next poster, here be your answers.
a) You need additional pylons.
b) Spawn more overlords.
c) Additional supply depots needed.
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1. What do you think, is this an accurate representation of Karnak?
2. How do we really kick this amphibian eugenics program into high gear?
3. Please summarize, in Retro-Pulp-Sci-Fi-Speak, the take-home message of George Carlin's "A Place For My Stuff" routine.
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Prince Brandon on heroin.
2. Zanthia the Alchemist on amphetamines.
3. Malcolm the Jester on psilocybin.
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Questions:
1) Hello doctor? It's Mahatma. Mahatma Gandhi. How many Mahatmas do you know?
2) How many times did you have to be vaccinated to prevent being targeted by GoatToucher?
3) I just saw some red balloons go by. How many did you release again?
Next poster, here's your answers:
1) Not a very good memory boys and girls, not a very good doctor either, but he is local.
2) Well I'm sitting in a hotel in Morgan City, looking at a crooked picture on the wall. The TV don't work, I've got a headache and the woman that I'm waiting for, she didn't call at all.
3) And THAT is why Bleached Otyugh will NEVER eat GoatToucher for as long as either of them live.
1) The doctor actually transplanted your appendix to replace your arm?
2) What's the best day of your life?
3)
And here are your answers:
1) Zug Zug!
2) UUUUUH I GOT A BRAIN!!!
3) La la la la la la!!!
1) Can you quote a warcraft orc grunt?
2) Say zombie, what's in that bag you carry?
3) What was that intro line again, with those blue little midgets?
And now:
a) Ah, that's the stuff.
b) I have returned.
c) RRyeah? Raaahhh.
A.) Here's your "Screaming Goathair" Cocktail, sir.
B.) No... It cannot be... YOU!?!?
C.) Can you shake hands, boy?
I got yer answers right here.
1.) That was merely my first transformation!
2.) Hm... Needs more salt. And Acid.
3.) That's when we send in the Bear Cavalry.
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1. Once again, Count Dracula, the Belmont clan has defeated you! Time to...wait..what are you doing?!?1?
2. How do you like your entrée this evening, Ms. Horta?
3. What's up with the dossier containing the fifth chapter of the NATO Protocol Against Russian Aggression? The one made from human-skin leather and bound with cold iron chains?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Deep in the Hundred Acre Woods, where Christopher Robin plays.
2. I did it MYYYYYYYY WAAAAAAYYYY!!!
3. We serve Alamar now!
Questions:
1. Where are babies made, daddy?
2.Why did you let GoatToucher loose? Humanity is doomed!!
3. Why haven't you picked up???
Dear poster, the answers to your next three questions are:
1. Timey Wimey Stuff!
2.The power to destroy a planet is insignificant to the power of the Force.
1: You said you'd last a half hour, but you passed out after three minutes! What do you call that?
2: Hey, Vader: why don't you magic me up a coffee? Chop-chop, hmm?
3: Lieutenant, my name is Briggs, his name is Broadbent, but this other guy you didn't talk to is just named "Security Guy Number 3". What's up with that?
Answers:
1: Buried aliiiiiive!
2: UP with the shield, INTO the heart!
3: I'm a Boer. The Zulus are enemies of my blood.
1.) You left the President where!?!?
2.) One more time, cadet; what do you do when you see the enemy's glowing weak spot?
3.) Wait, you refuse to use cowhide for anything? Are you a vegan or something?
If it's answers you want, here are three.
1.) That's a shame.
2.) You first!
3.) We just need to use more ferrets, that's all!
1) It turns out that it is illegal to fire mangonels at the Secretary of State for Education, even if it is Whitsuntide.
2) Hey! Who fancies a spot of bareback Fiendish Dire Hedgehog rodeo ridin' ?
3) What is the secret to achieving zero point energy?
Question, question, question. Answer, answer, answer.
1) It was the only way to get Phil Collins to leave.
2) Not so much a disease as a badge of honour.
3) The chicken was fine, but the Bishop will never be the same again.
1: Hey man. Last night, toward the end of the party, when you went in the back room with that girl? We could all hear you "coming in the air tonight." if you know what I mean. Hella awkward.
2: So. Got yourself a case of bison gonorrhea, huh? Tsk. That's a hell of a disease.
3: You were supposed to get a blessing from the bishop and pluck the chicken clean. I understand there was a pretty egregious error...
Answers:
1: Well, tap dancing has always been my first love.
2: Nonono. I said a ship full of "rapping" pirates!
3: With enough ointment, I think I could manage it.