I know how to fight.


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{twirls invisible mustache} The RAW. Do you know what the RAW is? It's the thousand Save-or-Dies of Gygax's enemies -- a game we agree to play with each other over and over, until we forget that it's a lie. (Possibly NSFW clip)

{pauses to gnaw on some random scenery} Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, given a chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the Lawful, or the house-rules, or optimization. Illusions. Only the ladder is real.


*steals ladder*

Silver Crusade

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Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".

There may have been other contributing factors.


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Drejk wrote:
Bah! I survived Martial Law, soldiers and tanks as a three year old child!

[On the phone, circa 1981]

Excellent, excellent, you picked up Lech? Excellent, what about Kuron?

[Rubs hands with glee]

Excellent! What about Baby Drejk? What?!? He got away?!? Wtf?!? Get Brezhnev on the phone, we might as well give up now!


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Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f#%!ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".

THE STARS ALIGN!

IA! IA! KRUELHULHU P'THAGN!


Patrick Curtin wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".

THE STARS ALIGN!

IA! IA! KRUELHULHU P'THAGN!

HUZZAH!! &j23b9& [!/va7 A*hdk& $<; uq7# 8$';ux #$78hn3ED7$j487j4?


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Patrick Curtin wrote:


THE STARS ALIGN!

IA! IA! KRUELHULHU P'THAGN!

Gesundheit.

Silver Crusade

8 people marked this as a favorite.
Sissyl wrote:

Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f%$&ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.

Yeah, but the Cold War's over.

You know why?

Because I won.

With my spiked chain.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Sissyl wrote:

Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f%$&ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.

Yeah, but the Cold War's over.

You know why?

Because I won.

With my spiked chain.

*GOLFCLAP*


Bill Lumberg wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Sissyl wrote:

Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f%$&ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.

Yeah, but the Cold War's over.

You know why?

Because I won.

With my spiked chain.

*GOLFCLAP*

*follows suit*


Well played.


Patrick Curtin wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".

THE STARS ALIGN!

IA! IA! KRUELHULHU P'THAGN!

Ia! Ia!


kmal2t wrote:

Besides Vin Diesel...is there a single muscular/in-shape guy that is known to play DnD?

Is there a single MMA/UFC fighter out there that admits he plays DnD? It doesn't count if it was when he was a kid. Many UFC fighters train and learn to become fighters from getting their ass kicked as a kid.

One of my players is an amateur MMA fighter. I'm not joking.. lol.. he really is. He's won most of the fights he's been in, I believe. But he's the only one of us who'd stand a chance in a real fight.. lol


Marcus Jones was a professional MMA fighter who competed in the UFC. Prior to that he played seven seasons in the NFL for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He has stated that he was an avid DnD player when he was young.


Sissyl wrote:

Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f#*%ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.

I was in the center too. Living all my life a kilometer away of a target for strategic nuclear bombing. Those Imperialistic Capitalists did not bomb it. Think about it.


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You silly fighters. *pats trusty rifle* I prefer knowing you can't outrun me.

Scarab Sages

Me? I'm a lover. Not a fighter.


Again, for Marcus Jones was he playing DnD when he was in the gym and playing high school football? Or before that when he was maybe getting beat up in Junieor High and realized he needed to make a change.

And what's the guy's MMA record out of curiosity?


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This forum has pictures disabled because the last time I talked about my fighting skills which you cannot be taught because I made them myself and they come from my personal power someone asked me to prove it so I posted a picture of the time I punched through three ninjas who were also robots and the picture was so awesome that a bunch of the users went blind from looking at it so you're all really very lucky that they disabled pictures because otherwise you would be reading this with your blind eyes.


kmal2t wrote:
Again, for Marcus Jones was he playing DnD when he was in the gym and playing high school football? Or before that when he was maybe getting beat up in Junieor High and realized he needed to make a change.

No idea. Although, it is likely that he was probably bigger than anyone else in his school, so I doubt he got beaten up much.

kmal2t wrote:
And what's the guy's MMA record out of curiosity?

4-2


You'd be surprised how these guys change. They often start as the skinny runt who got their ass kicked then sprout up to be the tough guy. This has happened to many a MMA fighter/NFL player.

And 4-2 isn't enough to be really a seasoned MMA fighter unless he has previous fights in another league under his belt. Does he have any belts in a M.A. or boxing/wrestling background at least?

The Exchange

I had a spiked chain. Wife said the spikes hurt, so I had 'em removed.


Moorluck wrote:
I had a spiked chain. Wife said the spikes hurt, so I had 'em removed.

I can't find the pricing for that in the rulebooks.


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Armor spikes should be a good pointer.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.

I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?

Sovereign Court

Face-Palm wrote:
Bill Lumberg wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Sissyl wrote:

Pffft. Just generic punks who think they know how to fight. Bah. Let me tell you, kids, I am so f%$&ing hardcore I SURVIVED THE COLD WAR! And I was right in the MIDDLE of it. As a LITTLE KID!

Yeah. Spiked chain? Allow me to be slightly amused.

Yeah, but the Cold War's over.

You know why?

Because I won.

With my spiked chain.

*GOLFCLAP*
*follows suit*

Golfclapping is weak sauce.

Real fighters golfwang (oh, so NSFW)...

Sovereign Court

Odraude wrote:
Guns don't kill people... I kill people... with guns...Probably NSFW for cursing?

Ooh, similar to this bit of ironicality from 2004.


The person who GMs my games has been trained by local police and can be called on in emergencies. One of the players has two knives on him at all times. Another is a Lacrosse player, and has broken people's arms playing that sport. One of my players I GM for is a semi-professional shooter, and sleeps with a machete beside his bed.

And all I know how to do is defend myself with a quarterstaff, fence a bit, and use a crossbow. :/


_Cobalt_ wrote:

The person who GMs my games has been trained by local police and can be called on in emergencies. One of the players has two knives on him at all times. Another is a Lacrosse player, and has broken people's arms playing that sport. One of my players I GM for is a semi-professional shooter, and sleeps with a machete beside his bed.

And all I know how to do is defend myself with a quarterstaff, fence a bit, and use a crossbow. :/

Egad! Did this group come about by chance or do you just play in a really dangerous area?


Evil Lincoln wrote:
kmal2t wrote:
Is there a single MMA/UFC fighter out there that admits he plays DnD? It doesn't count if it was when he was a kid. Many UFC fighters train and learn to become fighters from getting their ass kicked as a kid.
I've been in the octagon.

The Octogon?


kmal2t wrote:
Ya, and Grizzly Adams had a beard.

....Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

Hm, I can't believe no one finished that. I got ya covered.


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When I was 7 years old, I witnessed my granpa exercising himself in "la savate" martial art behind the Notre-dame cathedral ; he was getting ready to take on Hyppolite Hunchback, master of the famous Church Bell Piledrive maneuver.

When I was 12 years old, I was finally ready to take revenge on Hyppo for killing my beloved granpa ; I lost an eye in that fight, but he lost his head: a fair trade if there have ever been. Now they called me "Eyepatch Quiche".

But the French Royal Police issued a warrant for my head, and so I was forced to take refuge in the extended medieval underground cave network under Paris. There I rallied a tribe of Celtic-ascendancy warriors and restored their honor after defeating their master, the dread bloodsucker "Monsieur Nosferatu."

Then I discovered the insanity that is the Grapple maneuver in this newfangled RPG stuff they called "Pathfinder" ; I have incorporated it in my beloved savate and I am now on the fast track for world domination.

Ha ha ha ha !*

[french for "Muahahaha !"]

Silver Crusade

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Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.
I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?

My attorney has advised me not to answer that question.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.
I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?
My attorney has advised me not to answer that question.

OBJECTION!


Ethically Dubious Attorney wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.
I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?
My attorney has advised me not to answer that question.
OBJECTION!

HOLD IT!


Ensirio the Longstrider wrote:
Ethically Dubious Attorney wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.
I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?
My attorney has advised me not to answer that question.
OBJECTION!
HOLD IT!

DOUBLE OBJECTION!

TAKE THAT!


Ethically Dubious Attorney wrote:
Ensirio the Longstrider wrote:
Ethically Dubious Attorney wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Kruelaid wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
The problem with the spiked chain is that it totally doesn't work as a weapon. If you knew about fighting like I do, you'd know that.
Pfft. My spiked chain-wielding ability requires me to register myself with the US Department of Martial Enforcement as a lethal weapon, pursuant to the classified Exotic Weapons Protection Act of 1963. I am also barred entry in 12 countries, including Canada, because my spiked chain skills make me a clear and present danger.
I thought Canada banned you because of that incident with the "sausages".
There may have been other contributing factors.
I don't see how you're to blame... I mean what else were you going to do with all those degloved moose penises?
My attorney has advised me not to answer that question.
OBJECTION!
HOLD IT!

DOUBLE OBJECTION!

TAKE THAT!

NOT SO FAST!!

*throws the book at him*

Silver Crusade

I think I can comment on this thread, but let me train in my messageboard kata first. Yea, so I have studied several Kata Katas I think I am an expert enough to talk about. uhm... games.


I defy the alligator!


Aberzombie wrote:
Me? I'm a lover. Not a fighter.

But what if someone loves to fight?


Paizo should totally hire me to be a consulting martial arts expert. I could make Pathfinder so much more realistic and cool.


He's back from the dead...

Silver Crusade

Mythic Evil Lincoln wrote:
Paizo should totally hire me to be a consulting martial arts expert. I could make Pathfinder so much more realistic and cool.

Martial arts are weaksauce. Everybody knows wizards are better. That's why I gave up the spiked chain and went to the NSA's secret wizarding school in South Dakota and learned to be a utility caster.

I'm Tier 1 now. My top secret government security clearance says so.


Guys, don't forget that Vin Diesel is a big DnD fan.

Also, you are awesome Evil Lincoln for this thread. It reminds me of this copypasta:

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Katanas_are_Underpowered_in_d20


Best not meet me in real life, bro! I'm f$#*in jacked!


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

I know Sinanju.
The most dangerous man is he who does not appear dangerous.

Sovereign Court

<gives Mythic Evil Lincoln a side long gaze and flings vermicelli at him>


Drinking whiskey makes me brave.

Dark Archive

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I actually fight in the Florentine style. Unfortunately, I rarely have spinach on hand, so it doesn't usually matter.

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