False factoids

[Sihir Aneh]

KahnyaGnorc looks like a pretty young woman when her head is tilted away from you, and a shabby old crone when her head is pointed downward.

[Pulg]

Sihir Aneh uses a Bolodex, i.e. a combination rotary card index and machete.

[Vladek Odradek]

Be bloody, bold, and resolute! Laugh to scorn the power of polyps, for none of Porifera, Cnidaria, or Echinodermata budded shall harm Pulg!

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Ol'Vlady, here, wants to give the impression that he's an infamous warlord from Transylvania but he's actually a world famous interior designer from Pennsylvania.

[Vampire Schism]

The Count tried to sell America to the Americans.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Vampire Schism once skied down every slope in Colorado, Utah, Switzerland, and Mars simultaneously. Would have been more places, save for an obscure 1768 law...

[Pulg]

KahynaGnorc tried to popularise Punji Jumping as a sport, but his wonderful business idea was thwarted by meddling health-and-safety-gone-mad do-gooders.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Pulg WILL commit homicide if there's a bowl of Cap'n Crunch at stake.

[KahnyaGnorc]

IHIYC is a unique creature unlike anything else in existence, so IHIYC only commits heterocide.

[Spyro the dragon]

KahnyaGnorc has a constantly changing appearance. Sometimes, they're small and green, other times they're ten feet tall and made of candyfloss!

[GoatToucher]

Spyro the Dragon is actually a mouse in a mechanical suit operating an elaborate paper mache' dragon float for the 1992 West Tennessee Hog Days parade.

[KahnyaGnorc]

GoatToucher was the founder, first MC, and first person to be kicked out of the West Tennessee Hog Days festival. All piglet born that year had to be destroyed...

[JTDV]

KahnyaGnorc once stalled the installation of a stallion in a stall. But only because it coincided with the East Tennessee Hot Dog festival.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

JTDV likes to Hide Inside 'Whac-A-Mole' games in arcades, then pop up and "turn the tables" on players....

[GoatToucher]

IHIYC does like to talk about his “whack-a-mole” days. He was young, lost in the underdark, and needed the money.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

The mole's on GoatToucher's face are also fully whackable, and even zip and swirl in evasive patterns around his head when whacked! The recommended instrument for this activity is, of course, a lead or depleted-uranium truncheon wrapped in lamprey-leather and mounted upon the end of an 11-foot handle ideally made from one or more drumsticks known to have been used by Keith Moon, Meg White, Mick Avory, and/or Phil Collins.

[Pulg]

IHIYC likes to play Mack a Whole. Mack A Whole what, you may well ask.

[I'm DMing In Your Closet]

Pulg enjoys being buried up to his neck in escamoles.

[Schism Hag]

IDMIYC's doll is not a piece of her soul.

[JTDV]

Schism Hag is Doofenshmirtz spelled backwards.

[Fish-Malkovich]

When you reverse JTDV'S name, it destroys the universe (and it annoys him).

[YawarFiesta]

Fish-Malkovich is a devoted vegetarian and chain-flosses his teeth after a public embarrassment incident with spinach.

[Kat's Eye]

YawarFiesta always sleeps on the job.

[YawarFiesta]

Kat's eye always welcomes belly rubs.

[KahnyaGnorc]

YawarFiesta is a being known as a Gongathwortz, and that's no bull.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

KahnyaGnorc invented the electronic plush-toy “Tickle-Me Dalek“ many years ago now, and still cannot understand why the money isn't just rolling in.

[Pulg]

IHIYC is confused as to why his original proposal for a Dr. Who villain, the Garlics, was rejected by the producers.

[Lydia Stillbourne]

Pulg's innocently inept misdelivery of a special order of crazy-bread not only cost him his job as a pizza delivery-thing, but led to garlic wreathes being designated as a criminal “hate symbol“ in the Soho area (Soho, Westminster AND Soho, Florida, oddly enough).

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Lydia Stillbourne reminds me of a girl I knew in Soho (whether it was Westminster or Florida I can't remember).

[Jezebel Gemblade]

I met him in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola
C-O-L-A, Cola!
He walked up to me and he asked me to dance
I asked him his name and in a dark red voice he said
“COUNT REINER HEYDRICH, you bloody fool!“

[Schism Spice]

Jezebel Gemblade is banned for not rhyming the last line.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Schism Spice was not the cause of the Spice Girls splitting up and was, ironically, the being that brought them together in the first place.

[YawarFiesta]

KahnyaGnorc remembers because she is, in fact, Baby Spice.

[Dr. Albert W. Wily]

It cannot be stated enough, YawarFiesta is actually Yawning Siesta!

[KahnyaGnorc]

Dr. Albert W. Wily is the sadistic mad scientist behind giving Wile E. Coyote his intellect and his self-destructive subconscious. He had no part in the creation of Road Runner though.

[JTDV]

KahnyaGnorc drives a '49, '50, '51, '52, '53, '54, '55, '56, '57, '58' 59' automobile! It's a '60, '61, '62, '63, '64, '65, '66, '67
'68, '69, '70 automobile!

[Iron Federation Core]

JTDV can neither drive nor count.

[Pulg]

Iron Federation Core has a soft, chewy coating.

[Old Doc Flumph]

Pulg once shaved his mustache.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Old Doc Flumph graduated with honors from GoatToucher University for Interesting Medicines, with studies in such diverse fields as [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [MORE REDACTED THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY COMPREHEND]

[Comp-U-TER]

Kahnya-G-ORC has been caught in multiple attempts to read documents above clearance level. Attempting read documents above clearance level is treason. Treason is punishable by death. Please, proceed orderly to nearest elimination booth.

Remember, an obedient citizen is a happy citizen. Happiness is mandatory. Failure to be sufficiently happy is treason. Treason is punishable by death.

Your friend,

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Comp-U-TER, despite what it enforces, is guilty of treason because it knows nothing of happiness and so cannot meet the sufficient quota.

[Pulg]

Dedrick is, in fact, very much alve.

[Booty-lovin' Pirate]

Pulg is relieved to know that. It's crucial to this mission!

[JTDV]

Booty-lovin' Pirate cannot stop saying, "Chips Ahoy!" - heavy on the "Ahoy!"

[Fish-Malkovich]

Whereas JTDV cannot stop saying "shrimp martini with salad cream!" -heavy on the salad cream.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Fish-Malkovich is actually an amphibious reptile, not a fish.

[Mercutio Menschjaeger]

KahnyaGnorc can trace her illustrious (albeit severely miscegenate) family tree all the way back to legendary Scottish warlord Big MacBeth With Cheese!

[Pulg]

Mercutio can trace his family back to a tree. Who knew ents could interbreed with other species, eh?

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Who knew ents could interbreed with other species? Why Pulg knew, of course.