Things you don't want to hear the party necromancer say.


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The Exchange

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"It is said that an army marches on its stomach. Well, we started out that way. I hate proverbs."


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

"Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips could open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!"

"Well, if you must call me a magician, yes. But if you are after mere parlor tricks you will be sorely disappointed, for if I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!"

"That's a Home Boy. But be careful, that houses the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!"

"phile! Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!"

"I like digging. Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?"

"I must consort a higher power!! Wait here while I go to my daughter's closet."

"Who is your grief counselor? Mother Teresa? How can you be so nonchalant about this? My stupid talismans and I have made movie monsters from your sons!"

"I wasn't the one who materialized him from a trading card."

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber
Dreaming Psion wrote:

"Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips could open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!"

"Well, if you must call me a magician, yes. But if you are after mere parlor tricks you will be sorely disappointed, for if I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!"

"That's a Home Boy. But be careful, that houses the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!"

"phile! Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!"

"I like digging. Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?"

"I must consort a higher power!! Wait here while I go to my daughter's closet."

"Who is your grief counselor? Mother Teresa? How can you be so nonchalant about this? My stupid talismans and I have made movie monsters from your sons!"

"I wasn't the one who materialized him from a trading card."

I'm so sad that I didn't get this until the last line, and then realized they were all quotes from that particular necromancer. Guess I'll have to subject myself to a marathon viewing session.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Reckless wrote:


I'm so sad that I didn't get this until the last line, and then realized they were all quotes from that particular necromancer. Guess I'll have to subject myself to a marathon viewing session.

As if a person needs an excuse to watch back to back episodes of the genius that is Dr. Orpheus (and the Venture Bros. in general) ;)


"Let's see, starts a Z, a six letter word for moving corpse...I got nothing."

"Nobody move! I dropped my brain!"

Character: We're looking for a horde of zombies.
Nercomancer: Specific zombies, or will any zombies do?

*flips through Bestiaries 1-3, Inner Sea Bestiary, and Classic Horrors revisited* "Decisions, decisions..."


TheDisgaean wrote:

"Let's see, starts a Z, a six letter word for moving corpse...I got nothing."

"Nobody move! I dropped my brain!"

Character: We're looking for a horde of zombies.
Nercomancer: Specific zombies, or will any zombies do?

*flips through Bestiaries 1-3, Inner Sea Bestiary, and Classic Horrors revisited* "Decisions, decisions..."

Is it wrong that I've actually done this?


"Nothing personal, you understand."


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

"Laws [of nature] were meant to be broken!"

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

"I don't know guys, I've got a bad feeling about this."

"I've decided to start a breeding program."


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

"Necromancy was actually just my minor at the Wizard's Academy. Wild magic was my major."


"Aren't you cold?"


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

"Pass me another cold one."


Screw it, I don't need zombies that badly.


"Oh...it's SAVING Private Ryan? We have a little issue...."


"Good News! Even if I mess up the operation, you'll still get to keep on fighting afterward!"


"So, uh, we're doing Thriller at my college talent show this week . . . "


"When death comes a knocking, opportunity is carrying his scythe."

Liberty's Edge

"I only want you for your body."


"Twined chained repeating evasculate!"


I got 99 problems and a lich ain't one.

Liberty's Edge

I'm armed!

The Exchange

"Note to self: My undead-themed tavern, despite the low cost overhead, is not the money-maker I envisioned."

The Exchange

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"Of course I knew I had the 12-4 midwatch. That's why I posted my undead minion to guard, I am a necromancer. Duh. I commanded it to be stealthy. Well, next time tell the dwarf to use the outhouse not the bush."

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

"We're doing a six month clinical study...."

"Excellent work everyone, we begin human testing tomorrow."

Scarab Sages

"I invited my grandparents to visit, by the way...."


"No, that is not one of MY hands on your leg, but I do know where it has been.."


"I clearly heard you say FIX him, you never said anything about how, or about ALIVE.."


"You said you wished you could see your dear departed mother again Grog, so here she is..more or less"


"The bad news is we almost the entire party.

The good news is we lost the entire party."


Paladin: I shall fight him, even onto death!

Necromancer: Please tell me you meant it this time...


"You said from your cold dead hand, well, now it is."


"I want to jump her bones"


"What's your plan?"

"Running faster than you!"


"First, I'll kill you...Then the real fun begins."


"Is that a femur under your robe or are you happy to see me?"

"It put the fun back in funeral" (stolen from "6 feet under")

"the paladin broke his arm and you ask me to fix it? I find the situation really humerus..."


"Um...I've got a plan for how to stop their army of teen girls."


"Ewww. . .gross!”

"Soup's on!"

“Who remembers the range of my castration spell I just cast?"

"Hello, sweetheart!"

“This town is dead. <maniacal laugh>”

"Duck!!!"

"If necromancers aren't as powerful as Pharasma, may I be stuck down by a meteor."


Overheard mumblimg while hunched over a jar of eyeballs, "All in favor of getting the paladin killed? And the ayes have it." Nervous chuckle before noticing the party staring at him. Clears throat "Um so I have an idea where we could go next."

Pulls skull from inside robe "I would like you to meet Bob, he's my second cousin thrice removed from my mothers side."

To the barbarian of the group holding a parchment and a quill "So just make your mark here, here, here and here. No worries this is just a standard agreement that says in the eventuality of your death we ship your stuff off to your family. This way the Paladin can't steal from your corpse."

"Do you guys remember that orphanidge we passed three towns back? No? Oh well I was just curiouse if I was the only one to donate to their cause."

"Who's funeral are we going to? Ohhhh your mothers, I better go sto.... erm I mean I better go get my assistant so he can properly pay his respects."

Scarab Sages

"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"

And now, the song and dance number!


"This is for the bard. It's called the Dance Macabre."


"I was hanging out with your Grandmother last night and the funniest thing happened...."


"Friends, Romans, Countrymen ... lend me your ears!"

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