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thanks for the stories, gazebo and BEST WIZARD EVER, I needed the smile.
Back in 2e days (I think) there was a type of giant mimic called a House Hunter. It would make itself look like a small home or similar building then eat the adventurers if they opened "the door".
Then there's the 1953 Philip K. Dick story Colony.
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A classic if there ever was
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I don't really remember how we got on the topic, but I think it started with talking about a small dragon from an adventure we recently played. Someone said it was like a big bird, or something like that. Anyway, it led to me making this statement, which one of my friends thought would make a good t-shirt:
Dinosaurs + Evolution = Birds
Dinosaurs + Magic = Dragons
Can't (and refuse to) find fault with Fromper's logic there!
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I don't really remember how we got on the topic, but I think it started with talking about a small dragon from an adventure we recently played. Someone said it was like a big bird, or something like that. Anyway, it led to me making this statement, which one of my friends thought would make a good t-shirt:
Dinosaurs + Evolution = Birds
Dinosaurs + Magic = Dragons
Was it the Tatzlewyrm (sp?) from Kingmaker? When I ran that, everyone super buffed up for their big fight with them, and then kept one-shotting them. The PCs were really disappointed, and I felt shame. SHAME!
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"Oh neat! It seems in this village, the custom is to gather together as a group to greet newcomers with a festive torch display! And many of them are waving farm tools, as if to say 'Welcome, new neighbor! If you need any help with the chores, just ask!'"
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Dinosaurs + Evolution = Birds
Dinosaurs + Magic = Dragons
Yep. This checks out.
It should be noted that the evidence is still inconclusive on the Crichton Corollary:
Dinosaurs + Jeff Goldblum = Fun
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I post summaries of each session of my current campaign to my blog. We have a bard in the party who tells tales of the party's exploits, so I try to honor that by drawing titles for each session from things the players themselves said during play.
In this past weekend's session, the party was hunting someone who rode a giant wolf. Along the way, the party fought a death dog, but it only got to bite once with each head before they killed it. The 2 PCs trained in Heal run up, see the worm-ridden beast up close, and the wizard/cleric IDs the critter. The healers immediately examine their friends for signs of disease (both made their saves), and the bard makes a point of warning everyone not to touch the infested remains.
"Except for [the rogue]. I don't bother warning him, because he never listens anyway."
Then the table starts chanting "Touch it! Touch it!" at the rogue's player. The bard's player adds, "I double dog dare you!"
They eventually caught up with the summoner and his ghost wolf, but we already had our title.
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Way of the Wicked. Conversation between Shaiksheel, a NE wild elf druid and Alric, a LE tyrant Antipaladin, when Shaiksheel saw a beautifully trimmed garden:
Shaiksheel: I don't understand why everybody gets so freaked out when I cut people's ears and such when they mutilate plants like that.
Alric: My friend, that's because plants cannot scream.
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Lot's of one-liners in today's Pathfinder session.
The party has some NPC henchmen. The brawler's player named her henchman Jim. Before the session starts she's trying to find the mini for Jim. She suddenly takes a large fire elemental from a drawer and asks, "Can this be Jim?"
Last session the warpriest nearly died.
GM: "You almost died, so you're now exhausted and sickened. You take a -6 penalty to Strength and Dex.'
Warpriest: "Wow! I can't walk and chew gum!"
The brawler suffers a critical hit from a minotaur. The Wizard's familiar, a white cat, is standing beside her.
Brawler: "You'll need a Reflex save. There's blood everywhere."
Familiar: "Not on the fur! Not on the fur!"
The inquisitor nearly dies and suffers the same penalties as the warpriest.
Inquisitor, spoken in the player's broad Oklahoma drawl: "I'm tired and my weapon is too danged heavy."
The GM describes a foe we're fighting.
GM: "She looks almost undead, but not quite."
Inquisitor: "Can we take care of the dead part now and worry about the undead part later?"
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My players were recently granted landless titles as a boon by the NPC king of their realm. The bard asked, "Does this mean I can be addressed as "Lord" now?
The king replied, "Yes."
The bard: "My Saturday nights just got a lot more interesting."
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"I've got a bad feeling and it rhymes with 'clam bush'."
"Clam bush? Really?"
"What do you want? I'm not a bard."
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GNOME PC: I'm worried that if we do this it may increase our notoriety.
GM: Dude, that ship has sailed. If you were a rapper, you'd be The Notorious W.E.E.
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Party downed a tiefling inside a fog cloud spell.
PLAYER: I'm going to drag red man out of the middle of this cloud.
GM: You lift his body under the armpits and begin pulling him backwards. You bump into Method Man.
PLAYER: ...Ugh. Damnit, man.
GM: Nope, no Damnit Man. It's a small stage, only room for 2 artists.
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My players have a Rug of Teleportation (something I made up to expedite travel between long distances). The last adventure they wiped out the base of a group of mercenaries who also had a few ships in their harbor. Deciding to keep one of the ships for themselves, they knew they couldn't sail it. So the conversation went something like this (I'm using the characters' names):
Elishandra, party Psion Telepath: "We need to get this ship back to our home port".
Al-Viz, the party Bard: "We could hire some sailors and teleport them here."
Nechema, one of the party's tanks: "Yeah, let's cover the rug with seamen and do that."
This was followed by the entire party with a chorus of "EWWWW!" then raucous laughter. Nechema's player blushed so hard I thought she was going to stay that color.
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Our party was being attacked on ship by Boggards climbing up the side. My inquisitor who is decidedly NOT a fan of ships or a sailor in anyway, was the first to notice them in the middle of the night.
"WAKE UP!! We have Boggards!! They're on the umm... RIGHT side! RIGHT SIDE OF THE BOAT!! MY Right!!!"
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MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
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MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
One wonders if it is possible to perform dirty trick combat maneuvers on one's grappled foes...
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MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
That is wrong in so many ways, and yet I laugh. Now imagining a highly competitive Scottish monk challenging to the title of Master at the Teabag Monastery.
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One wonders if it is possible to perform dirty trick combat maneuvers on one's grappled foes...MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
We had a lengthy discussion about exactly that. We decided Teabag Style merits its own feat chain and rules, probably involving morale penalties to all enemies who see you deploy it on their comrades.
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That is wrong in so many ways, and yet I laugh. Now imagining a highly competitive Scottish monk challenging to the title of Master at the Teabag Monastery.MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
Sensei McLipton!
The slo-mo fight sequences are the worst. The. Worst.
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When I see that Style Feat chain in publication, at least I will know who to blame... ;)
Also laughed hard, despite how SO very wrong this is...special hell, I R going there
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Also laughed hard, despite how SO very wrong this is...special hell, I R going there
Excellent... I'll surely meet my quota this month!
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We had a lengthy discussion about exactly that. We decided Teabag Style merits its own feat chain and rules, probably involving morale penalties to all enemies who see you deploy it on their comrades.One wonders if it is possible to perform dirty trick combat maneuvers on one's grappled foes...MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
Though occasionally morale bonuses...
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Though occasionally morale bonuses...We had a lengthy discussion about exactly that. We decided Teabag Style merits its own feat chain and rules, probably involving morale penalties to all enemies who see you deploy it on their comrades.One wonders if it is possible to perform dirty trick combat maneuvers on one's grappled foes...MONK: I'm going to start wearing daisy dukes!
GM: Then I'm banning high kicks.
MONK: YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TEABAG STYLE!
Bardic Masterpiece: Hopping Teabag Style ...
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We were fighting a gelatinous cube, which due to a large size and low dexterity almost guaranteed a hit to our barbarian. On his turn, he tried to skip rolling and go straight for the damage dice to save time.
GM: "No. Roll the attack, I want to see you get a 1 and fail."
Barbarian: "Fine, it's only a 1 in 20 anyway."
*rolls a 1*
Me: "Well, what're the odds of that? 1 in 20?"
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The Teabag style of martial arts does have a fatal flaw. It is easily countered by the Combat Maneuvers "Groin Kick" or "Groin Punch."Ot by monsters with the "one big bite" attack such as the T-Rex. You may lose your style chain permanently.
Codpiece
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CodpieceThe Teabag style of martial arts does have a fatal flaw. It is easily countered by the Combat Maneuvers "Groin Kick" or "Groin Punch."Ot by monsters with the "one big bite" attack such as the T-Rex. You may lose your style chain permanently.
That's a terrible use for a fish animal companion! Terrible!
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We had a couple of (at least to us) pretty good ones last night.
1. The party is being sent to retrieve one of 2 artifacts to help them defeat a cabal of liches that have been hounding them. When asked if they could teleport to the location, the person who summoned them to give them advice said only part of the way. "The rest of the way you'll have to walk".
The Psionicist chimes in with, "That's so pedestrian.".
2. Fighting the Divine Herald The Prince in Chains ( bad ass kyton, for those who don't know) they were waffling over what action to take as it was barreling down on them. I said to choose fast because death was upon them. The Bard lowers his voice and says, "Death will have to take a number and wait."
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I said to choose fast because death was upon them. The Bard lowers his voice and says, "Death will have to take a number and wait."
*steals great line for future use*
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I said to choose fast because death was upon them. The Bard lowers his voice and says, "Death will have to take a number and wait."*steals great line for future use*
Awesome.
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That's a terrible use for a fish animal companion! Terrible!CodpieceThe Teabag style of martial arts does have a fatal flaw. It is easily countered by the Combat Maneuvers "Groin Kick" or "Groin Punch."Ot by monsters with the "one big bite" attack such as the T-Rex. You may lose your style chain permanently.
A variant of the alchemist's tumor familiar, specifically in how it takes damage for its master... ^____^
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"Alright. You know what we came here to do, and it rhymes with pick dumb bass."
"Pick dumb bass? Seriously?"
"Again: Not. A. Bard."
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Hulk smash puny heteronyms.
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One of our gaming groups is planning a sequel to a recently concluded Star Wars campaign. We were supposed to have a character creation session two weeks ago, but my spouse and I got the date wrong. This week the GM sent a reminder for the rescheduled session. I responded that we would definitely not forget the date this time.
GM: "You'd better not or you'll be playing an Ewok and a Gungan."
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Clearly. Bards think of bass as rhyming with face."Alright. You know what we came here to do, and it rhymes with pick dumb bass."
"Pick dumb bass? Seriously?"
"Again: Not. A. Bard."
What a base assumption.
;-)
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One of our gaming groups is planning a sequel to a recently concluded Star Wars campaign. We were supposed to have a character creation session two weeks ago, but my spouse and I got the date wrong. This week the GM sent a reminder for the rescheduled session. I responded that we would definitely not forget the date this time.
GM: "You'd better not or you'll be playing an Ewok and a Gungan."
It'd be funny if you played those anyway. :)
Besides, ewok can be fun. Of course, the last ewok I played with was ran by a professional dominatrix, so... yeah, interesting might be a better term.
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The rogue of my group misspoke a couple of sessions ago when faced with thick fog in a dungeon.
"I don't care," she said, putting on her Fog Cutting Lenses. "I still have my Cat F***ing Lenses!"
@ Hytholdeus: ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The rogue of my group misspoke a couple of sessions ago when faced with thick fog in a dungeon.
"I don't care," she said, putting on her Fog Cutting Lenses. "I still have my Cat F***ing Lenses!"
In my RoW game we all have that lenses... our Slayer, who is my character's sister... Is called Cat!
Now it feels awkward.