Best one-liner that made the whole table laugh?


Gamer Life General Discussion

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The Sideromancer wrote:
That's weird, since most things that go on have success and failure chances in increments of 5%.

Only if you consider a single event. Once you start calculating the whole situation, you rapidly get away from 5% increments.

And if your success or failure is dependent on a single event... well that's just poor planning right there.


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"Come on... Take one for the team."
"Hell no. There's a point where taking one for the team becomes taking one from the team. We're there."


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I have a story from an old campaign where a PC did in fact...take three for the team...I had to shower after that session cause I was GMing...so...so...oily...ewww....

Success is not always worth the cost of admission...

Arson was also used by another PC...not sure which ended up being worse.


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GM_Beernorg wrote:
Arson was also used by another PC...not sure which ended up being worse.

Years ago, I was part of a group that had a running joke about being religious servants of the Order of Saint Burnhamall.


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The arson was committed in the name of not wanting to pay for but wanting horses I will add.

No horses or townsfolk were injured in the fire thankfully, the town watch remembers that day...strangely. :)


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Human Paladin: "As a paladin of Sarenrae I refuse to lie and, if asked, I will tell only the truth."

Gnome Rogue: "Snitches get stitches."


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GM: "What profiteth a man, if he gain the whole world, but loseth his soul?"
MURDERHOBO: "We're still waiting on the final numbers, but preliminary profit projections are: One. Whole. World."

Scarab Sages

I found an old document with some funny stuff from a campaign our group had 5-6 years ago.

The party had a goblin NPC named Pakkin. The name was the source of many jokes and puns.

GM: "You can borrow Pakkin's pants."
PLAYER: "Is he Pakkin pants?"
GM: "No, he's Pakkin heat. A slow, spreading warmth."

GM: "Pakkin is 'confused'."
PLAYER: "But that's his normal state so he doesn't have to make a save."

PALADIN: "This ring summons a huge monstrous centipede. Let's give it to Pakkin."
GM (as Pakkin): "I'm not hungry."

The party had just had dinner at a prince’s palace.
CLERIC: "Can we get a doggy bag?"
FIGHTER: "We all leave quickly and tell the waitress that Pakkin is paying for dinner."

Pakkin had spent most of his time with the party's paladin.
GM: "[Paladin] realizes that she can recognize the faithful of Elishar by the light in their eyes. Which means that Pakkin would have a very slight glow."
PALADIN: "He's kind of a believer?"
FIGHTER: "He's a dim bulb."

GM: "What spell is it?"
CLERIC: "Summon Pack and Herd."
PALADIN: "Summon Pakkin?!"


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*wizard does something awesome*

WIZARD: YES! I'm like if Gandalf and Merlin had a baby and named it Harry Potter!


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MONK: Welp. Looks like I'm gonna hafta get dwarf beard on my punchin parts...


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Minor Iron Gods spoiler:
My players have reached the Valley of the Brain Collectors, specifically the swamp inhabited by the Color Out of Space. As I started describing their characters encountering a color unlike any others they have seen before, one immediately says something to this effect:

"It's blorf. The name of the color is blorf."

Scarab Sages

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More moldy oldies...

The same party that included Pakkin the goblin NPC also included a dwarf barbarian/fighter named Rock.

A monster had tried to swallow Rock.
PLAYER: "It can't attack now. It ate a Rock!"

Rock's player was absent so another player was running Rock.
PLAYER (rolls a 1 on a Will save): "I broke Rock's Will!"

CLERIC: "[Enemy] is between a Rock and a hard place."

ROCK'S PLAYER: "Can I have a resurRocktion?"

Rock falls down a flight of stairs due to a failed Dex save.
ROCK'S PLAYER: "It's a Rock tumbler!"

GM (to Rock): "The creature slams into you and rocks you back."
ROCK'S PLAYER: "Uh-huh, I Rock here."

FIGHTER: "He Rocked her world."
GM: "That staggers her."
PALADIN: "Does staggering provoke an attack of opportunity?"

ROCK'S PLAYER: "I'm going to stand at the edge of the room and hate people."
GM: "[Fighter], what are you doing?" (The fighter and Rock were best buds.)
FIGHTER: "I'm hanging with Rock, but I'm not hating."
ROCK'S PLAYER: "Rock's all about the hate."

Rock rages during combat.
CLERIC: "Sorry, Rock is in a rage right now, if you'd like to leave a message."


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"I wouldn't say I'm a hero."
"That's very humb--"
"--I expect *you* to do that, loudly and often, whenever anyone's in earshot."


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During the opening session of our new campaign:

Helpful NPC: "We have to go through here. Walk this way."
Player: "If I could walk like that I wouldn't need talcum powder".


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Armor chafe the un-talked about killer among adventurers in heavy armor...


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*de-talcs*

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16

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An fetchling alchemist kept spider climbing onto the ceiling to throw bombs at our largely melee-focused party, almost killing our healer in the process. I snapped my fingers, pointed at her miniature, and said "GREASE!"

She slipped, flopped to the floor, and proceeded to get pummeled. The alchemist took a withdraw action back up to the ceiling and just out of range of my burning hands.

"Welp, guess I'll have to grease 'er again."

She died from the fall damage.


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New definition: Nasal Spray v. The act of de-beveraging right after swallowing a drink. The action of which typically causes liquid to spray out of the nose. Can be painful, depending on the beverage.


LOL


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Happened to me numerous times. Mountain Dew would often get into my sinuses, making me feel like I was drowning at times.


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When I was a kid, something we would do at the dinner table was wait till someone was drinking (or preferably more than one person) and crack a joke we'd saved up all day just for that occasion. Then, as the in-beverager struggled to swallow, we'd all chant "Out the nose! Out the nose! Out the nose!"

No one was keeping stats, but I'd say it was probably 50-50 on whether the beverage made it to its intended destination. We really should have kept stats.


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I can't really say what I said to make half the room spew Dew at the same time in a public forum.


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quibblemuch wrote:

When I was a kid, something we would do at the dinner table was wait till someone was drinking (or preferably more than one person) and crack a joke we'd saved up all day just for that occasion. Then, as the in-beverager struggled to swallow, we'd all chant "Out the nose! Out the nose! Out the nose!"

No one was keeping stats, but I'd say it was probably 50-50 on whether the beverage made it to its intended destination. We really should have kept stats.

:D


DungeonmasterCal wrote:
I can't really say what I said to make half the room spew Dew at the same time in a public forum.

PM it.


PM'd.


I'm curious as well.


God lord yes! Curious... let me just make sure there's not a beverage within 20 feet... ok. We're good. Share away.


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*reads PM; debeverages*

How did that even happen? I dehydrated myself and everything...


Turns out I already said it, though I had forgotten I did. John pointed it out to me and gave the link.

Link

Turns out I used the word "debeverage" in it, and even provided a definition. Which makes me wonder if Quibblemuch coined that word or if I did. So long ago. So many posts. So many debeveragings.


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"Debeverage" is, as far as I know, one of mine. At least, I never heard anyone use it before I did. That's not to say someone else hasn't also coined the term. It's pretty cromulent.


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Nasal Spray often leads to Nasal Drip, where the liquid in question continues to drain from the Sinuses.


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quibblemuch wrote:
"Debeverage" is, as far as I know, one of mine. At least, I never heard anyone use it before I did. That's not to say someone else hasn't also coined the term. It's pretty cromulent.

You may have actually coined it and I stole it before I actually told you I was going to later. I'm definitely giving you credit for it.


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Quibblemuch did indeed coin the term. The earliest occurrence of the term is here, in 2014.


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Whoa. That’s some high-calibre research! As someone who used to dig up word origins professionally, I must say, it feels pretty good to be the research subject for a change :)


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Thank you, Quibblemuch. In the upper left of the forum pages, just under the link for Starfinder Society, there is a search box. Select Messageboards in the list box, type in the word you want to find, then hit the Search button. Easy peasy.


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Interesting. I first heard the term back in 2008, at the gaming table in person though.

Hope you get credit though, that'd be neat. :)


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GM: describes opening scene, reading from a module
Player who has the biggest problem separating in character and out of character knowledge: "Hey, that's the same opening used by the GM on the group I was watching on YouTube yesterday"
GM: "****"


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CLERIC OF GORUM: There's more to life than fighting.
GM: Wow. That's very enlightened of you.
COG: Sure! *ticks off on fingers* There's waiting to fight, taking a breather between fights, and splitting up the spoils of the most recent fight while regaling each other with tales of previous fights. BUT THAT'S ALL!

Scarab Sages

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PLAYER to GM: "Wait, the villain's doing something else? It's my turn to do something else!"
GM: "Nope, nope, nope. He's a villain. They get seven standard actions."

The player-characters have slain three efreeti.
PLAYER 1: "We're just churning out some efreet sausage over here. It's spicy hot!"
PLAYER 2: "Efreet meat! Get your efreet meat here!"

PLAYER rolls a Knowledge (Arcana) check to find out about a desert drake's abilities. After asking a couple of ordinary questions...
PLAYER: "What was his college major?"
GM: "Draconic Arts."

A monster speaks in Ignan.
PLAYER: "I'm ignanorant of that language."

The druid, wild-shaped as a falcon, blasts some enemies with a call lightning spell.
OTHER PLAYER: "That's some bird poop you don't wanna mess with."

Scarab Sages

"Draconic Arts" is gold.


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"We need you to hold the rear while we escape. If you fall, we'll speak well of you."
"No we won't."
"Shhh! He doesn't need to know that."


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Gunner: "What's the penalty for shooting people floating around in spacesuits?"
Pilot: "Being ejected out of our airlock."

Scarab Sages

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The PCs have been forced to participate in a chariot race. All of the chariots are drawn by camels.
GM: "It's a clash of camels."
Player 1: "Clash of Camels, the new novel from George RR Martin!"
Player 2: "Is that from 'A Tale of Sand and Spit'?"

GM: "We haven't played the adventure path for a while. Let's start from the beginning."
Tengu: "I remember pecking my way out of the egg."
GM: "Here, let me show you in interpretive dance!"

One of our group's running gags is when a character is flying, we ask what style of flight - Superman or Dark City. Recently we added a 3rd option - Wonder Woman.
Player 1's PC starts to fly.
Player 2: "Are you flying Superman, Dark City, or Wonder Woman?"
Player 1: "Greatest American Hero."

Not during a game session, but...
My husband and I are discussing new abilities for our Pathfinder PCs.
Husband, reading from a source book: "Inspire Minions."
Me: "I'm not your minion, you're all my minions! Elf, older and smarter than everyone else, duh!"


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Quote:


My husband and I...

What?! Someone found and married a gamergirl? Where can I find one?

:)

Just me being jealous is all.


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I have heard tell that gamer females can be found in ancient game shoppes far from here, across the chasm of Chee-Tos and beyond Mt. Dew. Where d20's sparkle in a kaleidoscope of hues and and the cry of "Critical" echoes from Gygaxian throats.

Or hey..you know...I bet there are some around here...if ya don't wanna go questing and all that junk...:)


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Back in 2e days I was walking by some folks in the college rec center and saw an all woman (college age) game. And it scared me. They were the most ruthless, blood thirsty group of players I had ever seen.

Shadow Lodge

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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Back in 2e days I was walking by some folks in the college rec center and saw an all woman (college age) game. And it scared me. They were the most ruthless, blood thirsty group of players I had ever seen.

What college? I think you may have met an ex-girlfriend of mine from that description.


The Usual Suspect wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Back in 2e days I was walking by some folks in the college rec center and saw an all woman (college age) game. And it scared me. They were the most ruthless, blood thirsty group of players I had ever seen.
What college? I think you may have met an ex-girlfriend of mine from that description.

Lyon College (then called Arkansas College) in Batesville, Arkansas.

Shadow Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Close. She went to school in Texarkana after getting out of the Air Force.

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