Best one-liner that made the whole table laugh?


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People shouldn't care so much about what we do with our free time!
I hate those paladins, always judging. I don't know how I ended dating one. And a half-elf too! I guess that makes me half-vegetarian or something.


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These are actually several one liners, but they had us laughing pretty hard.

Player One: "I use the Mythic ability Fickle Attack."
Player Two: "What was that? Pickle attack?"
Player One: "Yeah, it's kosher."
Player Two: "What's the dill with pickle attack?"
Player Three: "It's how she makes her bread and butter."

Scarab Sages

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GM: "It's just flavor text, but there's a reason."
Me: "Mmm, flavor."
Other Player: "Reason-flavored."

We leveled up mid-adventure, and the GM ruled that the divine casters got new spells but the wizard didn't. Then we ran into a bunch of evil cultists.
Shaman, to the wizard: "You could just 'fireball' them."
Wizard: "I didn't get new spells like you did."
Shaman: "You didn't hear the 'ding'?"
Wizard: "My spell-o-meter didn't 'ding'."


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*The party was contemplating a door designed to keep out all but followers of Torag*

Alchemist: Aren't you a dwarf? Don't you know any prayers to Torag?
Dwarf: I left the mines long before learning the details of dwarf religion.
Paladin: Ah. You never had your beard mitzvah.


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In a home-brew, we were in a keep, looking for a lich that was commanding the local baddies. None of us, character or player, had ever actually encountered a lich before. We make it into what we believe is the final area of the evil lair, but the guy we find doesn't look like the pictures we've seen in magazines or on book covers.

Confused Player 1: "Are you a lich?"

Player 2 (In his best Samuel L. Jackson voice): "Does he LOOK like a lich?!"

Player 1: "What?"

Player 2: "Where are you from anyways?"

Player 1: "What?!"

Player 2: "What ain't no kingdom I ever heard of. Do they speak Common in What?"


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Relevant.

Contributor

Aiksenpains wrote:

In a home-brew, we were in a keep, looking for a lich that was commanding the local baddies.

(...)

Player 2: "Where are you from anyways?"

Player 1: "What?!"

Player 2: "What ain't no kingdom I ever heard of. Do they speak Common in What?"

This is awesome. <3


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Aiksenpains wrote:


...
Player 2: "What ain't no kingdom I ever heard of. Do they speak Common in What?"

1 "They speak less Common and more Rare."

2 "Who?"

1 "Yep, and just about everyone else there too."

3 "Can someone tell me what's going on?"

1 "I could."

3 "Well."

1 "There aren't any wells around here."

3 "I'm Confused."

1 "It's nice to meet you Confused, but shouldn't introductions have come before?"

(My personal addition)


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I'm not trusting that one called Confused, I fear he could do anything, from harming himself to attacking me just for being next to him.


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Today, at WotW.

Alric (Tyrant Antipaladin) to Artephius (psycho Alchemical Golem): Don't kill him.
Artephius: Yes, Sir.

*Makes a full attack on the wounded enemy*

Artephius: You are commanded not to die.

*Enemy falls at negative hit points*

Artephius: He might have disobeyed, Sir.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Kileanna wrote:
I'm not trusting that one called Confused, I fear he could do anything, from harming himself to attacking me just for being next to him.

Did Khan fuse with Kirk again? ;-)


SmiloDan wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
I'm not trusting that one called Confused, I fear he could do anything, from harming himself to attacking me just for being next to him.
Did Khan fuse with Kirk again? ;-)

*Sigh* Another transporter malfunction? SCOTTY!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

John Napier 698 wrote:
SmiloDan wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
I'm not trusting that one called Confused, I fear he could do anything, from harming himself to attacking me just for being next to him.
Did Khan fuse with Kirk again? ;-)
*Sigh* Another transporter malfunction? SCOTTY!

I think Kirk got a Khan trans-FUSE-ion.

Scarab Sages

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Our party has been fighting demons and demon-worshippers. After killing all the minor demons and cultists in their stronghold, we found that some demons had destroyed the contents of a museum by smashing them to bits.

Brawler: "Jerks. I go back in and kill them all again."

Silver Crusade

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At a Pathfinder Society table, just before doing something risky:

"It's just a pregen."

"Famous last words."


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*Archer misses by 1*

PLAYER: "Wait, I'm within 30 feet and I have Point Blank Shot! I hit!"
GM: "But because you're up 20 feet, you're actually more than 30 feet away. You miss."
PLAYER: "DAMN YOU PYTHAGORAS!!"


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Square Root of ( 30 ^ 2 + 20 ^ 2 ) = 36 ft. :)


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He spoke math! Sorcery! Call the Inquisition!


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"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" :)

SIGMA n = 0 ... 256 f(n) = 2^n. :D Take THAT!

Grand Lodge

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While Gming the Wounded Wisp. I had the female Boartusk Twin approach the two characters who were married IRL. She drunkenly hits on the male character who replies sorry I'm taken hold his wife's hand IRL. So I had the female half orc go to his wife and say "Him Yours?" She responded "Nope never met him before in my Life."


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John Napier 698 wrote:
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" :)

Don't you mean:

E[Spanish Inquisition]=0


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John Napier 698 wrote:

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" :)

SIGMA n = 0 ... 256 f(n) = 2^n. :D Take THAT!

STOP! Please, for the love of mercy, STOP!


Okay, Cal. I'll stop. Just a bit tired after spending 8 HOURS waiting for one of my programs to update.


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I'm just kidding. You can math all you want. I just never had a head for it and didn't have good instructors in high school. So beyond basic arithmetic I am totally lost.

8 hours? Egad. I'd have been pulling out my hair by now.


Yeah, my own private little trek through "Upgrade Hell". At least I did something useful during that time. Something for Starfinder.


John Napier 698 wrote:

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" :)

SIGMA n = 0 ... 256 f(n) = 2^n. :D Take THAT!

The answer for which is 2^512-1.


I don't have the faintest clue what that means.


Don't worry about it.


John Napier 698 wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" :)

SIGMA n = 0 ... 256 f(n) = 2^n. :D Take THAT!

The answer for which is 2^512-1.

That would be (2^257)-1, wouldn't it?

Consider the summation from n=0..2. 1+2+4=7, and 2^3=8.


You're right. Sorry. Woke up not long ago. :)


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I'll give a crack at explaining it.

Oh noes, it is the mathing!:

So, SIGMA is a mathematical sign meaning summation of a series. Sometimes, you need to add together a bunch of numbers, and there's a pattern to the numbers. For example, you've got a rocket, and you want to know how far it's traveled, but every second, it's still thrusting and getting faster. So it might go one meter the first second, 2 the second, 4 the third, and so on. Instead of listing out every single member of the series, you make a shorthand notation of each element, and then use SIGMA to say you're adding them all up.

In this rocket case, the rocket is moving twice as fast in each second as the one before it. So it's 1 m/s, then 2 m/s, then 4 m/s, then 8, 16, 32, etc. We're going to see how far it's traveled by the end of 257 seconds. The distance traveled in each second is the same as the distance traveled in the second before it (except for the first second, which we already know is 1 meter). So, it's 1x2x2x2x2... depending on which second. If we note that 1 is the same as 2^0, then we just keep multiplying extra 2s for each second. That's the same as raising the exponent by one each time. So, the first second is 2^0, the second is 2^1=2, the third is 2^2=4, and so on. So, each second's distance can be listed in order by 2^n, with n being the second we care about, minus one (so that the first second is n=0, the second is n=1, and so on).

So, a shorthand way of saying we're writing 1+2+4+8+16+.... is to write:
SIGMA n = 0 to 256 f(n) = 2^n.

So, what's the answer? We could sit there and number crunch on our calculator until it or our hand explodes, but let's see if there's a simpler way to figure it out. For n=0, the total is 1. For n=1, the total is 1+2=3. For n=2, the total is 1+2+4=7. It looks like there should be some sort of pattern, right? Well, each time, we're almost doubling it. In fact, we are doubling it, but that 1 at the beginning means the first element in the series is one less than the doubling. Now, I can go through the algebra to show that indeed, that is what's going on. Suffice to say, our intuition is correct.

What this means is that the total for SIGMA n = 0 to N f(n)=2^n is...
2^(N+1)-1.

So, the answer in the case where we go to N=256, it's
2^(257)-1.

(It's actually not 2^512-1.)

Now 2^257-1 is a lot easier to stick in your calculator.

(Obligatory grievance: So many teachers make math to be so much more intimidating than it needs to be. Yes, things can get complex. Really complex. But if you take a moment to sit down, break it up into little parts, and consider each bit step by step, it's doable and people don't need to fear it.)


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And that's why I failed calculus 2 years in a row at the university.


Wrong John Silver wrote:

I'll give a crack at explaining it.

** spoiler omitted **...

Yeah. Like I said, though. I just woke up, and haven't had any caffeine then.


I never took any college math. I managed to avoid it as long as I was there (I never finished college, sadly), but in high school we had terrible teachers who really didn't care if we learned anything or not. They would interrupt classes to go and discuss mathematical things between themselves, leaving us on our own many times. I passed things like high school Algebra and Geometry because the teachers just didn't want to fail anyone, so they gave even the worst students average marks so we'd move on to the next grades. I really could've used the help with math, but never got it. It's a good thing my son was a math whiz in high school because I was helpless to do anything for him when he did his homework.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
He spoke math! Sorcery! Call the Inquisition!

No. Call the army. He's using Al-Jabbra, he must be a Muslim terrorist!


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Loren Pechtel wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
He spoke math! Sorcery! Call the Inquisition!
No. Call the army. He's using Al-Jabbra, he must be a Muslim terrorist!

Bad Pun! Bad Bad Pun!

Still made me laugh out loud though. Well played.


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Actually, the word "algebra" does come from the Arabic word al-jabr, which was coined by Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi, the mathematician who gave the Western world the decimal numeral system (as opposed to the Roman numeral or other alphabetic systems). Awesome person. Heck, our word "algorithm" was coined from his name.

A Keleshite mathematician of awesome would be great for Golarion.


Not a full write up, but enough to work with.

Spoiler:
Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi NG Male Keleshite Human Expert/15

Str 10, Dex 12, Con 8, Int 20, Wis 13, Cha 14

Saves: Fort +4, Ref +6, Will +10

HP 65 ( 8 + 14d8 - 15 )

Base Attack +11/+6/+1
AC

Feats: Armor Proficiency (Light), Weapon Proficiency (Martial), Skill Focus
(K (Mathematics) ), Skill Focus (K (History) ), Skill Focus (K (Religion) ),
Skill Focus (K (Nobility) ), Skill Focus (Diplomacy), Skill Focus (Craft
(Calligraphy) )

Skills: 135 points

Ability + [Ranks] + Bonus + Class Skill = Skill

Appraise 5 + [15] + 3 = +23
Craft (Calligraphy) 5 + [12] + 6 + 3 = +26
Diplomacy 2 + [11] + 6 + 3 = +22
Knowledge (Mathematics) 5 + [15] + 6 + 3 = +29
Knowledge (Geography) 5 + [15] + 3 = +23
Knowledge (History) 5 + [15] + 6 + 3 = +29
Knowledge (Nobility) 5 + [15] + 6 + 3 = +29
Knowledge (Religion) 5 + [15] + 6 + 3 = +29
Perception 1 + [11] + 3 = +15
Ride (Camel) 1 + [11] + 3 = +15


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I believe that alchemy is also from Arabic.


it does... many words starting in al-something happen to come from there, like the spanish alcades (from al qadi, judge)...


Admiral.


Klorox wrote:
it does... many words starting in al-something happen to come from there, like the spanish alcades (from al qadi, judge)...

Now I'm confused about what an alcade is... Maybe you mean alcalde or alcaide?

In Spanish, because of Arabic influence, we have many words starting with al-.


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Yesterday, at my WotW recently turned solo campaign:

Having defeated the leader of a boggard tribe, called Kumanda Slays-nine-men, Alric, Dalindra's tyrant antipaladin, had been nicknamed by the boggards as Algrric Strong-like-ten, with the boggard logic that if Kumanda had slayed nine but couldn't beat Alric, he should be at least strong as ten men.

The last session the boggards turned against Alric with Zikomo, their priest, as the head of the revolt. So Alric said to him in a grim threatening voice (Dalindra does one of the best villain voices ever):

Alric: You have forgot one thing, Zikomo. How am I called?
Zikomo: Strong-like-ten.
Alric: And how many have you brought with you?

Zikomo looks behind him. Due to his oracle shortsightness he cannot see all his people, but he realizes that they cannot be more than six.

Zikomo: *glups*


Kileanna wrote:
Klorox wrote:
it does... many words starting in al-something happen to come from there, like the spanish alcades (from al qadi, judge)...

Now I'm confused about what an alcade is... Maybe you mean alcalde or alcaide?

In Spanish, because of Arabic influence, we have many words starting with al-.

I think I meant alcalde, sorry for using the French spelling, my knowledge of things Spanish is quite minimal.


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It's ok. I know enough Spanish to order off the menu at Taco Bell.


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that's more than I can claim... heck, until recently I thought a torta was a kind of pie, I'd never have thought it a sandwich


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Torta in my zone is a kind of bread or alternatively a kind of pastry. In Latin America I think it is a synonym for cake.

And it also means a slap xD


In Andalucia, it seems to designate a kind of sandwich, or the bread the sandwich is made from, or I've been misled and failed ot understand because my Spanish is nil


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A torta seems to be a different thing in each part of Spain xD

I googled torta andaluza and it seems to be the pastry I mentioned before.

But I know the torta de Antequera which is a small bread too.

And if I google torta gallega I don't get the bread I mentioned but an empanada! Even if I never known anybody who calls torta to an empanada!

Man, I cannot trust my own language right now...

At this time I don't know what a torta is.

Well... I'm pretty sure that it still is a slap on the face.


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::grumbles about words with a crisis of identity::

What are you Torta.....WHAT ARE YOU REALLY!!??

(wow, that is one very...versatile and wide meaning word...huh. English, seems it is actually not the only language to sometimes be incomprehensible, event to intelligent native speaks. Wait a sec...that may be DOUBLE PLUS UNGOOD!)

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