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*GM describes monsters*
"I just soiled myself in fear."
"But your character doesn't even know what those are."
"I wasn't speaking in-character."
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LOL!!!!
LOL!!!!
...and that’s the story of how our gaming group instituted the Depends Rule.
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Man oh man I wish I could sit in one of those games.
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"Not in the face! That's where the money is! By which, of course, I mean my cheek-pouch where I keep all my gold."
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"I can smell your weakness."
"No, that's just my limited edition Axe Body Spray for Middle-Aged Men."
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The party had found a few ancient Thassalonian wands. The alchemist with a massive UMD can only fail with a result of 1.
Which she did making it unusable for 24 hours... then grabs the another wand and AGAIN rolls a 1.
Me: She's using the wrong codeword!!!
Alchemist: All the passwords are XIN...
Me: YEs... but in Thassalonian… Xin begins with an "I"!!
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This isn't at the table, but close enough.
This week, right as I got out of the car at my Friendly Local Gaming Store, the sky opened up in a torrential downpour. By the time I sauntered through the parking lot, I was soaked to the bone. I threw open the FLGS door. I paused for dramatic effect (and to drip a nice puddle on their door mat). Then I announced, in my best Comic Book Guy voice:
"I AM UNCOMFORTABLY MOIST AND WISH TO HANDLE YOUR MERCHANDISE."
My buddy at the counter nearly choked to death on his Dr. Pepper.
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That was beautiful.
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From Saturday's PFS home game:
While following very bad directions through the sewers:
"This doesn't go to the Lake of Ships, it goes to the Lake of S--ts!"
Yesterday's game at our FLGS also involved a sewer:
(Druid's ape companion fails an easy Acrobatics check to jump over a sewer, and falls in.)
"Ugh, wet monkey smell is the worst."
"Down here? I don't think so. And he's not just wet."
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*said of a particularly obnoxious NPC*
"Would that be a douchebuckler or a swashbag?"
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*said of a particularly obnoxious NPC*
** spoiler omitted **
Having played a Swashbuckler before, I believe the correct term for that is "Swashbuckler."
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At one point in tonight's game I described some of Halfling children rummaging through a huge trash pile. Jeff, playing the Priest, says, "So, they're Halflings in the trash pile. Does that make them Dumplings?"
I nearly died choking on the Oreo I was eating.
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Another good line from last night, but only folks of the middle age bracket will probably get this. There are three fire using characters in the party, the Sorcerer who took the Fire Elemental Bloodline, a Priest (3PP class) who took the Fire Domain, and the Investigator who's favorite offensive tactic is using Fire Breath.
During the big fight at the end of the game he remarks on this, saying it's like we're "Irwin Allen's Traveling Inferno".
I remember Irwin allen's name, but I sure miss what movie or series that refers to
I remember Irwin allen's name, but I sure miss what movie or series that refers to
His most memorable movie was "The Towering Inferno" back in the mid 70s.
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Funny enough, I remember Voyage to the Bottom of the Seas better, esp the series
My parents took me to the drive in movies to see that one.
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At one point in tonight's game I described some of Halfling children rummaging through a huge trash pile. Jeff, playing the Priest, says, "So, they're Halflings in the trash pile. Does that make them Dumplings?"
I nearly died choking on the Oreo I was eating.
*debeverages*
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Take a left turn just as get through the "Time Tunnel" then go three blocks. There on right "The Towering Inferno" and on the left standing tall is "Land of the Giants." Turning up at the docks is "The Poseidon Adventure."
Did I say that out loud.
They were in a dungeon. One of the players (P1) went ahead and found a hasty barrier constructed by kobolds. Knowing kobolds were tricksy things and probably had trapped the obvious way in, she calls out to the little lizards. A couple of exceedingly fortunate diplomacy and bluff checks later, and I had the kobolds confirm the location of the trap for her. With the knowledge she needed, she stood in place while the rest of the party sorted something else out. Of course, they screwed up and yelled at her that they needed to move. Not more than 5 minutes had passed since the trap discussion.
P1 - Ok, I move to here. *illustrates course through the trapped square*
GM - Um
P2 - Um
GM - Are you... Okay then.
Every else at the table is struggling to keep their poker face up. She insists she's doing it. The GM moves her pawn until they got to the trapped square, and then yells "BOOM"!
Of course, the actual quote that set everyone laughing is what she said next. It's also not postable to this forum due to censorship issues.
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The entire table has to save against the susurrus aura of dark young with half the party failing and becoming shaken and then confused the next round to which the party bard replied, "It's better than being dead!"
You had to be there.
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I came here to chew bubblegum and to murderhobo. And I can't find bubblegum in the Adventurer's Armory.
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Just remembered another one from the last session. While the party is walking through a marsh I tell them from somewhere in the trees they hear eerie lute music. Dave, playing the Investigator, asks, "Is there accompanying banjo music?"
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Just remembered another one from the last session. While the party is walking through a marsh I tell them from somewhere in the trees they hear eerie lute music. Dave, playing the Investigator, asks, "Is there accompanying banjo music?"
A lute is a precursor to the banjo ... ;)
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yeah, banjo is a degenerate form of the lute ;)
I don't get the joke, but now I can't help but think of this.
Or was that the joke you meant?
I don't get the joke, but now I can't help but think of this.
Or was that the joke you meant?
Yep, that's the one.
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You mean it was not a straight reference to the Dueling Banjos, in Deliverance?
It was.
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"It's all Ogre now!" - me after our parties bard got flattened by an ogre
My grizzled veteran character ate a potion of cure serious wounds after a fight that reduced his HP to single digits. I rolled a natural 20 on the Fortitude save the GM asked for ingesting glass from the potion bottle.
"Han," said the ranger, "Can you please stop being so macho when on the verge of death?"
"You might as well ask a god to stop being divine."
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After the third crit on my character by the same NPC in the same fight.
"Damn! Did this guy take 'favored enemy: my ass'?!"
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Yes..yes he did..he waited a long time to use that class feature!
Yes..yes he did..he waited a long time to use that class feature!
Judging from the damage, he also had the most specific bane arrows in all Golarion... how did he even get those forged?! I never met the guy!!
Some days...the magic item gods just want our PC's to hurt...allot.
Bad guy: prepare to taste the consequences!
PC: Oh no, will they be lemon flavored?
Also one I stole from Half Life- (Upon killing a monster, especially an aberration or qlippoth or the like) "that's one less horror in the world."
Upon vorpalling someone's head off: "You should have quit while you where ahead. Wait, you ARE "a head".
"If you fall from grace, do you take 20d6 falling damage?"And, would Grace take any damage, herself?
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"If you fall from grace, do you take 20d6 falling damage?"And, would Grace take any damage, herself?
It depends on whether you land on her toes.
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Long time ago when 4e just came out, I got some buddies together who were newish to the game and ran my first game using the dungeon in the back of the DM's Guide. They slay the dragon after almost getting killed (I know, some how that was possible), and one of my guys grabs his phone and goes "Hold on a moment..." and proceeds to check his phone. We didn't think much of it since we were all military and checking our phones was pretty common for our unit with how stupid it was. A few moments go by and I ask him "All good? Nothing to worry about?" "Hold on..." We all calm down fairly quickly after talking about the final blow and I look at him again. "Dude, what's goin on?" "I said hold the f-bomb on!" We kinda look at him in momentary shock and I repsond back at him "Dude, what the hell, we're just making sure-" and with out missing a beat goes "I SING THE VICTORY SONG OF MY PEOPLE!" and proceeds to play the FFVII victory music from his phone. We were done after that, someone actually came to my room door to make sure we were okay from laughing so hard and loudly.
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Another player describes his new lizardman character biting, killing and eating the bats we're fighting.
Me: "Ah, he swallows."
Upon killing someone: "tell Pharisma I said hi."