I was running a PFS scenario where sprung traps with dead NPCs were *everywhere.* Mostly I was reading it straight, until we were near the end and they found a cultist hanging from a noose. At that point the NPC the party was protecting gasped, "My god, it's Shanda!"
"You knew her?"
"It's Shanda Lear!"
Oh, God. :)
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We were playing true dragons of absalom yesterday (oh, how much fun it was to play a kobold!)... We had a few. Someone called out to the invaders "Your mommy was a goblin and your daddy a whore!" That one had the table rolling. Someone else was controlling an npc you can acquire along the way and was having *way* too much fun talking to itself. Had him trying to call out to the invaders like he was one of them, only to have his second personality call the first personality an idiot for trying that (yelling the whole time). It was a fun(ny) night.
"I think we just became inter-dimensional arms dealers."
"I think we just became inter-dimensional arms dealers."
Damn!
I'm not laughing, but... damn, that's an intriguing line! If I saw that line on the back cover of a novel, I'd have to read it!
I mean... okay, there's The Guns of Avalon by Roger Zelazny, but in that book, the dimension-hopping hero BOUGHT and USED the guns. But imagine if that story were turned around, so that the heroes only transported weapons to other realities and sold them to profit from OTHER people killing each other. That strikes me as a better plan.
"I think we just became inter-dimensional arms dealers."Damn!
I'm not laughing, but... damn, that's an intriguing line! If I saw that line on the back cover of a novel, I'd have to read it!
I mean... okay, there's The Guns of Avalon by Roger Zelazny, but in that book, the dimension-hopping hero BOUGHT and USED the guns. But imagine if that story were turned around, so that the heroes only transported weapons to other realities and sold them to profit from OTHER people killing each other. That strikes me as a better plan.
I think that's the plot of one of what's his name's novels. The guy who does all sorts of alternate history stuff???
Harry Turtledove?
YES!
Thanks so much!
I think that's the plot of one of what's his name's novels. The guy who does all sorts of alternate history stuff???"I think we just became inter-dimensional arms dealers."Damn!
I'm not laughing, but... damn, that's an intriguing line! If I saw that line on the back cover of a novel, I'd have to read it!
I mean... okay, there's The Guns of Avalon by Roger Zelazny, but in that book, the dimension-hopping hero BOUGHT and USED the guns. But imagine if that story were turned around, so that the heroes only transported weapons to other realities and sold them to profit from OTHER people killing each other. That strikes me as a better plan.
So I just searched the web a bit. Are you talking about Gunpowder Empire?
The Guns of the South by Harry Turtledove.
(1992) science fiction/alternate history — The Confederate army is supplied with AK-47s by time travelling members of the Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging from the year 2014 and win the Civil War in 1864.
EDIT:
Aaron Bitman: Same author!
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I played a kobold sorcerer named Zekhsa in a party in college, who was oddly friends with a gnomish bard by the name of Vambino. Vambino... was awesome. He was almost as good at talking us out of trouble as he was at getting us into it in the first place. So, a few brief stories:
*Once, we were staying in an inn room. Zekhsa was small even for a kobold (1' 9" tall, he was technically a Tiny creature), so we decided that he slept in the sock drawer. A group of assassins attacked the party in the middle of the night, but none of them checked the sock drawer for kobolds. Which resulted in this line:
Me: Zekhsa pops out of the sock drawer and shouts, "Zekhsa will saves you!"
We subsequently beat the assassins, interrogated them as to where they were getting paid... and then Vambino used an illusion to disguise himself as one of the assassins and went and got paid for our assassination.
*Later, we attacked an evil temple. The GM mentioned there was this red crystal over the altar, so after battle, Vambino's player said, "I reach out to touch the floating, evil, glowing crystal."
One of the other players: "Do you need that hand?"
Vambino: "I use my left hand!"
*Later on we were being chased by the country's griffon riders after having been tricked into making things worse (never trust scrolls of Raise Dead in an evil temple!). They managed to find us, but Vambino disguised himself as a trusted member of the community and talked to them while the rest of the party hid. He handed them two items to 'help' them: a wand of fireballs that was actually an Immovable Rod, and a scroll of teleport that actually had a number of Explosive Runes on it.
The leader of the riders, not quite trusting Vambino, had him ride with him on his griffon while he threatened to fire a fireball at the patch of woods we were hiding in. We, of course, knew what it was, so we didn't reveal ourselves... and the rider pressed the button. Holding onto an Immovable Rod while flying through the air is not a good idea. He ended up hanging by the straps of his saddle, upside-down under his griffon.
One of his friends, who had the "scroll of teleport", flew over, saying he'd hand it off to the imperiled rider and he could use it to escape to safety. Vambino, well within the Explosive Runes' radius on the back of the griffon, his maxed-out bluff + Glibness still working to make anything he said believable, came up with this gem to explain why he shouldn't do that:
"No, wait! The scroll doesn't work while you're hanging upside-down from a griffon!"
The confused griffon-rider looked at the scroll and said, "Oh... this is strange magic."
That was a fun campaign.
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My first pfs character was a drunken master monk from back when crane style didn't make you regret taking it.
After a difficult scenario, we had returned to the npc who was high up in the society and was to give us our reward. But my monk had been drinking his way through quite a few fights and felt the inebriated need to say something. The end of the scenario thus went something like this:
Official- ...and for all of your hard work, Pathfinders, Absolom will be forever grateful. Now, as for your re-
My Monk- Hey, hey. *staggers and sways a little* You shut up.
*official turns away, looks at the rest of the party and continues speaking*
My Monk- Hey! You shut up and look at me when I'm drinking at you!
It took us a while to stop laughing. Fortunately, we still got our reward. :)
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During our session yesterday -
One of the players had started the AP with a rogue, who died at 1st level when she decided to have everyone else leave the room while she disabled a trap - and then found herself unable to escape while being simultaneously attacked, electrocuted, and drowned.
Yesterday the same player's current character was about to disable a trap located in a small underground chamber. The GM turned to the player and asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't like to have everyone leave the room while you do that?"
Later -
GM: "The man is the lamia's paramour."
Shaman: "There's only one of him. Seems more like a unimour."
Shaman rolls for Diplomacy.
GM: "He seems hostile toward you."
Shaman: "I rolled a 3. I seem hostile toward me."
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This one's from a current PbP. We're camping in the wilderness, and a group of wild monkeys approach and tries to cause mischief. Since some of our guides seem to like the monkeys, we're trying to resolve the situation peacefully, by luring them away from our camp with food.
Here's the funny part: My PC (named Boon) has a monkey familiar (named Po Po). We're low level, so I can't talk to it, but I assume that through our empathic link, my familiar gets the general idea of what we're trying to do. So I roll an "aid another" charisma check to help out the handle animal roll to get rid of them.
I roll a nat 1, on a familiar with 5 charisma, for a total result of -2.
Here's how I describe it on the PbP:
Through their empathic link, Po Po seems to get the idea of what we're trying to do, and also attempts to help, but he ends up antagonizing one of the monkeys instead. Boon has to stop him before he flings poo at the outside monkeys.
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"If I had to be shot anywhere, my preference is in the quad, as long as it was a clean in-out that missed the bone."
"If I were shot anywhere, my preference is also your quad."
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Two of my players with a npc, who is one of the players spouse,went to a high end theater and watched a show after spending a fair amount of gold on a nice dresses and some jewelry. The ended up at a drug den later, not my plan! This was to chat with some stoned teens. The ranger played nanny for the pretending to be drunk sorcerer. The husband ended up being left alone and he got really high, magically glowing eyes and all.
In the sorcerer's conversation with the stoned teenagers, said teenagers became interested in the ranger who was being a "Buzzkill!"{/b]
Without missing a beat the sorcerer chimed in with, [b]"No she cannot drink. She has to make sure I get home. She is not a allowed after last time. Things would get weird. She has a panther."
It is actually a lynx and did not accompany them. "Mooch could not be here but if he was Vagi" Yes the ranger, a gnome, is named Vagi and her animal companion is named mooch. "Would be riding that panther around this room with crazy acrobatics."
The stoned teems became badgering the ranger to drink with them. The sorcerer continues talking to her apparent mark, the daughter of an important political figure. "We cannot take mooch places anymore or let Vagi drink. We had some problems with a guy and then we feed him to the panther."
With out missing a beat the wizard who had been quietly watching said. "So you are a mob boss now?" That got a lot of laughs.
When they were ready to leave the sorcerer found her husband lounging on a couch enjoying his high. But she new how to get him to leave quickly. "I want sex and I want it now!'
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"Well, this is awkward. I feel terrible. I'm gonna stand at the back of the party and pray she doesn't notice I stole her husbands femurs."
I'm a sucker for terrible puns, so my favourite is the second one. :)
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"Why does everyone we meet keep eyeing my bag of swords?"
"Because you have enough magical weapons to blow up a small kingdom."
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Today our party entered an ancient temple and ran into some mummies. We defeated them by setting them on fire. During the combat one of the mummies punched the party's druid.
A little while later, after we'd also defeated some cultists and were examining the loot we'd taken from them, the GM asked for a Perception roll from the druid. After the roll result was reported, this exchange occurred:
GM: "You notice a black spot where the mummy hit you."
Druid: "Can I make a skill check to determine if it's mummy rot?"
GM: "Okay, make a Heal check."
Druid: "Thirteen."
GM: "It's some soot from where you set the mummy on fire."
The druid's player had already made a save vs mummy rot earlier, but the GM didn't state the DC for the save and didn't tell the player that the save had been successful. Evil GM. ;-)
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Player: "What are the doors made of?"
GM: *furiously scans adventure* ...plotonium?
Nice. We always call it DM-antium. Hardest material known to man....
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"I just made his head explode with my mind. Are you satisfied yet?"
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"You can't fool me!! You are a dragon!!!"
And then I casted this on a Marilith.
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Nice. We always call it DM-antium. Hardest material known to man....Player: "What are the doors made of?"
GM: *furiously scans adventure* ...plotonium?
"If the door is harder than my adamantium sword we're cutting it out of the wall, hauling it back to absolom and cashing it in..."
"If the door is harder than my adamantium sword we're cutting it out of the wall, hauling it back to absolom and cashing it in..."
How exactly are you cutting it out if even your sword won't cut it? :)
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out of the wall
Nope, wall's made of the same stuff....
I think we first coined the term during a silent hill or resident evil game. There was something frustrating about having axes and crowbars in order to remove one specific door... but the entire rest of the building's flimsily boarded doors and WINDOWS couldn't be affected at all.
ZERO reason you have a shotgun and crowbar... but can't get out a ground floor window... but 'plot'. Hence, DMantium ^_^
It's still (slightly) less silly than the chest-high walls in video games that beefcake characters are somehow totally unable to get past.
Chest-high? Pfffttt, just climb-n-roll over those puppies. ;)
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It's still (slightly) less silly than the chest-high walls in video games that beefcake characters are somehow totally unable to get past.
And mountains that you make a great effort to climb and when you have almost reached the top and it seems like you are making it you find an invisible force that pushes your character and makes you fall from the top of the mountain.
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...And you die from the fall. I still have nightmares!!
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Players: "So what are we about to fight? Do you have an image of it?"
Self(GM): "Yeah, let me dig it up. While I do, I can describe it... uh... are you aware of Catdog? Y'know, the cartoon? Cat on one end, dog on the other? This is Snakesnake."
GM: It's basically a snake with a head at each end. Make a Knowledge: Arcana check.
Player: 15.GM: It's an Ambhisbaena. What one bit of information do you most want to know about it?
Player: ...how does it go to the toilet?
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Players: "So what are we about to fight? Do you have an image of it?"
Self(GM): "Yeah, let me dig it up. While I do, I can describe it... uh... are you aware of Catdog? Y'know, the cartoon? Cat on one end, dog on the other? This is Snakesnake."GM: It's basically a snake with a head at each end. Make a Knowledge: Arcana check.
Player: 15.
GM: It's an Ambhisbaena. What one bit of information do you most want to know about it?
Player: ...how does it go to the toilet?
Please tell me the GM responded, "It's just like a politician, where <excrement> comes out both ends."
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After the sorcerer in the group casted Mad Monkeys for the first time, after the battle ended:
Bard: Why are those monkeys killing people?
Sorcerer: I don't know! I knew they were mad, but I didn't know they were psycho!
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"Do they look like boss doors?"
"Does this look like a video game?"
"Do they?"
"... They're covered in magic glyphs and someone has written in blood 'Death lies within'."
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We were fighting a vampire magus in a recent game and she was kicking our butts. She was described as wearing a fine lady's clothing, looking like someone from the late 1700's on Earth. Dave, playing the party Sorcerer just quietly says, "So she's Stone Cold Jane Austin".
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We were fighting a vampire magus in a recent game and she was kicking our butts. She was described as wearing a fine lady's clothing, looking like someone from the late 1700's on Earth. Dave, playing the party Sorcerer just quietly says, "So she's Stone Cold Jane Austin".
*debeverages*